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    Hiya! Have been eating Primally since around Christmas, with a few nights of whiskey drinking along the way. I've been lurking/absorbing as much information as possible for a couple of months now, and have wanted to be more interactive on the forums but can't stand how long it takes me to type out posts/emails etc on my phone. Hoping to carve out decent computer time during my breaks at work, because I am at a point that keeping track of where I'm at will benefit me, and I am more likely to keep to it here than I am on paper.

    my journey to Primal:
    37yo female, 5'10". Have always been skinny, but in the last year started feeling like I was losing mass. Over the past few years I'd expressed concern about my weight and doctors always said my body fat was normal (20%ish), and my weight (avg 120) was normal for my frame. Initially last year the scale stayed the same but I started feeling weaker and had trouble sleeping. A downward spiral had begun and by June 2011 I had lost a few pounds, didn't sleep more than 2-3 hours at a time, felt foggy and emotional all the time, had massive stress hormone fluctuations and had anxiety that I did not at all recognize at that time.

    My doctor recommended eating more calories and doing exercises to improve sleep quality. I've long been an advocate of eating actual food, so my diet was essentially primal foods with lots of fresh veggies and the addition of legumes, sprouted breads, and quinoa/rice. I added protein shakes/green smoothies to hit my goal of 4000 calories/day instead of 3000. Still had generalized anxiety and increased emotional intensity overall but having never experienced that before still didn't see the whole picture.

    By August I had lost 23% of my body weight and had a series of panic attacks that were bad enough I finally realized something major had to change. Major anxiety and depression set in, and I'm sure the decreased activity helped speed up muscle wasting, which led to more weakness/depression/etc. Wasn't able to see my doc until the end of October, bloodwork was still normal, abdominal CT insignificant, pelvic ultrasound normal, radiographs normal. Doc tentatively offered anxiety meds and consult with nutritionist but felt that the quality of my diet was ideal, discussed elimination diet based on my longtime observations that many grains made me feel bloated and uncomfortable, discussed marijuana to help with anxiety/sleeping rather than pharmaceuticals.

    Read as much as I could find online, stumbled across MDA on a totally unrelated search for tallow-making and felt like I'd found home. From the first post I read it just made sense, even though I am at the opposite goal regarding the scale I feel like we all are here for HEALTH. The Blueprint itself just rings true to me, and the support for each other even though we all are on slightly different paths trying to find what works for EACH of us is phenomenal and such a welcome relief when I've found it very difficult to find that dynamic among my friends (although my male friends by far sympathize and are always willing to discuss how I'm tweaking things, my female friends often have had such a long history with dieting and food they just check out and don't want to hear it from the skinny girl!).

    My goals are ultimately to FEEL BETTER, feel HAPPY, sleep 8 hours a night, get STRONGER.

    After 6ish weeks of eating Primally I am DEFINITELY feeling it! I feel rested at least 3 days a week, wake up usually once a night instead of 8 times, have FAR less symptoms of stress hormone wackiness, and have gained from 103 to 115 lbs. I still look emaciated (even my face had lost weight to where my glasses don't stay up as high!) but a few coworkers have noted that I look brighter and that they were scared to tell me before that I looked grey all the time!

    On average I eat 100+ g fat, 80-100g carbs, 150g protein. Trying to increase to get the overall calorie load up so that I can start strengthening more - currently bodyweight a few times a week, with 3 chin ups, 5 pushups, plank 30-45 seconds, and 50 squats without weight. But then need to rest a couple days or feel fatigued!

    I'm excited to continue this journey and so so grateful this platform exists where I can work through how I'm feeling to better notice patterns and things that might need to change!

    Have a great Tuesday!
    In 2012 I will find JOY, feel ALIVE, be CONSCIOUSLY CONNECTED to my World and my People, and become HEALTHY!

  • #2
    First week of January/first week easing in to Primal:

    Making meals easy to transition, but within first few days am RAVENOUS between meals!! Either bananas, white rice, or potatoes eaten at one meal. Bulletproof coffee is the bomb! Have always preferred black, and the first I made seemed disgusting but by the second day LOVED it.

    Avg numbers:
    Total calories 1800-2200
    Fat g 100-140
    Carb g 80-136
    Protein g 100-157

    Foods eaten:

    Turkey, chicken, tilapia, one steak (had the rest already on hand!), veggies, daily greens, avocado daily, raw almonds daily, bulletproof coffee with butter/coconut oil daily, occ. banana/white rice/potato
    - bottle red wine consumed during the week (already opened!)

    Emotional health:
    Still sleeping spottily, but had one night of 6 hours straight!
    No carb cravings!
    Optimistic! -- partly due to mental "reset" of New Year. Lit candles, exhaled all the trauma of 2011, so READY for the coming year of health and happiness!

    Physical health:

    Still fatigued but by day 3 already can feel the difference between Tired and Chronic Fatigue
    No exercise outside of normal daily dog walks, standing long hours at work, walking around workplace/stairs etc

    Overall very motivated, feel very good about decision to go Primal!
    In 2012 I will find JOY, feel ALIVE, be CONSCIOUSLY CONNECTED to my World and my People, and become HEALTHY!


    • #3
      Week 2/second week of January:

      Still very enthused, reading TONS of information here, still hungrier than "normal" and starting to worry that replacing bulk beans/grains with meat is going to break my budget! Researching meat CSAs online, hoping I can file taxes before the subscriptions are gone for the year.

      In the winter months I've always found it difficult to cook an entire meal when I get home from work in the dark, and would throw together something steam-able that would cook while I showered, usually carb/veggies. Am starting to enjoy the new ritual of cooking, along with the cleanup. One of the things that I really struggled (<--- past tense! gonna keep it that way!) with during the worst of the depression/panic attacks was housekeeping tasks, and it is helping immensely to have even these things be part of "Going Primal" and just the whole Being Whole Again idea of ME. My personality has always been more go-with-the-flow, but I now can see that developing actual custom and ritual for my daily life is very healing and cathartic, and will only help me push through the times that I would normally get "stuck".

      Discovering Trader Joe's for more than avocado deals. Need to start price-checking meats at various stores.

      Avg numbers:
      Total calories 1200-2250 (found on my days off of work that I am lowwww on food as I don't eat early in the morning, will need to see if this affects carb cravings or hunger later in the day as a pattern)
      Fat g 80-120
      Carb g 75-119
      Protein g 100-175

      Foods eaten:
      Ground beef, chicken, tilapia/mahi mahi, orange roughy, few beef steaks, veggies (more broccoli than anything else), daily greens, avocado daily, raw almonds daily, bulletproof coffee with butter/coconut oil daily, grapefruit daily, still banana/white rice/potato once daily
      - dark chocolate - for the first time I can ever remember I was not compelled to eat the whole bar! ALWAYS have - felt absolutely satisfied, taste-bud-wise and emotionally by a few pieces.

      Emotional health:
      Spotty sleep but feel like I am sleeping "better" - cannot eat dark chocolate before bedtime anymore! Didn't fall asleep until 2am after eating some at 8pm! Have never been sensitive before but love that my body tells me these things
      No carb cravings! - Hunger cravings, but satisfied with fat (tea w/CO) where I would previously made toast.
      Still optimistic and having far fewer anxious moments throughout the waking day. Still waking with active sentences spinning in my mind, hoping to change this by telling my mind to settle and redirecting thoughts. My coping mechanism previously was putting tv show on my phone and tuning in to dialogue to quiet my brain. And weed. Both of which help, but are not ideal or sustainable!

      Physical health:
      Still only daily exercise. Attempted pushups to see if I could do any and surprised myself that I could do five. Held plank for 45 seconds. But then was physically exhausted the next day and muscles hurt for 3 days! Have not attempted squats, and I know my biceps in particular are stronger than everywhere else but don't feel quite ready to start fitness plan. Reading Primal Fitness this week to formulate an action plan though!
      In 2012 I will find JOY, feel ALIVE, be CONSCIOUSLY CONNECTED to my World and my People, and become HEALTHY!


      • #4
        Week 3/4

        Some issues that triggered panic attacks resurfaced for the first time since "letting them GO" on New Years - could feel how I FELT then, but could logically stay slightly apart - if that makes any sense!!! SUCH a relief! Able to articulate my feelings without feeling crazy about THAT. Had one of the people involved acknowledge their role, which three months ago I desperately wanted and now was able to see it in the bigger picture and accept and move on.

        First carb craving madness!!! Used to have a routine of getting snack at work, but once I'd get one one day I would crave like crazy daily - had a day of thinking of nothing but cookies after 2pm but got through it just fine!

        Have daily work lunch of cottage cheese, tuna/salmon, avocado, occ tomato, occ grapefruit. It really helps me to have a no-brainer meal but people are definitely noticing my weird catfood lunches Grapefruit makes me happy. In a very physical sense. Discovering that carbs at breakfast leave me hungrier, and I'm out of bananas anyway!

        Starting weekly pushup, pullup, plank, squat movements. Discussing joining gym that my friend goes to, even though I won't be ready for weights for a while, but I feel like going straight there after work will be more motivating than going home and potentially skipping the workout. Plus, went tanning for the first time in my life and even though I'm not looking for color it FELT AMAZING, so the 'reward' of a couple minutes in a bed weekly at the gym might be my ticket. A year ago I would have punched myself for thinking that

        Avg numbers:
        Total calories 1900-2300
        Fat g 100-120
        Carb g 75-100
        Protein g 120-175
        In 2012 I will find JOY, feel ALIVE, be CONSCIOUSLY CONNECTED to my World and my People, and become HEALTHY!


        • #5
          Pec-area muscles still sore today, ha!

          Breakfast 7:30am Egg bake w/Bacon grease, pork/beef, onions, mixed greens, sm amt whit potato, goat cheese. Bulletproof coffee w butter/coconut cream (630am). 1/2 cup cottage cheese.
          Lunch 2:45pm my daily catfood: 1 can tuna, 1 hass avocado, 1 cup cottage cheese
          Dinner 6:30pm forgot to thaw steak so just ate 2 eggs scrambled in bacon grease and 7:4pm raw almonds, Sleepytime Tea with coconut cream
          Numbers kcal 2188, fat 144g, carbs 69g, prot 141g

          I've been having sporadic anxiety/emotional episodes during the night but am able to "talk myself down" - am starting to feel like there's a pattern based on when I've eaten starchy carbs, or when I don't get high protein and high fat at breakfast AND lunch - also feel like I need to discontinue the evening ritual of tea while munching almonds and reading, I wouldn't be surprised if the snacking before bed was screwing my hormones causing me to wake up anxious. Oddly my dinner macros haven't seemed to affect this much. I feel like my body wants 3 squares with no snacks, so I'll be working on that, but I think in the next few days I'm going to "challenge" with bread to see what happens. Once I KNOW I feel like crap it is soooo easy for me to avoid! Which is NOT AT ALL how my body has functioned before primal - two years ago if I ate a box of Oreos I'd feel like crap but could do it all over again 2 days later (my mom loves sending me Oreos....this Christmas I didn't touch em and didn't even want any!)

          These impressions solidify my need for a journal!
          In 2012 I will find JOY, feel ALIVE, be CONSCIOUSLY CONNECTED to my World and my People, and become HEALTHY!


          • #6
            I think I need to spring for internet at home again....

            In the last week I've discovered that sticking to 100g+ of fat and protein is a good thing, but if I'm not tracking I generally don't hit those numbers.

            On a rather stupid impulse I decided to test eating bagels at work last week. I thought about it for a few hours and went for it once I was confident it wasn't a *craving*. Within 20 minutes my body felt like it was buzzing, like I'd downed a gallon of Jolt soda, and I had almost instant, palpable anxiety. Didn't sleep well at all that night, felt physically fatigued and bloated all the next day. Realized this was how I felt EVERY day just a few weeks ago!

            I was a little worried I'd immediately crave carbs again, but was willing to fight through- surprisingly, no cravings! Had breakfast out with my boy two days later and felt like French toast would taste delicious but was not at all *interested* in actually eating any.

            I never thought of myself as an emotional/binge eater, but now that i am starting to heal, the patterns are obvious.

            Will have to update my numbers when I'm at a computer, typing without being able to see my whole screen on my phone is too futzy for me!
            In 2012 I will find JOY, feel ALIVE, be CONSCIOUSLY CONNECTED to my World and my People, and become HEALTHY!


            • #7
              Hey, just wanted to pop in and say that I love your 2012 goal in your signature!
              44 year-old chick, 5'8"-ish, 2/6/12 Start Weight: 189.2
              My boopy stuff: MDA journal | Daily Plate


              • #8
                Thank you so much, Boopy!!

                I purposefully focused on all BUT physical/appearance improvements (even though I am just as desperate for change in that area, too!) because I feel like I USED to know all those qualities -- in fact I would have used that phrase to describe ME -- regardless of my physical composition.

                I truly did not recognize how lost I'd been until I started feeling more like myself again! It's definitely still baby steps, but I'm making my mantra reality, dangit!
                Last edited by katscratch; 03-08-2012, 02:12 PM. Reason: phone added clones of sentences!
                In 2012 I will find JOY, feel ALIVE, be CONSCIOUSLY CONNECTED to my World and my People, and become HEALTHY!