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the purple prose of petunia pettigrew

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  • bay asked why i haven't written more in here yet. i think he wants more blackmail material.

    as if he didn't have enough already..

    i've just been all like this lately



    my body is stiff and my back hurts, my uterus hurts too, trying to wind up to a life affirming period but right when it feels like it's now time i need to take a hydro and it stops the whole process

    my poor uterus. i imagine it as a sad, uterus-shaped lady and i want to pat her and say sorry

    there has been an abundance of yogurt and honey and cottage cheese the last few days. i'm not sure what this means. i'm not sure how i feel about it. i do know i feel like i may be giving myself cavities.

    a cousin i don't see too much of lately was at gramma's. i was sitting in the family room listening to everyone talk and hugging a pillow because i felt like a ball of sht when i heard him talking in the kitchen and all i could think of was a remark he made like 10 years ago and suddenly i dreaded him seeing me. i guess he went through a period of fat hate. or maybe he just doesn't aim it at me anymore. but it was one comment more than 10 years ago, but it was all i could think about, like all the other good conversations since then hadn't happened

    but when he walked through, he said 'hey!' and i said 'hey loser, long time no see'

    he took up weight lifting a ways back, he's kinda gorillaish now but at least he's working his legs more than he was

    a niece brought her new boyfriend over and i guess in my pillow hugging, silent corner i must have looked scary. he kept staring at me so i finally waggled my fingers at him. later on, when i was play teasing another niece i was making him laugh too so i guess i wasn't scary any more

    it's difficult not to take the staring personally. it could have been fr any number of reasons. but i know i'm big, i know i'm oddly shaped, so i know that's what it was.

    that and i watched catfish last night. that certainly didn't help me thinking about bay. he knew what i looked like, but i was still terrified of him seeing me. there he is, this beautiful man. here i am, me.

    but he stuck around. so i guess no matter what my paranoia tells me, he likes me just fine

    it's just the rest of the world that has a problem
    beautiful
    yeah you are

    Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
    lol

    Comment


    • Originally posted by bloodorchid View Post

      it's just the rest of the world that has a problem
      Yes, it certainly is.
      “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
      ~Friedrich Nietzsche
      And that's why I'm here eating HFLC Primal/Paleo.

      Comment


      • Originally posted by cori93437 View Post
        Yes, it certainly is.
        +1

        Also- my lips are almost Honey Love.

        Hugs to BO and her pillow.
        http://cattaillady.com/ My blog exploring the beginning stages of learning how to homestead. With the occasional rant.

        Originally Posted by TheFastCat: Less is more more or less

        And now I have an Etsy store: CattailsandCalendula

        Comment


        • hugs back to you and your honey love lips



          i'd call this understated, business casual with a side of artistic photographer in love with his barbie. i need to find a valid excuse to wear pink brows.

          i guess it'sokay to complain on my own journal so i'm gonna complain some more. my eyes are scratchy, my sinuses hurt, my stomach is sore and doesn't like food.

          food was tuna salad rolled up in seaweed sheets, then a bowl of no-wheat cereal when a bowl of tuna for supper almost made me gag

          cookie likes when i go to bed, but not when i stay in bed, i think. i was headed in the same direction as bed and he galloped ahead, stopping to look back to see if i was still following. i was still headed that way so he shot in the bedroom like his ass was on fire. full on joyful dog, with his hair shooting straight back

          he's so weird. i kinda felt bad when i didn't get in bed just for him, and let him survey his kingdom from under it.

          gah i feel terrible
          beautiful
          yeah you are

          Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
          lol

          Comment


          • sweet jesus lol



            when i thought of stranger's ball sack sweat, i alternated between lol and


            gentlemen, don't be offended. i generally don't like thinking of any stranger's sex parts
            Last edited by bloodorchid; 08-21-2013, 09:32 PM.
            beautiful
            yeah you are

            Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
            lol

            Comment


            • i love peter dinklage. i do.

              and now i have spots of affection for lena heady

              Here's Peter Dinklage in a Gay Bar Working a Rainbow Hula Hoop



              yogurt was breakfast. jerky was lunch. chocolate milk and 2 bananas was 2nd lunch. it was just gonna be one, but they were at that perfect ripe spot where they're not green and not brown and they were deliciously sweet and i could not resist.

              i did some walking with bay on the phone. i do not have the patience for it. godddd. i doooooo. nottttttt. so he walked longer than i did.

              he was trying to convince me that til doctors get magic surgery, maybe it was better to just walk instead of work out. cause walking would give me muscly calves. and i said 'but you already said i had tree trunk legs!' [editor's note; he likes that in a leg] so i play griped about it a while while putting shoes on and walking out the door. i said i wouldn't believe my muscly calves would be sexy til calves were the featured body part on rap videos. jiggling all up in the camera, only better, cause calves don't need to be covered.

              so i toughed through it as long as my impatience would allow

              i'm really bad with patience sometimes

              also, i watched supershark. and i'm looking forward to watching ghost shark.

              yes. yes.
              beautiful
              yeah you are

              Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
              lol

              Comment


              • oh my god i hate that i keep clenching my jaw

                i only do it when i'm super tired and/or stressed

                and then i don't even notice i'm doing it til days later

                and my teeth get sore

                and my jaw

                like now

                aggghhh
                beautiful
                yeah you are

                Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
                lol

                Comment


                • Pink brows = something new that gives me the creeps. I'm "ascared" of a lot of things.

                  Cat ignoring the toy. LOL. I love cats.

                  Walking. Still deciding on title of fantasy book. But "If You Can Walk, You Can Walk Back to Health" is in the running.

                  A plump thigh, narrow knee, and toned/muscled calves is so effing hot.
                  "Right is right, even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong, even if everyone is doing it." - St. Augustine

                  B*tch-lite

                  Who says back fat is a bad thing? Maybe on a hairy guy at the beach, but not on a crab.

                  Comment


                  • the thread has already moved on so i can't say WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU. THERE IS A TIME AND A PLACE TO BE AN ASSHOLE AND THAT WAS NOT IT. JESUS, MARY AND JOSEPH YANK THE DICK OUT OF YOUR ASS AND SQUIRT SOME MORE LUBE ON IT SO INTERACTING WITH YOU WILL BE A MORE PLEASANT EXPERIENCE FOR EVERYONE.

                    good god.

                    Chun-Li's Revenege! - Imgur


                    in other news. i guess i was holding my posture weird while walking cause my back was pissed yesterday and tight last night. IT'S NOT LIKE WALKING LIKE AN ORMAL PERSON SHOULD BE FUN OR ANYTHING, RIGHT.

                    food has been high carb
                    beautiful
                    yeah you are

                    Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
                    lol

                    Comment


                    • Soooo . . . what thread should I look for?

                      Humanity *starts beating random people over the head with hard objects*
                      http://cattaillady.com/ My blog exploring the beginning stages of learning how to homestead. With the occasional rant.

                      Originally Posted by TheFastCat: Less is more more or less

                      And now I have an Etsy store: CattailsandCalendula

                      Comment


                      • i can't. i... can't. my internet rage will rise forth, i'll start using user names, i'll spew forth every bad word i know in a litany of such filth i'll shut the whole forum down

                        because some asshat i politely told bay to go choke is adding on to it

                        and my new eyeshadow palette i loved so well made my eyes burn and water even after washing it off

                        even. after. i. washed. it. off.

                        MY EYES. STILL. BURN. HOURS. LATER.

                        W. T. F.
                        beautiful
                        yeah you are

                        Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
                        lol

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by bloodorchid View Post
                          my internet rage will rise forth, i'll start using user names, i'll spew forth every bad word i know in a litany of such filth i'll shut the whole forum down
                          I'd pay real money to see that...
                          I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.

                          Comment


                          • all my rage

                            but this dog

                            this dog is cute



                            first it's 'leave the poor baby alone' then it's 'giggle at the nervous mouth licks'

                            it's so tiny
                            beautiful
                            yeah you are

                            Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
                            lol

                            Comment


                            • gramma's bird chewed a hole in my shirt. i like this shirt, as it is my favorite comfy casual attire.

                              in retaliation he got a shower

                              he was gonna get one anyway, but i have to assert my authority in times of distress

                              'you take this warm soothing shower like the dirty whore you are *sobbing* my shirrrrrrttttttt nooooooooooooo waahhhhh-haaaa'

                              the dogs have been insane today. LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT followed by LET ME IN LET ME IN LET ME IN

                              also, word of advice. if you don't look amazing in yoga pants, stop reading once you see the words 'she beast in yoga pants'. it doesn't do your self esteem any favors. it may even make you tearfully text your gorgeous man-friend an apology for not looking hot.

                              but as a favor from god, after reading that i got to see a tree frog flopping on water. i didn't know they did that, but now i know how. they fling their hand and feet pads up over their heads and it looks goofy as hell.

                              gramma food was a couple of meat balls and some tomato slices. late supper was some burger and kiwis.

                              and i refuse to believe my pretty new shadow made me sick. my eyes still burn, i'm sneezing and my nose is running and my forehead is warm.
                              beautiful
                              yeah you are

                              Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
                              lol

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by badgergirl View Post
                                I'd pay real money to see that...
                                As would I, if I had any.....

                                Comment

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