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  • Originally posted by RMS123 View Post
    I do have to look into it...I seem to remember it just goes away.

    I'm terrified at the thought of quitting my job. What if I'm not a good a good mom? My job is what has defined me for a long time. I know I'm good at it. What if we need the money? Maybe I won't be able to find another job. Sigh. Fear sucks.
    All of those thoughts/fears are normal.
    I had wanted my career from the time I was 6 years old. I started saving for college as an young teen babysitter. I put myself through college, got my job, loved it.

    Met my future husband, put him through college. He got a job in another state that did not have credential reciprocity and we could not afford for me go back to school with out of state tuition costs.

    After a year we decided to start a family and I had always known I would, given my chosen career, either be a SAHM or not have children. We/I chose children.

    My childhood was not good. In fact, it was horrible so I worried about my parenting abilities. But I LOVED being home with my children.

    Was I a perfect mom? Absolutely not, who is? Did my children survive, turn out well? Yes!!!

    My children are my greatest accomplishment. Even now, with some very real fallout from my choices(my marriage did not survive), if I had it to do over I would still choose to put my children first.

    Each of us must search what path is best for us-- career only, career and kids, kids and no career. Each choice comes with rewards and pitfalls. There is always fear when looking at significant change. I say hope for the best, plan for the worst. Feel the fear and do it anyway.

    And, in the end, we can always change direction when it becomes too hard to continue on the path we are on.

    Comment


    • ^+1, what she said. (well with a few changes in the personal details, obviously).
      Chris
      "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It is about learning to dance in the rain."
      Unknown

      My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread36279.html

      My "Program": doing my version of a 4:3 - 3 day fast diet with real food every day, with a little twist of anti-inflammatory mixed in.

      Comment


      • Since you are adopting out of the foster care system, let me give you a couple of other tips.

        1. You do not need an adoption lawyer. The forms are readable and everyone is moving towards the same end. You can fill out the forms and take them to the court and file them yourselves. Saves $$$$

        2. Negotiate for a continuance of monthly support before you finalize the adoption. If you wait until after it can be very difficult if not impossible. Tell them you are planning to quit your job. Plans can change if you don't have to quit once the kids are yours.

        3. If the kids are special needs, you can get a huge tax credit. Check with your tax guy or adoption support group for the max benefit. If you do not spend tons of money on the adoption ( like no lawyer used) this money can go to you. The fact that the kids are older ( harder to adopt) or if you get a monthly payment after the adoption is enough to qualify you.

        Our adoption cost us less than $500 but we were able to get >$10,000 in tax credit because we qualified. Ths money can go for whatever you need or choose. You will know what the kids needs are likely to be after you foster them for 6 months to a year. If you still have concerns/ doubts, you can stall for a few months as needed. While CPS wants these kids adopted quickly, they can also help with many resources as needed. Let me know if you have any other questions.

        Comment


        • MF - thanks for the advice. I did not know such things existed. Now I've started researching!

          So glad to be home. It was a nice weekend, but not as restful as I would have liked since we had company.

          Here's where I am. I'm exhausted. The weight is up and NOTHING fits. But, I'm feeling better because I have resolved the job situation and hoping that today/tomorrow I start getting back into the groove of things.

          I have resolved the job situation. It was not an easy decision. The right decision? Who knows. After much thought and contemplation (and prayer), I decided to keep my current job. To get FLMA, you have to have been with a place 12 months. And, I'm able to use all of my vacation (28 days), plus my carry over vacation (10 days) and buy a week (5 days), so most of my time off can be paid. In addition, my boss (who had to go to her boss, the president of our affiliate, and the VP of the main company) was able to get me a rotational position (for the next year) and I negotiated a $10k increase in pay over the next year. We also have an agreement to work on a permanent grade increase and figure out if part-time will ever be an option (my ideal). It's not perfect, but allows me to save some more money in the event we decide that I can/should stay home after the adoption. And, maybe we'll figure out a part-time option (not likely, but a girl can dream).

          The weight front is bad. NOTHING fits. It's not been good. I had 4 "decent" days while traveling. I now need to get in the groove. I believe I'm going to go back to ADF and more strict Paleo. The relaxing that I've done to feel normal has done nothing but exacerbate the exhaustion, make my stomach feel awful, and contribute to the massive weight gain.

          I FINALLY got my blood work last Friday. I need to call the doctor (who hasn't called me, though I know the results came in on Monday) and see if anything came out in the blood work. Probably not (I'm assuming she would have called me if so). That's both good and bad (I was hoping something would show up that might explain a few things).
          -- Ruth

          Comment


          • Great news about the job! Funny how companies make improvements when they know they have a serious threat to loosing great employees. Kinda like a spouse who pays you more attention when they realize they have competition. I wish we all could harness this drive everyday. Imagine what we would get done!

            As for the clothes, go buy a great ( hopefully cheap or on sale) outfit or two that fits you now. I always seem to loose weight when I do this. Plus you deserve to feel good in your clothes while you sort this all out.

            Comment


            • ^What she says! It does not do a person any good to have to walk around in clothes that are uncomfortable for whatever reason. Hit the thrift and/or Goodwill and you should be able to come up with a few things at reasonable prices.

              What if you just start with ADF while easing back into Paleo? Or vice versa? Jumping into both, depending on how far from either one you have drifted, seems like a lot given your general stress levels.

              p.s. congrats on the job decision, what is FLMA? And what are you buying so much time off for (did I miss something or forget?)
              Chris
              "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It is about learning to dance in the rain."
              Unknown

              My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread36279.html

              My "Program": doing my version of a 4:3 - 3 day fast diet with real food every day, with a little twist of anti-inflammatory mixed in.

              Comment


              • So glad to hear you have the job front figured out. It sounds like a good plan. As for the clothing front, I hear ya and feel for you. I am in the same place.
                Karin


                Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Calorie Counter

                What am I doing? Depends on the day.

                Comment


                • Chris- Family Medical Leave Act
                  Karin


                  Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Calorie Counter

                  What am I doing? Depends on the day.

                  Comment


                  • Thanks, still clueless, but at least now I know what the letters stand for!
                    Chris
                    "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It is about learning to dance in the rain."
                    Unknown

                    My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread36279.html

                    My "Program": doing my version of a 4:3 - 3 day fast diet with real food every day, with a little twist of anti-inflammatory mixed in.

                    Comment


                    • Update soon. Will answer your question :-)

                      Sent from my SGH-T999 using Marks Daily Apple Forum mobile app
                      -- Ruth

                      Comment


                      • Time for a quick post only.

                        Today, first day of parenting classes. We have 4 of these (2 this month, 2 next month) and then are we are licensed and ready to go. The classes are ALL day. Sigh. I'm excited, but they seem like so much when my life has been so chaotic.

                        Chris, FMLA is family medical leave act. Basically, if you have some family-type thing (adoption, child-birth, family illness), you are legally entitled to take up to 3 months off without losing your job. BUT, you have to have worked for 3 months. My employer requires I use all of my vacation and the remainder is unpaid. (If you give birth, you usually get 6-8 weeks (sometimes more) of paid medical leave...but I won't get that). With the kiddos, I'm really wanting to take a few months off to bond with them. And, it would be nice if most of it was paid. The challenge is that I rarely get an entire week off...so taking 2-3 months is going to be a real adjustment for my employer!

                        I'll try not to comment for too long on my weight. Even after 3 lowish/medium days, my weight is higher than it has been in over 2 years. BIG sigh. It's like something is going wrong in my body. I have gained 20 pounds in 3 months and 10 pounds in 3 weeks. It cannot just be water - my clothing doesn't fit. What has my puzzled is that while I'm not eating great, I'm not eating terribly. I'm not eat all that much. I don't know. Can stress do this??? Anyway, I'm not giving up. My plan of attack:
                        * Cut the fruit back out. It's hard, because it's summer, but fruit sends my sugar cravings through the roof. I don't know why, but I appear really sensitive.
                        * Lower carb, generally (see above).
                        * ADF, but starting with higher down days and being flexible to switch if the work situation doesn't lend itself well.

                        I travel through the rest of the month and then it almost stops. Yay. I'm hiring a new person in TX, so there will be a few trips, but those tend to be easier because I drive (can bring my cooler) and stay where there's a full kitchen.

                        Other than that, I have been to Goodwill and picked up a few skirts to wear in the interim. I don't know what's going on with my body, but I refuse to not dress well and feel good in the interim. I deserve to look nice/attractive, even though I feel horribly gross right now.

                        Happy Saturday! Hope to catch up with my friends later today.
                        -- Ruth

                        Comment


                        • I think it IS stress. Of course, that's a hard thing to tackle. Do you have any destressing routines that you can try?

                          Comment


                          • Hormonal problems can also cause major weight gains.
                            Of all the paths you take in life, make sure a few of them are dirt.

                            Comment


                            • Ruth, here is a link to the 5:2 forum progress tracker...5:2 Diet Progress Tracker | The 5:2 Fast Diet Forum...I think it is a very good place to start when trying to figure out your up and down days. Once you get your body on the system, then you can adjust how many down days you have as well as what your up days and down days consist of.

                              I have this gut feeling that you try to go too low on both the down and up days, and then the stress does a combination of things...
                              1. it doesn't allow your body to fully use what you do eat, nutrient wise
                              2. the lower level of available nutrients causes your body to hoard what it does have
                              3. the lower level of available nutrients causes your body to look for more nutrients
                              4. stress messes with hormones, sleep, emotions, fat storage, nutrient usage, etc.

                              I think you need to get to stabilization, low stress, and adequate sleep. Then worry about fat loss.
                              Chris
                              "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It is about learning to dance in the rain."
                              Unknown

                              My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread36279.html

                              My "Program": doing my version of a 4:3 - 3 day fast diet with real food every day, with a little twist of anti-inflammatory mixed in.

                              Comment


                              • Thank you, dear friends. I think you are all right. The question is what I do to starting fixing this stuff.

                                Feeling better today. Am planning a bit ol' nap already

                                The class yesterday was a waste of time. It was taught by well-meaning, over-worked, under-paid state social workers. Next week is taught by paid experts. I hope we learn a lot more, particularly in the area of raising/disciplining kids who have experienced trauma. It was also not taught to my learning style. Today's pedagogy seems to thing that a lot of group activities help in the workplace. Not so much. Also, I feel like the learning diminishes. But, hey, that's coming from a major introvert who has had a grueling several weeks.

                                This week, I have got to focus on nutrition. I think, Chris, you are right. When I travel, I tend to eat very low calorie. Not purposely, but I have fewer few choices with my need to be gluten free and (mostly) dairy free. The problem is that I'm not necessarily eating quality. I end up with a lot of iceberg lettuce (in my salads) and grilled chicken (not enough and not my body's preferred animal source). By the time I get home, I'm STARVING. And, then sometimes we're basically out of food as well, because I've been gone all week. Then I eat crap, but am still not nourishing my body. Throw in major stress (which I don't always manage well and find it difficult to employ good techniques while I'm traveling) and poor sleep (time zone changes, difficulty sleeping in hotels, sometimes stomach distress from eating out) and it's a recipe for havoc. Somehow, I have got to figure this stuff out!
                                -- Ruth

                                Comment

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