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  • Originally posted by Gay Panda View Post
    Round Two of High Fat

    Last Monday: 185.2
    This Monday: 182.6
    ::: little happy dance in honour of Gay Panda:::

    Can you share with us some of the meals you have been having on your Panda Ick of High Fat regime of late? It sounds rather encouraging (and tempting - I have no ick factor when considering high fat eating, just a disappointing lack of imagination).
    I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

    Oscar Wilde

    Comment


    • It's all very boring and monotonous meals, but I can do boring and monotonous for a long time if it gets results. I plan to do this all the way to the family Hanukkah party in a few days, and then the latkes will set me back BUT YOU CANNOT DENY LATKES.

      I'll post one of my daily menus tonight since Lady Friend will soon be awaiting rescue from the airport. She is returning from a vacation full of carbs and her body is in absolute misery.
      JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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      • All right, Sigi, here goes! I am back from the airport, in which the traffic on the freeway averaged a delightful 3 miles an hour and put Gay Panda in The Best Mood Ever.

        Gay Panda rarely wakes up circling hungry faces on feelings charts, so my breakfast was three sausages, a string cheese, and heavy cream. Some people notice that dairy stalls them out, but I eliminated all dairy from my diet for part of July and noticed absolutely no difference in my rate of loss or health in general. I try not to go crazy with cheese (which I could happily do) but a little bothers me not at all.

        By lunch I still hadn't gained much appetite (I cycle low-calorie days 1000-1200 with higher-calories days 1400-2200, not on purpose or for any reason, just trying to follow my hunger cues and that's how my body works). But I needed to eat before my Upcoming Airport Adventure, and that was one ounce of walnuts, one ounce of roast beef, half an avocado mixed with a whole tomato, and two pieces of Genoa salami. All of my food up to this point came in at 77% fat, 16% protein, and 7% carbohydrates. I'm also experimenting with cutting my protein back, because I tend to be sedentary and I am curious if I eat too much.

        I was planning to have three ounces of sirloin covered in garlic butter sauce for dinner, but then some famous sports team decided to play a game and then everyone in the world decided that they HAD to go see it, and traffic backed up for many, many miles and doubled my driving time to the airport. Lady Friend was so famished by the time I arrived that her stomach drove the car to a restaurant, thus ending Gay Panda's attempt at a High Fat Day.

        ::: shakes fist at Lady Friend :::

        So now I've had the inside of a dinner roll and an empanada and three forkfuls of mashed potatoes, in addition to a filet mignon, and two bites of a green bean before Lady Friend told me to stop torturing myself, and a Deeply Resented Salad. My body will blow up in retaliation to the size of Panada.

        Oh well. I'll try again tomorrow.
        JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

        Comment


        • Oh look, your little troll-bots are back! They couldn't resist you for long, dear Panda.

          Thank you for sharing your daily menu. I too can do boring and fairly monotonous – as long as I actually enjoy what I am eating. What you had today sounds rather yum (except perhaps for this mysterious 'empanada' item, which I shall shortly Google to learn more about). I'm interested in higher-fat eating because I think it may help my satiation, and perhaps stop the evening nibblies from which I have been suffering horribly of late.

          BTW - the only thing I deeply resent about salads is the fact that I have to make them myself, as for some unaccountable reason I still do not possess my own personal chef. Do you make yourself eat your DRS because you feel you "should", or you are pressed into having it?
          I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

          Oscar Wilde

          Comment


          • Dear w55rQMat and futsayerty9761a,

            When I was a teenager reading Gone With the Wind, I fantasized about one day being in a circle of admiring beaux just like Scarlett O’Hara. This was laughable for many reasons, most prevalently my social incompetence and lack of gorgeousness, but I still cherished the idea of hopeful lovers running after my barbecue, offering desserts and umbrellas for shade, and hanging off my every word. Of course I would be dressed fabulously, and every eye would be upon me, and maybe there would be a duel to win my hand. Scarlett O’Panda would flutter and beg to not be fought over, but inside, Scarlett O’Panda would be thrilled to inspire such passion.

            But this is not how real life works for most of us, and Gay Panda was no different. Until now! My darlings, please put down the Nerf muskets! Only one of you can have me, that’s true, but let’s not turn my journal into a battle for Gay Panda. I know that I can be hard to resist, sitting here in my Lipstick Jammie Pants that are riding up and displaying my ankles, and my hair looks quite windswept*, and I have a devilish way with the printed word to make up some for my disastrous handle on the spoken. If I had a clone, I’d duel for me**. So I understand. But you mustn’t do this here! People visit Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS to listen to me kvetch about food and weight and how I am the size of Panada after a restaurant yesterday, not to watch trolls war over me.

            Yet I am very flattered, and if you would like to relocate your duel to my front yard tomorrow at dawn, I will stand on the porch and flutter a kerchief above the field of honor, and look very distressed for your welfare. I will tell you to stand back-to-back and then I will count your paces as you grip your Nerf muskets, ready to meet Valhalla over Gay Panda, and then the gravity of this situation will grate upon me, and I will cancel your duel and make everybody bacon.

            Then we will solve the matter with astrology, or a Myers-Briggs test, or flip a coin. And when my married friends tell their boring stories about how they met in college, or on the Internet, I will brag that I was won by my true love in a duel. It will not be entirely the truth, but no one has to know.

            Love,
            Gay Panda
            JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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            • UPDATE: (in explanation of * and **)

              * Windswept sounds so much more attractive than uncombed.

              ** No, I wouldn't. I just love how conceited that sounds. If I were dating myself, which one of us would push the cart at Whole Foods?
              JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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              • Originally posted by Sigi View Post
                Oh look, your little troll-bots are back! They couldn't resist you for long, dear Panda.

                Thank you for sharing your daily menu. I too can do boring and fairly monotonous – as long as I actually enjoy what I am eating. What you had today sounds rather yum (except perhaps for this mysterious 'empanada' item, which I shall shortly Google to learn more about). I'm interested in higher-fat eating because I think it may help my satiation, and perhaps stop the evening nibblies from which I have been suffering horribly of late.

                BTW - the only thing I deeply resent about salads is the fact that I have to make them myself, as for some unaccountable reason I still do not possess my own personal chef. Do you make yourself eat your DRS because you feel you "should", or you are pressed into having it?
                I love my troll-bots. And yet I press the Death Triangle on them. So it's complicated.

                My empanada had chorizo and potato and sour cream for filling and a Delicious Mystery Sauce. It was heavenly.

                I don't often get the evening nibbles but Lady Friend does, so she is going to bump up her fat intake as well and see if that helps. As to salads, I resent making them, too. I resent eating them, unless they are so drenched in other, more interesting substances that I hardly notice the greenery. I loathe vegetables and I only eat them because I feel like I "should". So I end up not having them very often. Fruit is delicious but too much gives me cravings, so I parcel that out to every other day.

                Go away, Sigi's evening nibblies!
                JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

                Comment


                • ** No, I wouldn't. I just love how conceited that sounds. If I were dating myself, which one of us would push the cart at Whole Foods?
                  Obviously you'll have to invest and clone Lady Friend too!

                  Griffin is nothing if not a problem solver.
                  There are two wolves fighting within a man's heart, one is Love, the other is Hate. The one that wins is the one you feed.

                  My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we'll change the world. - Jack Layton

                  The Primal Adventures of Griffin - Huzzah!

                  Comment


                  • Yet I am very flattered, and if you would like to relocate your duel to my front yard tomorrow at dawn, I will stand on the porch and flutter a kerchief above the field of honor, and look very distressed for your welfare.
                    ... or blast "Mortal Kombat" and shout "Go! Go! Go!" while jumping up and down. I am a devoted reader, no?
                    Cooking Primal with Otter - Journal
                    Otter's (Defunct) Primal Log
                    "Not baked goods, Professor, baked bads!" ~ The Tick

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by ottercat View Post
                      ... or blast "Mortal Kombat" and shout "Go! Go! Go!" while jumping up and down. I am a devoted reader, no?
                      Yes, you are! I am very impressed.
                      JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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                      • Gay Panda, were you in my grocery store this evening? I popped in to get some lettuce, and I saw an individual in the produce department wearing thin gloves. They weren't gloves enough to be warm, but would be enough to help eliminate unknown substances from touching the hands of the wearer. Perhaps gloves are the solution to your OCD grocery store problem?
                        My Primal Journal

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by BeckaSki View Post
                          They weren't gloves enough to be warm, but would be enough to help eliminate unknown substances from touching the hands of the wearer. Perhaps gloves are the solution to your OCD grocery store problem?
                          I just don't want to give in to my OCD. It's so dumb. I know that I'm not going to catch swine flu from the cart, but my brain still entertains the possibility at every store. Wearing gloves and disinfecting the cart feels like I've gone from humoring my neurosis to caving in entirely.

                          But I WAS in the store this evening, however! I contemplated the produce and decided that I'd spent too much in the meat department to justify buying anything else. Oh well.
                          JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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                          • PART ONE: Gay Panda loves those stories that crop up in the news now and then of a bottle washing to shore with a message inside. A bottle dropped by a schoolboy in New York traveled over two thousand miles to be plucked from the water by a Portuguese man and son; a World War I soldier dropped a love letter to his wife in the year 1914, and that bottle was not pulled out until 1999 by a fisherman who researched the family and found a daughter still living to whom the letter was then delivered.

                            Gay Panda considers leaving the magical bamboo forest to drive to the ocean with a Coke bottle and a tight stopper, and a roll of ivory vellum with baroque design inside. My message will be scripted in gold-flaked ink and done in my best handwriting, which in the past received compliments from my third grade teacher. This is one of those facts that should be left OFF your personal ad, should anyone be reading Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS for dating tips. But just so everyone knows, Gay Panda has beautiful handwriting. And won the science fair twice.

                            What is the message I will cast to the ocean? Ducklings, a hundred years from now someone will find my Coke bottle caught in a fishing net. He or she will excitedly slip out the roll of ivory vellum, now yellow with age, and admire my handwriting and the luxury ink with which I scripted my message, and read only three words.

                            I WANT POTATOES.

                            In Whole Foods yesterday evening, I walked by the dessert counter with hardly a twitch. I dismissed the cornbread with mild regret. I did not fret about swine flu because I tricked Lady Friend into coming to the store with me under the guise of holiday shopping. It is the holidays; grocery shopping is shopping. Gay Panda not only has beautiful handwriting, but guile. Guile is also something that does not belong in your personal ad. A third of your prospective dates who read it will not know what it means; a third will mix up guile/guilty and think that you are a felon; and another third will know what it means and be understandably concerned as they wonder what you might be lying about in your ad.

                            So Lady Friend caught imaginary swine flu from the cart while I shopped unmolested. We were both hungry and this made her bitchy, so she wiped her hand on my sleeve to transfer swine flu germs to me. Now I have to wash my jacket, and revenge will be mine. Gay Panda can wait. I made it from August to December without telling her about my secret journal, so now I will just wait until next summer when she screams at a spider. And then I will say, “Remember back on December 20th of last year when you got swine flu all over me at Whole Foods? Well, who’s laughing NOW?”
                            Last edited by Gay Panda; 12-21-2011, 09:46 AM.
                            JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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                            • PART TWO: So after she infected me and a slap-fight ensued by the sliding doors, we went to the deli. It is a prerequisite for employment at the three Whole Foods in my area that all deli workers must be stoned. So it takes an excruciatingly long time to get service, and while Lady Friend stood there getting more and more infected from the cart, I collected other items from nearby aisles.

                              And then I saw them. Is there anything sultrier than a heaping tray of mashed potatoes in a hot bar? No. I defy you to name what could possibly be more attractive than a fluffy white pile of perfection, gravy steaming to the side. You can’t. There was nothing sexier on this earth, and I wanted them desperately. Just a little container with gravy squeezed around the lid from overfilling it, and I hated that I could not have this with the fire of ten thousand suns.

                              I WANT POTATOES.

                              It was dinnertime and I was hungry. Yesterday I had more carbohydrates than usual, and my body wants more. What could a little container hurt? And look how fine they were, beaten to perfection with little swirls on top! The tray was fresh and untouched and I wanted those potatoes so badly that my mouth watered. I went back to Lady Friend as the stoned employee sliced the roast beef, and I puffed out my lower lip to show her how many sad faces were being circled on my feelings charts.

                              “NO,” she said. We debated. Weight loss. Potatoes. Weight loss. Potatoes. I trudged back to the hot bar and stared at them.

                              Gay Panda has beautiful handwriting and guile, and also resolve. It is resolve that pulled me through the 142,000 words of the science fiction book that I wrote. It is resolve that got my bachelor’s degree while working a minimum wage job every night to pay tuition. I was going to accomplish these things and nothing was going to stop me! Resolve is also something that does not belong in a personal ad, because it will make you look like you are showing off your vocabulary. Personal ads are about selling yourself, but if you talk up your product too much, then people will assume you are conceited or terribly insecure, and neither of these traits is attractive. So do not say that you have beautiful handwriting, guile, and tons of resolve. Save it for the second date.

                              Why am I not eating mashed potatoes right now? I want to brag that it was my resolve, but no one likes a braggart, and no one likes a liar either. I would be lying if I said it was resolve that forced me away from the hot bar. It was not. It was Lady Friend, who rammed the cart into my ass as I stood there considering the potatoes. I squawked and stumbled away from the tray, and she hit my ass again with that filthy, germy cart. In addition to having to wash my jacket, I now have to wash my jeans. She drove me away from the hot bar and down the vegan aisle as punishment.

                              In conclusion:
                              A: Lady Friend is a horrible person who infects me with swine flu. The next time she is terrified by a teeny-tiny spider, I should amble to her rescue.
                              B: Lady Friend is a wonderful person who saves me from potatoes. The next time she is terrified by a teeny-tiny spider, I should race to her rescue.

                              Ladies and Gentlemen, I await your votes.
                              JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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                              • C: Lady Friend is a wonderful person who save you from potatoes. The next time she is terrified by a teeny-tiny spider, you should amble to her rescue because that's what friends do - laugh at their friends when they are uncomfortable around spiders. (Ask Mrs. Griffin about the spider I brought home in a jar when she was pregnant with the first Griffin Offspring)
                                There are two wolves fighting within a man's heart, one is Love, the other is Hate. The one that wins is the one you feed.

                                My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we'll change the world. - Jack Layton

                                The Primal Adventures of Griffin - Huzzah!

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