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  • Karin, have you read Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control? I'm just starting to read it now - it's highly recommended by my adoptive moms group. Although it's somewhat more geared toward adopted kids, most of them have very similar issues to Lily.
    -- Ruth

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    • I am reading setting limits for the strong willed child, the explosive child and the out of sync child. I have not heard of this one but I will put it on the he list. Love and logic works with most kiddos and at times with my daughter. Consistency is the key and allowing them to make decisions knowing the consequences. It's hard; hard to watch etc. part of what is hard is finding a consequence with any meaning to her.
      Karin


      Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Calorie Counter

      What am I doing? Depends on the day.

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      • Love and Logic was what I used, and is still what I recommend to anybody who will listen. But oh yes, very difficult to come up with consequences that were "natural", that fit the situation, and that actually were consequences to the offending child. At least in my experience though, very worth it, finally.
        Chris
        "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It is about learning to dance in the rain."
        Unknown

        My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread36279.html

        My "Program": doing my version of a 4:3 - 3 day fast diet with real food every day, with a little twist of anti-inflammatory mixed in.

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        • From what I've read -- and what the other moms report in my support group -- L&L is awesome, but is generally not effective for kids with a traumatized past or specialized issues like SPD, etc. I don't fully understand it (hopefully I will some day), but it has to do with the chemical brain reactions. When our kids do things, (a lot of times) their brain is literally "locked" in a non-rational place and the natural consequences have no (little) meaning to them, particularly at that time. Further complicating things are that their actions are often behaviors triggered by some underlying event or emotion and until they can be helped to address that emotion, addressing the behavior is not really treating the issue. LIke I said, not too sure any of that made sense
          -- Ruth

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          • Love the love and logic. Sometimes it works with Lily, sometimes not. Sometimes what works one day does not work on another day
            Karin


            Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Calorie Counter

            What am I doing? Depends on the day.

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            • I get what you are saying Ruth, the part of l&l that you can use is always giving them choices whenever possible, even for the most mundane things, 2 or 3 at most, and you don't care which they choose, and letting them pick the one they like. I think it helps them with knowing that every thing is a decision, and each one comes with its own rewards and its own consequences.
              Chris
              "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It is about learning to dance in the rain."
              Unknown

              My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread36279.html

              My "Program": doing my version of a 4:3 - 3 day fast diet with real food every day, with a little twist of anti-inflammatory mixed in.

              Comment


              • When we remember, I try the choices thing. You are right...it does help a lot. Gives them (in my opinion) some manner of control, in a world where they have had (and really, continue to have) little control.
                -- Ruth

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                • Originally posted by RMS123 View Post
                  When we remember, I try the choices thing. You are right...it does help a lot. Gives them (in my opinion) some manner of control, in a world where they have had (and really, continue to have) little control.
                  exactly.
                  Karin


                  Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Calorie Counter

                  What am I doing? Depends on the day.

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                  • yep, it also teaches that there are consequences to every decision, not necessarily bad ones. It does take some planning to be able to give at least 2 reasonable choices though. The woman I work with gives her daughter choices but they are always "do this or else" and 'else' is ALWAYS something the little girl knows mom can't or won't follow through on. That kid is going to be a problem when she gets older.
                    Chris
                    "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It is about learning to dance in the rain."
                    Unknown

                    My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread36279.html

                    My "Program": doing my version of a 4:3 - 3 day fast diet with real food every day, with a little twist of anti-inflammatory mixed in.

                    Comment


                    • Friday, Friday, Friday....thank goodness. I started the week tired and it never got better. I'm going to take a nap today, do some laundry...and not much else.

                      I love to cook, but some days, it gets so hard to know what to make and then to actually make it. You're on your own doesn't work so well with these active boys, especially since they have some food insecurity (and, no matter how much I make, we have very little leftover). Of course, if that's the worst problem I have, life is good, right?

                      Hmmm, I also need a walk. Maybe I'll be able to convince DH to go with me...if I'm not taking a long, long, long nap.

                      Loving life. Wish I were 40 lb lighter, but that shall come with time.
                      -- Ruth

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                      • What about child's, soups and goulashes where you can make a large pot (cook once eat twice or so). Then on those days you say: dinner is in hue he fridge- heat and eat. I can imagine you would have to make a pretty large pot for this to happen though. However, if the boys had .. Eek .. Bread or potatoes they could heat as well.. Maybe it would work for those few times things are hectic and the boys still get a full meal. In fact, buying a 5-10 pound of potatoes and already having potatoes cooked I the fridge would help a lot:
                        Stuffed taters with chili, taco fixings etc
                        Fried taters
                        Regular taters with butter and do sour cream etc.
                        Etc.

                        Hope you have a productive nap and get some rest this weekend. Wish I could come and spell you so you can get some rest as well. Eat well, move and rest... I like Chris' point of put your own oxygen mask on before your kids,
                        Karin


                        Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Calorie Counter

                        What am I doing? Depends on the day.

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                        • she stole my line,

                          I have a recipe for veggie soup with beef it makes a massive pot of food, it is pinned and is hand written, I will look for it when I get home. Serve over baked potato with bread, would be great.
                          Chris
                          "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It is about learning to dance in the rain."
                          Unknown

                          My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread36279.html

                          My "Program": doing my version of a 4:3 - 3 day fast diet with real food every day, with a little twist of anti-inflammatory mixed in.

                          Comment


                          • Thanks, ladies. I am making the soup later today. DH hates soup...unless he's sick...hence, I don't make it a lot. But, wouldn't stop it from being ready for ME when I need nutritious food

                            Okay, need some help with some (somewhat) natural consequences. I had a guy who wore a tank top to school, violating the dress code (and the part that pushed my buttons was that he lied to me -- he put a shirt over it -- and then I saw him take it off before he even got on the bus). I want to be able to give him at least two choices in terms of the consequences. He wears tank tops all the time at home (we could really care less), so am thinking one option would be that he surrenders his tank tops to me for at least a week. [This is not the first time he has done this, either, so now it is time to address it.] There is likely to be some underlying issues creating the defiant act, but we haven't rooted those out yet.
                            -- Ruth

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                            • Need more information: which boy are we talking about (older, middle younger)
                              Karin


                              Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Calorie Counter

                              What am I doing? Depends on the day.

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                              • Oldest.
                                -- Ruth

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