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Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS

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  • One of these days some actual DANGER might actually befall my backyard chickens, and I will fail to respond while Sasquatch or velociraptors do their evil deeds. This is because my chickens give the DANGER squawk so often, and for such ridiculous reasons, that I tune it out like a car alarm.

    Here are the reasons for their DANGER squawks:
    1. Someone is laying an egg instead of standing with the flock.
    2. A teeny-tiny bird has landed in the yard thirty feet away.
    3. Benign Poltergeist is pulling their feathers.
    4. It is windy.
    5. Squawking is fun.

    Have at them, Sasquatch. I am sick of playing Investigator Panda.
    JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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    • Ah, and let us not forget these other reasons for DANGER squawks:

      6. Gay Panda shook the dust from the Towel of Death.
      7. Gay Panda swept the concrete of the walkway.
      8. The teeny-tiny bird is back.
      9. Just checking their hearing. Still good.
      10. Just checking my hearing.
      JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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      • Originally posted by Gay Panda View Post
        Ah, and let us not forget these other reasons for DANGER squawks:

        6. Gay Panda shook the dust from the Towel of Death.
        7. Gay Panda swept the concrete of the walkway.
        8. The teeny-tiny bird is back.
        9. Just checking their hearing. Still good.
        10. Just checking my hearing.
        10. ... Still good.

        I think you should get a rooster.
        That would surely make the ladies feel more SECURE!
        And then they could have chirren!
        “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
        ~Friedrich Nietzsche
        And that's why I'm here eating HFLC Primal/Paleo.

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        • Originally posted by cori93437 View Post
          10. ... Still good.

          I think you should get a rooster.
          That would surely make the ladies feel more SECURE!
          And then they could have chirren!
          *like*
          Primal since March 5, 2012
          SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



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          • The Internet is fired.

            JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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            • the title tells me all i need to know

              DOO NAHT WAHNT
              beautiful
              yeah you are

              Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
              lol

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              • Originally posted by Gay Panda View Post
                The Internet is fired.

                I didn't want to watch, I really didn't. But I couldn't help myself. Fortunately, he only shows the proverbial "cum shot" for the last cat.
                "Right is right, even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong, even if everyone is doing it." - St. Augustine

                B*tch-lite

                Who says back fat is a bad thing? Maybe on a hairy guy at the beach, but not on a crab.

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                • I watched it...

                  A. Why are people video-ing their cats barfing?
                  Seriously people. W. T. H?

                  B. It actually made what is heinously disgusting ALMOST mildly entertaining.
                  Cats yaking are strangely in tune with teh techno.

                  C. Cheerios... Really?
                  “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
                  ~Friedrich Nietzsche
                  And that's why I'm here eating HFLC Primal/Paleo.

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                  • PART ONE: Evil wears many faces.

                    There are the usual stand-bys in haunted houses and spooky graveyards, dentist offices and the freaky letter in your mailbox that tells you just how much you have left to go on your student loans. These are all very terrifying faces of evil, although my degree is at last paid off and the dentist office lost some of its fear factor after they started giving me nitrous.*

                    If you were dancing in a night club, caught in the grip of a dazzling stranger with a hypnotic gaze and a J. Crew wardrobe, you would naturally tell some joke to coax a smile and check for unnaturally pointed canines. I do this all the time to make sure I am not in the company of a vampire. Likewise I am wary of gorgeous, well-muscled people who are allergic to shirts and always ‘busy’ on the full moon. Before I roll the trash out on Thursday nights for pick-up in the morning (I never remember during the day), I check the street for zombies lurching mindlessly through all the cat poo my neighbor hurls onto the road.

                    These are very predictable faces of evil, the ones you expect to run into in your day-to-day life. These are the monsters you warn your children about right before they go to sleep, as all wise parents do, because youthful scars run deep and are never forgotten. But what’s hard about life are the unpredictable faces of evil, the ones you never see coming, like Gay Panda’s endocrinologist.

                    I have always fancied due to my line of work that I am quite adept at recognizing evil. I spend my days in worlds of haunted amulets and cackling witches, zombies and vengeful spirits and more. But I never saw the endocrinologist coming. He is an older man of stalwart constitution, a cheery yet forceful disposition, and has three very pleasant henchmen who work in the front office as highway robbers of bank accounts. As predicted, my medication was increased yet again. Soon I will feel the effects and go to sleep in a lovely repose*** that will last for seven days and seven nights, which would tickle my fancies were it not so dreadfully annoying since I want to be awake and working.
                    JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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                    • PART TWO: But what was not predicted, however, was his removal of my cheese.

                      I just stared at him. Hasn’t he read my file? I was born in cheese country, under the benign bovine gazes of the Three Wise Cows. Cheese is what makes something like a salad palatable. Cheese makes a hearty breakfast when I am too distracted by stories to concentrate on making bacon and eggs. Cheese makes the world go ‘round. But he feels it is this very attitude that indicates I should not have cheese, since we tend to crave what we are allergic to.**** I like sugar, but I do not crave sugar. I like bread, but I do not crave bread.

                      I crave cheese. So until my next appointment in October, I am severing myself as much as humanly possible from cheese to see what happens. Lest anyone suggest I eat goat cheese, let me be the first to dissuade you: I will not eat a product from a cartoon animal that eats BPA-lined tin cans and old Datsun hubcaps. If goats were meant to make cheese, they would be cows. Goat cheese is as ridiculous as purple potatoes, and I won’t eat those either. I will stand at the Whole Foods Potato Bin for several minutes picking up bags of miniature potatoes to determine which one contains the least purple.

                      It has been 46 hours since I last had cheese, and they have been 46 hours of unutterable sadness*****. I have been telling forlorn jokes to Lady Friend that go like this:
                      Panda: Knock, knock.
                      Lady Friend: Who’s there?
                      Panda: (shakes head mournfully) Not cheese.

                      We want to think that good will always triumph over evil, that the world will be set to rights after a long, heroic battle. That the dazzling stranger at the nightclub is not a vampire, and that one day our neighbor will come to her senses and stop throwing poo in the road. That the dentist will never run out of nitrous and our endocrinologist will not take away a cherished food item. But sometimes evil wins, children.

                      Sometimes it wins.******
                      JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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                      • UPDATE: (in explanation of all those asterisks)

                        * And now the poor hygienists are used to Panda’s hallucinations, which invariably lead to accusations that they are all prison guards but I am a vampire so be very, very afraid. And please turn off the radio because I hate Jewel.**

                        ** No, Jewel is not actually playing. I just think she is. It’s the nitrous.

                        *** Drooling and tangled up in the sheets.

                        **** In a cheese-less world, I end sentences with ‘to’. If you do not like it, take it up with my evil endocrinologist.

                        ***** And sleep, to be fair. And a six-hour marathon of Drop Dead Diva Season Three.

                        ****** I have officially been diagnosed with Hashimoto’s. This is not fabulous.
                        JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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                        • I am sorry of the lack of cheese and presence of Hashimoto's in your life, Panda. This is not fabulous at all, but I hope that the next few months (I am sure 3 months seems very far to you right now, but it seems all too short to me) will bring about some improvements for you.
                          Depression Lies

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                          • So sorry about the Hashimoto's. Hopefully when the right dose has been settled on, you'll be able to return to cheese.
                            "Right is right, even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong, even if everyone is doing it." - St. Augustine

                            B*tch-lite

                            Who says back fat is a bad thing? Maybe on a hairy guy at the beach, but not on a crab.

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                            • Thank you both.

                              So we are up to 112 mcg of Synthroid now, and in three weeks, bump up yet again to 137 mcg and add Metformin, and after that shoot up on the Synthroid once more. I believe later on we add a dash of Cytomel and bake me at 350 degrees until I am done.
                              JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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                              • Just look at it this way... you've never really been a baker before Panda. You're expanding your horizons!

                                Hopefully you'll be all sorted out and feeling a million times better soon.
                                “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
                                ~Friedrich Nietzsche
                                And that's why I'm here eating HFLC Primal/Paleo.

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