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  • Primal Calendar 2012: Twelve Months of Sexy

    January: Gay Panda in Lipstick Jammie Pants, sky blue bedsocks, and Aztec sweatshirt. Posed on a half-shell.
    February: Ottercat in a Slanket! You don't get to pick a month, ottercat. Since you smell like Kat von D, I want you next to me.
    March:
    April:
    May: This season's flower is bloodorchid, working that bun/headband thang over baggy jeans and socked feet. ::: drool :::
    June: namelesswonder is supplying the bow-chica-bow-bow with blue hair, strategically-placed kettle bells, and crushed pills!
    July: Mmm-hmm, this summer sizzle is brought to you by beachrat in Vibram FiveFingers and soiled work clothing.
    August: Paleobird offers up her hotness for our enjoyment, complete with monokini!
    September:
    October:
    November: BeckaSki is bringing the YOWZA to warm your chill, with a most adorable XXXXL orange reflective worker hoody!
    December: PixieKitten in yoga pants, turtleneck, and poncho with pipe cleaner reindeer antlers!

    Only 4 months to go! Come on, sexy people, let's give some mojo to our missing months!!!!
    JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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    • i find myself strangely attracted
      beautiful
      yeah you are

      Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
      lol

      Comment


      • Originally posted by Griffin View Post
        It appears Mark's post today is well-timed for Panda's Fatty-Food-Fixation!

        No Brussel Sprouts are the spawn of the Devil. My mom's ex-husband once forced me to eat 10 frozen brussel sprouts for dessert. They aren't welcome in the Griffin Aerie.
        Right after I posted in my journal, I stumbled over Mark's entry. That cracked me up.

        I have never eaten a Brussels sprout. They look like something dug out of a troll's ear.
        JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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        • Oh, can I have October if I may?
          I'll be sporting leggings, legwarmers and fluffy socks under a wide flowing red dress covered in a cardigan, oversized alpaca jumper and poncho, plus scarf and fingerless gloves of course. Add an autumnal wind blowing leaves into hair for dramatic effect.

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          • I volunteer my first-thing-every-morning look to the Twelve Months of Sexy. I'll bring my best bed-head (sticky-uppy on the left side, squished flat on the right, sort of vortexy at the back) and my best puffy-eyed "whaaat, morning already?" squint. I will be bedecked in old, blue-polka-dotted cotton boxers (suitably saggy from age and a million rides in the washing machine), a formerly white singlet which provides waaaay too much information regarding my bralessness (my gals like their freedom at night), and a lurid pink pair of old terry-towelling slippers which will leave the buying public eternally grateful that the Twelve Months of Sexy is NOT a scratch-n-sniff kind of calendar. Particularly on those mornings when I can't be bothered changing out of my nightwear before I get on the exercise bike. (Yes, I think added sweat stains could only increase my allure ...)

            I'm ready for my my close-up, Panda DeMille!
            I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

            Oscar Wilde

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            • I'll volunteer for March, though Ottercat will be a tough act to follow. Kat Von D indeed - the public will be torn about scratch-n-sniff. I'll be in my mom jeans right up to my rib cage that make my ass look as flat as a pancake (and just as delicious), with my Fresh Prince of Bel Air T-shirt. In case that isn't hot enough, the jeans will be tight-rolled and the T-shirt will be partially tucked in the front. I may need to curl my bangs for the occasion.
              My True Primal Story

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              • Gay Panda is not a mathematician.

                As a cub, I wanted to be one. But then I discovered that it involved math, and what I really wanted was the shock of an audience at a decathlon after my brain successfully solved some terribly intricate problem without me having to be involved in the process at all. I imagined the gasps and thunderous clapping; the envious whispers about a little panda cub handling a problem of larger magnitude than the panda cub itself. I imagined people congratulating the Perpetually Arguing Panda Parents on having such a brilliant offspring. I imagined getting a double scoop of ice cream afterwards to celebrate, and tallying up our bill with tax in my head faster than the cash register while the employee stood there dumbfounded.

                My desire to be a mathematician was borne not of affection for math, but purely a juvenile quest to be the center of attention*. I did enjoy the lovely precision of algebra but despaired of ever making sense of geometry. My teacher was dismal, my brain resisted every proof I mishandled, and despite tutors and hours of work, I resorted to cheating to not fail**. Trig I cheated in happily since my teacher couldn’t solve the problems himself, and after two weeks of watching him not solve a single one, then he’d hand out the test and expect us to do it***.

                Fortunately, figuring out yesterday’s fat ratio did not require math skills beyond me. At least I do not believe it did. But the answers-to-odd-problems are not in the back of MDA, which is completely unhelpful, so we will never know. I could have just input everything into my phone app, but that did not occur to me at the time. And so, I was surrounded by bits of paper covered in calories and grams, and there was ink on my fingers, and I concluded that my fat came in at 73.15%.

                YOU: Is that exact?
                ME: (Pause to hide bits of paper and sit on ink-stained fingers.) Yes. And I did it all in my head!
                YOU: What was your protein?
                ME: (Pause to stroke fingers to chin, and realize I am exposing the ink. Sit on hands again and look like I am concentrating on the numbers whizzing through my brilliant mind.) I performed the other calculations in joules moles just for fun, and mental stoichiometry takes me two minutes instead of two seconds. So let me convert back to calories and then add and take the average with the Hissenberg-Power property, not forgetting to cube the remainder, and I will get back to you on that.
                YOU: (Pause to let jaw hit floor.) WOW.

                73.15% seems like a decent number, doesn’t it? My cravings are still present, but the acuteness has (somewhat) subsided. I do not feel in danger of getting out a spoon and my baking sugar and going to town. Although seeing that written, something stirs within me. Damn. All right, let’s have another 73.15% day.
                Last edited by Gay Panda; 12-01-2011, 08:41 AM.
                JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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                • UPDATE: (in explanation of *)

                  * Likewise, my desire to be a doctor was borne of wanting to wear a white lab coat, so that it could snap about my calves as I rushed down the halls of an ER excitedly shouting medical jargon.

                  ** And no, I do not feel badly about cheating. I devised a Cheating Code of Ethics early on in high school. If the teacher was a good one, and I was unprepared for a test due to my own poor time management, lack of effort, or lack of brainpower, I took the fail that I deserved. If the teacher was a crappy one, and I had put in more than my fair share of time and energy on the work and still wasn’t getting it, I cheated. So I never cheated in algebra or comparative anatomy, in which the teachers were excellent and my ineptness with any material was my own damn fault, and I cheated in geometry and chemistry since the teachers were awful and it was a matter of academic survival.

                  *** Teenaged Gay Panda went to a particularly crappy high school, in which the French teacher did not speak French, the history teacher just showed movies because he was really a P.E. teacher, and the chemistry teacher was so disorganized that he’d fail students en masse because he’d lost all of their assignments in his pit of an office. Let us not forget the history teacher who rubbed up on students either! He bragged about how many inches his Disciplinary File stood, used racial slurs and denied the Holocaust, and brought a picture of himself naked to school. Oh, Mr. V. How did you word it when my class complained about your constant petting of the girls during quizzes? That’s right. ‘I’m just more physically affectionate with my girls than my boys.’ EW.
                  JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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                  • UPDATE:

                    Tuesday: 189.6
                    Wednesday: 187.8
                    Thursday: 187.2

                    Go, water, go!
                    JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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                    • Primal Calendar 2012: Twelve Months of Sexy

                      January: Gay Panda in Lipstick Jammie Pants, sky blue bedsocks, and Aztec sweatshirt. Posed on a half-shell.
                      February: Ottercat in a Slanket! You don't get to pick a month, ottercat. Since you smell like Kat von D, I want you next to me.
                      March: Snap! That would be SweetPickles in tight-rolled mom jeans with curled bangs, ready for bid-ness!
                      April:
                      May: This season's flower is bloodorchid, working that bun/headband thang over baggy jeans and socked feet. ::: drool :::
                      June: namelesswonder is supplying the bow-chica-bow-bow with blue hair, strategically-placed kettle bells, and crushed pills!
                      July: Mmm-hmm, this summer sizzle is brought to you by beachrat in Vibram FiveFingers and soiled work clothing.
                      August: Paleobird offers up her hotness for our enjoyment, complete with monokini!
                      September: Sorry, Austin Powers, Sigi's got your mojo now! Nothing says YUM like bedhead and smelly pink slippers!
                      October: SleepyRoots will light your bonfire with her leggings, fingerless gloves, and dramatic autumnal breezes. Stand back!
                      November: BeckaSki is bringing the YOWZA to warm your chill, with a most adorable XXXXL orange reflective worker hoody!
                      December: PixieKitten in yoga pants, turtleneck, and poncho with pipe cleaner reindeer antlers!

                      Won't someone be our Mr./Ms. April? Maybe YOU, shy lurker?
                      JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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                      • Originally posted by Gay Panda View Post
                        Right after I posted in my journal, I stumbled over Mark's entry. That cracked me up.

                        I have never eaten a Brussels sprout. They look like something dug out of a troll's ear.
                        GP, you are missing joy! Chop them into small pieces and saute them in liberal amounts of Kerrygold butter. I use a cast iron pan and cook them until the edges just start to blacken, at which point they have softened but still have a delicate crunch to the stem. One of my very favorite vegetables.

                        I made some this morning, in fact, and then absent-mindedly left them sitting on my table where I can not, in fact, eat them until I go home.
                        Today I will: Eat food, not poison. Plan for success, not settle for failure. Live my real life, not a virtual one. Move and grow, not sit and die.

                        My Primal Journal

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by Uncephalized View Post
                          saute them in liberal amounts of Kerrygold butter. I use a cast iron pan and cook them until the edges just start to blacken, at which point they have softened but still have a delicate crunch to the stem. One of my very favorite vegetables.

                          I made some this morning, in fact, and then absent-mindedly left them sitting on my table where I can not, in fact, eat them until I go home.
                          That made me sad, too. I hope you get to go home soon and rescue them!
                          JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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                          • All right, people, if no one will make April SEXY by this evening, I will award it to the lovely trolls who turned up yesterday to Bermuda Triangle my journal. Although I understand from Paleobird's journal that she is trying to take one down. Go, Paleobird!
                            JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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                            • If you click on the little triangle with an exclamation point in in on the lower left of the post, it takes you to a form for reporting such things. I don't know if anyone ever reads those forms or if it just makes me feel better to send them.

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                              • Ooh, that is good to know!

                                Truth: I take their weird troll names and insert them into an anagram site to see what happens. One turned into Hadj Gel Pip, which made me happy.
                                JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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