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Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS

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  • PART TWO: Yesterday as I sped across town to reclaim the kitty from the vet, I was bellowing along to Britney Spears*** and Maroon 5 and Katy Perry. My iPod sports the soundtrack to Mortal Kombat, not Phantom of the Opera. I have utterly abysmal taste in music, loving every piece of pop tart schlock to diddle out of vocal featherweights, and my favorite style of dance to watch is not ballet but The Robot. You can find Euripides on my shelf, but it’s lodged between How To Defend Yourself Against Alien Abduction and The Klingon Dictionary. If given a choice between these three for my nighttime reading, I would go with Alien Abduction every time.

    So Gay Panda isn’t remotely cultured. The closest I ever came to acquiring an accent was being able to imitate the voice of Pee-wee Herman, and the last movie I saw was not a provocative arthouse drama but Breaking Dawn: Part One. Peek in my Netflix queue and you will see that I am watching bad Hercules movies, and clicking on my history will reveal that I’ve watched one every day this week. I know that wine comes in red and white, both of which I cannot drink due to an unpleasant gastronomic sensitivity. When not in my sizzling jammie ensembles, I live in jeans and T-shirts, and I possess no luxury silk handkerchief monogrammed MCH. Nor would I offer it to someone if I had, in fear that they would give it back covered in swine flu.

    What is the point of this, you ask? For shame, ducklings! Don’t you recognize an episode of Cooking FABULOUSLY With Gay Panda by now? So often I never even make it to the kitchen. Sitting in my fridge is a mysterious pork sirloin, which I am avoiding with vigor. I had never heard of such a thing until the Donner Party CSA sent me one. I found a recipe for Pork Sirloin Tip Roast, but I do not know if this is the same thing as just a plain old Pork Sirloin. So I’m avoiding it altogether and instead writing a whole post about nothing while Hercules fights in the background and the kitty sleeps on the sofa and Avada Kedavra pecks at the house to remind me of just. how. much. I am hated.
    Last edited by Gay Panda; 01-20-2012, 08:55 AM.
    JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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    • UPDATE: (in explanation of *, **, and ***)

      * Truth: I don’t remember them.

      ** Stupidly, I chose to practice this at an actual performance. I got in terrible trouble. Boys' Christmas Choir, accept my belated apology. You were wonderful. I was just practicing for the future.

      *** Yes, it was Toxic, our special song. I thought of you.
      JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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      • Originally posted by Sigi View Post
        Valhalla bless you and Lady Friend! What a wonderful and generous idea. I will have to send you a little pressie of thanks, or buy an e-book copy anyway to support you in your endeavours.
        Just read it and enjoy! (You don't have to enjoy. My journal is 90% Goofing Around and my book is much more serious.) It is amazing to think that someone might read in two days what it took me seven years to complete.

        On a side note, as I explore Kindle and such, I LOVE how eBooks come with sample chapters so that one can see if the style/storyline/writing is interesting. I've always hated buying books to find out that the best part was the description on the back cover. Shenanigans!
        JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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        • Originally posted by Gay Panda View Post
          @Griffin - THANK YOU!!! I will have to check out Jim Butcher.

          @Token Chick - That's funny, you're the first person I know who has recognized the name Jackaroo! I'm glad you started your journal. It is so hard to be patient with weight loss, especially when one hits stretches when nothing changes for weeks. (Thank Valhalla for measurements.)
          Hi Gay Panda--i was away for a bit but the lure of the Panda writings was just too strong to resist--I am now fully caught up on the arrival of LadyFriend, the amazing 50lbs of removed Panda, and the troubles of Primal Coach Kitty. Very excited to hear about your impending book and I reiterate my inclusion on the "will buy/download list"

          Two thoughts for you--what you describe regarding PCK sounds a great deal like what happened with a friends small dog. The solution in that case was doggy acupuncture! Not sure that would help PCK but thought I would mention it. There are starting to be many more Veterinarians (at least here in NJ) that are going the non-traditional medicine route.

          Add me to recommending Jim Butcher as a fantasy author. His Dresden character is fantastic as is the lead character in his epic fantasy series--the Codex Alera. The only author I like better is Guy Gavriel Kay--check him out as well (maybe read Tigana first....) and if you aren't blown away I'll buy 10 more Panda ebooks to make it up to you...

          Hope PCK recovers

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          • @hockeyfan7 and NOMnomNOM - I didn't know about a Kindle app!!! Cool!

            @naiadknight - Stalk away! I haven't been around that long so it would have been very easy to miss this journal. I've been reading yours, too!
            JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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            • Originally posted by Gay Panda View Post
              @naiadknight - Stalk away! I haven't been around that long so it would have been very easy to miss this journal. I've been reading yours, too!
              I wouldn't recommend try to read through the chronicles in chronological order. I'm so verbose, you may never catch up. Jump in and comment whenever it floats your boat, the more the merrier!
              Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
              My Latest Journal

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              • Originally posted by DJY View Post
                Hi Gay Panda--i was away for a bit but the lure of the Panda writings was just too strong to resist--I am now fully caught up on the arrival of LadyFriend, the amazing 50lbs of removed Panda, and the troubles of Primal Coach Kitty. Very excited to hear about your impending book and I reiterate my inclusion on the "will buy/download list"

                Two thoughts for you--what you describe regarding PCK sounds a great deal like what happened with a friends small dog. The solution in that case was doggy acupuncture! Not sure that would help PCK but thought I would mention it.
                I'm so happy to see you back, DJY! It was one of your older posts that pushed me to think about putting a book online.

                Thank you for your words about Primal Coach Kitty. She is such a mess that I may have to put her down. We think that she might have had a small stroke (she has poor depth perception from growing up in cage and made a mighty leap into a table headfirst last week) and her little body just will not work. Her personality seems almost erased, all except for a purr when I hold her. There has not been the slightest meow today or yesterday, or begging for bacon. She doesn't appear to be in pain except when she flumps to the floor, but she just seems to be gone.
                JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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                • Awww... poor kitty. That's how one of ours was after returning from an afternoon jaunt. He seemed to have gotten badly hurt somehow, and he just wasn't himself and couldn't do half of what he tried to do. We (my folks and I, this cat was around most of my childhood) took him to the vet and the vet said he probably had a grand mal seizure or a stroke. Eventually, after seeing him give up on all that he loved to do and take to laying there staring vacantly at the ceiling, my parents eventually had him put down. It's depressing seeing a former alleycat that was 100% CAT (mouser, lover, everything) reduced to a shambling mess.
                  Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
                  My Latest Journal

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                  • poor kitteh!

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                    • I'm sorry Panda =(
                      When my old kitty went into major kidney failure I chose not to put her down because she was such a fighter and it seemed like it wouldn't be right for her to just yank the rug out from under her. She lasted a few days, her pupils were totally dilated and she slept a lot and was dazed when she was awake. One day she suddenly got better so I knew it was the end. I held her and talked to her and she was gone the next morning. Not sure why I'm sharing this... I hope you get a few more purrs from your Primal Coach Kitty and when it's time to go, it's time to go. I wish I knew someone would do that for me when if I'm sick and fading.
                      Cooking Primal with Otter - Journal
                      Otter's (Defunct) Primal Log
                      "Not baked goods, Professor, baked bads!" ~ The Tick

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                      • Originally posted by ottercat View Post
                        when it's time to go, it's time to go. I wish I knew someone would do that for me when if I'm sick and fading.
                        +1

                        This is the best, last gift we can give them.
                        "Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be." Kurt Vonnegut
                        "I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." Douglas Adams
                        "Moderation sucks." Suse
                        "Wine is a vegetable." Meaty
                        "Every decision you make, from what you eat to what you do with your time tonight, turns you into who you are tomorrow and the day after that." Cmdr Chris Hadfield


                        Winencandy

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                        • Wow you've hit the big time now Panda!

                          Originally posted by naiadknight View Post
                          Holy fuck, how'd I miss your joural?! Sci fi, Valhalla references, aminals... Rest assured, I WILL be back to stalk your journal.
                          I'm hoping PC Kitty can pick up on the good vibes we are sending her way.

                          In other news, I saw this today and thought of you

                          McSweeney’s Internet Tendency: The Rejection of Anne Frank.

                          Publisher Jerks.
                          Live. Grow. Flourish.

                          My Journal/story is at http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread38948.html

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                          • ZOMG, hockeyfan7 and NOMnomNOM - you guys are awesome!! I have downloaded the Kindle app on my 'putey and am already the proud owner of (free!) e-books! Woohoo!! Panda, I am ready and waiting for your tome!! Sweet Valhalla, there are a lot of exclamation marks in this post!
                            I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

                            Oscar Wilde

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                            • Originally posted by Gay Panda View Post
                              Thank you for your words about Primal Coach Kitty. She is such a mess that I may have to put her down. We think that she might have had a small stroke (she has poor depth perception from growing up in cage and made a mighty leap into a table headfirst last week) and her little body just will not work. Her personality seems almost erased, all except for a purr when I hold her. There has not been the slightest meow today or yesterday, or begging for bacon. She doesn't appear to be in pain except when she flumps to the floor, but she just seems to be gone.
                              Panda, I am so sorry about Kitty. It's good that she doesn't seem to be in much pain. I think you will know when the time is right, even if it's really, really hard to do. When they are not themselves anymore, and you're just keeping them alive because it's so hard to let go ... ah, you'll know. Extending life just for the sake of them being alive, instead of *ALIVE* ... well, at least we have a choice (unlike with human beings - don't get me started).

                              I remember the last time I saw my kitty at the vet's (this was years ago now) and she didn't even recognise me, didn't react at all - that wasn't her any more. I could have spent lots of money keeping her alive, injecting her every day (she had diabetes/kidney failure **shakes fist at cereal-based cat-food manufacturers**), to keep her going a little longer, but she was an old lady who'd been through a lot already and deserved some dignity. I waited overnight before I had The Phone Call with the vet, and then I went and hid in my boss's office and cried and cried and cried, and came home and told my sister and cried and cried and cried, and cleaned out Kitty's bedroom (aka the laundry) and cried and cried and cried. But it was the right thing.

                              Shit, now I'm crying again. Wishing a miracle for PCK. Hugs to you.
                              I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

                              Oscar Wilde

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                              • Thank you, everybody. I agree. If this is going to be her quality of life, then it is cruel for me to keep her going. One of my college professors for whom I house-sat allowed the family dog to live with a terrible medical condition for years because she believed it would be too hard on her preteen children to put their pet down. But what about the dog? I've never forgotten that poor, thin, miserable creature shaking and flopping and banging its head on the concrete.

                                If she can't get some control back with her legs in the next few days, I don't see any other choice. I've put pillows and towels on the floor for her to crumple upon when she jumps off chairs, but I'm afraid these ungainly dismounts will end in her breaking something anyway. My vet does house calls so I will not have to upset her for one final ride in the car, and she can die at home on my lap if it comes to that.
                                JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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