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the purple prose of petunia pettigrew

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  • Originally posted by bloodorchid View Post
    he is

    i think i'm too nice to him, too loving

    i should give him another bath as punishment, and then coo at how soft he is and how pretty he smells

    that should teach him... something. i don't know what, but it will
    Uh huh uh huh I like it.
    Breathe. Move forward.

    I just eat what I want...

    Comment


    • Those are beautiful mashed potatoes. I think they hypnotized me.
      "Right is right, even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong, even if everyone is doing it." - St. Augustine

      B*tch-lite

      Who says back fat is a bad thing? Maybe on a hairy guy at the beach, but not on a crab.

      Comment


      • i looked at them taters with a child's delight. dare i say, with the love and wonder that one usually reserves for the holiday season

        dat butter... mmmng

        pop injured himself and i helped out after and in the process, ate mom's supper. flour everywhere

        but i did pick up more liver so nyah

        and i'm watching the wrecking ball video up there again. close your eyes bay. his butt is adorable!

        wow my stomach is not happy.. so i don't know what the difference in seeing my reflection in the mirror and seeing my reflection in glass is, but the glass told me that my cheeks are holding the weight i gained. ho lee hell. mirrors did not tell me that.

        and i've been fiddling around with wider stance squats cause i read women needed to do that because of baby making hips. i feel tension in the joints my femur ball sockets stick in and i dunno if it's because i'm unlimber or if it's my weight. squat sitting was a bit easier, balance-wise

        back is tense and glitchy. i keep having to remind myself to stand straight. pop's friend was making his family's version of chit chat and asked about how i injured it. so i thought about that day to see if i could still remember. black out. wake up alone. black out. wake up surrounded by people.

        check, do remember

        and my bottom lip is fuller than my top lip, lipstick smearing is probable so seeing this made me smile



        i've worn makeup off and on since high school, but at 32 i'm finally getting it. i feel like a kid. i'm so behind.

        i'm also so sleepy! yay bedtime
        beautiful
        yeah you are

        Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
        lol

        Comment


        • i only slept several hours

          i was just watching a youtube and scratching cookie's head. i looked down and his head is twisted all the way around and his eyes were wide to the whites. what the hell kind of devil baby face was that? i must have been short circuiting him

          i've been throwing away old things again, makeup. magazines. it feels so good. sometimes i'm afraid i'm the younger version of a particularly crazy female relative. hoarder, ugly comfy clothes 24/7, etc. so throwing away is my small way to self assure

          i used to be stuck in the mindset that i couldn't throw something away, it was wasteful and i should donate it. then i'd have anxiety about going to the donation center. so stuff would gather dust. i have to get mad at myself to get started, then i have to throw away in rounds, 'i need this' skip it, go back to it in 20 minutes and call myself an idiot then toss it

          there is a lot of variation of crazy in my family. i inherited a lot of it.

          i'm sleepy and i don't know what else i wanted to type. but cookie's circuits work again so i'm scratching his head some more to find that magic spot again

          beautiful
          yeah you are

          Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
          lol

          Comment


          • I think every family has some special variations of crazy. I know mine does.

            Comment


            • My family is the special variation of crazy know as Irish catholic. Except my nuclear family, which of course, makes me crazy three times over.

              Suddenly, this is explaining a lot here...

              Comment


              • i refuse to believe there are other people with crazy relatives, it takes away from my martyr status

                speaking of martyr, that movie was crazy

                i got dressy for the big awkward family meal, did my hur, did my face. 'your hair is so pretty!' ooOOOOOooOOo positive reinforcement? thaaaaaaank you

                i am sleepy as fuh. i keep typoing, but my honor dictates i fix it when i see it or else this whole thing would look like lkjsf c sjkheriuefkjv lol sdjflksjdb ;uewrwjcf;ik

                dinner with parentals and siblings and their familials will be another day

                i feel pretteh with my makeups. i feel pretty with mah lipsticks.

                i'm kind of annoyed that i won't be all sleek an sexy for my guy's arrival though. but i shall kiss heem with mah pretty lips.

                thanksgiving food; ham, turkey, ham, turkey, cranberry sauce, deviled eggs. at one point i thought i was getting cheesy potatoes casserole, but it turns out it was cheesy pineapple casserole. that bait and switch sucked ass

                but i did hear the cooker say it was a paula deen recipe and that amount of wtfery fit

                also, people no longer know how to stand in line. also after trying to maneuver for the 100th time i started actively giving dirty looks. also if my child seriously said to another child 'you better check yourself before you wreck yourself' i would be the first person to laugh them out of the room. i would laugh until i fell out of the chair. 'oh god *wipes tears* no i don't know who that kid belongs to. SOMEONE? WHOSE CHILD IS THIS?'

                mommmmm stop embarrassing meeeeee

                Thrift Thick: Revlon Matte Balms: Swatches + Review!!

                i got Elusive.

                ....

                SO PRETTY I FEEL PRETTY AND WITTY AND GAY

                there is some serious pity for any girl who isn't me today
                beautiful
                yeah you are

                Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
                lol

                Comment


                • Hidy! Was gonna say hidy ho but then thought that might not sound right. Just winging by. And also I'm sure you look delightful in all your make ups. ☺️
                  Breathe. Move forward.

                  I just eat what I want...

                  Comment


                  • you reminded me of a joke i heard in grade school (a grade schooler's version of a joke anyway)

                    ho ho ho!
                    who you callin a ho?!

                    i will admit to having too much turkey dressing, i also had a few rolls. my results of that are a sour stomach and a deep, sore pimple on my cheek. unless it's a spider bite. in which case i won't have a cheek much longer because i'm surrounded by brown recluses.

                    i have thwarted cookie once again and my position as alpha is solidified, once again

                    he'll probably get loose again tomorrow or something, because while he's a sweet little shit he's still a smart little shit

                    every time i see an update for a journal called stuff i think of this



                    i haven't been sleeping as much as id like to so my head is getting weird again. i'm anxious, things are getting overwhelming.

                    i'd like it if a sephora were kind enough to be 5 minutes away so i could smell some of the philosophy stuff i want to get for my ma's christmas.

                    the one (and only, so far) time i ordered something philosophy online it was a cinnamon bun lip gloss. i was expecting cinnamon and vanilla, what i got was toasty bread
                    beautiful
                    yeah you are

                    Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
                    lol

                    Comment


                    • Buying something scent unsmelled is always a little scary!

                      Having a smart little shit of a dog can be very frustrating. I say humiliate him by tying a pink sparkly bow on him with a bell. He will be too ashamed to leave the yard.

                      While you are funny most of the time when you are tired and you make me laugh, I wish a night of good long sleep on you.

                      Comment


                      • if i weren't tired and soon headed to bed i'd find that joe pesci clip where he goes on a rant about 'do i make you laugh?! ...lol just kidding' for you. but i guess i just described it enough

                        but i've been following some threads. and things have been getting interesting, in a rubbernecker car accident sense of interesting. i just keep reading the new posts. i keep marveling at how some of them are ramping themselves up

                        it's seriously worrying me, in the sense that reading it all feels like i'm in a small room full of violently religious people

                        but in other news, i shaved my legs

                        beautiful
                        yeah you are

                        Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
                        lol

                        Comment




                        • V, love the idea of tying a glitter bow on the dog.

                          but i've been following some threads. and things have been getting interesting, in a rubbernecker car accident sense of interesting. i just keep reading the new posts. i keep marveling at how some of them are ramping themselves up

                          it's seriously worrying me, in the sense that reading it all feels like i'm in a small room full of violently religious people
                          Ah.. it's not just me. I've been wondering more and more lately (and this is the only board at which I post) why people can't just accept different points of view. It's like if I were to post that I like burgers and someone else posted, "Well I like steak, and you liking burgers means you're stupid and against me." Say huh? It's only freakin' burgers.

                          Maybe it's the holidays. Or that feeling of another year gone.
                          "Right is right, even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong, even if everyone is doing it." - St. Augustine

                          B*tch-lite

                          Who says back fat is a bad thing? Maybe on a hairy guy at the beach, but not on a crab.

                          Comment


                          • i don't know if it was just my tired brain or what, but it started feeling like i could hear angrily screaming men and that's maybe my least favorite sound in the world

                            but i did find a 3 hour meditation music video i was thinking about posting there, hoping people would soothe themselves a bit. but i didn't. i'd like to say it was because i'm full of class, but honestly i was scared of the imaginary angry screaming men, so i went to bed

                            why yes, i DO know what therapy is

                            i can't decide if i want to weave yarn and strings around the entire pen area cookie is wiggling out of, or go full on disciplinary mode and get him that big puffy sparkly collar

                            i am bloated from dressing. i am sick of dressing. though a metric ton of turkey meat would be delightful

                            i tried to order a christmas gift from a site i haven't been to before and the order wouldn't submit, i tried several times, following the directions, and finally sent an email and praying i didn't order the same thing 10 times. i wish they'd hurry and write back. i'm paranoid.

                            i need to manicure. and i keep forgetting it's time to get the oil changed.

                            pumpkin pie and milk was breakfast and oh my god i'm done with thanksgiving food

                            let's see how far i'll keep with this

                            beautiful
                            yeah you are

                            Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
                            lol

                            Comment


                            • fish. fish was lunch. 2 fish fillets in garlic butter & sardines with old bay sprinkled on them. i am just not a fish fan, and i bought the garlic butter fish because i went shopping hungry and it sounded good at the time

                              i have more fish i have to eat.

                              there was no puffy fluffy collar at the store, i'm disappointed

                              i paid bills but it feels like i'm forgetting something

                              water got in my trunk a ways back, it didn't dry out well, i bought a honey flavored febreze scent thing to stick in there to fix it, now my trunk punches your nose with scent when you open it. blargle.

                              a woman decided to have her 3 year old's ears pierced. hearing the baby cryscream NO DON'T DO IT AGAIN LET ME GO made me want to punch the mother. everyone judgement staring made her leave the poor kid's other ear alone.

                              i like this

                              beautiful
                              yeah you are

                              Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
                              lol

                              Comment


                              • i was in the mood for green bean casserole from thanksgiving so that was lunch. i skipped breakfast.

                                the next exercise from the hyper english dudes is squats. i'm just sort of thousand yard stare of inevitability-ing the thought. there was more stake wrangling, the push ups, raking and soon to be rainy weather is sinking in

                                but mainly i just wanted to put this up on here




                                beautiful
                                yeah you are

                                Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
                                lol

                                Comment

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