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  • Originally posted by Gay Panda View Post
    This is NOT safe for work.
    It's also the right way to polish off 2013.

    What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums Last Year?
    I really want to know what a penis plug is but I am afraid to Google it.

    Comment


    • Oh god now I'm wondering exactly which place that was meant to be put... but not enough to find out and risk the google images.

      Comment


      • Originally posted by Gay Panda View Post
        This is NOT safe for work.
        It's also the right way to polish off 2013.

        What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums Last Year?
        OMG, I laughed so hard that I was coughing.

        "PATIENT STATES HE WAS EXPERIENCING AN ITCHY RECTUM AND INSERTED A REMOTE CONTROL TO SCRATCH"
        hahahahaha I'm laughing all over again.
        "Right is right, even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong, even if everyone is doing it." - St. Augustine

        B*tch-lite

        Who says back fat is a bad thing? Maybe on a hairy guy at the beach, but not on a crab.

        Comment


        • Originally posted by JoanieL View Post
          OMG, I laughed so hard that I was coughing.



          hahahahaha I'm laughing all over again.
          I can think of many things that would better, like a fireplace poker or a coat hanger. And did he use the remote again?

          Comment


          • Okay, I took one for the team. According to this site: Penis Plug, Princes Wand, Prince Albert and Sound - what's the difference

            Definition: A penis plug, sometimes called a Cock Plug, is a male sex toy, or item of erotic jewellery inserted into the urethra which can heighten and increase arousal, and in some cases intensify orgasm. It is said using a penis plug or medical sound during masturbation feels like being masturbated from the inside out.
            ETA: V, I hope not! Ewww!
            "Right is right, even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong, even if everyone is doing it." - St. Augustine

            B*tch-lite

            Who says back fat is a bad thing? Maybe on a hairy guy at the beach, but not on a crab.

            Comment


            • Originally posted by JoanieL View Post
              Okay, I took one for the team. According to this site: Penis Plug, Princes Wand, Prince Albert and Sound - what's the difference



              ETA: V, I hope not! Ewww!
              If I came towards Hubby with one those, he would scream like a girl.

              Comment


              • PART ONE: Gay Panda started 2014 with a pancake.

                It is a matter of deep grievance with me that I cannot achieve a normal weight simply by eating primal. I see people do that all the time in Friday Success Stories. They are fat. They are sad. They eat primal. And . . . POOF!!!

                I think there should be Friday Fail Fables for people like Gay Panda. People who do nothing wrong and still do not get rewarded with the POOF.

                Panda exists at the mercy of a Tan Mom Thyroid and an immune system that has decided it has nothing better to do than attack it. We all have our hobbies. Instead of standing guard against foreign invaders, a noble Gandalf the Gray shouting YOU SHALL NOT PASS to the swine flu germs that Lady Friend wiped on my arm the other day from the shopping cart handle*, I am under siege by friendly fire.

                Primal does good things for me. My skin is clearer. I feel better. But I will not achieve a lower weight without pharmaceutical assistance, and even that comes with no guarantee. I can be 80% primal or 90% primal or 100% primal and still be the size of Panada. I am not holding the reins of this freewheeling chariot. I cannot make resolutions regarding my body today, because I am doomed by factors out of my control to fail.
                JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

                Comment


                • PART TWO: I am now on 200 mcg of Synthroid and finally feel like I am drifting into a strange place where I have a modest amount of energy. My HMO endocrinologist wants me to back off the thyroid meds and take anti-depressants instead, because my weight and lack of energy are obviously created by the Gray Cloud that hovers over one’s head and drips fat raindrops when one is deficient in Vitamin Zoloft. My non-HMO endocrinologist wants me to continue my high dose of Synthroid (as well as T-3 and Metformin), because my weight and lack of energy are obviously created by Hashimoto’s. I can’t even think about weight loss until other things are in order, and we aren’t at that point yet.

                  So I had the pancake, and I plan to eat badly all damn day to ring in 2014 properly. There will be margaritas. There will be gingerbread cake and fudge. There will be potato cheese soup. When I feel awful tomorrow**, I’ll go back to eating the way that makes me feel better. And I will keep my fingers crossed that one day soon the weight will start to fall off, but I won’t torture myself in the meantime with standing on a scale and feeling like a lazy loser for only being 98% primal when 100% would have clearly given me a happier number. It wouldn’t.

                  My only resolutions for the year are to read some good books***, blog a little more, and be gentler with myself for feeling like a failure at not achieving a good weight/career/et cetera. I tried. And I failed. But I tried. Trying never equaled winning.

                  I should also resolve to floss more, or at least until my cleaning next month so I can nod truthfully when the hygienist asks if I floss.

                  Of course I do.
                  JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

                  Comment


                  • UPDATE: (in explanation of *, **, and ***)

                    * Up yours, Lady Friend.
                    ** Dear Valhalla, I am going to feel AWFUL tomorrow.
                    *** Or some bad ones. Bad ones can be just as fun.
                    JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

                    Comment


                    • GP, I feel the need to hug you since I get where you are coming from. But sadly, I have been invaded by a few of those swine flu bugs (actually probably just the common cold) and I do not like to share. I wish you luck with your meds.

                      May 2014 bring you happiness and better health!

                      Comment


                      • Yes, many germ-free hugs to Gay Panda. I do hope you will be well and happy in 2014, if not perhaps quite as svelte as you would like.

                        And slaps around the earholes to all those arseholes who breezily insist that it's so easy and if you just eat properly your weight problems will unfailingly, magically resolve and you will become a bronzed and muscular god/goddess because GOD IT'S SO EASY YOU HOPELESS CREATURE and if you're not a god/goddess by now you are clearly a lazy cheat who breakfasts daily on chocolate-dipped cheeseburgers so you deserve to fail. Hormones-schmormones, you're just not trying hard enough.

                        What, me, issues?
                        I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

                        Oscar Wilde

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by Gay Panda View Post
                          So I had the pancake, and I plan to eat badly all damn day to ring in 2014 properly. There will be margaritas. There will be gingerbread cake and fudge. There will be potato cheese soup. When I feel awful tomorrow**, I’ll go back to eating the way that makes me feel better. And I will keep my fingers crossed that one day soon the weight will start to fall off, but I won’t torture myself in the meantime with standing on a scale and feeling like a lazy loser for only being 98% primal when 100% would have clearly given me a happier number. It wouldn’t.

                          My only resolutions for the year are to read some good books***, blog a little more, and be gentler with myself for feeling like a failure at not achieving a good weight/career/et cetera. I tried. And I failed. But I tried. Trying never equaled winning.

                          I should also resolve to floss more, or at least until my cleaning next month so I can nod truthfully when the hygienist asks if I floss.

                          Of course I do.
                          We love you just the way you are...
                          "Right is right, even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong, even if everyone is doing it." - St. Augustine

                          B*tch-lite

                          Who says back fat is a bad thing? Maybe on a hairy guy at the beach, but not on a crab.

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by Gay Panda View Post
                            My only resolutions for the year are to write some good books, blog a little more, and be gentler with myself for feeling like a failure at not achieving a good weight/career/et cetera. I tried. And I failed. But I tried. Trying never equaled winning.
                            FTFY

                            I don't think you failed. I think the "conventional wisdom of primal" fails you. And that's not your fault. I've learned a lot on this forum over the last year, and the one thing I've taken most to heart is that everyone is different, and what works for one person/many people doesn't necessarily work for others. Our bodies are weird and complex and do their very best to flummox us at every turn. Get the old hormones involved, and all bets are off.

                            As for the career crap, you're a very special Panda, who makes a lot of people laugh and look at the world differently. Not many people can say that. So Happy New Year, Gay Panda! I look forward to reading more of your good books in 2014. And taking better care of my fingernails.

                            Comment


                            • Internet sanitized hugs, Panda. (That's a thing right?) If it makes you feel any better, I'm 23, more than decently plump and have lost a grand total of maybe 6 or 7 pounds since going primal almost two years ago. I feel so much better, but weight was not one of the problems solved by primal, paleo, vegan, or CW healthy. I don't have a clue if there's a reason behind it, though my mom is hypothyroid (still slender though :// ), and the recent blog post on Kresser's new book had me a little disturbed. Maybe I will consider trying to find a non-hypochondriac doctor when I get out of the army.

                              Good news, I got a kindle finally! So I can finally understand all the Runezombie talk hehe.

                              Just as soon as I figure out how it works...

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by vh67 View Post
                                GP, I feel the need to hug you since I get where you are coming from. But sadly, I have been invaded by a few of those swine flu bugs (actually probably just the common cold) and I do not like to share. I wish you luck with your meds.

                                May 2014 bring you happiness and better health!
                                You're the one who needs better health! I hope you feel better!
                                JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

                                Comment

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