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  • Panda, oh great and lovely one.
    Have you tried treading on the scales and trying to make up your 'before' weight with towels? I am a very sad person and I have tried this. I didn't have enough towels..... Is this a good thing?

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    • Originally posted by ItinerantChild View Post
      Panda, oh great and lovely one.
      Have you tried treading on the scales and trying to make up your 'before' weight with towels? I am a very sad person and I have tried this. I didn't have enough towels..... Is this a good thing?
      I would think that this would be a very good thing! Usually I just lift a 10-pound bag of kibble for Primal Coach Kitty and realize that I've lost more than four bags' worth of weight. Still have a few more bags to go.
      JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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      • Day Two of Gay Panda’s Challenge

        I love that I posted a 30-Day Challenge for myself and had almost completely forgotten about it by the very next day. But today I did not forget.

        A: Read. I got through pages 5-8. Two of these pages had pictures. If a travelogue is told well, it can be fascinating. If not, then you have a deadly dull experience ahead. And if told by someone trying desperately to be deep and reflective, then it’s agonizing. Yesterday’s ‘ancient winds’ was followed by today’s ‘restless winds’. Is this opposed to winds at rest? Then it would be still. I hope the winds are doing something new tomorrow in pages 9-12. This reminds me of my best friend’s and my Twilight experiment, in which we marked every page in which Bella Swan cried and I averaged it out. Answer: she cried once per every 25 pages before she turned into a vampire. CHECK.

        B: Exercise. Half an hour on the primal treadmill, at a slow pace with three short sprints. Then I put on Ke$ha’s song Tik Tok and heavy lifted Primal Coach Kitty. Ke$ha makes the kitty purr, but Gay Panda thinks that Ke$ha needs a bath and a delousing, and has a stupid stage name. I also stretched, resentfully. CHECK.

        C: Agents. Successfully procrastinated through another day!

        D: Floss. Don’t have to until tomorrow, and that’s good, because my gums still hate me from yesterday.
        Last edited by Gay Panda; 10-02-2011, 04:33 PM.
        JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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        • PART ONE: When I was young, I worried that I had inherited the family ability to metamorphose.

          The Panda Clan should keep therapists on retainer, and they could retire millionaires by age forty and afford their own therapists-on-retainer to deal with the post-traumatic stress of treating us. The grandpandas were violent alcoholics who churned out many mentally disturbed cubs, who then went on to produce their own. We’ve got paranoid schizophrenics and mean drunks, drug and animal and child abusers, those who enroll in psychiatric facilities and join militias, live in squalor and view education as suspicious. One is so unbalanced that when I hear about mass shootings in a certain state, I cringe in anticipation that the newscaster will say his name. Another just refuses to hire Scorpios*.

          As a cub, I feared that this would be my future. I thought it was a natural process of biology: caterpillar to butterfly. One day I would be myself, the next day I would take a sip of beer and turn into a raging alcoholic who threw hammers at people like Grandfather Panda. I understood the term ‘disease of alcoholism’ as meaning that they, literally, had a disease. You don’t blame someone for cancer or leprosy or Ebola, because who contracts these on purpose? You can’t blame them. They don’t bear personal responsibility for their leprosy. It happens.

          So I looked at alcoholism as dissolving all personal responsibility. You made the mistake of drinking, you metamorphosed, and forever more you could do whatever heinousness you wanted because your illness of alcoholism absolved you of your actions. This frightened the hell out of me. I wanted to think that people wielded more control over their lives than this. It gave alcohol such power in my mind, as if a shot of tequila was going to transform a mild-mannered Gay Panda into a screaming, bar-fighting Gay Panda who cracked bottles over people’s heads and yelled obscenities at the cops as they shoved me into the drunk tank to sober up.

          Of course, it doesn’t work that way. I don’t drink often, but when I do indulge, I end up in a giggly heap wanting nachos. The metamorphosis never happened; I’m just Gay Panda with less inhibition. Under the shyness, I really am just giggling and wanting nachos. If I were to start drinking to cope with the hardness of life, I refuse to absolve myself. It was a choice that I made, a very bad choice. It may progress to the disease where my body is so accustomed to alcohol that it cannot function without it, but it was a choice to get my body to that state in the first place.
          JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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          • PART TWO: I believe that this misunderstanding of mine from cubhood is behind my fear of losing control with non-primal food. In almost all regards, the Panda Clan Crazy Train passed me right on by. OCD, depression, and shyness, well, those pale in comparison. My record and my home are clean, and the only person I’ve ever pointed a gun at was made of paper at a shooting range. (But I showed Paper Target Man who was boss**.) However, it is still in the back of my mind some substance will trigger a metamorphosis into a non-fabulous butterfly of destruction.

            In a few weeks, I’m going to a celebration. I want to have a margarita and a piece of pizza. I haven’t had a drink since July, and pizza hasn’t graced my palate since March. I fear that I will lose control, that the margarita paired with pizza will lead to total dietary chaos, and someone will find me huddled in a corner, stuffing my face with red cinnamon bears and sourdough bread and chocolate-covered pretzels and Coke and growling like a feral creature. Suddenly, new posts will cease from Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS, and you will wonder what happened to me. I metamorphosed. I realize that this is just the adult food equivalent of my cubhood alcohol fear. It’s coming from the same place.

            It looks so illogical when you read this, doesn’t it? But the age that we are intellectually and what we are emotionally don’t always match. I’ve resolved to have the drink and pizza after a month of rumination on the matter. Being so rigid that I deny myself everything will suck the fun out of the celebration. I allowed myself to start drinking years ago because I refused to believe that alcohol was more powerful than I was. And it wasn’t. Every drink that I take is my choice, not a compulsion from the alcohol. Drunk or sober, I am responsible for my actions. Food is not going to be more powerful either. So I’m going to trust that I can handle it, and that the cravings those substances will induce will not get the better of me.

            Fortunately, it goads me to think of playing Put A Ring On It any more than I have to for my internal Mr. Magazine Times. I love that I’ve lost weight; I don’t want another appointment with Mistress GERD ever again. So Gay Panda is a little afraid that posts will vanish after the 21st of this month, but not too afraid. On the chance that they do, please leave a threatening message after the beep. It will be a reminder that I am in control of what goes into my body, and a kick in the pants that I need to wipe the red cinnamon bear slobber off my chin and find myself a nice filet mignon.
            JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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            • UPDATE: (in explanation of *) Aunt Panda had a passionate hatred of Scorpios. When hiring at her business, she would go through the applications and immediately throw out anyone born from late October through the third week of November. I would love to see a case like this tried in court. Astrological discrimination? I made one of the heroes in my series a Scorpio just to stick it to her. Aunt Panda, it’s relatives like you who make me hope that one day I’ll find out that I was adopted.

              (in explanation of **) What do you think you’re looking at, Paper Target Man? That’s right, one big badass PANDA.
              JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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              • Originally posted by Gay Panda View Post
                However, it is still in the back of my mind some substance will trigger a metamorphosis into a non-fabulous butterfly of destruction.

                In a few weeks, I'm going to a celebration. I want to have a margarita and a piece of pizza. I haven't had a drink since July, and pizza hasn't graced my palate since March. I fear that I will lose control, that the margarita paired with pizza will lead to total dietary chaos, and someone will find me huddled in a corner, stuffing my face with red cinnamon bears and sourdough bread and chocolate-covered pretzels and Coke and growling like a feral creature.
                I hope Lady Friend will take pictures. Then you can put them on the bread box every time Bread Pusher brings over another loaf.

                Have your drink and 'za if you so choose, and I hope you enjoy them. I'm going strict for the winter and swearing off beer (formerly my drink of choice) for the indefinite future, since the last few times I've had one or two have really affected my allergies. However those were commercial beers and I also brew my own, so that's a triple silver lining (they don't seem to have the same effect, they are brewed to my tastes, and I have enough on hand to last quite a while even at the current rate of consumption, so possibly decades if I cut back).

                I am guessing margaritas have a fair amount of sugar in them. Not that I've ever had a sweet tooth, but a very refreshing and relatively primal cocktail is a gin rickey: gin, a healthy amount of good lime juice, and seltzer water (club soda). Just a thought.

                [...] So Gay Panda is a little afraid that posts will vanish after the 21st of this month, but not too afraid. On the chance that they do, please leave a threatening message after the beep. It will be a reminder that I am in control of what goes into my body, and a kick in the pants that I need to wipe the red cinnamon bear slobber off my chin and find myself a nice filet mignon.
                Now the suspense will mount for weeks!
                "If man made it, don't eat it." ..Jack LaLanne
                "It doesn't matter how beautiful your theory is, it doesn't matter how smart you are.
                If it doesn't agree with experiment, it's wrong." ..Richard Feynman

                beachrat's new primal journal

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                • Originally posted by beachrat View Post
                  Have your drink and 'za if you so choose, and I hope you enjoy them.
                  I really, really hope that I have not lost my taste for pizza like I have for curly fries. I would like to keep that as a very, very occasional treat!
                  JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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                  • I heard that the Cadbury Egg molester and his new girlfriend both work for Nestle now. This means any processed food you touch might have been a part of their romantic endeavors. This includes margarita mix and cinnamon bears. Pizza is probably safe since it has been baked post-defilement.


                    Cooking Primal with Otter - Journal
                    Otter's (Defunct) Primal Log
                    "Not baked goods, Professor, baked bads!" ~ The Tick

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                    • Originally posted by ottercat View Post
                      I heard that the Cadbury Egg molester and his new girlfriend both work for Nestle now. This means any processed food you touch might have been a part of their romantic endeavors. This includes margarita mix and cinnamon bears. Pizza is probably safe since it has been baked post-defilement.
                      You win today's Gay Panda Funny Point! EWEWEWEWEW!!!!! You're sick, ottercat.
                      JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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                      • I like the Scorpio discrimination(being a Scorpio who discriminates against male Aquarians!)I was on my way home tonight after a meeting and was speaking to my co-worker..we were discussing another one of our co-workers whom I happen to like..I do however feel there is something just ever so slightly not working for me.When I got home it dawned on me...he is a male Aquarian!I knew there was a reason I wasn't 100% sold on him!

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                        • You win today's Gay Panda Funny Point! EWEWEWEWEW!!!!!
                          Hooray! nine more points for the bumper sticker!

                          You're sick, ottercat.
                          *bows*

                          p.s. you need to link to your log in your signature so everyone can read Gay Panda and be FABULOUS
                          Cooking Primal with Otter - Journal
                          Otter's (Defunct) Primal Log
                          "Not baked goods, Professor, baked bads!" ~ The Tick

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                          • Originally posted by ottercat View Post
                            p.s. you need to link to your log in your signature so everyone can read Gay Panda and be FABULOUS
                            Although this makes Gay Panda sound 100 years old, and Gay Panda is nowhere near that, I admit that I have no idea what you are talking about. Posting on a site is brand new territory for this dedicated lurker. Do what???
                            JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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                            • My 3rd oldest sister is a Scorpio and we don't even talk. I also don't even say but maybe two-three times a year to my sister that is a Capricorn. I speak to my sister that is a Sag however.
                              Georgette

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                              • Probably breaking ten copyright laws on accident since Gay Panda does not know any better how this works, I have added an avatar of my "Before" picture, back when I was 231 pounds. Told you that I looked like an engorged tick.
                                JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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