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the purple prose of petunia pettigrew

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  • Adding my hugs to the mix. Parental death is in my near future and I dread that day's dawning xxxxxx
    I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.

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    • ah man my thoughts are with you xxxxxxx
      beautiful
      yeah you are

      Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
      lol

      Comment


      • to say that i've fallen off the wagon to stress eat would be something of an understatement. i'm not gorging on ramen or anything but i've had mcdonald's several times, and bready stuff. weight has only gone up 3 points so i don't care.

        there is depression, naturally. i'm sure it doesn't make bay feel good to hear me say 'just quit work and come hug me' semi-seriously after i've told him how badly i feel. he can't exactly get up and leave.

        i've resisted spending all of my money on crap to make me feel better. i've only spent some of it.

        i either sleep too much ornot enough

        the space bar on the new keyboard isn't very sensitive to touch so there's a lot of backspacing to separate some words

        but it's an all-in-one with a big screen so my fragile little mind is blown by the awesome. i haven't gotten a new computer for a long time so i kinda feel like 'i used to be with it until they changed what it was' applies

        along the lines of unschooling vs schooling, i decided to get the boys learning some standard (schooling) basics, sit and lay down to start with, as they pick up quickly on random verbal and hand cues (unschooling). my little waka is a brilliant little ass hat. with a treat in my hand he plops his furry little butt down every time. when i try to show off how smart he is to others, he just sniffs my hand and stares at it waiting for the treat to sit for. and so i sigh, say 'seriously?', then get a treat so he'll sit his ass down.

        bear, bless his heart, is slower going on learning down because he's so focused on the treat in my hand he barely registers my voice. there are reasons he is chubby.

        and i guess that's it. so here's someone else's pomeranian spazzing out in the grass.

        beautiful
        yeah you are

        Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
        lol

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        • Glad to see you up and about a bit. Hugs
          Breathe. Move forward.

          I just eat what I want...

          Comment


          • the last couple of days diet has been dialed back down some, so naturally i've bloated up 6 pounds. i've been at the stage of depression where basic human hygiene has been a struggle, now i have brief moments of okay then crashing sadness. i haven't been sleeping well and bay has to remind me that being that tired also makes me feel like a professional emo.

            but

            i've been making myself read some, and have been wanting to read some, so i'm finally on my way through game of thrones again. i have the books but quit reading them when i got in love with the show.

            and today i want to start working out again. i know i go through this cycle frequently, but my back is more often than not fcked up these days so i think the extra pain won't be as big a deterrent

            and i am still not used to this keyboard man. this space bar is going to drive me to murder, or to sigh really loud and hit the back arrow really hard.

            i still want to spend money to feel better. i was talking with mom about it and she said to stop that because it wouldn't help and i told her it did for 5 minutes and that was almost worth it. and his death was so immediate, so sudden, that it still doesn't feel real sometimes. but i was there and saw it happen so i know it is. brains, am i right? can't live with em, can't live without em

            badum tss

            to the buying things for happiness thing, i watch makeup tutorials and look at review blogs and get minor obsessions. last week it was for nars rikugien. i don't want to spend that much money, what's a dupe? i don't like revlon balm stains, what's that dupe? jordana? awesome. i get it, i like it, i feel better.

            yesterday it was for matte grey eyeshadow. i don't have that, who does have that? hmm too faced looks okay.. but that money would better go towards gas and dog food. so i look through my eyeshadows for something close and it's not grey but it's pretty, i put it on and look at it and like it. so i feel better.

            hoops and rationalizations for the feels

            at least it's not mcdonald's?

            i find the disdain i harbored for mcdonald's has faded, along with the intense desire for organic everything. i think that was part of my ocd tendencies because i would get so worked up about it, i needed the organic/seventh generation/hippie everything instead of just preferring it

            maybe i eat more pesticides. i survived nuking food in plastic bowls as a kid.

            http://giant.gfycat.com/RedGiantAmericanwirehair.gifv
            Last edited by bloodorchid; 08-17-2015, 07:05 PM.
            beautiful
            yeah you are

            Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
            lol

            Comment


            • i didn't see your post excursivey, hugs to you lady

              appetite is downish. food isn't much better but water weight is on the downward trend.

              i keep waking up every few hours and who knows why

              i've been eagle-eye carefully letting the pups roam outside their pen at night. i take a treat bag and when one or the other roam too far out i give it a shake and they come running back, get a bite, and run around closer to home. i guess i've been a helicopter mom their whole lives. i was getting groceries out of the car and looked up at the door and i know it was waka but i saw cookie. i looked away and then back and still saw cookie. so i shut down the anxious part and let them out and neither was immediately hit by lightning, so i apologized for being a terrible mother.

              but in my defense, whenever bear got loose he always ran right to the road so somebody has to think for him.

              and it hasn't been much of a primal type of time, so this journal is right on target

              beautiful
              yeah you are

              Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
              lol

              Comment


              • Sending cyber hugs. I wish I could come over and fix you delicious healthy things to eat. It's the only thing i know to do. I've lost too many family members and whether it's a slow loss or sudden it's always hard, though from my experience the sudden takes a lot longer to process.
                Life is death. We all take turns. It's sacred to eat during our turn and be eaten when our turn is over. RichMahogany.

                Comment


                • i would happily eat anything you wanted to make, i promise i'll get my head out of my ass soon

                  and it really is hard to process because it was so sudden. and back in the day people used to deal with this type of shit daily. i don't know if that would be easier or worse.

                  i sort of crammed the remaining bad food into me today, get it all over and gone faster. there is chicken in the fridge and freezer, sweet potatoes and bags of frozen veg. thanks to my rampant emotional spending my budget no longer includes junk this month.

                  sometimes i wear lipstick to bed because it makes me feel better. i told bay about it and he asked what i liked about the lipstick and i replied 'pretty' so he said maybe i want to go to bed a pretty color and wake up a pretty color he's so serious with everyone else not in his family, i really like his silly and sweet side

                  or maybe he just likes me

                  i used to question it, now i cherish it

                  the boys are excitedly wagging at the door and i don't have the heart to tell them i'm too tired to want to take them out again tonight. meh. i guess i'll suck it up.

                  wee
                  beautiful
                  yeah you are

                  Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
                  lol

                  Comment


                  • I have dealt with the sudden death of one parent and the expected death of the other. I think the first death is the toughest to deal with. It will take time for this to dull and you need to give yourself this time to grieve. With time, the pain will lessen, I promise.

                    Good food will make you feel a little better though.

                    Bay is a good egg. And of course, he likes you! What isn't there to like?

                    Comment


                    • he is a good egg and food has been mostly meat and veggies, and my stomach feels better already. how strange!

                      i continue to not sleep much. i watched the 5am news and the news caster lady's makeup was bothering the crap out of me. the longer i watched, the more i noticed and pms and tiredness fed the fire. she was sitting under bright lights, dark eye shadow hadn't been blended, dark lipstick, round cheeks with no blush or bronzer to create any sort of dimension, she was a white circle with 3 dark holes that my bleary 5am no sleep eyes kept staring at

                      while outside last night i decided to help waka get over his fear and distrust of stairs with food. for whatever reason in his fluffy tiny skull, stairs are the devil and you have to gird yourself and make several false starts before running and scrambling up them.

                      and i know i could have done this sooner but sometimes simple shit just doesn't occur to me

                      so i sat on a step, broke off a bit of beggin strip, and held it at the bottom step. he stepped up and ate it. great. i do this several more times just on the bottom 2 steps, then add another step, til finally he's comfortable standing on the 3rd step up. so i lead him up and down the stairs one step at a time, and at one point he's juuuuust comfortable enough to bunny hop all 4 feet to get the treat on the next step up. so proud. sometimes nerves would get him and he'd run all the way up or all the way down and start over but he did really well. so proud.

                      bear found a cache of cat poo and was proud enough that i didn't have to be.

                      and yes, cat shit dog breath smells as bad as you'd think.

                      god dogs are gross.

                      i was trying to think of what to eat later and nothing sounds good. i got eggs? maybe i'll go on an egg fast. scrambled eggs fried eggs boiled eggs all eggs all day every day.

                      i am super tired.

                      beautiful
                      yeah you are

                      Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
                      lol

                      Comment


                      • i lay down. i get so sleepy. yet i do not sleep.

                        i did catch a few hours yesterday evening.

                        i'm kind of uncluttering again. i rearranged my makeup table, dug out some decorative antiques, arranged my mcfarlane horror series and walking dead figures around them because depraved bdsm, gore and guts are a welcome and tasteful touch to any elegant antique display

                        i kind of keep pulling skin off my fingers

                        my back was decidedly unfcked today so i can get started on the big tasks again

                        i think i found an exercise for my back and lats that doesn't require pull ups. so yay.

                        i smoked 2 of my sibling's cigarettes the other night out of stress. 6 years since the last and it was like coming home. i have no plans of buying a pack but i see how easy it would be to get started all over again.

                        i feel like i've eaten 10 chickens the last 2 days

                        i think i'm tired again

                        water weight fluctuates wildly

                        this cracked me up

                        'When my friend gets sloppy drunk and I have to deliver her home to her boyfriend.'

                        beautiful
                        yeah you are

                        Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
                        lol

                        Comment


                        • Hey kid
                          Breathe. Move forward.

                          I just eat what I want...

                          Comment


                          • hello

                            food today was squash casserole and random veggies with ma

                            cigarette cravings hit hard so i hit an ecig hard

                            damn it really would be easy to get right back in the smoking habit

                            bay better make up a real good excuse for falling asleep and not texting me in the manner to which i am accustomed. i am super offended. super.

                            sleep sounds like it would be amazing.

                            when a bottle top is hard to twist off, grip it between wire cutter handles and twist. it's a manly way to open bottles.

                            i found some new grain free treats and used them for tonights training session. they might taste too good. the boys kept buffing each other out of the way to grab them.

                            bear is getting better with down, waka has sit learned but again, the treats were too good. he kept popping up like a jumping bean to grab it out of my hand, like 'there i did it now give me it!'

                            and i got side tracked for the last hour browsing books on amazon and yawning. so maybe bed.

                            beautiful
                            yeah you are

                            Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
                            lol

                            Comment


                            • I'm embarrassed to say that the movie Drive is one of my recent faves...
                              Breathe. Move forward.

                              I just eat what I want...

                              Comment


                              • I hope you are sleeping! I could tell you a story. I have been told my stories could put anyone to sleep! Better than an Ambien.

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