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  • I hear you, Panda. I'm so tired of the numbers on either side of 200 that I've basically thrown the towel in for the moment. I can't take the effort with a total lack of permanent results.

    However- you, m'dear, are doing great! How long have you been at this and how far down are you? You won't be able to look delightfully Rubenesque on that scale of yours for long- if you even still can.
    http://cattaillady.com/ My blog exploring the beginning stages of learning how to homestead. With the occasional rant.

    Originally Posted by TheFastCat: Less is more more or less

    And now I have an Etsy store: CattailsandCalendula

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    • Originally posted by drssgchic View Post
      I hear you, Panda. I'm so tired of the numbers on either side of 200 that I've basically thrown the towel in for the moment. I can't take the effort with a total lack of permanent results.

      However- you, m'dear, are doing great! How long have you been at this and how far down are you? You won't be able to look delightfully Rubenesque on that scale of yours for long- if you even still can.
      Sometimes we must take a break for our sanity!

      My Lifetime High Score was around 2002 at a very ripe 231 pounds of panda. I am 5'9", but with a smallish/medium frame, it just hung off me EVERYWHERE. And the last 30 pounds were all in my cheeks. So then I bounced up and down and up and down with conventional weight loss methods, and ended up this March at 217 pounds of panda. Now in December I'm 184.2. There have been several pauses in those months (virtually nothing happened in August or October) and then suddenly I crashed through it and moved down again. What's difficult when my body pulls those stunts is that I can eat completely 100% clean, and still nothing will happen. My body's just not ready, and as it drags on, I worry that it never will be ready.

      I still look a little pudgy on the scale, I still think YIKES in the dressing room mirror, but YIKES is an improvement on when I was 231 and looked at that mirror thinking in horror I'm in this body somewhere. I didn't even recognize myself any longer at that weight, and it killed me when a friend found my high school graduation picture in which I weighed around 137 pounds and blurted, "That's you?! You look so . . . so . . . different now."

      Knife through the heart.
      Last edited by Gay Panda; 12-06-2011, 06:11 PM.
      JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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      • i gotta be honest, if it were me i'd have probably replied 'well you look STUPID now!'

        ...okay, i'd think it
        beautiful
        yeah you are

        Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
        lol

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        • Originally posted by bloodorchid View Post
          i gotta be honest, if it were me i'd have probably replied 'well you look STUPID now!'

          ...okay, i'd think it
          That cracked me up. She was so embarrassed, but the first half flew out her mouth before the brain caught up, and then she was desperately trying to conceal the second half, which was obvious to both of us. But my, oh my, the difference between Gay Panda at 137 pounds and Gay Panda at 231 pounds is nothing short of astonishing.
          JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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          • I still look a little pudgy on the scale, I still think YIKES in the dressing room mirror, but YIKES is an improvement on when I was 231 and looked at that mirror thinking in horror I'm in this body somewhere. I didn't even recognize myself any longer at that weight, and it killed me when a friend found my high school graduation picture in which I weighed around 137 pounds and blurted, "That's you?! You look so . . . so . . . different now."

            Knife through the heart.
            I'm still not used to my "new" fat body. my husband has a picture of me as the wallpaper on his phone and when I saw it I said, "Oh my god! Why do you have such a hideous picture on your phone!?!" He sees "perky boobs and nice skin", I see bloated lumbering walrus-shaped Otter. Have to accept that I actually LOOK like that. I'm only 4'11", but I can lumber with the best of them.
            Cooking Primal with Otter - Journal
            Otter's (Defunct) Primal Log
            "Not baked goods, Professor, baked bads!" ~ The Tick

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            • Originally posted by ottercat View Post
              I'm still not used to my "new" fat body.
              I know exactly how that is. I haven't recognized my body since the mid-nineties. Ever since then, I've looked at myself and just thought WTF?!?!?!?!
              JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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              • in the right direction as I eat my sirloin.


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                • Originally posted by Gay Panda View Post
                  If I eat poorly, I am guaranteed a 100% failure rate on weight loss. Yet if I eat perfectly, I am not guaranteed a 100% rate of success. There is a factor out of my control, and this is the most maddening state of events. I deal with the daily visit to the scale pretty well. I need the number to keep me on track, and I don't want to spend my days on highs or lows according to whatever number I see, so I have to divorce my emotions from it. Usually I am successful, but sometimes I am not. Yesterday was one of those times, because it is the fourth time I've hit that low of 184.4 (since October) and then bounced back up.

                  Part of the irritation at this is due to my long ago struggles with losing weight the conventional way: semi-starvation and running myself to muscle strain. In one of those instances, the lowest I ever got was about where I am now. And I could not maintain it. I believe on one golden day I may have seen 181. But then, no matter how little I ate and how much I ran, I shot back up. So I worry that maybe the low 180s, no matter by what method I reach it, is simply my body's limit. The damage from the pills may be too much to overcome, and the 170s might be forever unattainable. Who knows? In the end, I am not in control. I might not get out what I put in. There are no guarantees.
                  Dear Panda,

                  Have you done any reading around the forum or elsewhere on cortisol? All of this angst and worry may itself be creating little stalls. Stress consistently stalls me out, and one of the best things I can do is forget about it.

                  I know you want to keep the routine of weighing, but I will tell you something that was helpful for me. I did my version of a "whole30" (picking up IniQuity's take on it, 30DONN - days of no nonsense) last spring sometime. I was eating very clean so I cut out dairy and caffeine, just to see if it made a difference, vowed to exercise more, and swore off the scale. I've been a daily weigh-er pretty much all my life, even when it was a horror show on the way up.

                  It was really hard. And now I weigh pretty much every day again. But that spell of not weighing really took the frustration of the daily numbers away (I lost about 5 pounds that month). I'm trying to keep inching down, and I have quite a bit more to lose. But you know, if I stay at this level, I'm still *50* pounds down from my peak. (And so are you, essentially.) And by the stars above, that feels AWESOME. I lost most of that 50 pounds in the first three months, but let's call it 50 pounds in a year and change.

                  It took me more than a decade to pack those pounds on. So if it takes me another year or so to get where I want, that's probably as fast as I *should* lose it, to keep the loss sustainable and healthy as my body does whatever it needs to in order to adjust. Losing weight can stress your systems (see cortisol again!). And of course I'm not going to see a difference every day (or so) on the scales.

                  Maybe not 30DONN for you, but only weigh every other day? Or some other system, like you were doing before? Just a thought.
                  "If man made it, don't eat it." ..Jack LaLanne
                  "It doesn't matter how beautiful your theory is, it doesn't matter how smart you are.
                  If it doesn't agree with experiment, it's wrong." ..Richard Feynman

                  beachrat's new primal journal

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                  • Originally posted by beachrat View Post
                    Have you done any reading around the forum or elsewhere on cortisol? All of this angst and worry may itself be creating little stalls. Stress consistently stalls me out, and one of the best things I can do is forget about it.

                    It was really hard. And now I weigh pretty much every day again. But that spell of not weighing really took the frustration of the daily numbers away (I lost about 5 pounds that month). I'm trying to keep inching down, and I have quite a bit more to lose. But you know, if I stay at this level, I'm still *50* pounds down from my peak. (And so are you, essentially.) And by the stars above, that feels AWESOME. I lost most of that 50 pounds in the first three months, but let's call it 50 pounds in a year and change.

                    It took me more than a decade to pack those pounds on. So if it takes me another year or so to get where I want, that's probably as fast as I *should* lose it, to keep the loss sustainable and healthy as my body does whatever it needs to in order to adjust. Losing weight can stress your systems (see cortisol again!). And of course I'm not going to see a difference every day (or so) on the scales.

                    Maybe not 30DONN for you, but only weigh every other day? Or some other system, like you were doing before? Just a thought.
                    I've tried weighing every other day, once a week or less than that, and it was a disaster for me. When I don't know, I just think about it obsessively, and then since I don't know, I become sloppy with what I eat. It's far less stress for me just to weigh every day, even when it's disappointing for weeks on end. I'm much more likely to say f*ck it if a once-a-week or once-a-month weighing shows no progress than I am to say f*ck it to three weeks of weighing daily with no progress.

                    Patience might be easier if I had gained this in a slow creep over decades. But I was 137 pounds at 19 years old and 207 pounds at 20. This was almost an overnight weight gain. It was just BAM, normal to obese. But there has been no BAM from obese to normal. That's annoying, but it's okay. As long as I trend down, even slowly, at least it's going down. I'm just fearful that the damage done by the pills will be too much to overcome, and that feeds into my anxiety when weeks go by with no change. I worry that my body has hit the point where it can go no further. It's also why I selected 166 as a goal weight instead of 137, because I don't want to set myself up for disappointment. Set the bar very low and maybe one day I'll cross it!

                    My cortisol thermostat is set to high, unfortunately, and has been since I was a cub.

                    You've lost 50 pounds?! That's fantastic! CONGRATULATIONS!
                    JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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                    • Sanity? What is this sanity thing of which you speak? I am unfamiliar with it . . .

                      I don't know the exact numbers, but I blew up at the end of/after college and have been struggling with it ever since. I don't have the "wow I'm so thin now!" moments because I might be down 15 or 20# from my own high score- 217.5 on 5'6 or 7 depending on the day- but I know what I looked and felt like at 155 in college. I didn't appreciate it then- but I looked good! So there's no way that I'm not a large shirt, right? I couldn't possibly be an XL and I am sufficiently practiced at self-delusion that this has been going on for some time now . . . So I feel your pain at it not moving. This body isn't MY body- it's just the one I'm stuck with right now.
                      http://cattaillady.com/ My blog exploring the beginning stages of learning how to homestead. With the occasional rant.

                      Originally Posted by TheFastCat: Less is more more or less

                      And now I have an Etsy store: CattailsandCalendula

                      Comment


                      • " You can be the most perfect candidate for a job in the world, but have your application thrown out because you are a Scorpio."

                        grumble...grumble...Scorpio discrimination...not fair......grumble...grumble.....

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                        • Originally posted by drssgchic View Post
                          Sanity? What is this sanity thing of which you speak? I am unfamiliar with it . . .
                          An approximation of sanity? An approximation of the image of sanity, or the fantasy of sanity . . .

                          I didn't appreciate what I had either, but then again I had nothing with which to compare it since I'd always been an average-sized panda. It's surreal to have this image of your body size firmly rooted in your mind, but to see a completely different one in the mirror. Like you, this body isn't MY body, it's just the one I somehow landed in, and I WANT OUT.
                          JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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                          • Originally posted by DJY View Post
                            " You can be the most perfect candidate for a job in the world, but have your application thrown out because you are a Scorpio."

                            grumble...grumble...Scorpio discrimination...not fair......grumble...grumble.....
                            My Aunt Panda is just insane for doing that, and hopefully there aren't other employers like her using astrological signs as a prerequisite for job consideration.
                            JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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                            • Originally posted by Gay Panda View Post
                              I didn't appreciate what I had either, but then again I had nothing with which to compare it since I'd always been an average-sized panda. It's surreal to have this image of your body size firmly rooted in your mind, but to see a completely different one in the mirror. Like you, this body isn't MY body, it's just the one I somehow landed in, and I WANT OUT.
                              It's interesting when this goes the other way too and is equally hard to shake. I've never been anything other than overweight. I've lost several pants sizes since going primal, and I don't see it in myself. I see that my clothes don't fit, and in the way I can move, but in the mirror: same old me. I am out (at least on the way), and I can't even appreciate it.
                              My Primal Journal

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                              • Originally posted by Gay Panda View Post
                                Patience might be easier if I had gained this in a slow creep over decades. But I was 137 pounds at 19 years old and 207 pounds at 20. This was almost an overnight weight gain. It was just BAM, normal to obese.
                                Gotcha; sorry, because I knew that, but forgot. And I can see how that makes it more frustrating and everything.

                                I'm just fearful that the damage done by the pills will be too much to overcome, and that feeds into my anxiety when weeks go by with no change. I worry that my body has hit the point where it can go no further. [...]
                                My cortisol thermostat is set too [FTFY ] high, unfortunately, and has been since I was a cub.
                                I honestly thought cortisol was imaginary, made up to sell diet drugs and the like, until I started reading about it in paleo and primal articles, and the research. How did you find out that your cub level was high?

                                I'm back to working hard on fixing my omega ratios and taking fish oil and Vitamin D. That makes a lot of difference for me in getting good sleep, which makes a lot of difference in not getting too anxious. I can put myself into a frenzy over nothing if the right trigger hits at the wrong moment.

                                You've lost 50 pounds?! That's fantastic! CONGRATULATIONS!
                                Aw, shucks. Thanks. Sometimes all I can see is the stall. It's good to focus on the positive! You should too!
                                "If man made it, don't eat it." ..Jack LaLanne
                                "It doesn't matter how beautiful your theory is, it doesn't matter how smart you are.
                                If it doesn't agree with experiment, it's wrong." ..Richard Feynman

                                beachrat's new primal journal

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