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  • @ winecandy - That sounds a lot like many of the negotiations that I had with my Schnauzer Fritz. He was an extremely skilled negotiator and generally ended up with lots of treats.

    Once, many, many moons ago I lived with a purebred German Shepherd named Cindy (short for Cinderella). She was a lovely fawn and grey color, about 65 lbs, and very protective of our family. She was also mortally terrified of thunderstorms, and since we live in the South, spring and summer meant she made weekly dives under my bed to escape Thor's hammer and Zeus' lightening bolts. The first rumble precipitated a frantic scratching at the door which, if not answered, escalated into an all-out assault accompanied by barking and howling at the top of her voice. When the door was opened, it was best not to get between Cindy and my bed or you'd find yourself flat of your ass in the floor. When the storm passed and it was time for her to go back outside, my job was to get her out the door. While she didn't weigh as much as me, she was almost a long as I was tall. Getting her to the door was no problem. Getting her out was a different story. After many attempts and much trial and error, the best approach became to stand behind her, wrap my arms around her middle, and lift. This left her vertical with all four feet sticking straight out front. My first attempt at this resulted in her spreading her legs out and grabbing the door frame on both sides. For an animal with no fingers, she had an uncanny knack for getting a death grip on the frame. After several side-to-side maneuvers, I finally worked her out the door and held her until someone shut it behind me. When I just put her down, she dove around me back towards the door and start the scratching with vocal accompaniment again. I played with her for a few minutes to get her refocused. The next time, I tried backing out the door, but again she managed to grab the frame and hung on for dear life. Eventually, I became expert at getting one side out and then the other without too much hassle.

    The same process took place every time we went to the vet's office, except in reverse. The going-in was a carry-her-work-her-through-the-door struggle and the coming out was fast and furious with me hanging onto the leash and trying to keep up.
    "There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls." - George Carlin

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    • OK, one more pet related funny story. We were at the vet last week to have a surgury for my English Bulldog puppy. She had 'cherry eye' which is a gland that pops out from the eye lid, and we had to have it removed. While waiting for her to come out of the sedation enough to take her home we were talking to the vet about our other dog, a Boston Terrier that has ear issues. She has a very tight congested ear and she gets infections often. The doctor said she probably has a yeast issue and we should treat it with an over the counter yeast medication, Miconazole.

      Soooooooo, we went home and later that day we went to the drug store. It has been icey and nasty here so I asked my son to go into the store. He is almost 20, big buff macho man, and a little naive. I told him to go in and ask the assistant for Miconazole. My daughter went in shortly after he did to spy on him. He did as he was told, and then Cute, bombshell 20 yr old clerk took him to the Feminine product isle, and showed him where the Vagisil and the like are.........he was devestated. And I thought he might kill us when he got to the car.
      On a side note, we call our Boston with the ear situation "Va Jay Jay Head" ........we're a sick family
      Redflame
      Started PB Aug 9, 2010 then let 'stuff' get in the way
      Back to start and make a fantastic 2012
      Goal of Significant Weight Loss
      15 pounds down! with more to go!

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      • One more on my end. Growing up, every 6 months or so we had to bug bomb the house (middle of the ghetto, living across the street from an empty field, with indoor outdoor animals, gee, I wonder why.) That involved removing every single livnig thing fromthe house: plants, resistant animals, and us kids. What was supposed to be really easy (set it up, hit the button, go to the mall) turned into a 3 hour ordeal. First, remove plants and set up in a reasonably cat/ dog proof area outside. Next, remove any caged animals, such as gerbils, hermit crabs, and fish. Find a slightly more cat proof area for caged animals. By this time, all the animals have figured out what the hell is going on and either went out earlier or have gone into hiding. Dig and hunt around, wearing a long sleeve shirt and oven mitts (none of them were declawed) for Patch, Tigger, Punk, and/ or Emerson*. Deposit each outside and return for the resistant ones. Search for Bob and gather her into a bear hug, making sure hold the two back legs so she can't use those to claw you or get away. Deposit in a far corner of the yard, then hightail it back to the house to beat the cat. Make sure cat does not get back in house. Repeat with Post (short for Dumb as a Post,) not worrying about claws as she was declawed prior to living with us. Remove Fancy, Robby, Mai, and/ or assorted other dogs*, deposit outside without letting a cat back in (harder than you'd think.) Return to house and tear house apart for Valentino. It took half an hour alone to get him out of the house, with him crying like we were beating him with a rubber hose and ripping off limbs the entire time. Deposit him outside. Repeat at least one step in the process because an animal got back inside. Go back outside and break up at least one cat/ dog/ both fight. Leave for an hour. Come back and open every window and door in the joint. Retrieve Post and/ or Bob from cowering in near shed. Retrieve Valentino from up a tree, usually by use of a water hose and/ or ladder. Check every animal for bodily injury. Relax until next bug bombing.

        *Not all these animals lived with us at the same time. Fancy died a few years before Robby and Mai arrived; Emerson died before Bob, Punk, and Valentino appeared.
        Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
        My Latest Journal

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        • Here is a story my bunny wrote last November (my roommate thought it was event hilarious):
          I've been in my new home four days now! Last night I bunnapped Mom. She was in my pen measuring me for a harness. When she was done, she started stratching my nose and ears like I love. Every time she stopped I would give her a nip to remind her to pet me! Even when she stopped so she could prop herself up to get out of the pen. How rude trying to leave the pen when I need scratches!

          She eventually had to call Dad out of his bed to come rescue her. He was very confused when Mom said she was being bunnapped by me. Mom told him how and his response was "This I would like to see". So Mom stopped petting me and then I lunged after her hand. He thought it was funny.

          Then he came into the pen and I got distracted and Mom escaped! I'll have to remember they are tricky and not fall for it next time. But it's okay... I got a new toy and by this morning it's mostly destroyed. HA

          I wonder what trouble I'll make today

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          • My Kitteh was a very well-mannered kitteh. I would come home from work, fill up her dinner bowl (which was in the kitchen right by the back door), and call her in from the back yard. No matter how long since she'd last eaten, she would always come racing inside, past the food, come up to me for a hello leg-rub/cuddle/purr, and then after a little while politely excuse herself to go have dinner. Then more leg-rubbing.

            She would even ask permission to get on your lap, by sitting attentively in front of you and hopefully peering up at you around your knees (or occasionally you'd get a gentle "excuse me, please" paw lightly on the knee). Then you would pat your lap and she'd jump right up. I think she learned this careful habit in the Great Curry Incident. Note to all kittehs – if you take a flying leap at the lap of the nearest sitting human, be aware that of the risk that they may possibly be eating from a plate of curry. You will land on the plate and instantaneously slide right off back onto the floor, looking extremely surprised. Your human, who now has no curry left on her plate, will also look somewhat surprised. Curry is not a particularly tasty thing to have to wash off one's fur. And the stains!
            I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

            Oscar Wilde

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            • One more funny cat story. A friend used to have a giant ginger tom named Buster. Buster was strong. Buster could open fridges by himself; he'd just lie on his back with his head under the fridge and push the door open with his paws. One day the family came home to find the fridge door open, and an entire cold roast chicken missing. Buster was found happily eating said entire cold roast chicken while reclining in one of the children's beds. Buster had 'tude.
              I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

              Oscar Wilde

              Comment


              • Originally posted by Gay Panda View Post
                180.2
                10 lb in less than a month? ReSPECT, Panda!
                I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

                Oscar Wilde

                Comment


                • Originally posted by Sigi View Post
                  10 lb in less than a month? ReSPECT, Panda!
                  Before vacation, I was 184.2. Afterwards, I was 191. So most of that ten was just water weight. The real loss was 184.2 to 180.2. But I won't sneeze at four pounds! For me, that's fantastic progress. Some months there is barely any change at all.
                  JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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                  • Here's another fun cat story.

                    We got a new kitten last summer. His name is Hercules - it's the name he came with, and it fits him perfectly, so we kept it. He's black and slinky and we made a half-hearted attempt to keep him an indoor cat, but he came from a shelter in LA and before that he was a street kitty, so he was not cool with strictly indoor life. He became a much less destructive cat when he got to go outside. (The only reason we were sort of trying to keep him indoors was that our previous cat was killed by a car right outside our house.)

                    Anyway, that was all fine until he brought home his first bird just before Christmas. Now, if we lived in the middle of nowhere I would just be mildly annoyed. But we live in a townhouse complex and have neighbours who stare disapprovingly down their noses at bird-slaughtering kitties. So I got a jingle-bell collar for Hercules and told the rest of the household that if it was daylight, Herc had to wear it when he went outside. (At night he was free to catch mice. NOBODY in the strata would have a problem with that.)

                    He went out a few times and came back with no incident. But the next day, he went out in the morning and then meowed at the door to come in a bit later - and when I opened the door, he was sitting on the mat - and his jingle collar was on the mat beside him, clasp open. Now, the clasp was meant to open if the cat got stuck on something with it, to prevent strangling. So that part wasn't so strange, but the fact that he either managed to remove it on the doorstep OR removed it somewhere else and brought it back was. But, you know, weird things happen.

                    He went out again a few hours later. When he came back, once again he was on the doorstep and his collar was lying there beside him. I still have no idea what happened. The next time we sent him out with his collar, he wised up and didn't bring it back, and we've never found it.

                    I got a different kind of collar - one that's stretchy, not designed to come undone - and he hasn't managed to remove it. But it doesn't appear to be very effective at hindering him in his bird-hunting, as he's brought two more home since then. However - the bringing things back hasn't changed... the last bird he brought home I lazily flung into some ivy instead of burying it like its predecessors. Five minutes later, it was back on the doorstep, and he was giving me dirty looks.

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                    • Don't you know you are suppose to make a HUGE deal about how kitty is such a fantastic great hunter? SHeeshhh! Didn't you get that memo?
                      Redflame
                      Started PB Aug 9, 2010 then let 'stuff' get in the way
                      Back to start and make a fantastic 2012
                      Goal of Significant Weight Loss
                      15 pounds down! with more to go!

                      Comment


                      • Well, I forgot to mention the part about how I am now suspecting that he's not actually doing the hunting, but following the other kitties who live around here and picking up their leavings. Or else offering up sexual favours for birds or something. The last one appeared after I saw him following a big orange tom around. So I'm gonna hold off on the "my cat is an awesome hunter" until I see him bag something himself.

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by namelesswonder View Post
                          You will diminish, and go into the West, and remain Gay Panda.
                          This is so full of AWESOME I don't know what to do with myself. WIN!
                          Got Panda? Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and now Pandaloonery!

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                          • I humbly submit this for your primal enjoyment.

                            P.S. Oh, yeah, bacon IS a vegetable!
                            Got Panda? Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and now Pandaloonery!

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by Gay Panda View Post
                              PART TWO:
                              THE GREAT PUMPKIN: The vet?! Not the vet! The vet is a zombie! She’s going to eat me!
                              BENIGN POLTERGEIST: Yo mama so dumb that-
                              PRIMAL COACH KITTY: Take it back! TAKE IT BACK! Hack. Hack-hack.
                              WINDOWS VISTA: -and how many times during the day is the sun at that perfect angle to the porch? How many times? ONE TIME. I’m allotted twenty minutes of happiness a day from the sun and YOU TOOK THAT AWAY. I don’t get the food I want, I don’t get the petting I want, all I get from this lousy world is twenty minutes of perfect sunshine. ASK ME IF I’M GETTING MY TWENTY MINUTES OF PERFECT SUNSHINE TODAY, GAY PANDA. The least you could have done is given me moist food with chunks and sauce-
                              PRIMAL COACH KITTY: Hack-hack-HACK!

                              It always ended with me pulling into Kitty Kennel to unload one giant orange cat soaked with the urine of fear, one happy tabby covered in vomit, and Windows Vista bitching out the kennel worker and Gay Panda and everything in this mortal plane.
                              KENNEL WORKER: Aren’t you pretty? Who’s a pretty kitty?
                              WINDOWS VISTA: -and I am NOT HAPPY about this! I missed the sunshine that keeps me GOING through this MISERABLE existence! I had a bad breakfast and now YOU’RE petting me wrong, too! What? You don’t get to leave, Gay Panda! COME BACK HERE, I’M NOT DONE TALKING!

                              I feed her, I pet her, I take her to the vet, and I will wish her happy birthday on Thursday and give her a damn can of moist food with chunks and sauce. But she is the most annoying cat I have ever had. Sometimes I feel badly about this and make greater efforts to see her good qualities, but they are usually subsumed under her persistent bellyaching.

                              Since my weight has again splattered against the brick wall of 181 pounds of panda, let’s forgo primal and weight loss conversation today and just tell our weirdest/most annoying pet stories instead.
                              Dear Gay Panda,

                              These two posts literally had me in tears laughing. Thanks; I needed that.

                              Oh, how you have *nailed* your pets' personalities.

                              Best,
                              Lady Friend
                              Got Panda? Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and now Pandaloonery!

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by Lilyheart View Post
                                Here is a story my bunny wrote last November (my roommate thought it was event hilarious):
                                I've been in my new home four days now! Last night I bunnapped Mom. She was in my pen measuring me for a harness. When she was done, she started stratching my nose and ears like I love. Every time she stopped I would give her a nip to remind her to pet me! Even when she stopped so she could prop herself up to get out of the pen. How rude trying to leave the pen when I need scratches!

                                She eventually had to call Dad out of his bed to come rescue her. He was very confused when Mom said she was being bunnapped by me. Mom told him how and his response was "This I would like to see". So Mom stopped petting me and then I lunged after her hand. He thought it was funny.

                                Then he came into the pen and I got distracted and Mom escaped! I'll have to remember they are tricky and not fall for it next time. But it's okay... I got a new toy and by this morning it's mostly destroyed. HA

                                I wonder what trouble I'll make today
                                :O :O :O!
                                Another bunspacer on MDA??
                                My bunnies are so adding your bunny!!!


                                Also, I have far too many pet stories. Because I have had far too many pets. Unfortuneately far too many of them died last year >.<

                                My most self-repeating story happens every morning. My buns are in my bedroom because it is freezing outside, and my newest bun is only 11 weeks old so I want to keep her warm so she can grow.. and I can keep an eye on her to teach her manners and stuff. I don't have an indoor rabbit cage anymore, having sold it when my older bunny went to live outside with my first bunny(RIP Lilli!), so they generally roam around the carpet with a litter tray, a pop up tent with hay in it, and various toys and tubes to play with. Every night when I go to bed, they'll both hop up onto the bed and jump all over me, and Pancake(Older bunny) will give me goodnight kisses as always ^_^ After half an hour or so they jump down and I'm allowed to get some sleep.

                                Then every morning at 7:38 without fail, I'm woken up by something small, fluffy, and heavily armed with sharp claws colliding with my face. Then a chunky(I let him get a bit chubby so he wouldn't get too cold outside with lilli in the winter.. plan backfired!), silky soft lump with significantly less sharp claws will land on my belly, hop up my torso, and lick my nose.
                                Pancake: MORNING MAMA!!
                                Honey: We're hungry. Oooh, bedsheet! *nom*
                                PixieKitten: Uuuugh. Good morning Pancake. Honey noo, don't eat Mama's sheets! You chewed a whole in my favourite boxers yesterday. Through the crotch of my USED boxers. You're a gross bun and STOP EATING MY SHEETS!!
                                Pancake: So are you gonna get up and fetch our breakfast?
                                Honey: And don't forget to clean out the litter tray!
                                PixieKitten: *Swings feet out of bed, puts them on floor and cringes*
                                Pancake: Yeah, we pooped on the floor again. You might wanna pick that up too. LOVEYOU!!! *lick lick lick*


                                Ah. To be a bunnymum.
                                Bunny trainer extraordinaire!

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