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This weekend has been so nice. I know that the guys are on their best behavior, but it's nice to enjoy being with them. They are slowly starting to feel more comfortable -- it's little things like using the blanket on the couch, turning on the tv without asking, eating food when they feel like it.
They think I'm an awesome cook Well, at least they keep telling me that (and, they're eating it, whether they really think so or not). They LOVED my green chile shepherd's pie (they had never had shepherd's pie before). They're willing to try food, with the understanding that they don't have to eat it if they don't like it. They're finding that stuff they said they didn't like, might not be so bad. We're having brats today for lunch. Not sure you've ever seen 3 more excited guys! I also let them each pick out a box of cereal (I know - but we're going for 80/20 here, with good results so far). Talk about happy. They were thoughtful and spent a lot of time in that isle (I hadn't realized there were so many cereals, beings as I don't eat that stuff).
We started making their rooms theirs, especially today. They helped us move furniture, haul stuff out of their closets, etc. They rearranged the furniture to suit them. They all 3 share a room right now, so this is thrilling to have their own space.
The youngest guy melts my heart. Today is he said "Hey, Ruth... I don't think Watson [he's our young rescue dog] is going to let me go home."
Found out why the move is now on warp speed. The foster parents, particularly the mom, is having a REALLY hard time with the move. I get it, I truly do. I don't know how you have kids in your home for 4 years without feeling really attached. But, here's the thing. They had many many chances to adopt these boys and for reasons that are their own, chose not to. My issue is that they're now making things difficult for my guys. My heart bleeds for them, but I also need them to act responsibly and not make this hard on my guys. This was not an easy decision. And, it wasn't so much that they were choosing us (although we obviously had a part), but adoption really does have benefits. Right now, they can't spend the night at a friend's house. They can only go over to friends for an hour or two. I have to get the states permission to take them anywhere. They can't ride in the car of a non-CYFD licensed person. They can't be on Facebook. You get the picture. Adoption gives them freedoms to be a "normal" kid, as much as a kid who has basically lost everything can be. And, while we have a very similar parenting style to their awesome foster parents, we're a bit less restrictive, which is what I think they need as they transition into adulthood. I think we can give them that bridge. Someone said that maybe the foster mom is intimidated by me. Ha. I'm intimidated by what a good job they have done. Anyway, I'm very sad for them. Very sad for our guys. And, I admit, just a bit worried for them.
Anyway, we have them until 7 tonight. I think I now understand what it must be like to be divorced parents who share custody of their kids. It's no fun to take them back.... More thoughts later.
Structure and rules -- very much agreed!!! We eat around the same times, have a set bed time, etc. No electronics in their room - they "turn them in" (charge them) at night down in the kitchen. We have passwords to all electronics and do periodic checks. No porn.
Chores are, as you said Karin, "bachelor ready". They will all cook (right now, they're helping me prep), help shop, clean up. They clean their bathroom weekly. They vacuum and help DH with yard work.
They come back at least once this week, maybe twice, for dinner. Come again next weekend. Then, the following week, another day or two of dinners. The 7th, we have the "big" meeting. From that meeting, we have to wait 72 hours before we say yes, we're taking them (in our case, because we've done this backwards, we know the answer...but I understand the general need for this waiting period). Maybe they come over that weekend, depending on how things are at the foster home (that's supposed to be their goodbye weekend there, we shall see). I believe the following weekend, they move in totally (March 14)...perhaps sooner.
Right now, the youngest is waiting impatiently for the no bake cookies to cool...
I do not know how you stand it. I will say that this is the sort of time that I have trouble staying with the process and enjoying the current moments without mentally rushing ahead to the finale. I am so very excited for you.
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It is about learning to dance in the rain."
DH and the middle guy are putting up the ceiling fan in his room. These boys run hot!
The youngest guy is thrilled -- he put the pullup bar in his door. Guess it's the small things in life
We probably have to cancel our vacation, which is a bummer, mostly because we were supposed to meet my cousin. I need to see - we might be able to do a few days, which I'd really like. I like this cousin!!!!
Stood on the scale this morning. Guess what? Without trying, I'm down 3 lb or so (I can't quite remember where I was). I've been generally doing a fast 5, except when the boys have been here. 90% primal (there have been a few treats and a corn tortilla). While the boys are here, I'm just trying to watch my portions. Amazing what happens when I don't focus on it as much. Of course, still about 30 lb over my holding weight, so that sucks, but one day at a time...
I'm usually a person who lives in the future. As soon as I get something, I don't even enjoy it, I'm ready for the next adventure. However, while the boys have been here, I've just been savoring the time (and, enjoying it, because we all know that at some point crap will hit the fan once they get settled and get comfortable). It's been nice to live in the present. Of course, when the boys aren't here, then I'm thinking about what we need to do and their next visit.