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  • Prayers coming your way. Happy Independence Day, too!

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    • Praying for help with this tough decision.
      Primal since 9/24/2010
      "Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

      Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
      MFP username: MDAPebbles67

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      • Happy independence day! It strikes me today how blessed and fortunate we are. I mean, really, one of my biggest "struggles" in life is that I weigh too much. Wait -- one of my biggest problems is that I eat too much?????? A country where many of live with so many blessings, it is not even funny!

        A small vent. We have a guest for the entire weekend. I truly like this person...but company is exhausting. He and DH are at a movie. When they get back, however, more entertaining. As an introvert who is flat out exhausted, I find this a bit stressful. Oh, well. We don't have company often, so I should enjoy it. And, I should get used it, right? When I have kiddos running around, I'm not going to get to check out, just because I'm a tired introvert

        More later on the pros/cons as I think about whether or not to change jobs. In a time where a lot of people struggle to have a good job, with insurance, it's truly a good problem to have...
        -- Ruth

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        • Random Ramblings
          I often find myself saying that I want to be a housewife. And, I do. Except, I don't. I don't really like to clean the house. The children we are looking to adopt are older. I get bored easily. I only like reading romances when I can't do it all the time. But, I get tired of work. Working all the time. Pouring so much effort into something that feels like it has so little meaning. I just wish I knew what I was destined to do. Of course, it doesn't help that I'm particularly good at what I do for a living...it just doesn't bring me passion. But, I'm not sure a lot of people get to do what they are passionate about. Maybe I'm having (a really long) mid-life crisis?

          On the job scenario...........
          * Potential job - Good
          - They really want me. As in, they are having to get exceptions, etc. to pay my required salary.
          - They know me and like me (hence, they really want me).
          - Little to NO travel. Yeah, baby. That's better for the family life!
          - In the very short run, I'm not likely to work as much as I do now.
          - No direct report! [I don't like managing people, even good employees.]
          - A lot less responsibility.
          - Lots of room to grow (upward) if I become inclined in that direction again.
          - I will stand out quickly.
          - I don't think they work as many weekends. I don't think I would lose any of my vacation.
          * Potential job - No so Good
          - I have to work in an office. I hate, really hate, working in an office [I am not exaggerating here.]
          - I would have to work in a cube. I basically quit my last job because of working in a cube. I'm really not sure I could do so again.
          - They know what I can do. They need my expertise. It won't be long and I'll be working as much (or more?) as I do now.
          - There is a commute. At least 30 mins each way, more if I work "normal" hours.
          - They will be bringing me in near the top of the salary range...raises will stink.
          - I have to learn the company. I generally love learning...but don't know if I'm ready for it right now.
          - When our adoption stuff works out, if it's soon, then I won't be eligible for family medical leave.
          - Not as many vacation days.
          - I've not always thought highly of this company (though I would like my 2 immediate bosses).
          - I would not have as much responsibility (and, yeah, I listed as a positive as well. I have a love/hate relationship with responsibility).
          - Start over with my retirement.
          - Have to buy more business attire.
          - Down 7 days of annual leave.

          * Current job - good
          - When I'm not traveling, I work from home. I have a lot of flexibility. This would be helpful with kiddos. Love to eat lunch with my husband. I can do laundry during the day. I don't waste time commuting. I can get dinner started. No temptation to eat out during lunch. Fewer clothing requirements.
          - I don't work in an office. I hate working in an office.
          - I have a good mix of job duties, which often play up my skills.
          - I'm well liked and very well respected.
          - My boss really likes me.
          - Good retirement/benefits.
          - Know the company well, which makes my job easier.
          - A lot of interaction with the executives.
          - 28 days of annual leave (includes my sick days, though).
          - Qualify for family medical leave with the adoption.
          - My boss will counter another job offer, which will [finally] perhaps? lead to more equity in my pay compared to my responsibilities.
          * Current job - not so good
          - I work. A lot. Really a lot. 50-60 hours/week normally, occasionally as much as 80 hours per week. Lots of weekends.
          - I travel. I don't like business travel. I don't get to have fun when I travel for business. I'd rather be home.
          - I don't get to take all of my hard-earned vacation.
          - I get paid well, but am vastly under-paid, especially when compared to some of the slackers in my group. [I hesitate to complain about this, because I make good money. Just not the same as the others. This leads to resentment on my part!]
          - I have much more responsibility than my job is graded for.
          - The workload in my ground in not fairly distributed. And, those who don't contribute as much...almost nothing can be done. After 30 years (or more), nothing will be done. This causes me to be bitter...and I'm not a bitter person.
          - While I legally qualify for family medical leave, I guarantee you I won't end up taking much/if any of it. There's a lot of political pressure. Adoption is NOT viewed anywhere close to natural birth. My boss is pregnant...we cannot both be out at the same time.
          - I'm taking over a project from one of my really good friends. The transition is not going well. He is VERY critical (it is his personality) and it is hard for him to transition to me... I do things differently and I'm not as smart (truth. I'm somewhat smart, but am mostly just a hard worker. He's exceptionally smart and an exceptionally hard worker). This is starting to put a strain on a valued friendship.
          - I will not be able to progress in this company, unless we want to move. We don't want to move.
          -- Ruth

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          • Whew.

            Do not forget that adopting older children, especially multiples, is not going to be easy and will be a job in and of itself. Can you afford to make rearing those children your job? Being a housewife/mother does not mean you won't be working hard. Ask yourself what is most important in the long run. Doing a job for a company or raising respectful, responsible adults.
            Of all the paths you take in life, make sure a few of them are dirt.

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            • Wow.. there is a lot of thought here.

              The adoption process takes time as in time for kids to adjust to you and their surroundings. Not being able to take FML would be tough. Although, hours at your current job are very hard to be conducive to having a family. I can see this is a tough choice to ponder. Is there any chance is renegotiating your current job expectations?
              Karin


              Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Calorie Counter

              What am I doing? Depends on the day.

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              • Why would you have to start over with your retirement? Can you not roll what you've saved into your new job's plan or an IRA?

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                • Beware that adopting older kids means that they have likely been through a ton of crap and you are not told about much/ most of it! I was amazed at the stuff we were not told that ultimately caused our adoption of our daughters brother to fail. This will be much tougher than you realize because we all figure a good home with stable parents is enough, but some kids have just been too damaged. Not trying to scare you away at all, just be prepared for lots of therapy appointments and calls from school. Some situations require almost a stay at home parent. While people understand what an infant requires, a struggling kid, well not so much. I wish all the best to you on an adventure that truly will change all of your lives in ways you never dreamed!

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                  • thinking about you, and will respond when I am mentally more alert (ie in the morning).
                    Chris
                    "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It is about learning to dance in the rain."
                    Unknown

                    My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread36279.html

                    My "Program": doing my version of a 4:3 - 3 day fast diet with real food every day, with a little twist of anti-inflammatory mixed in.

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                    • And the offer came today. I have asked them to give me until Monday. Decisions, decisions....
                      -- Ruth

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                      • I think i am going to go with the gist of what Mudflinger said on this. Having had the gift of being a stay at home mom I will say that even when the kids are staying out of trouble, teenagers can be a full time job. Mine didn't have cars so just getting them to all the places they needed to be took up quite a bit of time. Now I am not complaining because it meant I was there when the events just occurred and was much more likely to get the play by play because they were still excited. Then of course there is all the PTA and volunteering, and there is more to clean and cook and the clothes and last minute stuff they forgot to mention. Rats I am feeling nostalgic and my youngest is not quite out yet😢.
                        Chris
                        "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It is about learning to dance in the rain."
                        Unknown

                        My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread36279.html

                        My "Program": doing my version of a 4:3 - 3 day fast diet with real food every day, with a little twist of anti-inflammatory mixed in.

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                        • You know, DH does not understand how I can spend so much time talk on the web with y'all. Honestly, though, my MDA internet friends are so awesome. I can express all of my feelings, judgement free, and then you all take the time to offer thoughtful (and very helpful) comment. Sigh. Feeling very blessed

                          In terms of some of the questions above. Retirement: I am vested and could easily move my 401k. What I lose is my pension (yeah, those don't really exist anymore!). I came in the last year they offered the pension and the new place doesn't offer one (and, with the pension, years of service are important). Anyway, not the biggest thing, but my retirement fund doesn't look near the way I need it to

                          Neither the current job nor the new job will ever be all that manageable (it's the industry and the specific group (regulatory) that causes this to be the nature of the job). When the government says you shall file, well, you shall file. Everyone seems to have a knowledge/personnel gap, so that's likely to happen anywhere.

                          Mud Flinger - thank you SO much for your input. In my mind, I keep thinking bringing home older kids is going to be the hardest thing I've ever done. When we first started this, I figured that kids would be happy to have a loving home and we'd be happy to have kids. I spent a lot of time reading adoption forums and adoption blogs...wow, was that an eye-opener. So much so that I put the breaks on considering foster adoption for 6-8 months. After much prayer, though, I think it's something we want to do. I can't say we're prepared...I'm not sure how you could be unless you've lived it. I might cry and complain on here about how I've ruined my life. Yet, I still feel as though we're called to do this. So, forward we go.

                          Maybe, with that framework, though, being a housewife makes some sense. If I am truly going to consider it, then I would lean toward just keeping my current job. No use upsetting the apple cart if I may leave in 6-12 months. Lots to think about.

                          My current boss gave me a counter offer. It's actually pretty good. The other job tempts me.

                          Thank you, dear friends. [Alas, this will probably consume my journal through the weekend This is a good place for me to write out my thoughts and organize myself.]
                          -- Ruth

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                          • Its a safe place to lay it all out and I think typing it out helps to organize the thoughts.

                            There really is no way to prepare for children being added to you life no matter how they come. You do the best you can and prepare to be flexible, open to change, and ready to learn. Consider it a grand adventure.
                            Chris
                            "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It is about learning to dance in the rain."
                            Unknown

                            My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread36279.html

                            My "Program": doing my version of a 4:3 - 3 day fast diet with real food every day, with a little twist of anti-inflammatory mixed in.

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                            • Originally posted by RMS123 View Post

                              In terms of some of the questions above. Retirement: I am vested and could easily move my 401k. What I lose is my pension (yeah, those don't really exist anymore!). I came in the last year they offered the pension and the new place doesn't offer one (and, with the pension, years of service are important). Anyway, not the biggest thing, but my retirement fund doesn't look near the way I need it to
                              Do you lose the pension or just the new contributions that contribute to growth? I ask because had I not quit my job, moved to another state, and cashed in my PERS pension, to fund a down payment on our first house, it still would have grown and at a very good guaranteed rate.

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                              • I do have to look into it...I seem to remember it just goes away.

                                I'm terrified at the thought of quitting my job. What if I'm not a good a good mom? My job is what has defined me for a long time. I know I'm good at it. What if we need the money? Maybe I won't be able to find another job. Sigh. Fear sucks.
                                -- Ruth

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