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the purple prose of petunia pettigrew

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  • booze makes me more talkative

    i like booze.. i should have some soon..

    if i'd been in my pjs and barefoot i'd have dealt with it but i was fully clothed, which was terrible

    SIGH. fiiiiiiine. grabbed the keys and went

    food today was some chicken and rice noodle alfredo with, what became apparent, too much spinach. the leftovers were supper.

    i've had a fever the last few days, kinda sneezey. kinda sniffly. that's all. i think that my bay should come make out with me so i give it to him instead.

    i did some vacuuming and floor cleaning and i thought about seriously texting bay to come brace me so i could finish like 'yeah just uh.. just drive on over. yeah, to hold my torso. no that's all. yes. seriously. do it. DO IT.'

    sweet little waka picks up on verbal cues quickly. if i were more creative, who knows what all he'd learn. but now he knows that skit em waka! means ATTAAAAAACK and chase the others

    sometimes they don't cooperate, and he looks at me slightly confused and wags his tail. and i'm like, i know little buddy, they suck.

    spoiler alert up to the current season plus 2 boobs and a butt



    beautiful
    yeah you are

    Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
    lol

    Comment


    • so i saw a picture of a super superly large person (i am unsure of the gender, he/she was naked but so very large and roll-y) peeing and taking a dump in the shower because they were too large to use a toilet.

      that... was my motivation for staying off bread. oh dear god. it lasted all up until i hung out with mahm early yesterday, worn out, back dead, had helped clean and move heavy things, stepped in crap outside & thoroughly disgusted with life in general. she was talking about picking up some breakfast biscuits and mentioned chicken. there i was, slouched yet my head was bent over the back of the chair, eyes staring at nothing and monotoning 'a chicken biscuit would be wonderful'

      then later was a familial cook out and i had buns

      i'm going to have to print out multiple copies of that picture and put them everywhere

      i fricken love this, and it's also a fairly accurate artist rendering of me lately



      i tried to lay down on the floor. it took about 5 minutes for my abs to stop clenching and jerking because my back wouldn't unlock. i pet dogs, bear demanded a hand all to himself. i was trying to keep my arms flat down and scratch his chest. he got impatient and just straddled my forearm.

      it was kind of awkward

      and funny

      weird too

      i have weird dogs

      i would like a nap

      and someone to cook my steak and mushrooms and broccoli and chicken. i like a lot of lemon pepper on my chicken and broc, salt and pepper on the shrooms, generic a1 on the steak.

      and go.

      i'm ready.

      beautiful
      yeah you are

      Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
      lol

      Comment


      • Last week I looked like that kitty, a lot.

        Mahm food has special powers.

        Getting on the floor in my house is a free for all for the dogs. Nothing like being held down by two 80 lb dogs who then lick your face. Icky.

        Big hugs about the back and lack of sleep.

        Comment


        • big hugs back to you lady

          and i'm kind of glad my boys only range around 10 lbs, i can save my face from too many kisses. dang though, those small pointy feet with 10 lbs of pressure behind them can be pokey

          i've been easily irritable the last week or so which has graduated to irritably turned on, WHICH SUCKS. BECAUSE HE'S NOT NEAR BY.

          [self edited due to so many many bad words about stupidity on the internet]

          and i'm almost out of zoloft even with spacing them out. getting an appt with the new doc is taking longer than expected. i have 2 left and no ready appt in sight. my every move is accented with dizziness. my crazy levels of anxiety are building. and it's probably why i'm raging at idiot comments as much as i am.

          i can usually deal like 'just words on a screen *deep inhale then puppy pics* yay cute'

          a man sitting in a wheelchair foot scooted up behind me waiting to talk to someone and in the space of 2 breaths all i could smell was cat pee. seriously man in chair, i know you can smell that. get a soapy rag and wash your chair. or yourself, i don't know. and get your hair while you're at it.

          i reached to open the door after spending time outside with the dogs and i couldn't raise my arm without my back exploding. it almost felt like a physical barrier, arm only went up so high and it was not high enough to reach and turn the door knob. so that was annoying too.

          EVERY STEP I TAKE IS DIZZY. FOR GOD'S SAKE.

          still averaging 2000 cals

          the lady at the new doc's said they wouldn't be able to prescribe my pain stuff and i'd have to go to a pain clinic. in my elevated anxiety induced anxiousness i called mahm to tell her and worry wibble because tylenol and advil and aleve do nothing. salonpas is nice but it's difficult to reach to place the patches on my own. but they smell like spearmint gum, so that's kinda nice too. hydro was a god send. will i get lost trying to find the place? will i have to jump through hoops like a show poodle? what if they say no lols go away and eat advil?

          but she said it was close. she knows everybody and everything like my gramma. thank you mahm. i should talk to people like you do.

          i just want to cry. be given an orgasm. maybe cry during that. sleep. drink. not be crazy. learn coping skills. not hurt.

          be a millionaire

          own a boat

          live on the ocean

          not be surrounded by spiders. i watched one crawl on the wall. i was too tired in the head to kill him.

          survive another day, you venomous shtwad
          beautiful
          yeah you are

          Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
          lol

          Comment


          • survive another day, you venomous shtwad
            LOL!

            I hope things go well on the pain thing. Regarding orgasms, many tips (though you probably don't need them) can be found on pages 499-500 in Doc's journal.
            "Right is right, even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong, even if everyone is doing it." - St. Augustine

            B*tch-lite

            Who says back fat is a bad thing? Maybe on a hairy guy at the beach, but not on a crab.

            Comment


            • Originally posted by JoanieL View Post
              LOL!

              I hope things go well on the pain thing. Regarding orgasms, many tips (though you probably don't need them) can be found on pages 499-500 in Doc's journal.
              lol....sadly, no instructional videos are provided....

              Comment


              • no videos?! y'all getting my hopes up for nothing

                i think my new sleep habit is 2 days awake, 2 hours asleep. i'm less dizzy today but still am not a happy camper, now i just want a shirtless hug from my guy so i can absorb his love directly into my pores.

                back is less pissy. there was a massive storm, i guess it finally exploding and blowing away got rid of some pressure.

                the 2000 calories thing still kinda bugs me because i think it should be much higher. it feels like it should be much higher. like i wouldn't be surprised if it was 8000 higher. i think i forgot for a while my hormones are f'ed up. abstractly. like i must be eating gallons of food all the time to be overweight. cause not too long back i barely ate any food. but i realized the reason why i never got smaller back then was because the food was carby. i didn't know micros or macros, i was just drinking tea so i wouldn't drink coke then eventually my body couldn't handle the depression induced fasting and suddenly if i didn't eat i felt nauseated and off kilter

                then it was a couple slices of ham here or half a cup of macaroni there, it was all i could handle, and then i didn't want food til the next day. but i didn't know. it was just food. if i had learned about my pcos by then i was still in the saw palmetto and cinnamon stage of education.

                but i'm still eating too many carbs even if i'm not eating the imagined 10000 calories a day

                i want to hug my love to me like a teddy bear and sleep

                and eat this for breakfast, with the necessary ingredient tweaks

                beautiful
                yeah you are

                Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
                lol

                Comment


                • Just a thought because I know what free-feeding and lack of planning does to me, IOW, not because I think my way is the BEST AND ONLY WAY EVER!
                  • Make a list of the foods you love that are really good for you. As in nutritious, health-promoting, etc.
                  • Make a list of foods that you love that are marginal in nutrition (the cheese, potatoes, rice, etc., in our lives).
                  • Make a list of foods you love that are not good for you.


                  When you go shopping, fill your cart with the best stuff, buy some of the marginal stuff, and buy one piece of something bad - even if it's as nauseating as a TastyCake or a full sugar Dr. Pepper.

                  The goal is to have nothing bad in the house so that you have to get dressed and go shopping in order to eat something not good for you.

                  You can, of course, do this without the lists, but I'm a list-making fool.

                  Glad the back is better, and hope you can sleep soon. (Maybe this post will put you to sleep. heh)
                  "Right is right, even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong, even if everyone is doing it." - St. Augustine

                  B*tch-lite

                  Who says back fat is a bad thing? Maybe on a hairy guy at the beach, but not on a crab.

                  Comment


                  • and a meal plan

                    and consistently batch cook

                    and not be lazy about it

                    sleep would also be a good thing to do

                    but i feel better in the head today, and i spent last night hunting food channels on youtube. once upon a time i watched a video called wanda's macaroni salad. if you haven't seen it you're missing out. i wanted to keep up with the user but she seemed to be long gone, and so i, sadness in my heart, gave up the search.

                    i found her newer channel. i'm so happy. some people you can just watch do things forever. she is that for me.

                    here is her macaroni salad



                    and here's some of her new channel. i do not know why it's all auto playlisting.

                    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T-M8...GTmq_e1NXL0NvA

                    and just because, my gift to the world
                    Last edited by bloodorchid; 08-06-2014, 11:53 AM.
                    beautiful
                    yeah you are

                    Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
                    lol

                    Comment


                    • OMG OMG OMG! With all of that dressing (and wtf? sweetened condensed milk in macaroni salad?), I thought she was going to add about five pounds of macaroni, and she adds one. hahahaha

                      I think she should just leave the macaroni out, take out the word "salad," and mix that up as a dessert. I swear I'm not judging because ya know, I drink a lot, so I don't feel in a position to judge, but macaroni salad has always been one of those texture things for me. A little too slimy. So, when I saw all that dressing, I figured a family gathering, a church social, a VA picnic...

                      OTOH, she's cuter than a monkey with a kitten.
                      "Right is right, even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong, even if everyone is doing it." - St. Augustine

                      B*tch-lite

                      Who says back fat is a bad thing? Maybe on a hairy guy at the beach, but not on a crab.

                      Comment


                      • lord yes, that video is like super glue to my eyes because it's like a culinary horror show. sweetened condensed milk is already pretty sweet. a cup of sugar is really sweet. a cup of mayo's tang along with the cup of vinegar and it's all going in that tinyass bowl.

                        i just... watch her. if we were in the same room my eyes would stick to her unblinking like 'what are you going to do today?'. and i also enjoy the fact that she sounds like a slightly awkward nice old lady but types like 'the added essence of unicorn horn will surely please even the most finicky of palates'

                        and yeah, take ou the solids, add some eggs and she might've had a killer custard. but she added onions. and green peppers. and that other crunchy oniony thing. i can't forgive that, for texture reasons. if i'm going to eat mushy stuff i don't want the odd crunch. and i sure don't want onions. or green peppers. or a can of condensed milk. a cup of sugar. that much mayo.

                        everything in that bowl basically

                        don't get me wrong. you know. i'm southern. but i have my limits

                        but speaking of off food, my meal today was a bowl of cabbage and sliced beef that was purchased on sale. it cooked perfectly. but my stomach has not been holding food. i don't feel sick or bad. but maybe i should have cooked it longer and risked some toughness. because i'm still making bathroom trips.

                        i just ate a bowl of grapes for the water content along with the water contents i've already had. that beef was perfect. i am not a happy camper. i am the opposite of a happy camper.

                        and i read more long term pain people say yoga was the way to go. i am still resistant to the idea. you have to be zen! i don't have time for that!

                        also, the super sharp knives i got for free from demonstrations are pretty great. it sliced that hunk of beef thin, easy peasy. maybe i should stop getting them one at a time for free and buy a set.

                        ...who am i kidding, if i knew the schedule of the salesman i'd be there every time 'yes of course i'll buy some! where's my free knife? kay bye!'

                        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=taQ3Rjm7k-U

                        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-7Fs9HJvs0

                        Last edited by bloodorchid; 08-06-2014, 11:55 AM.
                        beautiful
                        yeah you are

                        Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
                        lol

                        Comment


                        • kay i'm ready now. just give me it. season 1 and 2. i'm ready.

                          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T6Q2...utu.be&t=1m25s
                          Last edited by bloodorchid; 08-06-2014, 11:56 AM.
                          beautiful
                          yeah you are

                          Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
                          lol

                          Comment


                          • youtube and deep breathings through my nose. i did not even know i'd typed the S on breathing til i noticed something wonky in my peripherals. but yes, my brain is fritzing, i am dizzy, i am also pmsing, getting together with a new doctor is taking too long, it's hard to walk when dogs get under my feet and my looking down makes my head woosh then jerk backwards and my body tilts to the side. and i still want to cry. i'm not sure if it's because i'm miserable or because my chemically balanced wires are crossing.

                            i dunno.

                            but there's this. i enjoyed the book.

                            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B8s_1UcdoNI

                            food has been chicken and broccoli and alfredo rice noodles and the occasional peanutbutter notcookie and eggs. i doubled the recipe and this time it's less crumbly and moistisher? it's not dry. i did good. i'll probably never recreate this. i'll spend my life fruitlessly trying and trying and never again reach this perfection.

                            and i'm sleepy.

                            i think it's just about bed time.

                            god i'm miserable. around everybody else i deal quietly, but here and to bay i'll whine. i'm miserable. when will i stop feeling miserable for one reason or another.
                            Last edited by bloodorchid; 08-06-2014, 11:56 AM.
                            beautiful
                            yeah you are

                            Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
                            lol

                            Comment




                            • Chicken and broccoli sounds yummy and rice noodles alfredo sound divine! So does a cookie here and there. (Note to self: find these rice noodles.)

                              Hope you feel better soon. Would you like some cheese with that whine?
                              "Right is right, even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong, even if everyone is doing it." - St. Augustine

                              B*tch-lite

                              Who says back fat is a bad thing? Maybe on a hairy guy at the beach, but not on a crab.

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by JoanieL View Post


                                Chicken and broccoli sounds yummy and rice noodles alfredo sound divine! So does a cookie here and there. (Note to self: find these rice noodles.)

                                Hope you feel better soon. Would you like some cheese with that whine?
                                maybe

                                yes

                                i will squeeze you til you're blue, because i feel bad and you're hugging me, so like a monster squid i'm latching on

                                they were yummy *nod* so much lemon pepper.. MMM

                                Thai Kitchen - Stir-Fry Rice Noodles

                                i like them ^ they aren't curled and tangled together so i don't have to cook more than i planned on. it's only been several years since i went mostly gluten free, but things have gotten so much better taste and texture-wise. it's magical.
                                beautiful
                                yeah you are

                                Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
                                lol

                                Comment

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