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the purple prose of petunia pettigrew

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  • I'm laughing so hard, I can barely keyboard. That post with the accompanying video is the best I've read in ages! LOLOL.

    Pâté and terrines are so popular right now with the charcuterie/gastro pub crowd, that there has to be a small business opportunity in there somewhere. I'm thinking snobby Lunchable-type packs. Gelatinized meat and some some small slices of sourdough to go with it.

    "Our gelatin is only the finest grass fed, and our chickens run around in meadows teeming with wholesome bugs. The chickens are also required to do mandatory daily yoga. Our packaging is green and will break down in your compost pile in less than a week, providing your home garden with further nutrients. In fact, it's so green, that if you inadvertently throw it into a garbage receptacle, it will crawl out and find the nearest compost pile on its own."
    "Right is right, even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong, even if everyone is doing it." - St. Augustine

    B*tch-lite

    Who says back fat is a bad thing? Maybe on a hairy guy at the beach, but not on a crab.

    Comment


    • Joanie, are you by any chance a fan of Portlandia? I think maybe you should write for the show.
      Life is death. We all take turns. It's sacred to eat during our turn and be eaten when our turn is over. RichMahogany.

      Comment


      • Originally posted by Urban Forager View Post
        Joanie, are you by any chance a fan of Portlandia? I think maybe you should write for the show.
        Best compliment ever! I think I've only watched one episode. Hulu has some of them, so maybe I'll give it another try.
        "Right is right, even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong, even if everyone is doing it." - St. Augustine

        B*tch-lite

        Who says back fat is a bad thing? Maybe on a hairy guy at the beach, but not on a crab.

        Comment


        • Originally posted by JoanieL View Post
          Best compliment ever! I think I've only watched one episode. Hulu has some of them, so maybe I'll give it another try.
          I haven't watched that many, but there's one sketch in a restaurant where they order pastured chicken. It was pretty good but I think it could have been even better if they had you on their writing team!
          Life is death. We all take turns. It's sacred to eat during our turn and be eaten when our turn is over. RichMahogany.

          Comment


          • is our glorious leader heading towards making infomercials?

            Get Certified

            i'm not sure how to adequately put into words how this makes me feel, but i do know those words aren't of positive emotions

            then i see the price tag and i'm all



            then i scroll up and see the free gifts that come with graduation and i'm all



            also i'm pretty sure my back died i just didn't feel it when i ate pills

            RIP in peace, back
            beautiful
            yeah you are

            Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
            lol

            Comment


            • Invest in yourself! Pay me 800 of your US dollars...

              Yeah. What was inherent has become blatent. Meh. I ignored it all at the beginning, I will ignore it even more now.
              I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.

              Comment


              • in the not too distant past i defended his blueprint store cause he had to pay for the forum somehow you guys gosh

                but now.. gah. hands thrown up, done defending his business practices. i just really really hope he doesn't actually start doing late night infomercials.

                the whole 'yeah it's gonna cost money' thing while sitting back on his nice sofa, in his nice house, didn't sit well. thennnn i saw the keychain and apron and binder, thennnn i saw the 800$, thennnn i saw the easy payment plan was 200$ a month.

                just no. don't. not like this mark... not like this.
                beautiful
                yeah you are

                Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
                lol

                Comment


                • Hey, even if he owns his home outright, property taxes on waterfront property in CA are exorbitant. The lad needs income.

                  If he does an infomercial, he'll have to lower the price to $799.99. heh

                  I think at this point, if someone told me they were certified in Primal, I'd fall down laughing, then crawl away as fast as I could, with occasional rolling on to my back to cackle again. The Y paid for me to become a certified aerobics instructor once. Nice paper, but I didn't learn anything I didn't know before.

                  UF, I think I saw that same one! The couple left the table to go visit the farm, right? *chuckle*
                  "Right is right, even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong, even if everyone is doing it." - St. Augustine

                  B*tch-lite

                  Who says back fat is a bad thing? Maybe on a hairy guy at the beach, but not on a crab.

                  Comment


                  • Yep!
                    Life is death. We all take turns. It's sacred to eat during our turn and be eaten when our turn is over. RichMahogany.

                    Comment


                    • i keep christening the knives i buy with my blood and it's always by dumb accident. but the knife has a fancy red metal handle and i couldn't see the inside of my hand with this cut so i don't mind.

                      i made pumpkin yogurt jello treats for the dogs. turns out i like them too. i don't yet know where the line between treat indulgence ends and diarrhea begins with pumpkin jello so they only got 3 each but they were eying my hands hard while i was putting it up.

                      i almost felt bad, under the scrutiny of those pleading doe eyes. then i remembered they have duck jerky and salmon jerky and chicken jerky and they eat whatever i drop/hand them such as eggs and butter and cheese and cheesecake and then i stopped feeling almost bad.

                      being gimped lately is getting to me more than it used to. i guess it's just wearing on me, and the pills are keeping me tired and easily wearable.

                      a week or so ago i was talking to bay, he was at the tail end of a fast and getting hungry and mentioned he wanted the 'chicken nuggets' i made. chicken breast cut up, egg and parmesan coat and fried in a small amount of coconut oil. the conversation evolved to how some food is better when someone else makes it, maybe because of an emotional connection with the person.

                      'baby, are you emotionally connected to my chicken nuggets?'

                      'yeah'

                      i'm tired. and i want to hug his face.

                      i messed with weights for the first time in a while. my arms felt it, my butt felt none of it. i went into it to burn off anger at memories, the first shitty, cutting remark made by the ex at an emotionally open moment. back then it was like a sudden slap in the face, now i see it for what it is and i got angry. i didn't want to just sit and BE angry so i flung hand weights around.

                      and after i just felt empty and even more sore

                      until my guy called and teased me until i smiled

                      beautiful
                      yeah you are

                      Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
                      lol

                      Comment


                      • this place isn't very fun these days

                        i'm not very fun these days

                        glorious leader is selling printed off degrees and keychains for 800 bucks. people are arguing about tits. instead of cracking jokes i just sit back and say to myself what the fuck. what is wrong with this place. what is wrong with me.

                        i realized i was actually groaning out loud trying to shift into a comfortable position in bed last night

                        this is my life for the foreseeable future. moving carefully and hissing when i'm not careful enough. i don't really know what i could do to speed the process up. all i know is i'm unhappy about it and i'm tired.

                        but because i'm such an optimistic soul i bought a set of adjustable ankle weights. if i can't squat a butt i'll donkey kick the hell out of one.

                        i also get to record my BP twice a week to take to the doc for yet another visit next month to see if i've been using too much salt and not enough potassium, or if i was just wound up about getting to third base with a stranger in an unromantic environment.

                        i've had about 4 or 5 bananas the last 2 days but dinner was still salty and that's when i took it. high again. shit. now i get to tinker with this too.

                        i am a negative person this week.

                        beautiful
                        yeah you are

                        Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
                        lol

                        Comment


                        • Oh, I didn't know you get a key chain! That makes it worth it then.

                          Good on you for adapting to what you can do rather than giving up! People can get firm butts without squats. I'm in one size doesn't fit all mode right now, so you going in another direction resonates with me.

                          And yeah on the forums.
                          "Right is right, even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong, even if everyone is doing it." - St. Augustine

                          B*tch-lite

                          Who says back fat is a bad thing? Maybe on a hairy guy at the beach, but not on a crab.

                          Comment


                          • You, Joanie and few other favorite people are the only reason I still visit this place. After coming here in a totally zen frame of mind after finishing a book by a buddahist monk and leaving spitting and swearing, I decided to actively ignore several people. If you constantly have to tell people you are something, you probably aren't that thing, like smart. Just an observation of a bitter middle aged woman

                            Don't forget to get plenty of fluids and magnesium with your nanners.

                            I just wanted to let you now how impressed every time I read your journal how you don't ever quit. Chronic pain is a mind suck. I am so proud of you!

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by JoanieL View Post
                              Oh, I didn't know you get a key chain! That makes it worth it then.

                              Good on you for adapting to what you can do rather than giving up! People can get firm butts without squats. I'm in one size doesn't fit all mode right now, so you going in another direction resonates with me.

                              And yeah on the forums.
                              Originally posted by vh67 View Post
                              You, Joanie and few other favorite people are the only reason I still visit this place. After coming here in a totally zen frame of mind after finishing a book by a buddahist monk and leaving spitting and swearing, I decided to actively ignore several people. If you constantly have to tell people you are something, you probably aren't that thing, like smart. Just an observation of a bitter middle aged woman

                              Don't forget to get plenty of fluids and magnesium with your nanners.

                              I just wanted to let you now how impressed every time I read your journal how you don't ever quit. Chronic pain is a mind suck. I am so proud of you!
                              And this TOO!! If I remembered how to multiquote. I mean you don't get to quit if I forgot how to multiquote. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!!

                              And Hi Val!
                              Breathe. Move forward.

                              I just eat what I want...

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by JoanieL View Post
                                Oh, I didn't know you get a key chain! That makes it worth it then.

                                Good on you for adapting to what you can do rather than giving up! People can get firm butts without squats. I'm in one size doesn't fit all mode right now, so you going in another direction resonates with me.

                                And yeah on the forums.
                                as god is my witness, i'll have me a butt!

                                Originally posted by vh67 View Post
                                You, Joanie and few other favorite people are the only reason I still visit this place. After coming here in a totally zen frame of mind after finishing a book by a buddahist monk and leaving spitting and swearing, I decided to actively ignore several people. If you constantly have to tell people you are something, you probably aren't that thing, like smart. Just an observation of a bitter middle aged woman

                                Don't forget to get plenty of fluids and magnesium with your nanners.

                                I just wanted to let you now how impressed every time I read your journal how you don't ever quit. Chronic pain is a mind suck. I am so proud of you!


                                i guess a butt is what i'm focusing on so i don't think longterm about it, i don't want to become a curled up old woman. even though just staying in comfortable positions is tempting a lot of the time.

                                and dudebro, no, keep your happy place. i've been playing a dumb girly dress up game to keep my brain chill.

                                yes, i'm secure enough in my (un)manhood to admit that. kind of. it's a little embarrassing.

                                Originally posted by excursivey View Post
                                And this TOO!! If I remembered how to multiquote. I mean you don't get to quit if I forgot how to multiquote. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!!

                                And Hi Val!
                                hello you i'm not ready to quit yet, i just get in emo sadface phases

                                i texted my guy that i didn't know what to say to all the nice things you all wrote, he replied that i should write 'you all make me feel awkward with the nice things you say here. but secretly i like it.'
                                beautiful
                                yeah you are

                                Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
                                lol

                                Comment

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