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Round 2 {birthdays, bipolar, and antisugar}

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  • Thanks.

    Today was okay. I have a cold (probably because I chose to eat immune suppressing foods right when the rest of the family was sick). But, whatever.
    My Journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread34085.html


    9/6/11: 390.1lbs

    5/22/12: 339.4lbs

    Goal: 175lbs

    Comment


    • Well, this cold has taught me that I need to have comfort foods in storage ready to reheat. I've been having hot cocoa, pizza, oatmeal, etc. Why? I am WAY too tired to do much more than take care of the kittens, my daughter, and reheat some food. I also want warm liquids.
      My Journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread34085.html


      9/6/11: 390.1lbs

      5/22/12: 339.4lbs

      Goal: 175lbs

      Comment


      • Have some butter. Go buy a lb, take a stick, melt on low and drink. You will feel better.

        Comment


        • I second the butter.

          Hope you're feeling better!

          Comment


          • I can't seem to down fats like that. They make me gag (coconut oil, butter, etc). I'm not sure why. Thanks for the advice and support everyone.

            I'm working on prepping my measly pantry for the next time. I'm going to try tea in the morning tomorrow to try to kick the hot chocolate fix I've been getting. And, generally, I feel like crud so I'm gonna try to get back to feeling better.
            My Journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread34085.html


            9/6/11: 390.1lbs

            5/22/12: 339.4lbs

            Goal: 175lbs

            Comment


            • HI Metalsporks,

              Hang in there, you are doing SO WELL!

              I don't know if this is something you can eat on your plan, but one thing I've found that's WONDERFUL is coffee (or decaf) with a teaspoon of 100% cocoa, a small spoon of coconut oil, and a little heavy cream (mostly to change the color). The combination of the coconut oil (which is sweet) and the bitterness of the cocoa and coffee makes it really tasty. It's like hot chocolate, but not sweet.

              And it's a good way to "hide" the coconut oil (which you mentioned you have a hard time getting down). When it's hidden in the cream it tastes just like rich, creamy, cocoa-coffee.

              If this is something that works with your plan, I'd encourage you to try it!

              Regardless, hang in there, okay? You're doing GREAT... I got chills when I read your new weight number!!

              GO METALSPORKS, GO!
              "Do, or do not. There is no try."--Jedi Master Yoda

              Comment


              • Thanks! That may be a great way for me to make mochas again (minus the cream due to the dairy but you mentioned it was mostly for color purposes anyway-I bet I could use canned coconut milk...).

                I think I've been having allergic reactions to the wheat! When I eat something with wheat in it I get a severe headache, get extremely tired, and my eyes swell! I couldn't tell if it was the kittens or the wheat but I had a VERY bad reaction yesterday and there were no cats around, just a dog. I've never had a reaction to animals before anyway. In order to decide if it was allergies or the cold I took some anti-histamines and it almost immediately got better. O.O
                My Journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread34085.html


                9/6/11: 390.1lbs

                5/22/12: 339.4lbs

                Goal: 175lbs

                Comment


                • I tried the mocha-esque drink this morning and it was good. That plus 2 hamburgers and one sausage this morning had me full until just now (with a bit of water in between). I've noticed that I get a headache if I'm in the sun too long though, hence why I had to come inside to eat my salad. I figure I'll have to do dinner soon for the hubs, kiddo, and myself so a salad should be fine.

                  I also just realized that with my husbands job loss recently that even if he gets this job he has an interview for later this week there is a high chance that we'll be celebrating my daughters second birthday here and maybe even my 23rd. This makes me immensly unhappy, angry, and depressed. Her first birthday I was living with my parents while he lived here. I feel like all of my dreams of having a special day just for the 3 of us on her birthday just flew out of the window, especially with his dad. OMG! D': I wanted to have her wake up to a special place set up just for her with her special birthday outfit, some choices for what to do and eat that day (ALL of it will be her decision), and a couple of small homemade gifts. We were going to do this on her birthday and then have a seperate family get together the next day. No luck with my father-in-law around. I wanna scream and cry!!

                  The only real good news I have right now is that my sis-in-law is out of the house at her grandpa's now, taking care of him, which lowers the stress levels in the house. The kittens are nearly weaned and can be neutered and rehomed as soon as their body weight is high enough (2lbs). And today is Day 1 after that cold/allergy attack and I feel okay. It's easier to switch back to primal but not without withdrawal.
                  My Journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread34085.html


                  9/6/11: 390.1lbs

                  5/22/12: 339.4lbs

                  Goal: 175lbs

                  Comment


                  • I'm sorry that your DD's birthday plans are not working out how you wanted. Maybe you can still have some quiet time with just the three of you outside of the house. A walk maybe?
                    Depression Lies

                    Comment


                    • I've been pondering this and I think that I can still make it similar to how I want it. I can put a couple of ballons at the foot of her bed and have the options laid out at her chair in the morning. I can make a small area next to her bed for the homemade presents. It won't be quite the same but it will be okay. Thanks for the eoncouragement.
                      My Journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread34085.html


                      9/6/11: 390.1lbs

                      5/22/12: 339.4lbs

                      Goal: 175lbs

                      Comment


                      • I hate rats. They got into my things that are out in storage so I've had to go through everything and figure out what is kept, donated, sold, or thrown. I have less out there but it doesn't make me happy. Plus I found out that the jewelry box that my dad gave me has mold in it and I started crying because if there was one thing that I valued that my dad has given me it would be that jewelry box. Then I started remembering how he nearly killed himself a little over a year ago and how I found him and pointed my mom towards him and lifted him nearly on my own. I started bawling because that one piece of furniture is tied to my dad and I have already had to face the thought that he could die and will die someday. My husband is going to clean it and I will store it at my parents house until we get our own place.

                        Plus I've been feeling beaten down and like I shouldn't have any hopes and dreams because they all seem to blow up in my face. We haven't had a place of our own in a year (this week) and were supposed to have been out on our own a month ago at the latest. I'm also feeling like my welcome is wearing thin with both of our parents and I wonder when we'll get kicked out of here. My mom even canceled our wednesday night dinners because of the stress on her to host them despite it being potluck and because she is afraid that my husband won't "let" me come up because of gas and finances.

                        This also plays on my fears with my dad because I want to be around him more and I want my daughter to know him before he passes. My mom even mentioned that one of her fears is that she won't know him as well and that it will make the weekends that they take her (once a month) more uncomfortable for her.

                        I am in a horrible low with my emotions and am running off of fear. I haven't been eating Primally and I know this is a cause and effect of this stress. I just am desperate to find our own place and get some stability that I haven't had int he last 4 years. Yes, since I graduated and met my husband. But I don't want the stability of living with family or of having to take my daughter to childcare and school while I work at a job I hate.
                        My Journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread34085.html


                        9/6/11: 390.1lbs

                        5/22/12: 339.4lbs

                        Goal: 175lbs

                        Comment


                        • Day 1 again. I'm tired of feeling horrible and, in a place where I have little control over anything, I need to have some control over something. I figured out that eggs hurt my system this time around too.
                          My Journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread34085.html


                          9/6/11: 390.1lbs

                          5/22/12: 339.4lbs

                          Goal: 175lbs

                          Comment


                          • Nodding your head doesn't row the boat. ~Irish saying.

                            I've been saying for the past few days to a week that I need to get back on the diet but saying it (nodding my head) doesn't get anything done (row the boat). So I plan on making up some freezer waffles (ELaD recipe) and maybe some Fools Gold (ELaD-aka chicken nuggets) to have in the fridge/freezer for easy meal prep. I have a lot of lettuce so I can do salads. We have ground meat again finally so we can do more stuff with that. But my weakness is breakfast. So something I can grab and go is in order!

                            My mom also made Anytime Cookies (ELaD again-great book, I swear) and my hubs, daughter, and I all love it. My mom called it a flop and doesn't want to make anymore of those recipes because she didn't like it but damn if I'm not goign to keep these cookies aroung the house for quick on-the-go snacks. We're also working on getting a bunch of fruit for fruit leathers and dried apples rings, etc. We even have some jerky recipes that I'm going to make once I get some excess meat on sale. I'm finding that my daughter is old enough now that simply sharing my plate of food isn't enough so I need some quick foods to have on hand. I'm the kind of person who really dislikes cooking for more than a half hour (my back starts hurting and I get bored) so easy recipes are my thing.

                            Luckily the garden might finally be tilled up today and the water hose put in (we're redirecting water from our neoighbors creek with permission) so I can actually go out there and do something while she runs around. I'm going to have my hubs pull the tent out so I can set it up out there for her until the bean teepees and sunflower house grow big enough. It's 30x60 so I have a lot to do finally. I find that if I don't have something to do I get really bored and go for food. Plus I am still addicted to the tv (more so when I eat badly, oddly enough) so I need to get out of the house. I'm probably not going to playgroup with her anymore because the older girls were picking on her (exclusion and taking things from her) so I need to get us outside with fun activities. Between that and the sole surviving kitten blocking our homeschool area we don't have a whole lot to do... Garden ahoy!

                            For anyone curious: I'm at about 345 again. A combination of inactivity, bad eating, and a lot of stress.
                            My Journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread34085.html


                            9/6/11: 390.1lbs

                            5/22/12: 339.4lbs

                            Goal: 175lbs

                            Comment


                            • Metalsporks---

                              Hang in there!! 345 is still 45 pounds less than you were in September. Remember that!

                              We all fall off the wagon sometimes. In my case, the best thing I can do is have a big (healthy) breakfast and a couple of glasses of ice water--then forge ahead. You can't remake the past, but you can create your future.

                              I know things look pretty bleak but please don't give up. Give your Dad plenty of hugs--that's one thing you won't ever regret. And be compassionate to your mother, she's having a hard time, too.

                              And...... if you have to take a job you hate for a while, and put DD in daycare.... that's not the worst thing. Not if it leads to a place of your own and the chance to shape your life the way you want it. Remember it's not forever and ever--maybe just a few months or years. Not very long, life goes by so fast.

                              Whatever you decide, keep posting, keep working. You're at the hardest time of your life right now and you are doing the very best you can--that's something to be proud of!
                              "Do, or do not. There is no try."--Jedi Master Yoda

                              Comment


                              • I'm just so ANGRY right now. My daughter (nearly 2) has been being picked on at playgroup and I'm just now realizing how bad it is (so I'm angry at myself for not seeing it and not being strong enough in myself to stick up for her yet, at the director for sitting on her fatter than my ass and not paying attention, to the parents of the other kids for letting them do it-it's not JUST being bossy or being kids people- and to the kids for picking on my daughter). I'm angry at my husband for yelling at my daughter MONTHS ago and my MIL for letting me know about it NOW instead of when it happened. I'm pissed at him, really. I'm angry at him for making me fearful when he has one of his "moods" (and for not getting help for his undiagnosed Bipolar because, let's be honest, blacking out and threatening people you love until they threaten you back and ONLY then stopping and coming back to reality is NOT normal). I am angry at myself for letting all of this shit happen. I'm angry at my dad for making me fear his death, at my mom for not being healthy enough to make me not fear for her life, and at myself for being in this shithole my in-laws call a house.

                                I'm sure in the morning my rational head will come back to me but right now I need to get this off my chest.

                                There are real reasons I fear for my daughter and I (and, yes, part of my fear of putting her in school is because I was molested in preschool and because I was picked on maliciously throughout all of my school years). There are real reasons I am stressed. And there are real reasons why I am always planning (like having a back-up plan for future moods of my husbands-a bus or taxi ride to the nearest family members house).

                                Yesterday my hubs and I were discussing why he doesn't like fingering me anymore (tmi, whatever) and he said it was too messy. Then he said it was because he couldn't satisfy me (since it is always after sex). I started thinking and figured a large part was hormonal imbalance (because I don't usually WANT sex anymore). But what I didn't tell him is that it is because I am unsatisfied in our relationship. My daughter just came home from an amazing weekend with my mom and dad and what did my hubs and I do? We went around and did errands before stopping into thrift stores and going our seperate ways in there. When we got home I changed out the toys for my daughter while he fixed my car. We had better than normal sex (because it was more spontaneous) then ate a horrible dinner (I'm tired of surviving on hotdogs but that is what we can afford). We fell asleep and when we woke up had bad sex. Then we had breakfast, I did some chores, and while my in-laws were out he played video games and I went online to learn some Swedish (I want to teach my daughter some since it is part of my heritage) until it was time to pick her up. I even prettied myself for him and he didn;t notice when he normally would.

                                I'm sorry to go from po'd to crying on ya'll but I am an emotional mess and needed to just get this out for now, before I go to bed.
                                My Journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread34085.html


                                9/6/11: 390.1lbs

                                5/22/12: 339.4lbs

                                Goal: 175lbs

                                Comment

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