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  • D: Lady Friend is a wonderful person who saves you from potatoes. The next time she is terrified by a teeny-tiny spider, you should race to her rescue, scoop up said terrifying creature, and promptly offer to Google spider recipes. After all, many societies understand that to truly vanquish an enemy, it must be consumed. And a little extra protein never hurts.
    http://cattaillady.com/ My blog exploring the beginning stages of learning how to homestead. With the occasional rant.

    Originally Posted by TheFastCat: Less is more more or less

    And now I have an Etsy store: CattailsandCalendula

    Comment


    • Griffin, I like C.

      I've seen this woman fearlessly order down a seventeen-hand horse bucking right in her face. I've also seen her run away screaming from a teeny-tiny spider. She cracks me up.

      Oh, I like D, too, drssgchic! I think if I said that, she would slaughter ME for extra protein.
      JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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      • Just ROFLMAO at all of the above.

        As someone who also has a fear of spiders - though not entirely irrational, as a few of the beasties I have found in my house have been the size of a saucer and like to lift their front legs and waggle menacingly at me (:::whimper:: - I must vote B.

        C is mean - bad Griffin!

        D made me throw up a little in my mouth - bad drssgchic!

        The idea of hot fluffy mashed potatoes and gravy being available at a grocery store is intriguing to me. We do not have such options where I live. The only place I've seen hot mashed "potato" and "gravy" available over the counter is at KFC, and even the staff there do their best to dissuade one from purchasing the stuff. I once contemplated having just a small container of "potato" to taste it, sans gravy, and the teenager behind the counter shuddered and suggested I Really. Shouldn't. Try. That.

        I'm afraid I must defy you, Panda. Such a fluffy white pile with steaming gravy at a grocery store would leave me suspicious rather than drooling, as I don't trust others' mashed 'taties nor their gravy. I'm also afraid it might inspire me to run around to the vegie section, select a few perfect spuds, race home, cook them up, and mash them myself with enormous piles of fresh butter, gobs of creamy milk and far too much salt. This might in fact happen every time I walked past the deli counter. I could never go to that section of the grocery store again.
        I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

        Oscar Wilde

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        • Spiders are our friends! I used to keep a plastic cup labeled "Spider Relocation Program" in the kitchen along with an index card for speedy spider removal. Then I moved and left my 8-legged friends behind.
          Cooking Primal with Otter - Journal
          Otter's (Defunct) Primal Log
          "Not baked goods, Professor, baked bads!" ~ The Tick

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          • Originally posted by Sigi View Post
            I'm afraid I must defy you, Panda. Such a fluffy white pile with steaming gravy at a grocery store would leave me suspicious rather than drooling, as I don't trust others' mashed 'taties nor their gravy.
            I can vouch for Whole Foods mashed potatoes!!! They aren't quite as good as making it at home, but they're close enough to please this panda. Or they WOULD have been, if Lady Friend hadn't nailed me with the cart.

            It's normal where I live to have a hot bar. I'd never touch the pizza slices they sell, but the potatoes and gravy I could gobble.
            JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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            • Spiders are nasty creatures and so are mashed potatoes. Sorry Gay Panda, but mashed potatoes are icky. And gravy is worse. Now the pizza is a different story altogether. Good for Lady Friend for keeping you from them. They are anti-Panda friendly.

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              • Don't pay any mind to the slurs cast against you, Mashed Potatoes, I will worship you until the end of time.
                JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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                • PART ONE: One of Gay Panda’s greatest flaws is the tendency to avoid.

                  We all have our bad traits. I avoided my driver’s license test for ages; I avoided declaring a major until the Registrar’s Office threatened to keep me captive until I did; currently I am avoiding calling the number on my jury summons to postpone. I live in a perpetual state of avoidance.

                  But that will have to end on my jury summons soon, and it also has to end on two hunks of meat that have been living in my freezer for more time that you want to know. I don’t even remember what they are, but the Meat Shark behind the counter told me that they were on sale, buy-one-get-one-free, and so they changed addresses from the Whole Foods meat shelving to my freezer shelving, where I proceeded to avoid them since my cooking skills are, gently stated, rudimentary.

                  Ducklings, welcome to our next episode of Cooking FABULOUSLY With Gay Panda. We’re not cooking anything today. We’re going to break this down into small steps so that the task seems friendly instead of overwhelming. Today’s proceedings are as follows:

                  1. Remove one of the two mystery hunks of meat from the freezer.
                  2. Identify whatever the hell it is.
                  3. Transfer it to the refrigerator to defrost.
                  4. Name it.
                  5. Avoid searching for a recipe until it has defrosted.

                  So that doesn’t seem too daunting, and I like #5. To set the scene for you, I am in my Lipstick Jammie Pants and listening to Evanescence. I believe that there is a correlation between the music I choose and my state of stomach. Should I be sated, I select the ever-bouncy Katy Perry. Should I be hungry (which translates as grouchy LONG before I realize that I am hungry), I put on Evanescence and have Goth Thoughts. While performing 1-5, I should probably also acquire some form of dinner.
                  JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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                  • PART TWO: So here we are, rooting around the freezer and I only find one. Suspicious that I might already have set one to defrost in the fridge and forgotten, I begin an excavation. Damn. There it is. Defrosting gives me another two days to avoid, and this one feels like it’s already mostly returned to spongy form. But then again, now I no longer have to perform #1 or #3. Congratulations, Gay Panda! Next step: identification.

                    The sticker says that I am holding a Beef Chuck Shoulder Cross Rib Roast Boneless. Oh, for Valhalla’s sake. I miss my near-vegetarianism. The food was self-explanatory, wrapped in little tin foil packages or boxes, and not much had to be done to it. Well, let’s break this down with Google into further steps to see what we are dealing with:

                    Beef = Cow.
                    Chuck = an action-comedy/spy-drama TV show on NBC. Add to Netflix queue.
                    2nd Try Chuck = Chuck Norris. Chuck E. Cheese. Sigh.
                    3rd Try Chuck Steak = a cut of beef usually grilled or broiled.
                    Shoulder = Shoulder.
                    Cross Rib = Usually square. Cut from the arm half of beef chuck. Cows have arms?
                    Cow Arm = DO NOT GOOGLE THIS.
                    Roast = cooking method using dry heat.
                    Boneless = Boneless.

                    Okay. It’s defrosting and we know what it is, and due to its spongy nature and square shape, it has been dubbed Spongebob Squarechuck since I am not feeling creative right now. I have walnuts and meatballs for dinner, and have changed Evanescence back to Katy Perry. Next step: avoiding the recipe until tomorrow.

                    I can do that.
                    JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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                    • *twitch* I googled it.

                      WHY did I google it?!
                      Bunny trainer extraordinaire!

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                      • Not NICE Panda! I'm at work and "Don't Google It" is just a big, fat dare. Unfortunately, due to the Flying Monkeys Blog I've had a few too many "Blocked for Work" things pop up recently to take your dare.

                        We had a book growing up called Be Nice to Spiders. Between the spiders at Girl Scout camp and on our sailboat- then the apartment already inhabited by wolf spiders- I'm not terribly bothered by them. As long as they stay in their space and I stay in mine, it's all good. Of course- any of the wolf spiders that fell in the sink got no mercy and a watery grave. I do have some limits.
                        http://cattaillady.com/ My blog exploring the beginning stages of learning how to homestead. With the occasional rant.

                        Originally Posted by TheFastCat: Less is more more or less

                        And now I have an Etsy store: CattailsandCalendula

                        Comment


                        • Do you have a slow cooker, Panda? Slow cookers are forgiving of even the most incompetent kitchen experimenters, and can make almost anything (identified or not) fairly edible. Plus who doesn't like blithely throwing a bunch of stuff in a pot, turning it on, and meandering away for eight hours of non-kitchen-based entertainment, only to return to a fully prepared meal?

                          PS - I didn't actually watch the Cow Arm videos. My imagination (and reading too much James Herriot as a child) told me all I needed to know.
                          I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

                          Oscar Wilde

                          Comment


                          • Phreebie votes up the slow cooker. +1
                            Live. Grow. Flourish.

                            My Journal/story is at http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread38948.html

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                            • PART TWO: Gay Panda got into holiday candy, which is why there was no follow-up post to the fate of SpongeBob Squarechuck. There were chocolate-dipped S'mores and hippie MnMs, gummy bears and Reese’s Pieces, and a variety of other sugary items that rendered me too ill to compose a post. There was also a small bowlful of stuffing, which left a headache behind as a parting shot.

                              Of course there have been cravings, but I feel so gross that I’m not very tempted to give in. Today has been primal, with the exception of a yellow gummy bear I found in the crevice of my recliner. I could have thrown it away, but it had already suffered the indignity of me sitting on it yesterday while I played Lego Harry Potter, so the least I could do was give it the end for which it was created. So breakfast was bacon and sausage and eggs and a single yellow gummy bear.

                              It is not until now that I consider that Primal Coach Kitty sleeps on the recliner at night. Maybe I shouldn’t have eaten it. Oh, and Lady Friend also sat on the recliner yesterday evening, so I am now deeply regretting my decision. But this is anonymous, so I feel less shame in telling you that Gay Panda just ate a yellow gummy bear that was sat on by three different rear ends, which explains why it was so warm and softened.

                              But pay no attention to the faint nausea in both of our stomachs and let’s discuss food. However, now that you know my culinary discernment does not exclude a yellow gummy bear that I dug out of a crevice in my recliner after a panda, a person, and a cat sat upon it, you probably don’t want to know what I did to SpongeBob Squarechuck. But I will tell you, since I got to add a tick to my Culinary Successes column instead of Culinary Failures column. My favorite Failure in the kitchen was many years ago, when I added a cup of salt to a batch of cookies thinking it was a cup of sugar.

                              Gay Panda found ten zillion recipes online and was totally overwhelmed and tempted to avoid again. Most recipes were for a Slow Cooker. I do not have a Slow Cooker, although Normal Neighbor has said that I could use hers, and she is also on vacation and I have her house key. But all of those Slow Cooker recipes involved ingredients that I do not have in the house. Then I stumbled over a cross-rib roast recipe on Robb Wolf’s website that was so simple even a panda could do it, and didn’t need anything that wasn’t in my pantry. It turned out lovely and I’m still gnawing on it today.

                              Tomorrow I leave on my road trip south, where I will attempt to eat primal as much as I can, and in failing to do so, at least succeed in not consuming anything I discover in my friends’ recliners. Sometimes one has to set the bar low, and hopefully I will return in January triumphant.
                              JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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                              • Day One Vacation Successes/Failures:

                                Goal: to not eat anything found in friends' recliners: MET
                                Goal: to eat as well as possible on a road trip for three meals: MET/MET/FAILED

                                Also, I got to sight-see the jewelry store where Lindsay Lohan 'forgot' to return the necklace in that most infamous incident. And then I observed a real furry in the restaurant at dinner! An average looking man in a multicolored sweater, and a tail protruding over his backside as he passed my table. I spent ten minutes on a site full of animal tail pictures trying to identify which animal he was embodying, but I was unsuccessful. (Maybe coyote.)

                                Ducklings, Gay Panda knows how to vacation.
                                JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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