Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Originally posted by Gay Panda View Post
    Even better, I will Photoshop myself in Renaissance wear onto the half-shell of Sandro Botticelli's The Birth of Venus.
    ::: claps hands in gleeful anticipation :::
    I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

    Oscar Wilde

    Comment


    • 29" waist?!? Hardly a pudgy panda, I should think!
      You should come over here and hang out in your outfit. I am resplendent in my artificial xmas-tree colored Slanket which I am wearing backward like a robe for someone twice my height. What is a Slanket, you may ask? Why it is a massive piece of sleeved fleece, which is vastly superior to a Snuggie according to Amazon.com reviews. My husband got one for all his relatives who refused to submit a Christmas Shopping List, and me. I asked for a bottle of Kat von D perfume and I got a Slanket
      Cooking Primal with Otter - Journal
      Otter's (Defunct) Primal Log
      "Not baked goods, Professor, baked bads!" ~ The Tick

      Comment


      • Originally posted by ottercat View Post
        29" waist?!? Hardly a pudgy panda, I should think!
        You should come over here and hang out in your outfit. I am resplendent in my artificial xmas-tree colored Slanket which I am wearing backward like a robe for someone twice my height. What is a Slanket, you may ask? Why it is a massive piece of sleeved fleece, which is vastly superior to a Snuggie according to Amazon.com reviews. My husband got one for all his relatives who refused to submit a Christmas Shopping List, and me. I asked for a bottle of Kat von D perfume and I got a Slanket
        You and I belong on half-shells together!!! I think sexy on this magnitude might melt MDA into a puddle.

        Yes, a 29" waist down from a guesstimate of 40". My waist is definitely not a problem area; it's the huge pooch that lies below. And let us not forget my Parthenon column thighs!

        Gay Panda loves you for wanting Kat von D perfume for Christmas.
        JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

        Comment


        • Originally posted by drssgchic View Post
          "So every morning, Bare Gay Panda stands on the scale looking Rubenesque."

          So, I know I'm like way behind on your journal, but I just wanted to point something out about this statement. (Which I almost IM'd to a customer- oops.) Have you seen Rubens' women? I'd send you a link, but, yeah, he was into nudes, and that at work thing. Sure, they had curves- but if you look closely, those were no dough-babies. Those women had muscle. I'm never going to be delicate- and while I've got some flesh to spare- that's not a comparison I'd be sorry to see. The real Rubenesque- not the muscle-less modern version that is. Consider it a complement
          Done! Compliment taken.
          JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

          Comment


          • Damn, Panda! I'm a 26" waist, so you can't be as poochy as you think!! =o
            As I sit here in my black yoga pants, stripey turtleneck jumper and Completely Mismatching Poncho twisting pipecleaners into antlers for my badly sculpted elephantitis infected reindeer (Which really needs it's ears glued back on :/), All I can see is a sexy panda wearing red red lipstick pants and blue fuzzy socks, sitting gracefully upon a half shell politely declining ice cream from the cherubs that surround the scene.
            I don't think these antlers are going to come out very well.
            Bunny trainer extraordinaire!

            Comment


            • I haven't been around for a while but wanted to tell you that I am sorry for your loss of Grandmother Friend. You are really kicking butt with this weight loss gig and I loved the description of the new Jammie Pants.

              Comment


              • Peas are not a food.

                As a panda cub, I was perplexed why no one understood this but myself. Clearly, peas were plant boogars or something worse, and green beans weren’t even from this planet. Hash is sickening, and lasagna was created to punish me. I can’t say which part was the worst: the vomit smell of the Parmesan, the bitterness of the ricotta, the clots of meat or the bumpy noodles that transformed into wriggling snakes in my throat. And why would one put anything but cheese and pepperoni on a pizza? The ‘Everything’ Pizza is a nightmare of chaotic tastes and textures, and before I would take a single bite, I would carefully deconstruct it down to the inoffensive basics.

                “EAT IT!” the Perpetually Arguing Panda Parents demanded. I spent hours sitting sullenly at the table, some variety of non-food in front of me, and missed the first half of Frosty the Snowman when I was eight because I just could not chew the fish eyeballs that are peas. It was at that time I realized that this battle was one I could not win directly, so I would have to resort to guerrilla warfare. Those peas were swallowed whole* so that I could make the second half of Frosty, bitter and teary since the first half was my favorite. Green beans were hidden in napkins. Lasagna was thrown up in the bathroom after dinner mercifully ended. On the ‘Everything’ Pizza I would not budge, and continued to scrape it clean even if it grew cold. My mouth simply refused to open for hash. That was porcupine barf.

                Overall, I was a very biddable cub. But everything fell apart at the dinner table because I am a supertaster, one who also struggles with textures. As an adult, I can’t stand to drink coffee, no matter how delicious it smells. I drink very little beer. Soy is impossible for me: it tastes exactly like Dial soap smells, and the texture is the final nail in the coffin. Kale is just the devil, and spinach is kale’s demonic younger cousin. I have not had lasagna, hash, or the ‘Everything’ Pizza since I was a cub.

                In the last month, I have had far more carbohydrates than usual. This has inspired cravings. My body is demanding mashed potatoes and frosted cookies, it is lusting after soda and singing the siren song of chocolate. I want a cinnamon bun. I want cake. I want a burrito. I want chips. I’m getting resentful, and that’s the state of mind in which bad decisions are made. So over the next few days, I’m going to experiment by upping my fat intake as high as I can. When cravings raised their ugly lizard heads before, very high fat quelled them to some degree.

                But this led to despair yesterday, because selecting high-fat foods proved troublesome for a supertaster who gets a squicky feeling from textures. The slippery squish of avocado in my mouth is a loathsome sensation. I can’t abide the fatty parts of steak. Macadamia nuts are horrible little things, and cream cheese is utterly revolting. But I need to curb these cravings before they get the better of me. I will eat avocado in guacamole form, and an ounce of walnuts is tolerable, as is heavy cream. Though the lovely butcher at Whole Foods tried to convince me to buy bacon with less fat, I dismissed her advice. I purchased two pounds of the highest fat ground beef they had and will make meatballs out of it today. And though I can’t stand the fatty parts of meat, I’m perfectly willing to cover my steak in garlic butter sauce.

                Will this help? Who knows? But I don’t like having cravings, so it’s worth a shot. My only carbs will come from a Deeply Resented Salad, an apple, or a little tomato in the meatballs and guacamole. I hope that this will be low enough to regain some control over myself. It was not fun to see 189.6 on Tuesday morning**; and it is even less fun that my body fervently desires what will push it over 190. This has to stop. I don’t want to go to YouTube and play Put A Ring On It, since my internal Mr. Magazine Times will have won another round. I will never get to Photoshop myself over Venus on the half-shell for your enjoyment (or horror).

                So, it’s fat for the rest of the week. 184.4, I will see you again. And then I will leave you behind.
                JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

                Comment


                • UPDATE: (in explanation of * and **)

                  * They are still swallowed whole as an adult. What say you, ducklings? Are they plant boogars, fish eyeballs, or something else entirely?

                  ** Tuesday: 189.6
                  Wednesday: 187.8
                  Goodbye, water weight. Please take more with you! (And take the cravings as well?)
                  JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

                  Comment


                  • If cooked too much, they are definitely plant boogers. Fish eyes are much more disgusting to my imagination. I have texture issues with some of the food you described as well. Lasagna was never a favored food of mine. The cheese was wrong. The pasta was slimy. Gimme that meat and cheese and sauce somewhere else and I'd gobble it up, but in that form, it's just an abomination.
                    Depression Lies

                    Comment


                    • It appears Mark's post today is well-timed for Panda's Fatty-Food-Fixation!

                      Mrs. Griffin hates peas too, so her family bought her a T-shirt that says "Give Peas a Chance."

                      No Brussel Sprouts are the spawn of the Devil. My mom's ex-husband once forced me to eat 10 frozen brussel sprouts for dessert. They aren't welcome in the Griffin Aerie.
                      Last edited by Griffin; 11-30-2011, 12:21 PM.
                      There are two wolves fighting within a man's heart, one is Love, the other is Hate. The one that wins is the one you feed.

                      My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we'll change the world. - Jack Layton

                      The Primal Adventures of Griffin - Huzzah!

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by PixieKitten View Post
                        As I sit here in my black yoga pants, stripey turtleneck jumper and Completely Mismatching Poncho twisting pipecleaners into antlers for my badly sculpted elephantitis infected reindeer (Which really needs it's ears glued back on :/), All I can see is a sexy panda wearing red red lipstick pants and blue fuzzy socks, sitting gracefully upon a half shell politely declining ice cream from the cherubs that surround the scene.
                        Do you know what the primal community needs? A calendar! Obviously, you've got December. I want January just so everyone starts off the year with a loud, "GAH!" And what month shall ottercat claim with that sexy, sexy Slanket?

                        Claim your month everybody!!! And don't forget to mention what you'll be wearing!
                        JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

                        Comment


                        • When I was a child we had to eat a teaspoonful of whatever Mom cooked for dinner. My brother and I still can't stand the smell of cooked cabbage. I would swallow my peas whole with my milk and I was done. He would sit at the table in front of his plate for hours refusing to eat them. I never did figure out why he wouldn't just swallow the darn things whole and get on with it.

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by hockeyfan7 View Post
                            When I was a child we had to eat a teaspoonful of whatever Mom cooked for dinner. My brother and I still can't stand the smell of cooked cabbage. I would swallow my peas whole with my milk and I was done. He would sit at the table in front of his plate for hours refusing to eat them. I never did figure out why he wouldn't just swallow the darn things whole and get on with it.
                            Ugh, cooked cabbage! Revolting.
                            JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

                            Comment


                            • Primal Calendar 2012: Twelve Months of Sexy

                              January: Gay Panda in Lipstick Jammie Pants, sky blue bedsocks, Aztec sweatshirt. Posed on a half-shell.
                              February: Ottercat in a Slanket! You don't get to pick a month, ottercat. Since you will smell like Kat von D, I want you next to me.
                              March:
                              April:
                              May:
                              June:
                              July:
                              August:
                              September:
                              October:
                              November:
                              December: PixieKitten in yoga pants, turtleneck, and poncho with pipe cleaner reindeer antlers!

                              Only 9 months left! Come on, people, bring your sexy to a month of 2012!
                              Last edited by Gay Panda; 11-30-2011, 06:09 PM.
                              JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

                              Comment


                              • LOL, ok, February is me clad ONLY in a ginormous Slanket and a dab or two of Adora (which I bought for myself for, um, Halloween)

                                btw, my Slankie is "Hunter Green" and here is the description from the website:

                                ""What happened to Francois?", I asked. "Francois, he, eh, crash into zee conifer.", said the French-Canadian. Straight out of the northern woods of Maine; rally cars and black flies."

                                I think Marketing has been huffing xerox toner
                                Cooking Primal with Otter - Journal
                                Otter's (Defunct) Primal Log
                                "Not baked goods, Professor, baked bads!" ~ The Tick

                                Comment

                                Working...
                                X