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Redflame's Journal--from a flicker to Hot!

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  • #16
    Well after several emails back and forth (more conversation than we had all day yesterday in person) the house boy said that he was thinking more limited calories instead of a low fat high carb diet. WHAT EVER seems like it would have been easier to say HEY, why dont we try really tracking the calories and keeping it down for a bit and see how it goes.

    Had two salads at work today 10:30 and 2:30. So I definatly got my leafy greens in, and some lean protien, fat from the blue cheese.......Satisfaction seems to come in the volume of food right now, the big salad is great, a plate with the same amount of cals and fat, but less volume would not satisfy me...it's entirely in my head. My brain is SURE I am going to starve to death.....it's broken!

    Frustration is the definition of the day. House boy just called on his way home, he has a cold and wants tomato soup and grilled cheese sammich, REALLY after talking all day about how the carbs made up feel horrible? What ever! He can have it, my daughter and I will have a nice portion of Swai fish, and try to come up with a lemon, butter, caper sauce.

    Oh, and I have to make cupcakes later this week for my God Daughter to sample for her wedding........Luckily she selected Banana Split Cupcake and Raspberry Lemon......neither are my favorite and I WILL overcome this
    Redflame
    Started PB Aug 9, 2010 then let 'stuff' get in the way
    Back to start and make a fantastic 2012
    Goal of Significant Weight Loss
    15 pounds down! with more to go!

    Comment


    • #17
      Watched some Biggest Loser last night..why do I do that? I dream of being in their shoes, and finishing 4 months later 100 pounds lighter. Then I just get all down about it. I want it NOW. Typical for everything. I want to plan and set up, and then I want finished work....I hate the in between.

      I doubt that I am strong enough, as soon as a little doubt creeps in it makes it easy to quit. I dont want to continue doing something I am going to fail at, so I move on to the next thing. I see that all through my life.

      College was easy for me, so I did not quit.

      Having my own catering business was rough, but it was perfect when the kids were small. I could have progressed and really grown....but that would have been difficult, so I kept it small, safe, manageable. And then I quit when I needed to have a FT job (instead of just increasing my client base)

      I wanted 4 kids, my second (a girl) was very strong willed, so I stopped.

      I used to smoke, when I found out I was pregnant the first time I quit...never picked it up again. It was easy to do something difficult for someone else.
      Same with kids, two premies, two surguries, two pregnancies on bed rest, but I did it for my kids, and for my husband, my family....that was easy and I never complained. It was for someone else.

      Being in relationships.......same story. Twice at the 7 year mark I decided it was too hard, it might end badly, so I would just quit. The first time it was not that bad, since we were not married, but I certainly through him for a loop, he had NO idea. I just left. Well I attempted to leave, he came home early, so I had to have the conversation. I was going to be SO nasty as to just leave a note, after 7 years together. How rotton is that!

      Then the next one, married him, had two kids. It got difficult, I did have the conversation with him to tell him I was not happy. He did not know how to fix it, and being a man --who wants to fix things---it made him angry that he had not idea what to do. I don't deal with angry--especially if it remotely threatens to get physical,. SO I was DONE. I gave him a whole 6 weeks to correct the issues of MY unhappiness. Too difficult, quit.

      The next time I made it past 7 years, currently on our 12th year. It gets difficult, I havent left. Have I resolved this detrimental pattern? Probably for this situation, but not for others.

      Weight loss gets hard, wait...what am I saying, it does not GET hard, it IS hard, constantly! In my experience it has never been easy. So, all these years later, I still have not decided to push through it, I still give up. What's it going to take? A medical emergency---could be too late then.

      Lots to think about here........I dont like to be a quitter
      Redflame
      Started PB Aug 9, 2010 then let 'stuff' get in the way
      Back to start and make a fantastic 2012
      Goal of Significant Weight Loss
      15 pounds down! with more to go!

      Comment


      • #18
        The only losers are the contestants. They don't win. They gain all the weight back and work their tails off for nothing.

        I watch them feel terrible that they didn't lose more than 5 lbs in one week and it's disgusting. Don't try to be like them.
        Blag: The FPSJosh01 Ego Experience
        Follow me on google+
        Superraw: the Autism Buster blag
        "Don't spread the word, spread the butter"

        Comment


        • #19
          Dear RedFlame,

          Congratulations for coming back to primal and losing those first 15 lbs!

          I don't know your whole story, of course, but two 7-year relationships and a 12-year relationship doesn't make you sound like a quitter to me...and struggling to stay on primal and then coming back to it also doesn't sound like quitting. I don't think you should be so quick to beat yourself up. (Leave that kind of nonsense to the trainers on The Biggest Loser.)

          I believe that we never get it completely right with relationships - we just try to keep making better mistakes than we did before. Perhaps this is also true of diets? I know I've done the WW thing, the French Women thing, the vegetarian thing, the juice fasts, the marathon training...and I quit them all, thankfully.

          I really wish you the best in your primal journey and I look forward to reading more!
          My True Primal Story

          Comment


          • #20
            Disclaimer:
            Not trying to be a Debbie Downer, no trying to be an Eyore. I just find that if I journal things I am more likely to address them. The good things dont need to be address, so that is not what I am going to journal about as much.
            Plus, it is very possible that my thoughts could stir up some personal thinking with other people.

            Life is Good, but I am human and we ALL have issues. Now just to make life More Gooder!
            Redflame
            Started PB Aug 9, 2010 then let 'stuff' get in the way
            Back to start and make a fantastic 2012
            Goal of Significant Weight Loss
            15 pounds down! with more to go!

            Comment


            • #21
              And another day.....not sure how this one will pan out.

              YEAH for me, I do have dinner in the crock pot, pork roast with garlic, onions, carrots. And I have a pumpkin (my last one ;(..) roasted and ready to just mash up.
              Not sure if I will be staying at the office too long today, at 4:30am we had a light dusting of snow, and now at 8 we have 4 inches. Suppose to snow heavy until 5pm, then freezing rain. Im in Central Washington and snow is normal for us, but what is so weird this year is that the west coast of WA is getting plumetted with snow, and they typically dont get it. For example where I used to live has 23 inches, where 4 inches is alot for them. If we dont get more here it could get bad this summer. I am in the valley and we produce SO much fruits and veggies. If the mountains dont get enough snow pack we will have a very poor harvest, and that is detrimental to our economy here.........SO BRING ON THE FLAKES!

              YUp, 40 minutes and the phone has rang once....cricket, cricket.........gunna be a long day!

              ON a good note our Total Gym should arrive next Tuesday. We are looking forward to that, guess I will have to re arrange the living room this weekend so we have a space to put it, luckily it does fold up fairly small.

              Has a weird dream early this morning. Had a dream that we were in a car accident and found ourselves in the dark, in a thick forest. No one was hurt too bad, but we were freaking out, wondering how anyone would find us being so far in the forest. We were pretty sure we would die before we were found. Then the sun came up, and we realized we were just crashed in someone's back yard, there was a house full of people just a 50 steps away.....In the light I could see I was actually quite bruised up, but in the dark I did not worry about the pain, I had just given up on and hope of being rescued.

              Interesting......not noticing the pain I was in.....waiting for someone to rescue me instead of taking a few steps out in the dark. Pretty much defines ALOT of my life. AND just 50 steps away I could find safety, warmth, comfort, support, shelter........

              Not going to focus on the dark forest, but more so the 50 short steps...
              Redflame
              Started PB Aug 9, 2010 then let 'stuff' get in the way
              Back to start and make a fantastic 2012
              Goal of Significant Weight Loss
              15 pounds down! with more to go!

              Comment


              • #22
                Hi Redflame, just wanted to say hi and welcome ... I re-started my journal on Jan 2 also... then got busy again and got behind on reading posts. We sound a lot alike in many ways - I'm 46, mother of 4 (didn't plan on that but #3 turned into twins!), work full time and I'm going to school (hoping to finish this year). It's really, really tough to make time for yourself with all that going on. I lost 40 lbs in 2010, gained back 10 in 2011 - still ate primally but no exercise. I finally got tired of being out of shape an watching the weight creep on, so got my ass back to MDA

                Just a comment, at first I had terrible food panic, I actually had to carry a bag of nuts around with me because my brain was convinced that I'd starve to death on the 20 minute drive home <rolling eyes at stupid brain> ... just go with it, don't let yourself get hungry and feed yourself GOOD food first when you have cravings ... I had a hard time feeling deprived when I'd just had a steak or a rack of bacon

                good luck to you and stick with it, you CAN lose weight and get healthy without being hungry, who knew? LOL

                Comment


                • #23
                  Redflame? Are you iced in? I heard many in Washington State are without power.
                  Primal since 9/24/2010
                  "Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

                  Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
                  MFP username: MDAPebbles67

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Shoot, I missed your post! And that would be cuz I have not been on here for a few days!

                    We were not iced in, although I would have liked to. But I still had to go to work, that never seems to stop. It was pretty nasty here, lots of snow then lots of ice, and now it is warming up, so we will have flooding.

                    SO............2 days no cheats, low calorie, low carb.......doing OK---but starving! But since I am STARVING for certain items I think it is my brain talking and not lack of calories/nutrients

                    I IF'd today at work for breakfast and lunch, came home for an hour and had 4 egg omlette with sausage onion and spinach. Went to a meeting and how it is 10:30 and I am starving....thinking about having some left over soup from yesterday, but I am waiting until after I post to make sure its not just boredom.

                    Yesterday was 24 ounce americano with cream, a chicken thigh and wing and two tangerines for lunch, dinner was shrimp and spinach curry soup.

                    I could be eating more, but I want the more to be things I cannot have,, like hashbrowns, rice, bread..........so I just say no

                    Doing broiled grapefruit tomorrow night, why I dont know, that has just been going through my head
                    Redflame
                    Started PB Aug 9, 2010 then let 'stuff' get in the way
                    Back to start and make a fantastic 2012
                    Goal of Significant Weight Loss
                    15 pounds down! with more to go!

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      That is the worst - Bad weather and no benefits.

                      Just make sure you are eating enough. Remember, you can feed the cravings for bad stuff with good stuff. When I first started and every time I've restarted (rolls eyes), I always overeat for a while then cut it down when my body is ready. Did you do the formula in the SPEED book? It helps you calculate how much protein you need. IE: I am supposed to get 135g protein. That leaves room for 30-50g carb and 100g fat (30%,10%,60%).
                      Primal since 9/24/2010
                      "Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

                      Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
                      MFP username: MDAPebbles67

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Day 3 100%

                        Yesterday Intake:
                        Coffee and HWC, 9am through 4pm---cream only used in first 2 cups, essentially drank a pot of coffee through the day
                        32 ounces of water.
                        5:30pm 5 egg omlette with sausage, onion, and spinach, plain greek yogurt and frz blueberries
                        9:30pm 1 can albacore tuna, 1 hb egg, chopped onion, primal mayo, little mustard, served with half an avacado
                        Bed at 11pm
                        In a deep sleep within a half hour, did not even hear my son come home from work....very odd for me, 2nd night this has happened

                        Evaluation of Intake
                        1275 calories
                        28% protien, 88 grms
                        11% carbs, 36 grms
                        63% fat, 89 grms

                        It was not intentional to be that low in carbs, just a matter of a busy day with meetings after work. Also not intentional to have that many fat grams, ideally I would be around 50 carbs and a little lower in fats, but for right now the calories are right where I want them. I am happy that I was pretty much on target, as I did not track until just now.

                        Goal of Planning Ahead
                        Well lets just say I am still SUCKING at this! I am really struggling with me 15 yr old daughter, and she is really trying to test the waters....what she is finding is a storm on the waters! She is refusing to do her chores, and they are compounding, and this time I am not going to bail her out. I have taken all things away (phone etc) and the next thing to be taken away is her door, and if she does not shape up then I am pulling her out of public school and she will be home schooled..........she is informed of this and I am hoping that the fact that she is a social bug this could be a motivator........I dont like this, not at all! But I will not tolerate lying and total laziness. She tries to stash dishes, she is sent to move laundry and I will follow her and find her sitting ontop the washer doing nothing, instead of just doing it!
                        ANYWAY, how does this effect my planning ahead? I have planned lunch for the office the last two days. It was her chore to package it up after dinner and leave it in the fridge, the last two morning I have gone to grab it on the way out the door and it was not portioned out into a container with a lid. Of course I discover this last minute, get upset with her laziness, and then just bag the whole thing.

                        Tonight I will be preparing some pork to take in our lunches, and I will make her SHOW me that she has packaged it up right. YES I could do it myself, but that is what she is counting on. Funny how she packages up her dads meals right, and even gets them out of the kitchen and sets them up next to his coat for him to grab on the way out...........but not for me. She is sweet as pie to everyone, so many people actually make comments to me as to how sweet, loving and helpful she is.......but for me she tries to push every button, she even admits it.

                        Fitness
                        Damn I hate that word.
                        Anyway (how many times I have used that word??).........so Any Whoooose, the Total Gym arrived on Tuesday. I am going to call it Vlad, after Vlad the III from Romania--nick name Vlad the Impaler. He makes the top 10 list for Most Evil Men in History. Fitting right?
                        Vlad is still in the box, in the middle of the living room, I think we open up the coffin tonight...thats the plan anyway. If you dont hear from me for awhile, you now know why.

                        And that's what I know right now........

                        Today:
                        Coffee and cream again
                        Tonight: beef and sausage stuffed Plobemo peppers, wrapped in bacon, and a side salad with blue cheese

                        Tonight In the pot for lunch, pork in veggies and coconut milk and curry
                        Redflame
                        Started PB Aug 9, 2010 then let 'stuff' get in the way
                        Back to start and make a fantastic 2012
                        Goal of Significant Weight Loss
                        15 pounds down! with more to go!

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Let me start off by saying, GOOD JOB.

                          Day 3 was rocky, but successful.

                          You have everything right. Something fermented, lots of fat (your macros are awesome,) and tons of protein to help you kick your cravings to the curb.

                          Obviously you didn't have enough calories and should focus on eating a bit more of just about anything.

                          Keep it up! You're doing it right.
                          Blag: The FPSJosh01 Ego Experience
                          Follow me on google+
                          Superraw: the Autism Buster blag
                          "Don't spread the word, spread the butter"

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Oh my gosh - you sound soooo much like me - aren't 15yr olds fun???? I have a DD also. Sending patience your way! Mine does her chores pretty well, but the lying, scheming and such is getting old! How many numbers can you block on their phones to only have the "friends" get new numbers. We've even had an out of state "friend" find a way to get a local number thinking we would not figure that out. I'm ready to block all but emergency numbers on her phone but my hubby seems to enjoy the "chess game" they are playing.

                            Oh well, I suppose we did much the same to our parents. I'm just trying to make sure she doesn't screw up and loose her future. It is a much different world than we grew up in!

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Very true! It is our job to stay on top of things, no matter how much it STINKS! It will pay off in the long run, but right now MOM is the evil one. Oh well, I have been called far worse. My son was no problem at all! But then there is a difference between a mother son relationship and a father daughter relationship.
                              Right now she has lost her phone, she lost music (Ipod etc) lost most computer priveleges (never did have free roam, always out in the open anyway)
                              She cannot even go to youth group---ohh that makes her mad. We shall see!
                              Redflame
                              Started PB Aug 9, 2010 then let 'stuff' get in the way
                              Back to start and make a fantastic 2012
                              Goal of Significant Weight Loss
                              15 pounds down! with more to go!

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Do you every feel like the idiot for giving her all those toys in the first place? I am so sick of chasing down the very elecronics you've mentioned plus an e-nook! They all access the internet (hello face book) and it seems that the sole purpose is to allow them to get into stuff! Then they sell parental control programs so that we can attempt to have some control over what we have given them. Aaaaaaaahhhhhh! Youth group is a privillage here also, but atleast I don't have to worry about what they might be getting into there!

                                It's like parenting a toddler some days. Have you seen the e-trade add where the baby is in time out for riding the dog like a horse? He doesn't care as he has a laptop and is checking his e-trade account. Mom comes along and takes away the laptop and he pulls out a smart phone. Too funny because that is exactly what many parents life has become!

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