Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Originally posted by bucharu View Post
    Well, you have made some 12% of yourself disappear, so perhaps your powers are just late blooming...?
    Bucharu, that really made me laugh. Today invisibility, tomorrow kinetic absorption!!!!
    JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

    Comment


    • Besides absconding with my soul mate curly fries, primal makes my wallet circle sad faces on feelings charts. Gay Panda is fortunate that in a time of economic strife, the Panda Household is doing all right. I can’t go out and buy a mansion, or walk down the street cackling and shuffling hundred–dollar bills to make people envious. The limo that passed you today on the freeway did not have Gay Panda in it. But I don’t scrimp to get through the month, and if I see a snazzy shirt in a store, I buy it. I could not do so three days in a row, but this is far from qualifying as a life of deprivation.

      Yet primal makes my wallet sad, and I make it worse by shopping at Whole Foods. When I first went there, I hated it. The color scheme was anemic. The brands were foreign and it seemed so corporate hippie. Now when I go to Safeway, I’m overwhelmed. The products are so loud, dazzling reds and bright blues, block print and splashy graphics and free prizes*. I feel under siege and out of breath by the choices, the towering displays and Today Only Sales. Food at Whole Foods is food. Food at Safeway is an extreme sport, and I just want to leave. My only hesitation is at the meat counter, where what organic they have is a little cheaper.

      If I didn’t need to control my spending at all, I would buy only antibiotic-free, pasture-centered, farmer-hugged meats. Lady Friend keeps me on the gay-and-narrow in produce, but I don’t need encouragement in the meat department. A friend got me a subscription to PETA, and I found the magazines both likeable and ludicrous. Of course I don’t think animals should be confined to a small cage, pumped full of hormones, fed the wrong diet, and slaughtered by Chucky. But I won’t anthropomorphize my chickens. Avada Kedavra does not sing and dance in chorus with Imperio and Cruciatus when my back is turned; I doubt that Wingardium Leviosa contemplates philosophy by the setting sun. They lead good chicken lives of bugs and grass, and one day, I’ll eat them.

      Demanding that ALL my meat be antibiotic-free, pastured-centered, and farmer-hugged would make my grocery bill hit the roof. Is it better to eat some organic and some conventional, or buy what I can of organic and skip conventional? But I’m not going to eat tofu for protein. How is it ethical to support conventional? Yet we pick and choose our ethics. It wasn’t like I walked to Whole Foods. I drove my car there, supporting the oil industry. When I bought that snazzy shirt, I did not trace down its origins to make sure that it did not generate under the tears of an abused sweatshop orphan.

      Since I do not have the space to raise sheep or the desire to make my own clothes, and I don’t slaughter my own cows or walk everywhere, I compromise. The Goth Teen Panda who sulks about in my heart says that I have sold out my soul, and Adult Panda cringes, and then tells it to put on Nine Inch Nails and write some broody poetry about Angst and shut up. Sometimes my dollar goes to good things. Other times, it doesn’t. Goth Teen Panda is an absolutist, and would insist that Adult Panda could have redirected the snazzy shirt money to the organic ground beef. Adult Panda does not need to spend $20 on Netflix every month, or purchase bubbly water, or have an Internet connection. Adult Panda chose to install AC when Goth Teen Panda would have cooled by the glow of superiority.

      Goth Teen Panda: So you’ve chosen to consign a LIVING, BREATHING creature to the misery of a feedlot, so that you can drink San Pellegrino and watch MST3K.
      Adult Panda: Yes.
      Goth Teen Panda: I can’t believe we’re the same person. You SUCK.
      Adult Panda: Yes.
      JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

      Comment


      • PET PEEVE UPDATE: (in explanation of *) The definitions of prize in its noun form are (thank you, online free dictionary!) something offered/won as an award for superiority or victory, and something worth striving for since it is a highly desirable possession.

        Eating your way to the bottom of a cereal box (or just dipping your hand to the bottom like Young Gay Panda) hardly qualifies anyone as superior or victorious. Then again, Gay Panda was once a teacher, and knew of one family at the school who gave their child a present EVERY SINGLE DAY just for going to class. When the bar is set that low, perhaps getting to the bottom of the box is an accomplishment, and Gay Panda is an out-of-touch old fuddy-duddy who doesn’t understand that times and children have changed. Or perhaps Gay Panda was abused, because when Young Gay Panda went to school, no one offered congratulations or presents or a parade. It was just expected.

        (Pity the future boss of that extremely spoiled child.)

        To strive is to make great efforts in order to obtain something, or to struggle or fight vigorously. Getting to the bottom of the box for Young Gay Panda involved A: the swan dive of one’s dominant hand, to be performed as deeply as one can go before meeting The Resistance; B: the wiggle, in which one breaks apart some of the compactness in The Resistance and gains another inch of ground; C: the swirl, done in a clockwise motion while yelling at the Perpetually Sticky Panda Siblings, “I GOT HERE FIRST!”; and D: the shove, in which the arm forces the hand down further through the loosening of The Resistance, and in which spiteful cereal bits scratch one’s fingers. This is followed by E: the scrape, when the fingers reach the smooth cardboard flap of the bottom; F: the block, concerning a sticky Panda Sibling swipe; G: the parentheses, which consists of bracing the box against one’s belly and pulling it closer to make the sides bend out; and H: the slide, a slow but inexorable movement to either end of the box looking for the dusty plastic jackpot.

        While this looks very complicated and artful and Olympic-worthy when written out, Young Gay Panda did not consider it a great effort, an act of vigor, or the same sort of struggle like what was going on outside the box with the Panda Siblings. It is purely subjective if you consider a Pokemon pencil topper to be a highly desirable possession. It is indeed desirable if you like Pokemon, but what child finds it highly desirable? For Young Gay Panda, highly desirable was a bike that went really fast, a stack of Oz books, and Cadbury Eggs. It would have been putting the sticky Panda Siblings up for adoption, or better yet, finding out that I was the long-lost Royal Gay Panda Cub of a grieving king and queen in a magical land where I had a black belt in sorcery and a closet of Renaissance clothes.

        It was not a pencil topper. Young Gay Panda wailed to be parted from a beloved stuffed animal, and still remembers sadly the book forgotten at camp, but honestly cannot remember a single free prize wrenched victoriously from the bottom of a cereal box. Adult Gay Panda can be a stickler for words, and thinks Crappy Toy Included, Now With Lead Poisoning is more accurate than Free Prize, but cereal companies do not keep this panda’s digits on speed dial to consult.
        Last edited by Gay Panda; 09-16-2011, 07:40 AM.
        JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

        Comment


        • Well this is an awesome blog. You have panache and I hope you enjoy writing this stuff as much as I enjoy reading it.

          Originally posted by Gay Panda View Post
          Yet primal makes my wallet sad, and I make it worse by shopping at Whole Foods. When I first went there, I hated it. The color scheme was anemic. The brands were foreign and it seemed so corporate hippie. Now when I go to Safeway, Iím overwhelmed. The products are so loud, dazzling reds and bright blues, block print and splashy graphics and free prizes*. I feel under siege and out of breath by the choices, the towering displays and Today Only Sales. Food at Whole Foods is food. Food at Safeway is an extreme sport, and I just want to leave.
          Ha ha so well said. Extreme groceries.

          Good luck with everything.
          My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread37921.html

          Comment


          • ^Excellent word choice (panache), but then again, Cyrano de Bergerac is my fave.

            Great points on the quandry of ethics with eating 100% primal, GP. I too struggle with this. The only "organic" food I've gotten since starting is some farm-raised eggs & chicken breast from Maine (which my grandmother paid for). I make little promises to myself that if I can afford it, I will do 100% for the rest of my life, but until then, little piggies suffer for my pork chops and I'm okay with it.
            Depression Lies

            Comment


            • Always so pleasing to return home after a long day at work and have a good chuckle over the musing of Gay Panda!Happy! Happy!Joy !Joy!

              Comment


              • Goth Teen Panda: So you’ve chosen to consign a LIVING, BREATHING creature to the misery of a feedlot, so that you can drink San Pellegrino and watch MST3K.
                Adult Panda: Yes.
                Goth Teen Panda: I can’t believe we’re the same person. You SUCK.
                Adult Panda: Yes.
                I was watching "The F-Word" and Ramsay was raising lambs in his backyard. He built them a little playset and they were CAPERING. Stop being adorable, damn you, you fluffy, capering, baaing, delicious, juicy........ I am a ghoul.
                Cooking Primal with Otter - Journal
                Otter's (Defunct) Primal Log
                "Not baked goods, Professor, baked bads!" ~ The Tick

                Comment


                • i was reading this the other day while eating and i laughed, inhaled and almost died
                  (not really almost)

                  i just wanted to share my dorkiness and like-age of your blog
                  beautiful
                  yeah you are

                  Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
                  lol

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by Gay Panda View Post
                    Gay Panda was once a teacher, and knew of one family at the school who gave their child a present EVERY SINGLE DAY just for going to class. When the bar is set that low, perhaps getting to the bottom of the box is an accomplishment, and Gay Panda is an out-of-touch old fuddy-duddy who doesn't understand that times and children have changed. Or perhaps Gay Panda was abused, because when Young Gay Panda went to school, no one offered congratulations or presents or a parade. It was just expected.

                    (Pity the future boss of that extremely spoiled child.)
                    Nah, no worries. That extremely spoiled child won't be employed, or not for long.
                    "If man made it, don't eat it." ..Jack LaLanne
                    "It doesn't matter how beautiful your theory is, it doesn't matter how smart you are.
                    If it doesn't agree with experiment, it's wrong." ..Richard Feynman

                    beachrat's new primal journal

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by beachrat View Post
                      Nah, no worries. That extremely spoiled child won't be employed, or not for long.
                      Seriously, what is that child going to do when the real world presents itself in time?! The coddling was to such an extreme that A: he came in late to school every single day, because his parents felt he needed his beauty sleep more; B: teachers were not allowed to discipline him because his behavior was purportedly caused by allergies; C: he was not disciplined at home because his parents did not have a good place for time-outs.

                      I have never met a more unpleasant, unpopular, and entitled child than this one, and his parents have no idea how much harder they have made his life. No one wants to play with him, or picks him for their math group, and it's just sad. But his parents blame the school and he blames the other kids, and a big whack of the Clue Stick is due all around.
                      JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by ottercat View Post
                        I was watching "The F-Word" and Ramsay was raising lambs in his backyard. He built them a little playset and they were CAPERING. Stop being adorable, damn you, you fluffy, capering, baaing, delicious, juicy........ I am a ghoul.
                        Because Lady Friend has a rich and varied occupational history, Gay Panda has bottlefed motherless lambs several times because of her. OH how they CAPER. One used to caper all around my car at six in the morning, with happy bleating and kicking feet . . . Lady Friend decided that she could not send the bottle babies of her herd to slaughter, and so Gay Panda gets to name them and know that they will lead long sheepie lives in lovely pastures. The one who (long ago) used to caper about my car still comes hustling over when I visit.
                        JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by Gay Panda View Post
                          Seriously, what is that child going to do when the real world presents itself in time?!
                          Well, I think nature can win out over nurture. Just like a well-raised kid can turn out to be a lying self-centered douchebag, an un-raised kid can get his act together through the school of hard knocks. What might happen is that he gets one good hard correction at some point, and realizes his parents are idiots. If he has any innate (albeit heretofore totally unexercised) good sense, he could realize (ObTalkingHeads) friends are important, then move on healthily to learn better practices and habits from there.

                          That can happen, and it doesn't have to be prison. In fact, for severe cases like the one you describe, it sounds likely to happen sooner rather than later. Say he gets a crush on a girl, or better yet a teacher. Or starts to admire someone cool. (Actually cool, not faux.) All he needs is an outside referential point that he respects, which enables him to see how his choices contribute to his isolation from that person or attractive peer group. It will and should be a rude shock but it's possible to absorb and learn even if it is happening for the first time.

                          On the other hand, perhaps they will crush him entirely and turn him into a soulless sociopath. But he doesn't sound charming enough to be a successful sociopath, so he will go to prison. Perhaps there he will find a peer group of unpleasant, unpopular, and entitled adults where he can bond. Or die.

                          If that's his fate, let's just hope he gets there before damaging too many other people.

                          I have never met a more unpleasant, unpopular, and entitled child than this one, and his parents have no idea how much harder they have made his life. No one wants to play with him, or picks him for their math group, and it's just sad. But his parents blame the school and he blames the other kids, and a big whack of the Clue Stick is due all around.
                          I tend to favor extremely polite but vigorous use of the Clue Bat, and as with puppies consistency is everything, but when needed don't hesitate to pull out the Logic-Spiked Clue-by-Four.


                          ObPrimal: Now I want goats, too. I do not need more wants!
                          "If man made it, don't eat it." ..Jack LaLanne
                          "It doesn't matter how beautiful your theory is, it doesn't matter how smart you are.
                          If it doesn't agree with experiment, it's wrong." ..Richard Feynman

                          beachrat's new primal journal

                          Comment


                          • Yet another Gay Panda fan here. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.

                            My husband talked me into getting a pet goat about a year ago. He was adorable as a baby and has now become a big handsome fella who wishes he were a dog so he could live in the house. My youngest son named him Sonic after the sega character, but he looks more like Mario. I often wonder if we could eat him if disaster struck and food was scarce. Little does he know that I am thinking this as he looks at me lovingly while I scratch his chin. I think we would eat the cats first.
                            Primal since 9/24/2010
                            "Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

                            Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
                            MFP username: MDAPebbles67

                            Comment


                            • Extreme people fascinate me. This does not mean that I deliberately seek out other people’s drama in person to liven the everyday humdrum of the Panda Household. I have not befriended Poo Hurler; relatives whose psychological fluid dynamics create a turbulent flow do not receive heartfelt holiday greetings; an ex of mine long ago became an ex precisely because of extreme behavior.

                              Gay Panda loves to observe at a safe distance. Lady Friend has a particularly ripe apple from the crazy tree in an old school acquaintance: a middle-class, heterosexual, married Caucasian woman who believes herself to be a persecuted minority in suburban United States. When asked by incredulous people in what way does she qualify, her evidence presented was that she was A: left-handed, and B: redheaded. Not to dismiss the plight of persecuted Ripe Apple, but Gay Panda struggles to remember the last news article about someone being stoned or arrested unjustly for these criteria. Driving while left-handed and redheaded is generally considered safe, but as Gay Panda is right-handed and strawberry blonde, perhaps Gay Panda is just being insensitive and ignorant and boorish.

                              Of constant merriment to me are the extreme people who live by pronouncements, rigid and insistent that their way is the only way. Should you transgress onto a different path, they take it as a personal affront and grow louder on their pulpits. They want you to know that YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG. The topic can be anything from raising children to religion to sex to pushups to how to feed yourself, and just so you know, whatever else it is that you’re doing right this moment as you read Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS, someone believes that you’re doing it wrong.

                              Perhaps I’m fascinated because I don’t have nearly the same strength of my convictions. Primal is working for me. I’ve read the science, and it seems sound. But it doesn’t mean at Thanksgiving that I will give a stern lecture to a chunky relative that he deserves to be fat if he doesn’t take my advice. I am not 100% sure that primal will make me healthy and normal-sized, but even if I were, people are much more receptive to the message if you’re interested, visit MDA than eat primal or you’re an idiot.

                              So I snorted at those people who skewed the results of the US News & World Report of the top 20 best overall diets. Why be so militant in your views that you have to put down primal/paleo and boost vegan/vegetarianism? I’m pretty sure that I’m right, but I feel no need to vote against someone else’s view of right. Why artificially inflate our convictions? We should want them to stand on their own merits. If we’re wrong, then we’re wrong.

                              Maybe I’m the one who is wrong. I’ve certainly been wrong about things before. I was very, very painfully wrong as a cub to believe that I could roller skate down a flight of stairs. As a teenager, I held political views that now I disagree with vehemently. I’ve misjudged people, said and done stupid and unkind things; I get up every day trying to find the courage to keep looking for a publisher, and a lot of days I fail. I am a very flawed panda, and this means that I’m wrong a lot of the time.

                              This world is such a frightening place. Everyone wants a steady path to travel, but we’re all essentially walking through the dark. Perhaps the more afraid you are of the uncertainty under your feet, and how angry it makes you, determines how extreme you become. Ripe Apple will not even consider the possibility that she might be wrong on any issue, from politics to child-rearing, to her self-image as a persecuted minority living under fire in the USA. Ripe Apple is NEVER EVER wrong. The people who skewed the vote may be the same. They CAN’T be wrong. It’s too frightening otherwise, and they’ve committed to their path with every breath in their being. So you must be the one doing it wrong. You have to be, or they’re lost.

                              It is probably wrong for me to be entertained by people motivated by fear and anger. Even those of us who are not extreme as a personality type still have shades of it in our milder characters. Today I should stop being fearful that I’m never going to be successful with my books, because it makes me sad and angry to think about it. In fantasizing horrible futures that I have an extreme conviction lay at the end of my path, I end up with the paralysis of doing nothing at all. Today I should allow the possibility that I am wrong, and that there might be some other, steadier path than the one I’m traveling. So I’ll get off MDA and search for publishers, and will return next week.
                              JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by beachrat View Post
                                But he doesn't sound charming enough to be a successful sociopath, so he will go to prison. Perhaps there he will find a peer group of unpleasant, unpopular, and entitled adults where he can bond. Or die.

                                If that's his fate, let's just hope he gets there before damaging too many other people.

                                I tend to favor extremely polite but vigorous use of the Clue Bat, and as with puppies consistency is everything, but when needed don't hesitate to pull out the Logic-Spiked Clue-by-Four.
                                I love Clue-by-Four! I do think this kid will end up running afoul of the law one day, as much as I hope otherwise. Whatever he does, rest assured that he will be caught quickly (since he will promptly brag about his crime) and his parents will be in court wringing their hands (But, Judge, it's the store's fault that he stole a television!) and then when he's sentenced (But, JUDGE! It's not his fault! He's allergic to pollen!)
                                JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

                                Comment

                                Working...
                                X