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  • Originally posted by sbhikes View Post
    Ok, so my partner is a passive-aggressive, irritable dickwad. Yes, I know that. Today is his birthday. One of those awful days where I know I'm going to set him off with some perceived transgression. I'm so sick and tired of this. The walking on egg shells, trying to figure out what it is that I say and do that sets him off. He's totally like some kind of dry drunk alcoholic. An alcoholic who isn't addicted to alcohol. Maybe my friend in FA is right that wheat does the same thing to people as alcohol. It really matters little. But I'm sick of trying not to set him off. Obviously, I set him off already today. Whatev. His problem, not mine. If he truly believes I sit around thinking evil things about him, that that's what is in my heart and not love, then that's not my problem, it's his. Happy F-ing birthday. Sigh.
    I think you are right--I don't know that someone can be a dry alcoholic, but as soon as I read this, memories came flying back. I was in a relationship like that for a few years. I was telling some of my co-workers about it and the one girl just matter of factly said "You know he's an alcoholic, don't you?" and I had kind of suspected it, but because he didn't really drink a lot, I didn't think so. But the walking on eggshells thing really sucked and what was worse was that I just couldn't seem to get him out of my life. Either I couldn't break up with him or I couldn't get him to leave--it was weird and it's a typical pattern. I finally had the shits of it after about 3 years and just called him one night and said "I'm done" and that was it. We weren't living together, so it was a little easier. I think when you are living with someone like that it's almost impossible to get them out of your life.

    But, you don't deserve that and it sucks to live like that. I hope you can find the strength to get out of that relationship. I can tell you, I'm 50 and finally found a guy who is so much like me in so many ways and we are so comfortable around each other and there is none of that eggshell BS at all--for him either. I dealt with nastiness, insecurity and jealousy and it sucks bad and it made me feel like I couldn't be myself at all. After a good amount of therapy (both for me and my fiance), we are in a healthy relationship where we are free to be who we are and it's really awesome.

    You don't deserve a crappy relationship SB--he has issues, but you probably need to figure out why you attracted that kind of guy into your life. And sorry if I sound preachy--I've just been through it too many times and it's painful.

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    • Hey sb - I don't mean to get on the boyfriend-bashing train here, but I have been wanting to say this for some time... I know there is better out there for you. I have no horrible boyfriend stories because I swore I would never have one as the childhood family sucked so hard that I didn't want to take the personal risk of getting into a relationship as an adult since all the pairings I knew were abusive/dysfunctional; Mr. Crabbcakes had to slog through years of my hesitating because I didn't want to believe that really good men are out there...

      He (obviously) finally convinced me, and we have such a peaceful home life it is unreal. Not perfect - but peaceful and healthy.

      I like you bunches, and hate to read that your guy is acting like such a dick. I mean, don't stop talking to us about anything, just that I feel for you, you know? If there is a good guy out there for me, and Pony500, and some others I have read on my few months on the MDA, there is for you, too.

      My mother stays with a guy who does nothing but insult her and bleed her dry financially, emotionally, and in every other way. This guy is my father, and I hate to put it bluntly, but he started out hard to live with, and only got worse in their almost-50 years together. She is now the breadwinner and caretaker of and for a guy who declared himself "retired" at the ripe old age of 62 with no money saved for retirement because he had "worked hard enough in his life". As a kid I thought that love could change anybody, but at 45, I now know that you can only truly change yourself. I hope to read sometime here that you did some deep introspection, perhaps some talk with a trusted therapist-type to bounce some stuff off of, and then loved yourself enough to get out. My mom is playing the martyr with hers, even with the stated support of her two grown children (should she decide to leave) - why are you martyring yourself on yours??
      I have a mantra that I have spouted for years... "If I eat right, I feel right. If I feel right, I exercise right. If I exercise right, I think right. If I think right, I eat right..." Phil-SC

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      • I don't know. He's the best person I have ever been with. Much better than the real alcoholics and crackheads I used to know. He actually brings a measure of status and stability to my life. I wouldn't be where I am in life if it hadn't been for him. He's not all bad. Just irritable and I think that it is caused by sugar and flour.

        I've gained 2 of the 5lbs I lost (according to my scale.) I pretty much expected it wouldn't stay off.
        Female, 5'3", 50, Max squat: 202.5lbs. Max deadlift: 225 x 3.

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        • This has been a weekend of indulging in 20% things. I'm usually as close to 100% compliant as I can be on this way of eating. This was Fiesta weekend, Santa Barbara's big summer party. We went to the mercados yesterday and I had pork carnitas and goat tacos. I ate the corn tortillas on one of the tacos. I also had corn on the cob with butter. They said it was real butter and it probably was. We walked around down town and narrowly avoided walking into a drunken fight. We then stopped to watch the Flamenco dancers. Just kids but they were great. Love the Flamenco music too.

          Saturday was enjoying the Spanish stuff and Sunday was enjoying the Mexican. We went to the Our Lady mercado and I attempted to get pozole but the line wouldn't move and was so long. So I had corn on the cob with mayonnaise, butter and parmesan cheese. Interesting. Then a bacon-wrapped hot dog. Best hot dog ever. I tossed the bun. Not too horrible for off-plan eating. My goal is always to make the best choices I can and not sweat it too much. We walked around and watched kids toss coins into crappy glassware and win it. The glassware was dwindling before our eyes. We watched others play a game similar to bingo with cards with pictures. If you win you get a prize. Lots of cheap glassware, sheets, or other really random things. Another game had people gambling sort of like roulette. Put your money on a color, a ball is tossed and if it lands on your color you win. I wasn't sure what you won, but it was some amount of money. The church really knows how to raise money with these games, though.
          Female, 5'3", 50, Max squat: 202.5lbs. Max deadlift: 225 x 3.

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          • Last time I tried pork belly it came out soft and gelatinous. I think it had the skin still on because it tasted like soft skin. I was dumb and followed a recipe that had me put too much flavorful stuff in there like soy sauce. I wasn't sure I liked it much. I decided to try again. This time I simply sprinkled salt and pepper on the meaty side, folded it in half and put it in the crock pot with a quarter cup of water. Came out really tasty and not soft or gelatinous. This would make great carnitas tacos. But I probably couldn't get that man to eat it since it has "all that fat."

            I am bummed my tummy isn't flat and hard anymore like it was right after my vacation. Still on the 5th belt hole though.
            Female, 5'3", 50, Max squat: 202.5lbs. Max deadlift: 225 x 3.

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            • Yesterday I did well with my new plan to practice higher fat and smaller portions.

              My 1.5lb piece of pork belly shrunk in the crock pot to about half the original size. I had a third for breakfast and that had really good staying power. I rode my bike to work.

              For lunch I had canned salmon with butter. I forgot my wallet yesterday so couldn't go buy coffee or Lara bars or go to the food coop and buy other tempting things, so salmon and butter was the only option. That had great staying power for the rest of the day. I took a walk around campus and the beach. Hot day. Summer's finally here.

              I rode my bike home. I kinda felt that low-carb weakness, but I was also able to power faster whenever I wanted. And when I did that I would get a familiar feeling I've had on long hikes where I can tell I'm tapping my fat reserves for energy. It's a good feeling.

              I cooked a whole pastured chicken for dinner. The bird must have been old and skinny. He was tough and there was no fat and his breast bone was sharp and protruding. I hope the boyfriend liked it. Perfect meal for someone who thinks fat will kill you. I served it with a beet, avocado and tomato salad that had a little olive oil and pear-infused vinegar. The beets were a tad under done.

              I was a little hungry from the lack of fat so I had some coconut butter spoonfuls for dessert. Felt great then, slept well and here I am today ready to do this again.
              Female, 5'3", 50, Max squat: 202.5lbs. Max deadlift: 225 x 3.

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              • Tomato season has arrived and I'm happy to eat them all. Not only do we have our own pitiful bushes, one of which is producing nicely, other people are bringing unwanted tomatoes to the office. I had three tomatoes for dinner yesterday and one for breakfast today. Nom nom nom!
                Female, 5'3", 50, Max squat: 202.5lbs. Max deadlift: 225 x 3.

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                • Mmmm! Tomatoes!! I got the first ripe one off the bushes yesterday :-) In about a week lots more should ripen up. Then it's tomato fest here on the East Coast too!
                  Height: 5' 10"
                  Starting Weight: 292
                  Starting Primal Weight: 275
                  Current weight: 224
                  Goal weight: 172
                  Body Fat 30.5

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                  • I am so happy my vacation-lost weight seems to be staying off. I have been eating higher fat, lower carb and smaller portions and hugely less wine and chocolate. It was my hope the higher fat would keep me sated, but at this point in my weight loss, it doesn't work all that terribly well, at least not so well when combined with small portions.

                    I was 130 this morning again. The biggest problem I'm having is low energy. I don't know if that's because of low calories (I don't think my calories are very low with so much fat) or low-carb flu.

                    Example meals:
                    Yesterday's lunch: Can of salmon with mustard.
                    Pre-dinner snack: 2 spoons of coconut butter.
                    Last night's dinner: half a yam, giblets from my chicken the other day, cooked in butter, couple squares dark chocolate, glass of red wine.
                    This morning's breakfast: Two oxtail bones with the meat (a big one and a smaller one) and coffee with butter and unsweetened cocoa.

                    See, not that low in calories. Kinda low in vegetables, but these were not the greatest examples since last night was my music night so I don't cook a real meal. The wine was new. Hadn't had any for a couple weeks. Opened the bottle to use to make the oxtails so I had a glass.
                    Female, 5'3", 50, Max squat: 202.5lbs. Max deadlift: 225 x 3.

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                    • More oxtails for breakfast. The juice has coagulated into this totally cool aspic.

                      I feel really energetic lately. It was hard getting back to low carb. Not as hard as the first time though. Took about 3-4 days this time instead of 5 weeks like the first time. I think I want to stay here because this feels so much better than on moderate carb and way way better than in that limbo where you're not quite adjusted.
                      Female, 5'3", 50, Max squat: 202.5lbs. Max deadlift: 225 x 3.

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                      • Originally posted by sbhikes View Post
                        More oxtails for breakfast. The juice has coagulated into this totally cool aspic.

                        I feel really energetic lately. It was hard getting back to low carb. Not as hard as the first time though. Took about 3-4 days this time instead of 5 weeks like the first time. I think I want to stay here because this feels so much better than on moderate carb and way way better than in that limbo where you're not quite adjusted.
                        The-oxtail-aspic-effect is cool. Tendon does something similar, to surprising effect the first time I used it. I basically wound up with a half-gallon of oxtail soup jello. Awesome.
                        Steph
                        My Primal Meanderings

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                        • I've always wanted to try a real aspic. I've never actually had aspic. I think most recipes have you using packaged gelatin. There must be a way to make it using tendons or oxtails or something naturally full of gelatin. I wonder if I could get my boyfriend to eat tomato aspic for dinner some warm summer night.
                          Female, 5'3", 50, Max squat: 202.5lbs. Max deadlift: 225 x 3.

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                          • okay - so if I were to buy an oxtail (don't even know where to find one) how would I cook it? I've heard the flavor is wonderful!
                            1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
                            2. Eat to heal
                            3. Move to live
                            4. Embrace today
                            5. Live with intention
                            6. Respect my body
                            7. Cultivate joy
                            8. Find my passion
                            9. Meditate on peace in my soul

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                            • I sometimes see oxtail in the frozen area in my local health food store, where they keep the weird stuff like ostrich or soup bones. I have never seen it at Whole Foods or Trader Joe's. I get it at a market in an "older" (ethnic? lower-class?) part of town. They have all kinds of offal. All I did to cook mine was stick it in the crock pot with some salt and pepper and half a cup of wine. Water would work, too. The gelatin gives it a unique flavor. I just nibble the meat off the bone.

                              Here is a progress photo. Me in a bikini. I think I can wear a bikini without too much shame although I doubt anyone will ever say wow when they see me. The difference is one year.

                              Female, 5'3", 50, Max squat: 202.5lbs. Max deadlift: 225 x 3.

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                              • let me be the first to say "wow". you look really strong and smooth/solid. Your limbs are very shapely.
                                I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.

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