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  • Originally posted by newlifejourney View Post
    Smiling again I totally understand where you are coming from though. Being a teen isn't easy. No matter what we do, it seems like we are always disappointing someone in some way. I am not quite 19 yet, so still working through it myself.
    My teen years and early twenties were the hardest time of my life. It got so much better after that.
    JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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    • I am glad to hear that things improved and you are no longer a sad panda!


      ps. Congrats on dipping down into 180's territory btw. That is awesome!

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      • Congrats indeed on getting under another milestone marker. There is a very vocal, almost militant anti-scale faction here on these boards. They will say that they are only arbitrary numbers and the scale lies because you are really putting on muscle mass, really you are, and that the scale will make you crazy so you should just chuck it out the window and stick your head in the sand and hope for the best.

        I don't buy that. I say you achieved something significant. A Happy Panda Dance is definitely in order.

        The way I keep my scale as a useful tool instead of a source of insanity is that I weigh daily but I have a rule with myself that no weight, up or down, is "real" until it has been there for three days in a row. This keeps me from freaking out about a temporary water retention or getting all stoked because the scale says I'm down a pound when really I'm just massively dehydrated.

        I am really enjoying your writing style and flair. Keep up the good work, both on the scale and journaling.

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        • Originally posted by Gay Panda View Post
          THE FEZ!!! Gay Panda loves that stupid fez.

          As to Gay Panda being lucky that John Barrowman is gay . . . you do not know if Gay Panda is a Gay Gentleman Panda or a Gay Lady Panda. If the former, Gay Panda is indeed lucky, and has a shrine to him with candles kept burning twenty-four hours a day. If the latter, Gay Panda appreciates his beauty but does not comprehend the attraction.

          This is a very good point, how rude of me to assume. :/ My apologies, oh great Panda!
          As much as I am a fan of Captain Jack Harkness, I'm much more obsessed over Captain Jack Sparrow. x]
          Or so say the multiple PotC posters, cushions and figures that are strategically dotted around my room xD
          Bunny trainer extraordinaire!

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          • What do you do with your fat clothes?

            Lady Friend has an easy solution: she steals them from my dresser and goes to Goodwill. This makes me hyperventilate. I am fearful that I will wake up tomorrow with all my weight returned, and will have nothing that fits except my Giant Jammie Pants. Don’t get me wrong: I love my Giant Jammie Pants. I’m wearing them now. They are black and gray and red, vertically striped and fuzzy. I tuck the legs into my bed socks, which are horizontally striped and colored like Neapolitan ice cream. As you salivate on your laptops, thinking of how damn fine Gay Panda must look in this ensemble, know also that I pair it with a dark green T-shirt with a huge orange turtle on the back.

            Yes, Gay Panda is the embodiment of sex appeal. It is cruel to taunt you with what you can’t have, and so I will not describe the sunlight presently falling through the window into my strawberry-blonde locks, or how it makes dancing reflections in my thick glasses. I will not mention the smoothness of my skin, the playful hopscotch of my freckles and chicken pox scars, or how I am slightly less of a tick than before. Just picture me looking sultry on a half-shell in the sand, blown to shore by sweet angelic breath, and to the soundtrack of cherubic trumpets and lyres playing Britney Spears’ Toxic*.

            Oh, but Gay Panda is vicious today! Put all those naughty thoughts of me out of your mind. Hug your consolation prize of a partner and let your lip tremble like Nancy Kerrigan on the podium upon being awarded the silver medal for ice-skating. It is so very far from gold. It will never be enough. But, as Nancy Kerrigan can attest, life is full of hard knocks (oh, that was even more vicious, BAD PANDA) and I will never belong to you. In time, you will learn to live with it.

            The Giant Jammie Pants were too big at 217 panda pounds, so you can imagine how they look at 189.2. I swim in their fuzzy folds, and when I go outside to open the coop and release Avada Kedavra and her cohorts upon an unsuspecting world, I have to do it one-handed. The other hand is holding up my pants. I don’t dare to walk onto my front porch in these, because one good breeze while I sign for a package, and the mailman will get a show that he did not pay for. Lady Friend is threatening to frog-march my pants to Goodwill, but I can’t let go of them (for multiple reasons).

            It is so hard to trust that the weight won’t come back, like it always did before. As readers of this journal know, I failed at hoarding. But I have a terrible time letting go of my big clothes, and when Lady Friend steals them, I feel bereft. I mourn the money that bought them, which seems wasted since I did not wear the clothes to rags. Then I feel like I’m being cocky to think that I could keep this weight off, and it’s when I’m feeling cocky that karma unloads a bitch slap. After that I feel hopeless, because of course the weight is coming back, and then I will have to buy a new set of big clothes, when I did not even get the full use of my monetary investment in the last. My impulse is to keep all my big clothes, because I never know when I might fit them again.

            But I do not have the closet space for that, and my hiding places (from sneaking into Lady Friend’s Monster Truck and stealing back a few items before she drives to Goodwill) are stocked. So during her last act of heartless thievery, in which she dumped out the contents of my wardrobe and went through it tag by tag, I pointed with a trembling finger to what could go. Then she eyed the Giant Jammie Pants trying desperately to stay at my hips, and I fled before she could try to skin me of them.

            I keep them as an insurance policy. If I grow obese again, I have one thing that I can still wear. If I don’t, I will be kept humble because they prove how large I once was. Then karma’s bitch slap will land on someone else. I’m overdue for one anyway, having shamelessly flaunted my hotness here at MDA, leaving people sad and unfulfilled from California to Ireland to Guatemala to Ohio, because they can only lust after the shimmering beauty of Gay Panda in their minds. And I, in my Giant Jammie Pants and Neapolitan bed socks and turtle shirt, apologize with utter and total insincerity.
            JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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            • UPDATE: Today’s snarky with a side of vicious is brought to you in poetry form by:
              Benign Poltergeist – who said something ugly last night;
              Primal Coach Kitty – who responded;
              PG&E – who knocked out my power all day, and;
              Gay Panda – who is tired, without Internet, thus despondent.

              Oh, it was thisclose to being a rhyme!

              (In explanation of *) We can never have each other, but this will always be our song. Go to YouTube and play it when you are saddened by our separation, and think of us at a romantic candlelit dinner for two, or frolicking on a windswept beach in matching custom-fit polos. Be consoled that a molecule of the air you just breathed in may have once issued forth from Gay Panda’s lungs. In this way, we are forever connected, and perhaps our paths will cross in our next lives.
              JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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              • Originally posted by Gay Panda View Post
                My teen years and early twenties were the hardest time of my life. It got so much better after that.
                You should do a Gay Panda It Gets Better video

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                • Originally posted by newlifejourney View Post
                  Smiling again I totally understand where you are coming from though. Being a teen isn't easy. No matter what we do, it seems like we are always disappointing someone in some way. I am not quite 19 yet, so still working through it myself.
                  I know precisely how you feel. I was depressed in my teen years as well.. even my preteen years because I lost my father to cancer when I was 11. Talk about formative years for a young man... I figured that I wouldn't be respected if I didn't step up as the man of the family (my older brother should have but based on his complete lack of familial control when this happened, I figured he wouldn't be able to) and so didn't pay attention to taking care of myself and tried to help everyone else. Add to that the fact that an 11 year old doesn't really KNOW how to "take care" of themselves in situations like that and bam, you have the equation for self-inflicted depression based on feelings of inadequacy.

                  My advice is don't worry about who expects what out of you. In the long run you are the only one you CAN please and you're the only one you should please. If you haven't met your own expectations then you may not be ready for the rest of life. At least, that's what I learned despite my young 22 years.

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                  • Originally posted by robotunicr0n View Post
                    You should do a Gay Panda It Gets Better video
                    The panda costume would muffle my voice.
                    JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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                    • Originally posted by PixieKitten View Post
                      This is a very good point, how rude of me to assume. :/ My apologies, oh great Panda!
                      As much as I am a fan of Captain Jack Harkness, I'm much more obsessed over Captain Jack Sparrow.
                      Do not apologize, PixieKitten! I do it as a pointless writing exercise to entertain myself, although I did leave in one gender-specific spelling of a word in earlier entries. Trying to conceal male/female has been an interesting task for this dorky panda writer, because it influences which stories I tell and how I tell them, which adjectives I use, and it is so very different from writing my books.

                      Jack Sparrow! My coworker at a former job needed a drool bucket for him.
                      JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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                      • Originally posted by Paleobird View Post
                        There is a very vocal, almost militant anti-scale faction here on these boards. They will say that they are only arbitrary numbers and the scale lies because you are really putting on muscle mass, really you are, and that the scale will make you crazy so you should just chuck it out the window and stick your head in the sand and hope for the best.

                        The way I keep my scale as a useful tool instead of a source of insanity is that I weigh daily but I have a rule with myself that no weight, up or down, is "real" until it has been there for three days in a row. This keeps me from freaking out about a temporary water retention or getting all stoked because the scale says I'm down a pound when really I'm just massively dehydrated.
                        When I believed in strict calories-in, calories-out, the scale upset me a lot more than it does now. It seemed like such simple math: my body needs 2,000 calories to maintain its weight, I only feed it 1500, and so the scale should go down. But it didn't a lot of the time, and my feelings charts had nothing but sad faces and storm clouds. But our bodies aren't vending machines, as someone else pointed out, and it's more complicated than that.

                        I have an approach like yours to help keep me sane, looking for a few days at a weight before it is 'real'. That is a good way to put it, and it helps when the number spikes. It's just water and it will go away in a few days, and it always does. So I shrug and move on when I see it.
                        JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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                        • As the author of two monster thread about calorie counting on MDA (for which I got all kinds of flack), I couldn't agree with you more that calories do matter. But it's just not so linear. One day eat x amount less, next day see x amount less on scale. This is an interesting article on "whooshes and stalls" in weight loss that you might enjoy.

                          Of Whooshes and Squishy Fat | BodyRecomposition - The Home of Lyle McDonald

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                          • Originally posted by Paleobird View Post
                            As the author of two monster thread about calorie counting on MDA (for which I got all kinds of flack), I couldn't agree with you more that calories do matter. But it's just not so linear. One day eat x amount less, next day see x amount less on scale.
                            Sweet Valhalla, I just spent an hour reading through one of them! It reminds me of the difference between my reaction to primal and Lady Friend's. My weight is slowly but consistently dribbling off; hers dribbled at first and then stopped almost entirely. We are thinking of mild caloric restriction, because nothing else has made any difference for her. Cutting out dairy does nothing. Cutting out nuts does nothing. Primal is PERFECT to keep her maintaining at the weight she is at, (and trust me, she is relieved to stop the out of control gaining from before), but it does not help her to lose.

                            She has an extremely active job, so more exercise is not the answer. Upping calories (just in case she was undercutting) did nothing. Her body just will NOT let go of the extra pounds that it carries. However, she has lost a few inches and her hayfever is gone, she feels better and is more energetic. So primal does good things for her, but she would also like to be able to lose some weight.
                            Last edited by Gay Panda; 10-19-2011, 09:13 AM.
                            JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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                            • Originally posted by lymanli43D View Post
                              Raw sirloin is extra primal!
                              So is peeing in public, but I just can't bear to do that either.
                              JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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                              • Originally posted by Gay Panda View Post
                                So is peeing in public, but I just can't bear to do that either.
                                You always make me laugh! I know I can count on a great read when I am catching up on your journal. I am so proud of your 189 victory! Go Panda go! I love the post about your pj pants, I was smiling to myself while reading it as I am in my owls. My loving nickname for my huge pj pants that are blue with pink, purple, and light blue owls. Although I think the only reason I am holding on to them is because they are the most comfortable pair of pants in the world. Ever!
                                My new blog! http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread37215.html Come see me!

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