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Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS

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  • Originally posted by ottercat View Post
    RUNSLADE: <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
    ok, I like you again

    p.s. Otterkit was "one planet over" at the time I read Z5, so it was a little hard to read. I just want to say that I hope all of Micah's wildest dreams come true! In graphic detail. I read "Plantation" so I know you have it in you. =D
    Runes: I am so sad to be finished with that series, but I am happy you enjoyed it! I miss writing those characters, especially Bella and Llewly (and creepy Serafina).

    Zombies: I am so glad to be finished with that series, and Zombies VI has been released! As to that part of Z5, it was hard to write, and let's say Micah likely exceeds expectations in her revenge in Z6.

    PLANTATION WAS DISGUSTING!!! I don't know how writers do graphic horror for a living.
    JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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    • Little Dude is a weird lamb.

      When he was born six weeks ago as part of a triplet pack, it was to face great adversity. His legs were curious things, stiff and propelled outwards like he was forever going down a Slip-n-Slide.* His mother was underwhelmed by parenthood and overwhelmed at the sight of each new lamb, and by the time he arrived, she took one look at him and had an OH HELL NO look in her eyes. So he got the boot from his family pack, his Mummy Dearest butting him away every time he tried to nurse. His siblings found this very curious, since they enjoyed the company of their strange little brother and didn't know why their mother was treating him so cruelly.

      So Lady Friend had a bottle baby who looked like he was always racing down the slick sweep of yellow plastic to victory. She was not amused. A bottle baby is a lot of work. She was also not amused when coyotes broke into the pasture and slaughtered four lambs, one of which was Little Dude's sister. The sister who loved him when his own mother didn't. I was heartbroken on his behalf, fifty percent because I was genuinely sad, and fifty percent because texting Lady Friend questions about the etiquette of sheep funerals was a distraction from editing.

      There were no funerals. But the electric fence has been improved.

      If coyotes had to do this, then Lady Friend said she wished that they would have taken the bottle baby so she wouldn't have to feed him anymore. She is a heartless woman in so many ways. She begrudges a baby lamb his thrice daily bottles. She touches swine-flu covered surfaces and then wipes her hand on my arm. She watches the sweet video of Frosty the Snow Goat taking his first steps with his damaged back half in a wheelchair and says she would have put him down. She tells people to watch Agents of Shield, which is a stupid show peopled by whiny characters.**

      Over time, Little Dude's legs have normalized and he's gone down to twice-daily feedings. But he's still somewhat strange, because no matter how big he gets, his ears don't grow. So he has grown from a little lamb to a mini-sheep, yet he still has lamb ears. His mother still hates him and he isn't very keen on people, which leaves him in a strange no-lamb's-land where he is part of both communities, yet part of neither.

      Yesterday I went to the pasture to LOVINGLY not BEGRUDGINGLY give this poor defective little scrap of life the milk that keeps him alive. He was hysterical at the fence, because lambs are always certain that they are about to die from starvation. He even considered leaping the fence, but had enough sense to realize when one is very small and the barrier is very tall, the barrier is going to win. So he stood up against it and bawled to the world about how the Grim Sheeper was closing in over the pasture to swing the scythe and claim his life. Lady Friend chucked two fully loaded bottles and a bucket at me and then tried to cajole him out of the gate, but he tried to go through the fence itself as a short-cut.

      It didn't work.

      She finally got him out and went off to have a meeting, because Lady Friend is an important person who does not sit around at home on her sofa in her pajamas all day like some gay pandas I could mention. I sat on the overturned bucket and popped the nipple in his mouth, consoling him that the Grim Sheeper does not claim extremely roly-poly lambs with ears half the size that they should be. I didn't need to bother, since lambs are incapable of multi-tasking. All that existed in his head was the bottle he was rapidly draining. I played with his weird ears as he gobbled, giving the bottle a hearty butt halfway through and spraying his face with milk.

      When the bottle ran dry, he remembered the Grim Sheeper and got hysterical in the time it took me to set it down and pick up the second. I stuffed it in his mouth and he switched tracks once again from FEAR OF DEATH to EAT. Then he butted it and shook his head, spraying himself with milk, spraying me with milk, and spraying pretty much everything all around us.

      It is a good thing that I rather like the vanilla scent of the milk replacer, because by the time the second bottle was drained, the two of us were covered in it. With friendlier lambs, hug and pat time follows, but he only wants me for my bottle-holding skills. He was returned to the pasture and stood there stupidly against a tree, as EAT switched to CONFUSION. The Grim Sheeper was no longer coming. He has no mother to hang out with, nor a compatriot of a sister. He was too swollen with milk to play. I told him that CONFUSION will soon turn to SLEEP and there is no need to worry, but he could take no solace in my voice since he has no affection for humans.

      A lamb of two worlds; a lamb of none. There's probably a book in there somewhere.

      UPDATE: (in explanation of * and **)

      * Although one of the Perpetually Sticky Panda Siblings would undoubtedly contest this, GAY PANDA SLID THE FARTHEST, LOSERS!!!

      ** Just remembered that she handles all of my tech. Lady Friend is a wonderful woman!
      JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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      • NO NO NO.

        26 Manscaping Pics That Will Leave You Stunned | Trendzified
        JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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        • Aarrgghh! I need eye bleach!

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          • I only made it to No. 7 before nausea overcame me!
            My Primal Journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread53052.html

            "Freedom from fear" could be said to sum up the whole philosophy of human rights. - Dag Hammarskjold

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            • I made it through the whole thing, and then I was sorry I had.

              Why would you do that? WHY???
              JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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              • For once, I'm glad I'm on a work computer and know better than to click that link. However, it should be noted that I do not have nearly enough shame to not SQUEEE about adorable emo lambs at work.

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                • I should ask Lady Friend to take a picture of Little Dude and then everyone can see his weird little ears!!!
                  JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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                  • Please Lady Friend! I need moar baby sheep in my life!!


                    Sent from my iPhone using Marks Daily Apple Forum

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                    • Everyone needs more baby sheep, Lady Friend!!!

                      Even though I do not have pets, I found myself in a vet office yesterday afternoon with the most emaciated, stinking, filthy, plague-ridden and pathetic looking cat in the whole universe. She was wandering around the Magical Bamboo Forest and looked inches from death. She also looked like she was harboring the genesis of a pandemic in her wasted, two-pound frame. I named her Patient Zero since the zombie apocalypse was no doubt going to start from her, and Lady Friend and I ferried her quickly to the vet.

                      Sadly, little Zero had to be put down. And in case I've been infected with the zombie virus, let me say goodbye now.
                      JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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                      • So sorry I never delurked before your untimely death. There are few nobler ways to die than in service of local soon-to-be-zombies, however.


                        Sent from my iPhone using Marks Daily Apple Forum

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                        • Brains . . . brains . . .

                          * lurchesthroughjournal *
                          JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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                          • I think zombie cats prefer mouse brains so your probably safe... unless she infected the local mice before her untimely demise... then your screwed.
                            Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise', I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

                            http://primaldog.blogspot.co.uk/

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                            • I can always count on you to cheer me up!!!
                              JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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                              • it was nice knowing you!
                                beautiful
                                yeah you are

                                Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
                                lol

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