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ZOMG, I sat near a real-life Fairy of Debauchery in the bar section of a nice restaurant today! Blonde, buzzed, and blustering, she regaled us all with random pieces of conversation spoken at top decibel level. Here were my favorites:
"BRITISH MEN ARE SO QUIET AND HAVE SUCH GOOD MANNERS!!! IT'S LIKE THEY'RE ALL GAY!!!"
And then there was this one:
"ON TOP OF THAT, SHE WAS A MULATTO!!! AND A BASTARD!!!"
And how can I forget this one:
"SO THEN MY OLDER SISTER GOT MARRIED AND SOON AFTER THAT MY BROTHER GOT MARRIED AND THEN I GOT MARRIED AND MY YOUNGER SISTER SHOWED UP AT THE CEREMONY WITH A BLACK EYE AND SEVEN MONTHS PREGNANT SO MY PARENTS DIDN'T PAY FOR HER WEDDING!!! I BARELY REMEMBER MINE!!! IT WASN'T AN UPSCALE AFFAIR, JUST ME AND MY HUSBAND AND HIS FRIEND AND THE MAID OF HONOR AND SHE DIDN'T EVEN MAKE IT INTO THE PICTURES!!! WE WERE ONLY MARRIED FOR FOUR-AND-A-HALF YEARS BECAUSE IT WAS THE SIXTIES AND WE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WE WERE DOING!!!"
Her companion had a much lower voice which made it much harder for me to eavesdrop, but at one point she became very excited and cried, "THE ONLY WAY I'M GOING TO KNOW IF MY DAUGHTER GETS MARRIED IS IF SHE POSTS IT ON FACEBOOK!!!"
To which the Fairy of Debauchery roared, "AND SHE'S DATING A BRIT, ISN'T SHE???"
"YES!!! HE'S SO NICE!!!"
And the Fairy of Debauchery nodded sagely and bellowed, "BECAUSE HE'S PROBABLY GAY!!!"
Currently amusing my inner four-year-old is a Facebook acquaintance of Lady Friend's. The woman has named her beloved dog "poopy". I don't know why. But her posts are frequently about the dog, leading to captions like:
There's poopy on my sofa!
I found poopy on the floor.
Hanging out with my poopy!
My mom has had poopy all day.
Poopy in a hat.
Pictures of my poopy!
My poopy is better.
Panda! Happy you're back! Just read back a few pages and defiled my laptop by spraying tea through my nose. I really must get a tablet, so much easier to clean.
* passes over tea towel for defiled laptop *
Hi, Walrus! I didn't leave! I just spent the first part of the summer sick (thank you, visiting friend who didn't think anyone would catch his cold WHEN PANDA ALWAYS CATCHES IT) and then the second part of the summer I have spent with something akin to morning sickness.
No, Panda is not with cub. That would be a medical miracle. Panda is on a medication that mimics morning sickness. It is horrible.
I am a major whiner when I am not feeling well (and once I get going I never stop, so I try not to start in the first place). And I utterly failed at primal over the last five weeks because of this medication. I can only tolerate extremely bland foods, and those end up being corn flakes and pinto beans more often than not. Primal Fail. * hangs head in shame * The six-week mark of this medication is when most people have a reduction in side effects, and paws crossed, that happens to me too and I don't have to face this journal feeling such cascades of embarrassment.