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Primal Journal (Poesleeve)

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  • Primal Journal (Poesleeve)

    Okay, I'll admit it.

    I started this as a master plan to fit into some crazy killer outfits for the New Orleans Tattoo Voodoo Expo Halloween weekend 2011. I figured it was a quick way to drop a few pounds and I was headed to the doc's office to check in about my weight gain over the past three years anyhow ...

    Well, doc didn't seem to think much of "Primal" or "Paleo" or any of the info I brought to her (her exact words: "How do we REALLY KNOW what foods were good or bad for our ancestors?" ... yeah ... next subject ... ). On the other hand she did end up being the first medical professional in my 38 years on the planet to agree that it was HIGH time to see about doing some food restrictions to determine what was going on with my gastric issues. This following two decades of multiple hospital visits with gastric distress that no one could seem to pin down. No doctor EVER recommended a look at my diet.

    Her suggestion was to cut out wheat to begin with and see what happened.

    So here I am. It's nearly a month later. I decided not only to cut out wheat, but all grains across the board, as well as soy and legumes. I decided if doc was going to suggest going PARTIALLY Primal, why couldn't I just take it the rest of the way?

    I've no idea how much I've lost in the way of weight, if any at all, but I'm not really concerned about it right now. My jeans fit better, I wake up in the morning clear headed and my gastric symptoms (IBS and related ailments) have evaporated. My joint pain has also packed up and moved out. No more headaches either. Depression? I stopped taking the meds a couple weeks ago and have had nary a mood swing, even in the midst of my cycle. My husband even commented on the difference in my disposition in as gentle a fashion as he was able to muster.

    Oh, and the BEST part? MY ALLERGY-INDUCED ASTHMA IS GONE. I can actually sprint now and breathe afterward. It's been years since I could do that.

    I make my living as an artist and in addition to everything above, I swear to you that my illustration and tattoo work has improved a great deal as my health has improved. It's as though every part of me is remembering how to work together for optimum results.

    I know that my body is changing. Friends have commented on it. The progress is slow. I may not look the way I would wish this Halloween. But I know I'll be stress-free, my art will be the best it can be and I will be eating Primal with great joy and abandon when out on the town with clients, friends and colleagues. Because the food in New Orleans? ZOMG.

    Oh Hush Puppies, how I will miss your delightful crunchy fried goodness. But I'll be able to tattoo all day on the convention floor and maybe do an art fusion all while I fit much more comfortably into my corsetry and Victorian garb because we're not seeing each other anymore. And that makes it all worth it.

    Today's Breakfast:
    Brussels Sprouts fried in bacon fat
    2 slices bacon
    6 ounces lean ground beef (found Eat Wild and switching to totally grass fed this month. So excited!)
    8 oz. Coconut Chai
    1 tbsp coconut milk

    Dinner out tonight. I shall choose ... wisely.
    "God save us from war, famine, pestilence and the circus."
    ~ Late 19th Century American prayer

  • #2
    Welcome aboard! I like your attitude (and your we get to see some art? =P)!
    Depression Lies


    • #3
      Thank you! I'm planning to add some art to my profile in the next few days. Just wrapping up a guest spot in St. Louis MO where Primal Lifestyle is ON THE COVER of the Riverfront Times this week! Go Primal Living STL!

      I am glad to have this community for support and encouragement. And for the assistance I know I'll likely need in the future.

      "God save us from war, famine, pestilence and the circus."
      ~ Late 19th Century American prayer


      • #4

        Headed to the zoo today here in St. Louis. I usually do the City Museum (AWESOME AND WIN PRIMAL FUN!) but I've not yet done the Zoo and know it will count towards one of my two promised-to-myself new hikes per week as part of the Primal Challenge. Tomorrow I will go to one of the local hiking trails as well.

        Also this morning? That big mirror? The one at the end of the hall? Yeah .... I really had to take a moment and LOOK at my reflection.

        My jeans are baggy. My waist is back. My favorite shirt that I bought in 2009 at the Tucson Tattoo Expo is actually fitting smoothly on me once more.

        I'm being cautious about feeling celebratory because in the past this has meant "Let's go get ice cream!" or some other related nonsense. Today it will mean AWESOME ZOO TRIP! And that will be more than enough.

        Last night's dinner with a friend who will be teaching me Alexander Technique (for the win!):
        Mixed grill fajitas with chicken, steak, shrimp, onions and peppers (hold the beans, rice and tortillas)
        Extra guacamole
        Pat of sour cream
        Pico de gallo

        I am very smug that I was never even tempted by the HUGE vat of corn chips sitting on the table next to the tasty salsa. I did try the salsa on the fajitas though. YUM.

        Had a Larabar when I got home for dessert and I am SO SENSITIVE TO SWEET as this point that it about blew my face off. I stayed well within the optimal carb range with it so I enjoyed it thoroughly.

        Breakfast out today with a friend and fellow performer. Aiming for some eggs, bacon and maybe some veggies in an omelette depending on where we end up going. I try to aim for the safe stuff prepared in a way that can't be screwed with (read: did you know IHOP puts pancake batter IN THE OMELETTES????).

        So yeah, zoo day in STL. Squee!!! See you later!
        "God save us from war, famine, pestilence and the circus."
        ~ Late 19th Century American prayer


        • #5
          So I spent the last two evenings kicking up my heels a bit and visiting with friends in the Midwest while I'm here. Both afternoons were spent walking the pathways of the St Louis Zoo as well. It felt wonderful to get out and move about for the day.

          A lot of that time was spent at the enclosure of the Amur Leopard. I cannot even begin to describe the spiritual nature of being five feet away from an animal rarer than most anything else on the planet. There are less than 40 Amur Leopards in the wild and that number is slowly falling. That is a shockingly low number. I spent a long time contemplating that as I sat near the cat while it sunned itself. It was humbling. It made my decision to go Primal even more near and dear to my heart, and while I can't really explain how I made that last connection, I am grateful for it.

          As I said, in the evenings I celebrated a bit. I had some ice cream, not as a reward, but as a social bonding experience. And now I'm paying for it. It's official: Dairy (certain types at least ... ) gives me acne!

          Also noticed the following after the ingestation of some sugar after not having nay for weeks: Lethargy, boredom, listlessness, depression, lack of motivation, headache, irritability and shot attention span.

          This explains a lot about my life, actually. I'm not at all surprised by this, but I am VERY glad to have the validation from adding this particular substance back into the mix for a moment. It will not be permitted back in again for a very very long time, if ever. I don't miss it enough to put up with the symptoms listed above, and if I did, that same list would be MORE than enough to keep me from picking it up again.

          So, back on the Primal plan and happily so. I will feel much better as the day wears on certainly, and I will keep on taking good care of myself and loving myself enough to do what is best for my body.
          "God save us from war, famine, pestilence and the circus."
          ~ Late 19th Century American prayer


          • #6
            Really really really feeling the effects of the sugar from the previous two days. Also feeling like I got a wheat dose from the kitchen of a restaurant I ate at last evening. I HATE taking the chance eating out anymore.

            This is generally not a problem, living on the road as I do, but right now Best Beloved and I have split the party and I don't have access to the trailer or my kitchen. One of the places we were having difficulty reducing expenses, especially on our winter tours, was dining out. I don't think we'll be having that issue any longer. I am literally DEEPLY NERVOUS about eating out ANYWHERE.

            My mission today: Picking out my five favorite Primal meals and making sure I ALWAYS have those ingredients on hand. Maybe I'll even pick out seven or ten Primal meals. I don't want to be afraid of anything on a plate in front of me any longer.
            "God save us from war, famine, pestilence and the circus."
            ~ Late 19th Century American prayer


            • #7
              Discouraged and saddened this evening. Not feeling good about myself in the least. Ate well today after having an initially poor reaction to a breakfast with a jalapeno pepper in the eggs. Guess I'm cutting out nightshades for a bit and seeing what sort of a difference that makes.

              Tomorrow I'm doing some bodyweight exercise and seeing if that doesn't help to improve my mood. Now that the eating is getting closer to rock-solid, it's time to add the exercise component.

              I need to remember that there are always going to be asshats out there who will say and do hurtful things because I'm not a size 4. Never have been and never will be. I need to also remember that those who love me don't care what size I am and are overjoyed that I am taking the steps I need to in order to live a healthy and adventure-filled life.

              But right now? It's hard to remember that.

              Right now, it just hurts.

              A lot.
              "God save us from war, famine, pestilence and the circus."
              ~ Late 19th Century American prayer


              • #8
                I'm back in size 10 jeans. I have no idea how this happened. I haven't been exercising at all (this is going to change starting this evening, actually ... ) and have been a little remiss when it comes to the amount of dark chocolate I've consumed (it was a rough week last week ... ).

                And yet, there it is. One pants size down. I've only ever been a size 8 once, in college, and I was really too skinny to be considered healthy. I like size 10. I think I'll keep it.

                I will look GREAT on the floor of the convention in New Orleans, but this whole thing has gone WAY beyond looks at this point.

                I feel good. Great, actually ... for the first time in a long time. A VERY long time ....

                I've actually stuck with this Primal Lifestyle without even thinking about it. It's been easy and enjoyable. I am in touch with my body for the first time, well EVER, really, sad to say.

                I'll be going into the sun for a bit and adding exercise as I said, but for now I'm just pleased that I made it through the point in most diets and lifestyle changes when I turn back and regress to the old habits and the old, comfortable and unhealthy me.

                This has not happened.

                I'm just in a state of wonder right now, and looking forward to cooking a Primal feast for Thanksgiving and Christmas.

                And for now, this is enough.
                "God save us from war, famine, pestilence and the circus."
                ~ Late 19th Century American prayer


                • #9
                  You're doing great!
                  Newcomers: If you haven't read the book, at least read this thread ... and all the links!

                  Jan. 1, 2011: 186.6 lbs PBSW Mar. 1, 2011: 175.8 lbs
                  CW: 146.8 lbs
                  GW 140 lbs
                  A proud member of PETA: People Eating Tasty Animals


                  • #10
                    Thank you, love. I just saw this.

                    "God save us from war, famine, pestilence and the circus."
                    ~ Late 19th Century American prayer


                    • #11
                      Well, I did it.

                      It is my birthday today and part of my present to myself was to begin the PBF lift-heavy-things program I have outlined and have been holding onto for a few weeks now. I can never understand why I hesitate to do things that are beneficial for me. I really enjoy exercise once I get started on a new protocol. It's the getting started part that's the kicker. And today I think I know why.

                      I AM VERY VERY OUT OF SHAPE.

                      This should come as no surprise, really, since I've been out of the gym for almost a year now and am no longer anything CLOSE to a twenty-something. But honestly? It does. I'm not used to my body NOT RESPONDING when I ask for that last pushup.

                      I'm a former gymnast. My body used to do everything I asked of it and then some. I was in GREAT shape. And I was hot. REALLY hot.

                      And I didn't appreciate it. Any of it. I took it all for granted and compared myself to prettier women and always came up "short". My confidence was in the crapper and the few years in my twenties when I had the body I wanted I did little to nothing to take care of it. I was the only one in my family who DIDN'T have a weight problem. I thought I was lucky. I thought I was immune, invincible.

                      I was lazy. And now I'm paying the price for it. I am unable to do proper pushups any longer. I can't muster even a single assisted pullup (I'm doing negatives right now to build up strength). I used to be able to deadlift 300# and squat half that.

                      No way. Not now.

                      So my question to ME is: Do you want to REMAIN this way? Aren't you worth more than that?

                      As I sit here I feel GOOD. Even though I didn't get through even a full half of the PBF lift-heavy-things workout I put together, I DO know, with certainty, that my response and adaptation time is still very rapid and that by Thanksgiving, I will be getting through the ENTIRE program as I set it up. And as I said, I feel GOOD, genuinely good and more positive than I was even at the outset of this entry. So, if NOTHING ELSE, I already have proof that my mood will be enhanced and THAT is an awesome thing for someone who no longer has to take mood meds since going Primal food-wise.

                      I do this again Thursday and am hoping for some improvement in my numbers, but until then, I'll be kind to myself and encouraging and just work on making PBF a habit instead of a competition with some nebulous sense of self who never appreciated what I had in the first place. That self can go kick rocks. There's a new woman in town now.

                      Onward and upward.
                      "God save us from war, famine, pestilence and the circus."
                      ~ Late 19th Century American prayer


                      • #12
                        yay for optimism! Best of luck
                        Depression Lies


                        • #13
                          Thanks! I'm just gonna keep on keeping on, you know?

                          "God save us from war, famine, pestilence and the circus."
                          ~ Late 19th Century American prayer


                          • #14
                            Bleh ....

                            Just got in a great weekend of activity. Unfortunately I'm sick with both a sinus issue and some mild food poisoning from a bad oyster I ate the middle of last week. I'm in day three of inflamed guts. Thankfully no vomiting, but MAN ALIVE, did it SUCK to perform shows this weekend feeling this way.

                            Best Beloved assures me I performed optimally and that you'd never know I was ill, but sword swallowing is not a terrific way to encourage your gastric system to recover from a viral insult, you know? Thankfully I have three weeks of down time and PLENTY of time to recover before Thanksgiving.

                            But right now I feel like hammered poop and am hoping that a bit of a lie down and a lot of fluids will make a bit of difference.

                            Here's hoping .....
                            "God save us from war, famine, pestilence and the circus."
                            ~ Late 19th Century American prayer


                            • #15
                              Thanksgiving found me on and off the Primal wagon a bit, but not by much. Best Beloved and I made our own turkey with chestnut bacon stuffing and our own cranberry sauce as well. I even made a pumpkin "cake" for dessert with some cream cheese icing. It was a lovely holiday. I had too much wine and more sugar than in the last four months combined, but a couple days and that was rectified.

                              A gym membership helped as well. At least the sample membership. I'm hoping for the full membership for Christmas.

                              Now I'm feeling extremely unmotivated to do any do my own cooking and this is a dangerous and slippery slope for Primal and Paleo folks. I'm wondering if I'm experiencing a little SAD. This is my first winter off the antidepressants because I simply haven't needed them and I'm feeling just run-down, no motivation, where just a couple weeks ago I was doing fine. I am making a greater effort to get out into some sun, especially since we are south for the winter where it is warmer.

                              Also looking at what I can do to prep some of my food ahead of time, like chop my Brussels sprouts and the like, so I can grab it, toss it in a pan and cook it up. For now, though, I just feel like sitting about and not doing too much of anything. Sleep sounds fabulous. More and more.

                              I'm hoping it passes. I dearly love this time of year so I know it's not the holidays getting me down. One day at a time I suppose. And a very specific effort to focus on getting enough protein and veggies ...
                              "God save us from war, famine, pestilence and the circus."
                              ~ Late 19th Century American prayer