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Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS

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  • You don't need it Panda!!! The birds will enjoy it more than you! Or the homeless! FIND A HOBO!!!!!
    Bunny trainer extraordinaire!

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    • I'd follow your blog - and if you add in some adverts at the side for useful stuff it may even generate a bit of cash

      Re the bread - I'm not sure that your friend understands how important succeeding at this is to you - if they do and have still brought it then I wouldn't still be calling them a friend. It probably just that you need to have a bit of a heart to heart - succeeding in Primal really gives you a boast mood and confidence wise, as when you start to feel proud of yourself for sticking to it it spills over into other areas - germs phew - you'll soon be strong enough to take them on with one arm behind your back

      Give the breads to the birds or return it too her thanking her for the effort but just saying you don't want to waste it as you're sure its lovely, as the problem with accepting and keeping it is that she'll think she's doing you a favor and will bring more

      Good luck

      Edit - Great to hear your enjoying berries - I'm a great berry fan but I love fresh strawberries and frozen raspberries straight from the freezer.

      Btw - Do you think your cat is related to mine - maybe long lost cousins from the other side of the pond
      Last edited by Solldara; 09-13-2011, 03:50 AM.
      1st June 11 to 30st Aug 11 - 36lb removed in 13 weeks
      Messed about on and off for the rest of the year

      June 2012 - Had the practice - now time to do it for real

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      • Every night, I tuck myself into sheets of the purest mulberry silk in claret and rest my head on a king-size cruelty-free heirloom Eiderdown pillow, and I never count the fifth woolly sheep before I’ve fallen into a blissfully deep sleep that lasts eight hours and is dreamless since my subconscious has nothing to work out in the perfect Eden of my existence.

        For the adorably gullible among you, this is all a lie. There are many reasons why I do not sleep. One we have already encountered in the League of Demonic Canines, of which Satan, Voldemort, Dr. Evil, Nurse Ratched, and Sauron play major roles with a bit part given to yappy little Professor Chaos from much farther down the block. The other reasons may appear in later installments of Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS, but last night can be blamed entirely on Benign Poltergeist and the kitty.

        Gay Panda subscribes to no religious newsletters, but this may change so that an exorcist can be hired in order to rid the house of Benign Poltergeist. I do not think exorcists make house calls for those who are not practitioners of their faith, and so I will lie and buy the necessary accoutrement, and kneel or salute or sacrifice or do whatever it is that must be done to get rid of this infernal member of my home.

        If one were to crack open the skull of the kitty, one would find nothing but bubbles and ticker tape blinking I CAN HAZ BACON? I CAN HAZ BACON? separated by shifty-eyed Pac-Man ghosts. When the sad day comes that I stand over her grave and list her life’s accomplishments, I will be limited. Once, she stepped on a spider. There was the day she lit her tail on fire, and those travels in Narnia from getting herself trapped in closets. The time she fell asleep on the entertainment center and rolled off, and the time Lady Friend sat on her head. I will mention her nervous tic, performed daily, in which she jumped on the armrest of the recliner to sneeze on Gay Panda’s laptop screen.

        And then I will eulogize her obsession with Benign Poltergeist. While I walk on the primal treadmill and Poo Hurler hurls poo, while you out there are crossfitting and heavy lifting, Primal Coach Kitty is getting in her exercise by chasing Benign Poltergeist around the house. I have no idea what it says to get her so riled, but a tubby little tabby zooming about after nothing with a froggy war cry of WAAO-WAAAOO-WAAAOOOOO is a common sight in Gay Panda’s home.

        Sometimes Benign Poltergeist hides my cell phone or measuring spoons, but its primary enjoyment is derived from tormenting the kitty. She has not put together in 15 years that she is being played. Kitty is going to take that poltergeist DOWN! In daytime, it’s funny. At nighttime, I want the exorcist. When it goes on too long, I put her outside, and she retaliates by jumping in mud and then walking across the car, or developing a hairball that can be saved until she’s let back in.

        Last night Benign Poltergeist must have been taunting the kitty with yo-mama jokes, because her level of umbrage shook the house, capsized the bottles of shampoo, and woke me at 2. I yelled at the kitty, who gave me a look that plainly meant: did you HEAR what that translucent bastard just SAID? And the ruckus continued. So an exhausted Gay Panda apologizes for a post that has nothing to do with primal, and was really just an opportunity to whine before going back to bed for a nap.
        JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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        • Originally posted by PixieKitten View Post
          FIND A HOBO!!!!!
          I LOVE THIS! I'm going to use it in my daily speech. luckily there are plenty of hobos aka passed out drunk fools on the street that I'm sure would love bread. Maybe we should suggest this to Mark as a challenge - find your neighborhood hobo that would appreciate carbs more than you.

          CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

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          • BREAD UPDATE: Thank you for the encouraging words, everyone! I gave the bread a loving, mournful sniff, one hand reaching to rip off a chunk and the other hand holding it back, and then sent it on untouched to a new lord and master.

            I adore bread. But I’ve spent every day of my adult life in obesity after starting those accursed pills at 19. I don’t know, with the damage done, that it is feasible to reach a high-normal weight. I DO know that if there is any chance, I am not going to sabotage it. Bread does not find its way into my shopping cart; I no longer bake my own. At restaurants, I only eat their particular bread if it is my absolute favorite. If it’s not, I skip it there, too.

            Last night, I thought: I want to be normal more than I want a slice. If ever I have a book published again, I don’t want to feel self-conscious about my weight at signings like the last time. I’m already nervous enough that I’m going to say something dumb, or that Almost Santa (now THAT was a surreal experience) will be back in attendance, ready to burst into song when I finish speaking. I don’t strive for thin, as I never have been, but I do want to be on the upper end of average, which is 166 at most for my height. So I turned down the bread and wished it well, and today I am sad about it, but sad is so much better than a three-day bloat, stall, appetite increase, and feeling of malaise.
            Last edited by Gay Panda; 10-20-2011, 08:59 AM.
            JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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            • wohoo!high five to the Pandster!I'm sure if I ate bread right now it would make me very ill as it does anytime I eat it..go you and surely 189 to follow closely behind

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              • Originally posted by Solldara View Post
                Do you think your cat is related to mine - maybe long lost cousins from the other side of the pond
                I have never had a kitty like this one, so befuddled by the very basics of Being A Cat. She doesn't even understand how to approach a human for petting: she crab walks over with her head cocked to the side until she bumps into a hand. And since she has observed that people stand in a shower to get clean, she sits on the bathmat (with an occasional impatient WAOOOO) to wait her turn, and then strolls in to sit on the tile and wash herself.

                What does your kitty do? Perhaps they ARE cousins!
                Last edited by Gay Panda; 09-13-2011, 10:41 AM.
                JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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                • Originally posted by anjelevil View Post
                  wohoo!high five to the Pandster!I'm sure if I ate bread right now it would make me very ill as it does anytime I eat it..go you and surely 189 to follow closely behind
                  Thank you! I felt so rewarded today when I came in at 190.8, the lowest yet in years. That would NOT have happened had I eaten the bread yesterday.
                  JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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                  • I felt so rewarded today when I came in at 190.8, the lowest yet in years. That would NOT have happened had I eaten the bread yesterday.
                    Hooray for keeping long term goals in mind and resisting temptation! Personally, I would've put on two pounds of bloat from standing too close to fresh bread.
                    Cooking Primal with Otter - Journal
                    Otter's (Defunct) Primal Log
                    "Not baked goods, Professor, baked bads!" ~ The Tick

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                    • Originally posted by PixieKitten View Post
                      FIND A HOBO!!!!!
                      Seconding AbigailLyn. This journal is priceless. Gypsy curse.* Thwarting the indolent ambitions of the tiny Mr Magazine Times in my fat cells. FIND A HOBO.

                      So much awesome on these pages. Thanks everyone!


                      *I will now alternate Gypsy Curse with my Gay-Panda-Approved Blinding Science response.
                      "If man made it, don't eat it." ..Jack LaLanne
                      "It doesn't matter how beautiful your theory is, it doesn't matter how smart you are.
                      If it doesn't agree with experiment, it's wrong." ..Richard Feynman

                      beachrat's new primal journal

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                      • Originally posted by ottercat View Post
                        Hooray for keeping long term goals in mind and resisting temptation! Personally, I would've put on two pounds of bloat from standing too close to fresh bread.
                        I hear you. My body has the most overboard reaction to the littlest amount of bread! A Cadbury Egg here and there doesn't bug me one bit, but bread and it freaks out for days.
                        JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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                        • Note to World: never name a chicken Imperio after the Harry Potter spell. She just tried to stare down my car as I drove up, refusing to get out of the carport and to control me with her tiny chicken mind.
                          JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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                          • “Are they organic?”

                            Lady Friend asks this a lot in the produce department when we go grocery shopping together. I prefer to shop with Lady Friend, because she will push the cart and save me from being infected with imaginary swine flu, and when Gay Panda dithers on whether or not to spend the money on a succulent but expensive rib eye, Lady Friend says, “Oh, shut up and buy the damn thing!”

                            In some ways, Lady Friend is better at being primal than Gay Panda. If a fruit is not in season, she does not buy the fruit. I try to do this as well. But sometimes I just want an apple, and I don’t care if it was shipped halfway across the world and coughed on by someone with swine flu in every port. I think about how I’m hurting the environment with my dollar, polluting the skies and poisoning the oceans, just so I can have an out-of-season Fuji. And then I buy it.

                            She is also better at the organic/conventional selection with veggies and fruits. Working in agriculture gave her first-hand knowledge about nasty chemicals and poor farming practices. So it’s organic or nothing. Gay Panda picks organic over conventional, but if the only choice is conventional, and Gay Panda has a fabulous recipe that requires tomatoes, conventional it is. If it is a meal I am sharing with Lady Friend and she asks, Gay Panda pleads ignorance and says the tag must have fallen off the bin.

                            (If it is December and you are reading this, Lady Friend, Gay Panda Loves You!)

                            The last time we shopped, there was a marvelous display of plump cherries. I wavered, since I had already chosen raspberries and blackberries, but the cherries looked entrancing and I haven’t had any in a long time. Yet I do not want to stall my weight loss and cherries are expensive and I was getting the rib eye and still need to pay a twenty-cent library fine and was the kitty on the sofa when I left? Or did I send her to Narnia yet again when I was getting out fresh towels from the closet?

                            “Are they organic?”

                            I jumped when Lady Friend joined me with the swine flu ridden cart to ask this, because it had not even occurred to me yet to look. I checked the tag and said brightly, “No, but they come from Oregon, and that has a lot of the same letters!”

                            So Gay Panda does not have cherries this week, part of the price when shopping with Lady Friend. But Gay Panda was also not exposed to imaginary swine flu, and feels that this is an equitable trade. And to those of you with dogs primed to Twilight Bark the ASPCA about Gay Panda again, the kitty was on the sofa.
                            JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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                            • Originally posted by Gay Panda View Post
                              And then, midway through college, I went on antidepressants. The day I swallowed my first pill, I was 137 pounds. Six months later, I was 207, and continued to balloon ever upwards. Doctors denied that the pills could possibly be related to this sudden, shocking weight gain, and I believed them. Finally, I stopped believing, and stopped cold turkey without telling them, as you are never supposed to do.

                              Gay Panda would rather be depressed than obese, and since being obese leads to Gay Panda being depressed, taking these pills creates a vicious circle in which to fruitlessly spin. Gay Panda would rather have OCD than collect sweat in folds, and deal with obsessive Germ Thoughts and compulsive stove checking when it hasn’t been used all day. Gay Panda would rather have social anxiety, or whatever the psychiatric term is for very shy, than return to the store every few months to buy bigger jeans. The depression is manageable, the OCD is a mildly annoying childhood friend one wants to shake but can’t, and the social anxiety is high. But it beats the alternative.

                              I resist accepting this weight because I am not supposed to be like this. I was a healthy young panda in college with personality quirks and family stresses, and drugs were not the answer. But they were pushed on me relentlessly as the solution to all my woes, and I caved. The drugs turned me into a fat zombie panda, and there is nothing fabulous about that. I doubt that my body will ever return to 137, and it seems an unreasonable goal considering all the years that have passed. So I will not torment myself trying to achieve what was lost long ago. I would like to be in the mid-160s, the upper range for my height, and the rest is a lesson learned.
                              Gay Panda, I am LOVING your journal - all of it - but this jumped right out at me. I started antidepressants for post-partum depression and 6 years later finally weaned myself off of them. What a horrible, vicious cycle, just like you said. I have experienced a much bigger anti-depressant effect from healthy food and exercise than I EVER did with a crappy little pill. Thanks for sharing your story. Cheering you on.
                              Stephanie
                              My Primal Journal

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                              • Originally posted by RefiningMe View Post
                                I started antidepressants for post-partum depression and 6 years later finally weaned myself off of them. What a horrible, vicious cycle, just like you said. I have experienced a much bigger anti-depressant effect from healthy food and exercise than I EVER did with a crappy little pill. Thanks for sharing your story. Cheering you on.
                                Thank you! :::Panda cheers back::: I wish I had done some research of my own before I started those pills. They were presented as a magical solution that would transform my life from blah to ZOW. Now I know to always be suspicious of magical solutions!
                                JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!

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