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the purple prose of petunia pettigrew

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  • i have a new favorite phrase

    Scorned X Factor Contestant Slams Judge Demi Lovato with Furious Hellfire Burn

    FURIOUS HELLFIRE BUUUUUUUUUURNNNNA

    and my eyelashes are longer, go caveman foods. i just noticed today, as i was applying my hippie organic physicians formula mascara. now that i do makeup again. you know. i noticed. neat!

    and i swear if i didn't love my dogs i would give them up for adoption. WORM PILLS ARE EXPENSIVE, STOP ESCAPING AND GETTING WORMS AND SHARING THEM WITH YOUR BROTHERS, COOKIE. that's NOT COOL.

    and i went grocery shopping and got another roast to cook. bone broth is going on round 3, cause i drank round 2 last night. the bones refuse to crumble, but i'm patient. i can wait.
    beautiful
    yeah you are

    Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
    lol

    Comment


    • Originally posted by bloodorchid View Post
      have you ever smelled a girl's tongue?
      A panda does not smell and tell.
      JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

      Comment


      • the panda is quite the proper soul

        how boring
        beautiful
        yeah you are

        Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
        lol

        Comment


        • So, I'm guessing Cookie has a taste for snacking on animal excrements on his valiant forays into the free world?

          Do you live near "Poo-Hurler" too?

          And... Have you ever smelled a Cookie's tongue?
          “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
          ~Friedrich Nietzsche
          And that's why I'm here eating HFLC Primal/Paleo.

          Comment


          • and i'm super tired. i was up all night and all day because i was up all night and all day the other day, etc etc

            soooooo... i watched youtube in bed on the new media player my baby bought for me. cause he's great and i love him *nodding*

            but i took a needed muscle relaxer so i don't know why i'm getting ready to watch hoarders when my head is nodding on tired loose muscles

            yes i'm smart. all the tests said so.
            beautiful
            yeah you are

            Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
            lol

            Comment


            • Originally posted by cori93437 View Post
              So, I'm guessing Cookie has a taste for snacking on animal excrements on his valiant forays into the free world?

              Do you live near "Poo-Hurler" too?

              And... Have you ever smelled a Cookie's tongue?
              cat poo is a delicacy to those with refined tastes

              there are cats outside that say things like 'oh i say, here's a freshly washed car! i believe i shall walk all over it with my grubby paws! smashing idea!'

              and cookie's tongue smells neutral, cause my boys eat grain free. if for no other reason than i have to pick up their bathroom area and push them out of my face every 5 minutes ⊙﹏⊙
              beautiful
              yeah you are

              Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
              lol

              Comment


              • hello world. it's 3am and i'm still awake. having a glass of fruity v8 a few hours ago may have a hand in that. i've been in bed watching youtube on the swanky samsung galaxy 4 my guy bought for me. so much fun, that toy is. i opened the box, looked it over, hit the power button and squeed excitedly

                there was much squeeing to be heard that day

                i totally played it cool with him tho 'oh it's cool, thank you so much *totes cool*'

                the excess takage of pills has made me more wanting to go play outside and stuff. all the floods = buttloads of rose blooms, fyi. apparently i'm still learning how to water, okay? stop judging me. but the succulents exploded, the cacti exploded, the dragon fruit exploded into a hideous conglomeration of spider and octopus, all over the summer, so when i have to repot i will lose an eye or 2 and maybe 3 lbs of hand flesh

                and i'm still off and on sick to my stomach, it's been a full week. my eye finally stopped twitching. the boys are all pilled up. i cooked another roast but eating it made me feel sick, so wtf i don't feel like putting it away. it's still sitting out. i don't wanna look at it. you can have it.
                beautiful
                yeah you are

                Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
                lol

                Comment


                • Almost 4:30am and I was just reading the thread about SLEEP, and how not "optimal" mine is.
                  “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
                  ~Friedrich Nietzsche
                  And that's why I'm here eating HFLC Primal/Paleo.

                  Comment


                  • according to the entire internets, my sleep schedule is the reason i'm tired, depressed, anxious, overweight, not rich, a girl, and/or it's government mind control experimentation

                    and watching beautiful women put makeup on with HD makes me feel a bunch better about my appearance

                    thank you HD. thank you.
                    beautiful
                    yeah you are

                    Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
                    lol

                    Comment


                    • dammit body.

                      i want to look hot naked. why is this such a problem for you?
                      beautiful
                      yeah you are

                      Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
                      lol

                      Comment


                      • You do. It's the brain that needs re-educating.
                        I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.

                        Comment


                        • brain and body are both dumb



                          my guy sent me that. he knows meh <3

                          he also told me i could just put the link to this blog as my resume and hand it in as is, because i'm funny. praise just for the sake of praise feels good, i've never gotten it much. so if he ever gets tired of me and wants to move on, tough titty. i'll super glue myself to him

                          he brought it on himself
                          beautiful
                          yeah you are

                          Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
                          lol

                          Comment


                          • some smug little hellbeast wiped poo squiggles on the floor

                            beautiful
                            yeah you are

                            Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
                            lol

                            Comment


                            • people on saturday morning are much more pleasant than people on friday night. i don't know why this is, but i've made pleasant small talk with all kinds of people so far.

                              last night a pleasant 'excuse me' was exchanged with a nice young man walking by my (maybe former) stalker. he kept his eyes down, i eyeballed him. yeah i see you. DON'T BE SHY NOW, SHUG, I'M RIGHT HERE

                              and that's how it should be *pleased hmph*

                              and the older gentleman who calls me 'young lady' called out a hello today *brow waggle*

                              you know and i know that 'hello young lady' is code speak for 'shall we shag now? or shall we shag later?'
                              beautiful
                              yeah you are

                              Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
                              lol

                              Comment


                              • er mah gerd <3



                                but it was all fun and games til mom showed up. then it was a horrific massacre
                                beautiful
                                yeah you are

                                Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
                                lol

                                Comment

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