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I am not a believer in the supernatural, even though I want to be. How many hours did Young Gay Panda spend hunched over a Parker Brothers Mystifying Ouija Board hoping to open a dimensional rift and speak to the dead? Well, more than I’ll admit here. It never worked no matter how many candles I lit, nor how I begged the beyond to make me its portal. There was no eerie rustle of curtains in my window, my cat did not hiss at a spirit behind me, and the planchette stubbornly refused to move.
And that makes me sad. So I’ve decided that when I’m die, I’m going to brace myself in the door to Valhalla and refuse to go through until the Holy Hall Monitor signs a pass so that I can haunt for a while. Ghostly Gay Panda will brighten the night of some young hopeful hunched over a Ouija board, by blowing my spooky breath over a candle flame and telling a yo-mama joke to piss off a kitty, and then sliding my spectral hand over the planchette. Today I picked out what message I will spell to that lucky boy/girl/panda desperate to touch the beyond: I WANT POTATOES.
Oh, does Gay Panda want potatoes! You can take your steak and stuff it. I want a gigantic bowl of creamy mashed potatoes slathered in butter and gravy and I want it NOW. My cravings are not relinquishing their hold despite two days of 73.15% and 74.7% fat. If you were to tell me that behind Door A was the hottest person alive wanting nothing more than to snuggle with a pudgy panda, and behind Door B was a gigantic bowl of creamy mashed potatoes slathered in butter and gravy, I honestly don’t know which I would choose.
When is this going to let up? I WANT POTATOES. Not those weird orange ones, fluffy white potatoes beaten within an inch of their lives and heaped in a trough for my consumption. If I had had any idea the bodily revolt that container of mashed potatoes from Whole Foods would spark, I never would have gotten them. The panda system is having an absolute fit. I WANT POTATOES.
RATIONAL SELF: But then your weight loss will stop.
IRRATIONAL SELF: I WANT POTATOES.
RATIONAL SELF: You’ve gotten from the 230s to the 180s. That’s incredible. Let’s keep going to 166, and then you can incorporate a trough of potatoes once a month.
IRRATIONAL SELF: I WANT POTATOES NOW.
RATIONAL SELF: Well, suck it up! You can’t have any!
IRRATIONAL SELF: I WANT POTATOES AND YOU WILL NOT STAND IN MY WAY.
Oh, this is going to be a duel. I hope that Benign Poltergeist has hidden my car keys.
Well, eating over 70% fat isn’t doing much for my cravings, but I’m dumping the excess water weight like no one’s business. Yikes! 3.8 pounds in three days. Another 1.4 pounds and I will be back at my lowest point. Yet even seeing these lovely results, I STILL WANT POTATOES.
...Now I want mashed potatoes. DAMMIT PANDA.
*sighs and goes back up the ladder to attempt to pin the strings of beads up for the third time without dropping on and the whole lot coming down*
I'm sorry. Beads are irritating me and now there are lost drawing pins in my room, waiting for me to find them via my bare foot. -_-
Say no to potatoes Panda! Busy yourself with.. with... DECORATING. Splurge on tinsel and go bananas! ...Or bamboo, if you like.
That is, if Panda actually celebrates christmas! x]
She's right. With enough butter it's ok. I hate cauliflower too, and yet, there's some in my fridge. I'm going to oversteam it. Then put in in the food processor and food-process the everliving crap out of it, and then I'm going to stir in some butter, milk, a little salt. Lastly, I'll pour some of the juices of some roasted buffalo over it since I can't make gravy consistently to save my life.
I'm going to oversteam it. Then put in in the food processor and food-process the everliving crap out of it, and then I'm going to stir in some butter, milk, a little salt. Lastly, I'll pour some of the juices of some roasted buffalo over it since I can't make gravy consistently to save my life.
**drool . . . . **
There are two wolves fighting within a man's heart, one is Love, the other is Hate. The one that wins is the one you feed.
My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we'll change the world. - Jack Layton