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Jamilyn's 30th Birthday Wish

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  • Thanks Judge, I appreciate the easy recipe! I will try it.

    Well, my grandmother died on Saturday evening. It is for the best. I really really believe that.

    There is a lot of heartbreak around my family right now. She was definitely a matriarch figure. Someone who's house was ALWAYS open for company, no one ever even called first. The door was open. I am having a hard time grieving. I haven't had many tears and I feel as though something is just stuck inside my chest and throat. I did have a great scream this morning when I got into my car to go to work. I guess that is letting out some of it. I am in the office now but I can see that this wasn't the best idea. My brain is not on this planet today. I think I will do the absolute necessary things and go home.

    My husband is someone who can't allow me to be sick, in pain, sad, angry or stressed, without having the same issue, only 10x worse for him. So I got home this morning before work (I have been staying with my parents because my Dad is a wreck) and I went to talk to him about my concern that I am not grieving well. I got to the room only to see him in pajamas and wailing about how he thinks he threw out his back and he is stressed because he has a meeting that he can't miss on the day of the funeral and his toe hurts and he didn't sleep well and he just has to stay home because of his ailments and on and on and on. I just did an about face, walked out of the house, got in the car, screamed at the top of my lungs, and then laughed at myself for expecting any different. Ahh, life is a funny thing.
    My Story As It Unfolds

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    • So sorry to hear about your grandmother, Jamilyn. And it so often works that way, doesn't it, that husband and wife both get stressed out at the same time. I have long conversations with God at times like that...
      5'2", 55 years, Primal since April. Pre-Primal weight loss, from 216.6 to 157.8
      Primal low: 140.2 (Dec. 3) Goal weight: 135?
      Main Primal goal: beating back my CFS enough to function more normally and start writing again

      More and more, our life has been governed by specialists, who know too little of what lies outside their province to be able to know enough about what takes place within it.
      - Lewis Mumford

      Comment


      • Always feel free to share with us here... I think it's a little unfair to you that he's responding this way especially when you should be the one mourning. Maybe you're having a difficult time mourning because you feel like you have to be strong for whatever ailments he's going through. Either way I'm praying that you get through this time of mourning in a healthy way. The need to scream sounds like you're dealing with stress not with pain.
        SW (Nov 22nd 2011): 333
        Current Weight as of Nov 25 2015: 248
        Short Term Goal: Fit into the shirts I got on my honeymoon at disney and universal in august next year when I go back to for my 1 year anniversary
        Met Goal: Be a 2x Shirt, Fit in a standard airplane seat belt without the use of a seat belt extension
        Long Term Goal: 166lbs (One day!), Buy whatever cloths I want to wear.
        Pain is temporary, quitting is forever- Lance Armstrong #NoExcuses

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        • Jamilyn - I was just reading through some of your posts and wanted to say I can relate to your situation - finding comfort through food. I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your grandmother, and have, at times, felt like no matter what I'm going through, my husband finds a way to make it seems like things are worse for him. So I guess I just want to say you aren't alone, and I'm sorry things are tough! For me, I know when times get tough eating primally seems like more work and I end up leaning on convenience food as a way of saying "No one is going to take care of me! So I will just eat this because it's easy and tasty!" I've had to work hard to retrain my thoughts - and tell myself the best I can do for myself is to treat my body kindly. I know it isn't always easy, but treat yourself kindly!
          Hang in there!

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          • MrsJenx and others,

            Thank you so much for the kind words. I had to disappear for a little while because I was just going through a dark phase of the soul or something. I couldn't bring myself to document it. I just needed some time. Anyway, I am back and so happy to rejoin my community of like minded, supportive, people.

            Still have a lot on my plate and coping with stress at home, however I am committed to getting myself back on a healthy lifestyle track despite what my husband does or thinks. The last 3 days I have spent outside with my girls after work/school. The attitudes of both of them and myself are so great when we spend the day being active instead of hanging in the house with the TV on. I plan on making this a daily routine, and so far it is working. At first I thought to myself, when will I ever get things done around the house? But here's the thing, I never really did anything around the house after work anyway because I just wanted to curl up and be lazy on the couch with the girls. Also, the extra activity has given me MORE energy because I am wiped out at night so I go to bed nice and early (stops the nightly eating binge and drinking), and am up earlier in the morning feeling good. I have gotten more housework done this week than I have in ages, because I can do it while the girls are still sleeping. Funny how activity is good for you (DUH!!)

            I need to, at some point, figure this stuff out with hubby. His lifestyle is killing us. I say us because he is VERY good at talking me into things that I have committed not to do. I know that whatever choice I make is completely on me, but honestly I don't do well with peer pressure. I give in pretty easily, and he knows it. I would love to change this about me and be able to just do my thing while he sits in the basement drinking and whatever else, but it wears me down and I end up giving in and joining him some evenings. Perhaps I need to start exploring Al-anon.. I'm not sure, but I know things need to really really change for me to be successful and happy in all areas of my life. I want to be the best Mom I can be for my girls, and if I'm overweight and too tired from staying up late, then I am short changing them out of quality time with me, and teaching them a lifestyle that I would be horrified for them to be living when they grow up.

            Ah, enough rambling. Missed this place!!
            My Story As It Unfolds

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            • {{hugs}} I am glad to hear that your recent changes have borne fruit so quickly though.
              5'2", 55 years, Primal since April. Pre-Primal weight loss, from 216.6 to 157.8
              Primal low: 140.2 (Dec. 3) Goal weight: 135?
              Main Primal goal: beating back my CFS enough to function more normally and start writing again

              More and more, our life has been governed by specialists, who know too little of what lies outside their province to be able to know enough about what takes place within it.
              - Lewis Mumford

              Comment


              • Thanks Judg : ) I'll take all of the hugs I can get
                My Story As It Unfolds

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                • I would encourage you to think of all the good things about your hubby, and keep them in mind when having The Conversation. Even explicitly let him know that you remember them and appreciate them. It helps. When people feel challenged, they get defensive, unthinkingly so, so you have to do everything you can to let him know that you are on his side.
                  5'2", 55 years, Primal since April. Pre-Primal weight loss, from 216.6 to 157.8
                  Primal low: 140.2 (Dec. 3) Goal weight: 135?
                  Main Primal goal: beating back my CFS enough to function more normally and start writing again

                  More and more, our life has been governed by specialists, who know too little of what lies outside their province to be able to know enough about what takes place within it.
                  - Lewis Mumford

                  Comment


                  • Feeling so great today!!!

                    At the end of October we are going on a company sponsored trip to the Dominican Republic through my husbands work. I haven't been looking forward to this as it means lots of bathing suit wearing and no kids. One of the things that we are offered on this trip is an 8-hour catamaran ride through the islands and a beautiful lunch served by locals. I want to do this soooooo bad! My hubby on the other hand, thinks it is a waste of time when there are casinos to play at the resort itself.. So I have been fuming a bit about this for a few days.

                    Today, inspiration hit me. Instead of being mad, I need to look at this from a different angle. How about if we make a wager where the winner gets to choose yes or no to the catamaran trip??

                    I emailed him this morning and told him my idea. Starting today, lets bet that whoever loses the most weight percentage wise, by a specific date, October 18th, wins. If I win, I get the trip. If he wins, we stay at the resort and relax. Either way we will both look and feel healthier than we are today. The weight loss can be done in any way. Obviously I will be going strict primal. This is the exact motivation that I needed and it makes for a fun challenge rather than a decision made by one of us that the other doesn't like. He was totally on board with this and excited about the prospect of making this a bet rather than an argument.

                    He does think that I have an advantage because I feel as though I have more than 50lbs to lose. He feels as though he has 30 (I stress that this is what he thinks, not the actual number that he should be aiming for). I told him that was no excuse and that I was going to kick his butt!!

                    So excited, we will see how this goes!
                    My Story As It Unfolds

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                    • Very creative thinking! Good for you. Killing a lot of birds with that one stone, aren't you?
                      5'2", 55 years, Primal since April. Pre-Primal weight loss, from 216.6 to 157.8
                      Primal low: 140.2 (Dec. 3) Goal weight: 135?
                      Main Primal goal: beating back my CFS enough to function more normally and start writing again

                      More and more, our life has been governed by specialists, who know too little of what lies outside their province to be able to know enough about what takes place within it.
                      - Lewis Mumford

                      Comment


                      • Haha, it must be the hunter in me..
                        My Story As It Unfolds

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                        • Success!!

                          After about a full week of really working this plan, I am feeing really great. Yesterday was my mother in law's birthday so we went to Carrabba's last night. Yikes! I was freaking out all day because I wanted to make good choices, but we were going to a pasta heaven!! So I went online and discovered that the restaurant has a gluten-free menu. Score!!! I ordered the sirloin marsala with garlic potatoes, and a cup of chicken soup sans pasta. It was incredible. Once I got home and plugged my numbers into fit day, I saw that I stayed well within the range for the day that I am aiming for. Yay, now that is a major success!


                          Woke up today feeling really good and decided to weigh in. Today marks exactly 6 weeks from my contest end with the hubby. From now until then I will weigh in each Thursday to mark progress. I've got a serious fire lit under me!!
                          My Story As It Unfolds

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                          • Carrabba's is actually a good place to go. I order chicken or fish and ask for a double helping of veggies instead of the starchy side. That's one of hubby's favourite restaurants, so we go there a lot when I'm in the States. Italian restaurants tend to have a lot of good options if you just skip past the pasta section.

                            Anyway, congratulations on your success! It's very empowering, isn't it, seeing you can stick to this AND eat wonderful food at the same time.
                            5'2", 55 years, Primal since April. Pre-Primal weight loss, from 216.6 to 157.8
                            Primal low: 140.2 (Dec. 3) Goal weight: 135?
                            Main Primal goal: beating back my CFS enough to function more normally and start writing again

                            More and more, our life has been governed by specialists, who know too little of what lies outside their province to be able to know enough about what takes place within it.
                            - Lewis Mumford

                            Comment


                            • Love your energy right now! And sticking to paleo with a goal in mind may help you shake all of your other cravings. You'll make better decisions over the next few weeks knowing there is an incentive to stay on the path and it may help you when trying to stick to paleo post contest!
                              SW (Nov 22nd 2011): 333
                              Current Weight as of Nov 25 2015: 248
                              Short Term Goal: Fit into the shirts I got on my honeymoon at disney and universal in august next year when I go back to for my 1 year anniversary
                              Met Goal: Be a 2x Shirt, Fit in a standard airplane seat belt without the use of a seat belt extension
                              Long Term Goal: 166lbs (One day!), Buy whatever cloths I want to wear.
                              Pain is temporary, quitting is forever- Lance Armstrong #NoExcuses

                              Comment


                              • Another success.. Yesterday I was primal all the way. Eggs for breakfast, black coffee, not much lunch and then a delicious couple of servings for some homemade spicy chicken and veggie soup for dinner. I felt as though I went really light on fat and carbs so I rounded the day out with some pepperoni and pistacchios. Went to bed feeling great.

                                I don't know if I have mentioned this, but I have had only a glass of wine with dinner a couple of days this week. Since Saturday, that's it. I'm very serious about no more late night staying up and drinking or eating. Because of this, I feel fantastic. I set my alarm this morning for 6am. By 6:15 I was out of bed, downstairs, working on day one of a program from "You Are Your Own Gym". If you haven't read that book, I HIGHLY reccommend it. I bought it yesterday, read it cover to cover, and got some really really great information from it.

                                My arms are so shaky that I can hardly type at the moment

                                Today is my baby's 2nd birthday. I baked blueberry muffins for the kids this morning (and I devoured 2 fried eggs and 6 slices of bacon) without so much as taking the tiniest bite. By the time I was done my breakfast, there was no room anyway. Tonight hubby and the girls are going to have pizza and I have an amazing Zucchini "pasta" lasagna waiting for me to eat.

                                I reread the last couple of months from this journal and I am actually really surprised at what a bad place I was in. The excuses/failure/drinking/blaming things on others had become a pretty vicious cycle. I"m out of that cycle right now and planning on never returning. One of the pieces of gold that I got from the YAYOG book was this "Remember, everytime you make an excuse as to why you can't do something, all you are really doing is allowing yourself to fail. No one can make you fail or succeed but you. You are the master of your own body." This hit me right between the eyes and I said, "DUH!!" Therefore excuses are now no longer allowed for me.

                                Hope all is doing well, I'm off to go play with little one while big sis is at school.
                                My Story As It Unfolds

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