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Releasing my inner siren - ErinF

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  • #31
    ErinF, I was just reading through most of your journal here and I wanted to offer some words of encouragement because it seems you're having a bit of a struggle at the moment. You've made some great progress! You are definitely facing a few more challenges than the typical person but at least you're aware of what you need to do.

    Hopefully you can sort out the sleeping situation, I know that makes a big difference in how I feel. You seem to be under some stress lately which doesn't help matters. Don't watch the scale for a couple weeks maybe? Get yourself on track mentally and then start worrying about the numbers again. So what if it goes up a few pounds? Is 5lbs going to ruin your life, chances are once you get life sorted out the "stress" weight will fall right off. Eat when hungry, eat whole/real foods, when the temptations come push through because you know long term you'll feel better!
    Remember that every day is a new day and you can start fresh! Tomorrow no more spinning around Wake up, drink a glass of water and start off with a smile. Even if you don't feel like it, try and get outside for about 10min and breathe some fresh air too.

    Good luck!
    Also, if you fail once or twice during a day don't let yourself go and say you'll start tomorrow. Just keep on track for the rest of the day. I know I've done that before, accidental slip up sometimes turns into an outrageous binge which I feel horribly guilty about.
    Last edited by evertastica; 03-05-2012, 09:55 PM.

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    • #32
      Thanks for the words of encouragement, after a day like yesterday I really needed it. I know today will be better. I think I just let everything bottle up and it just all exploded at once yesterday.

      I did actually pack my scale a few weeks ago so I haven't been watching my weight at all. It has helped, more than I actually thought it would. I don't plan on unpacking the scale when I get to Utah. It's better to use the mirror and how I feel as the best gauge of how I'm progressing.

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      • #33
        I had a lot of anxiety about slipping up until I did a Whole30 in January. Knowing that for 30 days I was accountable and wheat was not an option made me feel better about "eating clean" since then. I've had one cookie (worth the cheat) and a sip of soda since then. If you can manage a Whole30 at some point, I highly recommend it!
        Depression Lies

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        • #34
          That's a great idea, I was hoping I would be able to do a whole30 after my surgery. I think that would probably be the best thing to help my body heal. I just have so much going on right now I haven't been able to sit down and plan it. I know once my husband actually leaves I'll be able to sit down and plan everything and hopefully de-stress. Things are just in complete chaos right now. I only have two more days of this and then life will start to settle down for me, I hope.

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          • #35
            I'm missing my husband, it's been 3 days since he left on his deployment and I'm starting to think today is the first day it's really sunk in. Depression sucks.

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            • #36
              It has been two weeks since my surgery and I can't believe how well I'm doing. According to the doctors I should still be in bed in massive amounts of pain and drugged up with all the pain meds and muscle relaxers. I'm up and moving, not too much, but I feel pretty good. I haven't taken pain pills for a few days now. I contribute my quick recovery to the primal diet. I'm not able to exercise at all yet, but I bet when I do I'll feel so great! I had no idea how rough an abdominoplasty was. I figured one week down and back to normal, ha! My doctor couldn't believe I had almost zero drainage and was walking upright after just 4 days. My incisions are healing really fast and my bruising isn't visible anymore. I do feel a little beat up still, but for the most part I feel great. I can't wait to get back into my workout routine and finally be able to strengthen my core. My ab separation was so bad I'm really surprised it didn't cause more problems for me than it had. The best part, I'll no longer be asked when my baby is due. Hooray!!

              On a side note, I finally reached my first BIG weight loss goal, right before my surgery. I started this lifestyle weighing in at 170 and I've made it to 135 effortlessly. I'm finally in a normal BMI range for my height. /dance!!

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              • #37
                Congratulations! Keep us posted on your healing progress
                Depression Lies

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                • #38
                  Before and after pics, this will also be posted in the before/after pics thread...maybe :P

                  Last edited by ErinF; 04-14-2012, 05:26 PM. Reason: pictures were HUGE

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                  • #39
                    Double post lol
                    Last edited by ErinF; 04-14-2012, 05:26 PM.

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                    • #40
                      It's been nearly 4 weeks since my abdominoplasty and I'm just barely starting to feel a little bit like my old self. I'm still pretty swollen and I can feel a lot of bruising still. I haven't been able to run or really do any of my bodyrock.tv workouts because the boucing around causes a LOT of pain in the area's that I'm swollen. I've been slowly falling into a slight depression because I'm in Utah with two babies alone while my husband is deployed overseas for a few months. It's a lot harder to parent alone than I had realized, especially when you throw in the pain from the surgery. My poor babies!

                      One of the things that I love and hate about my personality is that I love to be alone. I can't really handle being around people for too long because I get so tired and energy drained. I find that one of the only ways I can refill my energy stores after being around people (yes, my kids included) is to have some time alone. When my husband was home this was easy, but now that he's gone I'm not able to have that time. I decided it was time to get a VIP gym pass to the local gym which includes kid watch for up to an hour each day. This is the only way I'm going to get some time alone. I'm really excited to have this time, but I have no idea what to do at the gym. I've been working out at home doing body weight exercises so the gym just seems useless and pointless to me. I went for the first time last night and was able to do some short tabata style workouts on the elliptical, but I have no idea what else to do. Cardio is so boring and I know I won't stick to it for very long. I guess I should search around the forum for ideas on what else I can do :P

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                      • #41
                        I should add that I really want to work on toning up. I know heavy weights are the way to go, but I'm so lost on what to do. I need to tone my thighs, arms, butt and I'd like to get some more definition in my back and tummy. Sigh...so much to do.

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                        • #42
                          Maybe look into Kettlebells? I have a 15 lb kettlebell and just do as many swings as I can (watched videos for proper form) until I feel like I can't handle it anymore, a few times a week. It's not much, but there are a lot of other exercises you can do with them, and swings are a nice way to build up muscle when you have little to start with (as is my case heh). 15 lbs is the recommended starting place for women, I believe. 25 lb for a man or a semi-fit woman.
                          Depression Lies

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                          • #43
                            I know you want to tone up, but take it slow - you don't want to injure yourself by pushing too hard too fast after your surgery. You've already come so far! Give your body time to recover before pushing yourself.

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                            • #44
                              I've stayed 100% away from wheat and all since about October. Recently I moved states while my husband is deployed. He left in March and is due to come back in 7 weeks. I'm under a ton of stress. Right now I'm basically a single mom with two kids ages 2 and 1. My sleep is crap, the baby wakes up a lot at night still and really I can't sleep alone very well so I end up going to bed late. Both kids are getting molars right now so basically life is hell for me atm. I was doing really good with sticking to the grain free and sugar free when I first moved, but I slowly spiraled into the craziness I'm dealing with now. I can't remember when it started, but I started eating wheat and now I can't stop eating crap. Sugar, wheat, tons of potatoes and rice. I've never done this before and I really feel hopeless. I know eating this way is contributing to my fatigue, bad mood, and allergy symptoms; but no matter what I do I just can't shake this! I've also had a really hard time not snacking. It's like since I started eating the crap, I'm always hungry and/or not satisfied.

                              I haven't gained any weight back (45 lbs lost), but I feel if I keep this up I'm going to gain. I've also started lifting heavy weights with a trainer 3 days a week. I'm wondering if my macro ratio's are off and now that I've added weight lifting to my already crazy schedule I'm not eating the either enough protein or fat and the result is my feeling hungry all the time. Or maybe I've just created a habit.

                              How do I shake this? I'm desperate to gain some control or SOMETHING since my whole world has been turned upside down. Thank God it's just temporary, but I hate feeling like this.

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                              • #45
                                Starting today I officially need a reset button. I don’t fully understand why I’m having such a hard time with my eating habits and cravings. I started my Primal lifestyle shift with tons of enthusiasm and curiosity, I was excited about taking the steps forward to repairing my body, mind, and spirit. I wanted to be renewed, I wanted to be healthy, and I needed to do something now.

                                I was initially drawn in by the claims of boundless energy, six pack abs with no effort, and insane amounts of weight loss in such a short amount of time. I was hoping all of these things would happen to me, but unfortunately none of them really happened. I did lose a lot of weight, dropping from 178 to 130, but I did that over the course of 6 months or so. Even after all that weight loss my body fat percent remained near 30%. I have to mention it did drop from 36% to 30% during my weight loss, and any improvement in that area is wonderful.

                                I admit that my sole purpose for losing weight was so that I could get a tummy tuck (abdominoplasty) to repair my horribly sagging abs and stretched skin; acquired from having two rather large babies really close together. My body just wasn’t built for having kids. I did eventually have my surgery and my body fat dropped another 5%.

                                My original weight loss goal was to get to 130 pounds, but since joining the primal community I’ve learned that a # on a scale isn’t a good way to go about weight loss. My new goal is to be at or under 20% body fat. I’d love to be around 17%, but my husband says no, haha, he likes a little more softness to my body I suppose. I seem to fluctuate between 130 and 135 lbs during the week. I never drop below 130 (could be a mental block) and I never seem to go above 135.

                                I paid for a personal trainer to teach me how to do some heavy lifting, the proper way. I loved it. My body was starting to shift to a more built look., I was able to do deadlifts and squats and all sorts of “manly” exercises. I was only using the bar for a lot of it, I believe it was around 45 lbs. I wasn’t really slimming down much, but you could see some muscle tone under the layers of fat. I actually don’t like this look, I’d rather be lean than bulky, but I think my body type just LOVES to build muscle. I bulk up rather easily, it’s obnoxious when that’s what I DON’T want to do. This is where my frustration begins. Despite my going to the gym 4 days a week for 3 straight months, with maybe 1 missed session; my body fat remained at 25%. Yes, we were using that static thing to measure it, and yes I know it fluctuates some, but it didn’t even budge up or down.

                                I’m not looking to lose weight as far as pounds go, I am just fine staying at 130 lbs, but I REALLY want to get down to 20% body fat. It can’t be that hard!!

                                Ok, so now here I am, ready to pull my hair out. I have not been able to get control of my cravings. I don’t crave anything in particular I just crave food. I swear if there were a detox center for CW eating and diets, I’d sign up asap. I’ve tried my best to stay away from non-primal foods, but for a while I was without my husband during a short deployment. I was stressed to the max and when I get that way, any and all willpower goes out the window. I really don’t know what my problem is, I’m like a monster. If I eat breakfast I seem to want to eat everything I come into contact with. It’s like if my eyes catch a glimpse of it, it goes directly into my mouth. I get this way a week before that “time of the month” and during that week I do my best, but I don’t beat myself up over it. Lately, though, it seems as if its never ending. Today, for example, I ate breakfast. My breakfast contained 2 eggs over easy, 1 slice of bacon, and a few shreds of potato. I wasn’t particularly full, but I was satisfied. Then, not 2 hours later I had snacked on all sorts of other crap, 2 mini pieces of chocolate, 1 serving of Noosa yogurt, 2 leftover meatballs (about the size of a gumball), cup of sugar snap peas with butter and a handful of nuts. It’s now lunchtime and I’m not hungry at all, but I’m sure if I pass the fridge I’ll make myself a salad with a few leftover meatballs and homemade ranch dressing.

                                Why can’t I stop eating? Why am I having such a hard time staying primal? Why is my body fat % not lowering despite my heavy lifting?

                                These are all of the things I could think of that might be a factor:

                                Husband’s deployment from March to July
                                Moving states yet again, just to have to move to a new state in September
                                Not sleeping well
                                Not eating enough fat, therefore not feeling satiated
                                Eating too much sugar

                                Despite everything I’ve done I still don’t have any improvement in my energy levels, my hair is falling out like crazy, I feel a little sluggish on a daily basis and I can’t seem to stay focused on anything. I’ve had all my thyroid levels tested and everything is normal. Trust me, I’ve had ALL of the tests and I even got into an argument with my doctor over it. I’m within normal ranges.

                                I wish there was a magic button you could push that would solve all your problems for you. I bet the answer is staring me in the face, but I'm so absorbed in the situation that I just cant see it. /faceplantintoawall

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