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  • #16
    8 days binge free...

    Last morning before the heat and humidity really roll in... took the dog for a nice walk this morning.

    Going to check out a local food wholesaler that is open to the public in the morning. They sell all sorts of game and other meats. Someone at the dog park was raving about wild boar the other day. They carry it. Maybe I'll try it. He was saying it should be cheap because of the wild boar problem in the south.


    • #17
      Not quite perfect last night but didn't really let myself go too bad. I'm going to record it so I have something to look back on...

      Problem: let myself get too hungry.

      B - 3 eggs, 2 whites, cucumber and sour cream ~10:30ish
      L - 1 small avocado, chunk of jicama and serving of macadamia nuts ~ 1 PM
      ~5 PM - bottle of Kombucha (gotta lay off this expensive habit...)
      D - TOO LATE. Waited to eat until after 7 PM and at this point I was STARVING. Tried having some cheese to munch on - cut off a slice, but the block back into the fridge... and it turned into:

      ~ 3-4 oz cheddar cheese, a few spoonfuls of sour cream, a smallish handful of macadamia nuts, and 2 single serving bags of almonds

      Then I ate dinner - 7 rice cakes, ~ 2 tbsp butter and a large serving of cauliflower rice with a small little bite of the expensive pasture raised pork chops I was supposed to eat for dinner (at this point I was craving crunchy with butter, not protein, thus the rice cakes). After dinner I had 1/2 container of strawberries, 2 squares of Lindt 85%, and a few handfuls of walnuts.

      I haven't been tracking food for the last few days so I plugged it in... not terrible - ~3000 total for the day but it was the lack of control during my snacking that was not good. I even tried taking the dog out to play to get my mind off of things but as soon as I came back into the house the munchies came back. When I was standing in front of the fridge I did not give into the few non-primal temptations - vanilla yogurt OR the ice cream in the freezer <-- YEAH! So, I guess that is good.

      Crossfit felt sucky this morning - I was achy and brain foggy. I didn't eat anything too bad yesterday but maybe it is a sign that my eating on a day to day basis is getting better so even minimal binges will seem worse. Oddly enough I performed well - PR'ed on 2 movements. The metcon part of the workout wasn't great though. After the WOD I tried to do some starting strength stuff. My hips hurt too much to squat but I finally did a 90 lb bench, 3 sets of 5.

      We have a wedding tonight. I was going to drink but I'm not in the mood to feel bad again tomorrow so we will see.

      Food for the day:

      post WOD: protein drink
      L - 3 eggs, 2 whites, cucumber, sour cream
      D - whatever meat and veggies look good at the wedding. NO CAKE. I am not going to binge tonight. No cookies, no candy, NOTHING. I can not have a single bite. No delusional self-talk tonight that I can handle it. Right now I can NOT control myself on single portions. They trigger binges so I will abstain and enjoy the foods that are non-triggering.

      Have I mentioned I hate having an eating disorder... sigh.


      • #18
        Made it through the wedding The beer list for the cocktail hour was just eh so it wasn't worth it. But then suddenly the bar for dinner had Dogfish 60 min IPA... so I decided to partake. 3 bottles over the course of the evening - each with a bottle of water. Dinner options were minimal but tasty. One of the stations had lamb and chicken kebabs and grilled vegetables. Ate one of each skewer and some delicious zucchini. Didn't even go look at the dessert cart.

        Sometimes it is very hard to watch everyone else eat so normally. Or at least appear to.

        Passed out promptly upon returning home with some minor bed spins.

        Crossfit this AM was good again. I'm continuing to go up in weights in some movements. I did my first 25 lb Turkish Get Up today as well as some 30 lb one armed kettle bell work for both cleans, presses and snatches. This is up from 18 lbs about 2 months ago.

        B - 3 eggs, 2 whites, cucumber, 1/2 tomato and sour cream + 1/2 left over pork chop
        L - few chicken/pork kebabs with sweet potato and zucchini, undressed salad, big bowl of melon and cherries
        D - 4 squares Lindt 85, frozen blueberries with 1/2 c coconut milk

        Got some oxtails the other day. Found a recipe that looks good - never tried them before. If you had asked me 2 years ago if I'd ever purchase, prepare and eat the tail of a cow I would have thought you were crazy. The place I got the oxtail from also recommended beef cheeks. Maybe I'll try that next.
        Last edited by lorichka6; 07-15-2012, 04:28 PM.


        • #19
          Felt sort of off all day yesterday. I had really mild heartburn. No strength at Crossfit. I went to the chiro in the afternoon and boy was I out of whack. Feeling so much better today.

          Yesterday's food was boring.

          B - 3 eggs, 2 whites, cucumber, garden tomatoes, sour cream
          L - same thing, no other room temp protein in the house
          Crossfit - protein drink, 5 carrots when I got home
          D - went to a friend's house for dinner. They made some dishes from their native Puerto Rico... oh my gosh... so good. A beef and plantain pie and then plantain dumplings of some sort. My cauliflower rice was a big hit despite the plain rice offered Had my blueberries and coconut milk when I came home.

          Maybe that higher carb than normal meal will lend itself to some PRs for my Starting Strength stuff this morning. Squats, press and deads today.

          I got some stuff about Rational Recovery the other day. Kind of the antithesis to OA. I'm going to read some more about this approach - it makes much more sense and is much more intuitive to me than OA (of which I haven't been to a meeting in over a week).


          • #20
            So nice not feeling all bent and crooked today

            Lifted - felt pretty good - still going up on my squats and DL, press I couldn't go heavier than last week
            Recovery drink
            B - usual, 3 eggs, 2 whites, cucumbers and sour cream
            L - really just a snack before crossfit - 1 serving macadamia nuts

            Crossfit - holy killer WOD. Loved it.
            Recovery shake

            D - overcooked salmon , cauliflower rice, 2 huge bowls of lettuce with vinaigrette trying to use up the lettuce before it goes bad and a purple sweet potato with butter. 1 lb strawberries. Blueberries with coconut milk.

            can't wait for this heat to break...


            • #21
              We slept with the windows open last night... it felt so nice!

              Yesterday's food
              B - 3 eggs, 2 whites, cucumber and sour cream
              L - cleaning out the freezer... filled frying pan with frozen string beans and broccoli and browned them a bit added coconut milk and green curry and had it with 2 small frozen salmon filets. Turned out really good. Green curry will make just about anything taste good I think.
              D - grill fest - burgers, zucchini, patty pan squash, onions, avocado served with basil cauliflower rice. The grilled avocado wasn't as mind blowing as the food blog described it to be - but it was good. 2 servings blueberries and coconut milk.

              No real exercise yesterday besides 2.5 mile walk with the dog and volunteer work that had me on my feet for 3 hours. Needed the rest day though.

              I've got the recipe for Chipotle's Carnitas that I like in the crockpot now but I tried it was some chicken breasts that were on sale... not sure it is working, the chicken seems a bit dry. Nothing some guacamole won't fix


              • #22
                Oops. Didn't write for a few days. Nothing remarkable happening really.

                Food has been ok. Had another got-too-hungry episode yesterday but luckily it was around 3 PM (having not eaten until then) and after eating 1500 calories or so got rational ideas back into my head and even made it to a party with lots of cakes and cookies and did just fine

                Went for a 6 mile hike the other day with 2000 ft vertical or so. One of the 'easiest' hikes in my little geographic area of mountain hikes. A few years ago this would have been a warm up. 2 days out and my calves are sore to the touch...

                30 lb kettle bell snatches today at crossfit felt easy today. Maybe next time I'll try the 35 lb.

                The WOD kicked my butt though. Between my quads and my calves being so sore from hiking it was rough. Did some cool post WOD strength stuff and then finally got home and ate breakfast around 2...

                B - 3 eggs, 2 whites, some leftover roasted broccoli and squash, sour cream and a tomato, 1/2 lb strawberries
                D - leftover chicken breast, pico de gallo, sour cream, 1 ounce really good (and expensive...) cheddar
                1 cup coconut milk, 2 cups blueberries
                Last edited by lorichka6; 07-22-2012, 05:31 PM.


                • #23
                  Keep forgetting to journal...


                  B - 3 eggs, 2 whites, sour cream, cucumbers and tomatoes. Eggs tasted better than normal. I think I've been eating this for a month straight now and I still love it.
                  L - Finished up leftover shredded chicken with pico and sour cream

                  Crossfit - good WOD. Worked up to 85 lb thrusters but no hip pop at that weight. 75 lbs was fine. Protein drink.

                  D - made a paleo sheperd's pie... holy cow it came out good. Next time I'll use a little less bacon and a little more ground beef I think. I can't believe something was too bacon-y but it was. I think it might have been the cooking of the bacon that messed me up though. I put the whole package in the pan (chopped) and lost track of it chopping the vegetables. I didn't burn it but the fat was all foamy/bubbly. My ex used to make pork rolls and the smell of those made me sick. The bacon smelled like that (and it was Applegate's Sunday bacon which I really like and use all the time). I could still sense that pork roll taste in the finished casserole. When my fiance (who is not paleo) proclaimed "you can't even tell it isn't potatoes" I knew I really had a winner. Can't wait for leftovers tomorrow. Dessert was an entire 85% lindt bar. I was feeling rather peckish and hungry last night and eventually went and brushed my teeth and flossed to get out of the food mindset.


                  • #24
                    Woke up feeling blah today. Physically tired, not sleepy tired. Did 3 miles with the dog and then went to crossfit to work on starting strength stuff and just had nothing. Worked on squat form instead of going heavy (135 lbs 3 x 5) and half assed some presses - 70 x 5, 75 x 4, 75 x 3. Then I went to pick berries on a local preserve - 1.5 mile walk in and I realized I left my containers on the hood of my car

                    STARVING when I got home.

                    B - 4 eggs, 2 whites, sour cream, cucumber, small sweet potato with some butter, left over 4 oz burger and coffee. This should hold me until dinner! Not quite Tempted by the kale and shredded brussels sprout salad with almonds and pecorino romano cheese... it was tasty.
                    Last edited by lorichka6; 07-24-2012, 11:52 AM.


                    • #25
                      So in the last week... my 21 day binge free streak ended. Frozen yogurt (damn those choose your own toppings places!!! ), ice cream, cookies... it was a doozy. I could feel it coming on for 2 days and really tried to fight it. I was munchy for 2 days leading up to it and ate real food hoping that I could just make it. The morning I gave in my heart was racing, I was literally kind of shaky... like a real addict withdrawing and just "having to have" that fix. Sigh. But, it isn't like I had real expectations of being "cured" so I got back to paleo and crossfit the next day and moved on. Beat myself up a lot less than normal too. And was probably more pleasant to be around the following day

                      Since then things have been fine. Eating normal - but probably with a little too much Lindt 85% chocolate... I'm not sure if indulging a little too much each day helps prevent 5000 calorie binges or not... I tell myself it will help but don't know if that is delusional BS.

                      On a side note, I haven't been hungry for breakfast at all lately. Usually not eating until 12 or 1. This partly helps me to "ok" the 500 calorie chocolate at night but I'm also just not hungry in the morning. I don't know.

                      B/L - 2 eggs, 4 whites cooked with a small bit of butter (that whole thread about calories has be wondering about my fat intake), left over shredded chicken, 2 tbsp sour cream (when this tub is gone - no more!), 2 mini cucumbers, 1/2 rotten tomato (the bottoms of many of our tomatoes are rotting while they are on the vine...)

                      Gotta go find a good recipe for the organic drumsticks I snagged for 30% off because their sell by date is tom'w!

                      D - snacked on carrots and celery while cooking. And some blue cheese. Roasted fennel and onion with leftover sheperd's pie. Made a nice salad with carrot, celery, apple and some good blue cheese. We polished off the honeydew as well. I ate my chocolate bar and was still munchy. 3 rice cakes with butter and honey. 1 snack pack of almonds and too many macadamia nuts. Entered it into fitday. About 3200 calories. Oh well. That was the last of the Lindt bars. Going to take a break from those for a while and try to get back to the coconut milk with blueberries. I think the caffeine in the chocolate has been contributing to my crappy sleep.

                      I gotta get myself back on a breakfast, lunch, dinner schedule. I think this resurgence of overeating at night is due to not eating enough during the day and getting too hungry. And I miss waking up hungry and empty feeling rather than bloated and stuffed. Yuck.
                      Last edited by lorichka6; 08-01-2012, 04:29 AM.


                      • #26
                        Goals for today:

                        Fish oil
                        Vit D
                        Vit B
                        Magnesium at night

                        Read Rational Recovery literature
                        Take a nap


                        • #27
                          Goals for today:

                          Fish oil (done)
                          Vit D (done)
                          Vit B (done)
                          Magnesium at night - its so hot... I don't want something hot to drink.

                          Read Rational Recovery literature - didn't have time
                          Take a nap - didn't have time

                          Fasted until protein drink after xfit.

                          Dinner was roasted chicken drumsticks. Really good. Ate 4. I had a salad with apple, celery, cherry tomatoes (candy!), carrots, last of the fancy blue cheese. Also made this wacky brussel sprout salad that most people would gag over - shredded sprouts with grapefruit. The dressing is buttermilk, mustard, some vinegar and sesame oil. Chopped almonds on top. Dessert is frozen canned pumpkin and coconut milk.

                          Looking forward to waking up hungry tomorrow morning. Though, on the other hand, fasting today was easier than I thought. I got hungry at a few points but just didn't eat. I'm not sure how it would go if I hadn't overeaten the day before. Will power is always higher and hunger always less after a binge. Even if it isn't a big one.

                          So, in a moment of destiny I happened to be home around 3 today and turned on Dr. Phil for the first time in 10 years. It was a show about a fitness model who struggles with binge eating. It was like she was speaking my mind. I guess I'm not the only one out there. If only I could get on Dr. Phil and have them foot the bill to the eating disorder clinic like they are doing for her.


                          • #28
                            Goals for today:

                            Fish oil (done)
                            Vit D (done)
                            Vit B (done)
                            Magnesium at night -

                            Read Rational Recovery literature -

                            Wide awake by 5 AM today. I'm not sure what is going on with sleep lately. When school first finished this summer I was like this. Kind of giddy almost - awake until 11 PM or so and then up at 5 with no alarm. This lasted 2 weeks or so. Then I was sleeping like crazy - until 10 AM which is unheard of for me. Now I'm back to going to sleep at 10 or 11, sleeping fitfully and awake early. I don't feel tired during the day though.

                            Made some stock today from the bones from last night's chicken. And googled wedding cake ideas. Found one I like. I'm going to give the very nonpaleo frosting a shot this afternoon.

                            Dog walk - 3 miles or so, home by 9 AM, *dripping* in sweat. Ugh. I'm ready for fall.
                            B ~11 - 4 eggs, 2 whites, chopped tomato and cucumber, small serving of sour cream, full tbsp of butter on the eggs

                            In my quest to work my way through the freezer, I'm using some ground turkey to try these minus the breadcrumbs and flour.


                            • #29
                              Goals for today:

                              Fish oil (done)
                              Vit D (done)
                              Vit B (done)
                              Magnesium at night - its even hotter, but I'm going to try

                              Read Rational Recovery literature - sigh. no. but maybe after I type this up.

                              Lunch was some zucchini pasta with pesto and other veggies at the lunch bar at our local co-op and some leftover fruit salad.

                              Crossfit. Ouch (a good one). I'm tired and sore.

                              That turkey meatballs came out really good. I've tried a bunch of new recipes the last few days and they have all been delicious. But no leftovers Made it with zucchini noodles.

                              In my frosting adventures this afternoon I tried brown butter for the first time. I'm not ashamed to say once the pot cooled down I used my finger to get it basically clean. I heard the frosting was good too but I didn't try any. I'm looking forward to working on getting this right for the wedding


                              • #30
                                Goals for today:

                                Fish oil (done)
                                Vit D (done)
                                Vit B (done)
                                Magnesium at night - done
                                Read Rational Recovery literature - done

                                I took my Mg last night and boy did I sleep like a rock. For 6 hours. Crossfit was especially tough last night and as I was lying on the sofa last night my arms were actually throbbing. Not injury-like pain, but worked-a-little-too-hard pain. I took another shot of fish oil and the Mg and feel quite a bit better today. More than expected. I will still take today off though. Even though they are doing prowler pushes which are my favorite Walked the dog a little longer this AM and am thinking of doing a little mall walking later so corporate America can help subsidize my AC bill.

                                Trader Joe's just opened in my area. Some deals that my wallet will appreciate:
                                - uncured bacon ends - 3.99 a lb instead of 10.00 at the co-op
                                - raw milk blue cheese - 7.00 a lb instead of 12.00 at the co-op
                                - Kerrygold butter - 3.00/stick instead of 5.00 at the grocery store

                                There was a lot of press about how crazy the section of town would be today with the opening and I must say things were running very smoothly inside the store and reasonably smoothly on the road near the store. And I got a free reusable bag. So now the world will know that I am lucky enough to have a TJ near by.

                                Moving on to next random thought. I'm trying to stand when I lose countless hours to the interweb. I think my kitchen counter is a little too low, I need to read a little about good setups for standing desks. I also did the couch stretch while watching the news. And a little foam rolling too. But the dog sits on me when I do this. So it is tougher.
                                Last edited by lorichka6; 08-04-2012, 10:55 AM.