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Journey of Katemary

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  • Journey of Katemary

    I have been lurking for a very long time and it seems that a journey here is the best way to document the rollercoaster that is my health and maybe shame me into doing better.

    I am mid 30s and overweight. Well, technically obese.

    187 lb size 14 (US)

    I am all or nothing. I can go 100% primal for months - to the extent of being at a special restaurant and ignoring the hand cut chips. Food wise that is: being overweight makes exercise hard - hard to do and hard because you feel self conscious, not an excuse, just reality.

    But when I fall off, I fall off spectacularly. I use alcohol too much to cope with stress. As in, can drink a bottle and a half of wine every night for weeks on end. And because I promise myself I will get back on track severely just around the corner (usually 'next Monday'), I will couple that with eating as much crap as I want. That can also go on for months. All or nothing. Yay, me.

    Anyway, I disgust myself because I think my life is on track in so many ways, if only I wasn't overweight. I would love to spend summer weekends outdoors and at the beach, instead of locked up with books or movies. I want to be outdoors doing things. I want to hav easy chilled holidays. I want to wear nice things. I don't want to think people are judging me because of my weight - that i am a 'lesser' person. Vicious cycle like most things - love to be normal weight to tsya normal weight. I would love to have someone special in my life. Weight is a factor in that. I know it shouldn't be, but it is. Maybe sadness and loneliness and disappointment from myself, adds to the self hatred and self sabotaging behaviour.

    Anyway, so I have being lurking this community for over a year and feel I trust you guys even if I haven't engaged before.

    Well, in usual style, end of financial year around the corner, so I will start again on 1 July. Get on track. Yes, I will binge and drink myself silly for the rest of the week, but I will record what I hope to achieve, presents to myself for various goals, reminders of why this is so important - something I can look back on when I struggle. I sure wish I had a record of how good I felt other periods when I was primal and moving in the right direction.

    So anyway, this is my record and I hope it helps. God, I hope it works this time.
    Last edited by katemary; 07-07-2011, 04:47 AM. Reason: add weight for future reference

  • #2
    OK, so I will use Mark's suggested format.

    S: maybe 7 hours

    B: large coffee. black
    L: chicken breast and various roast veg - zucchini, capsicum, pumpkin, onion, eggplant
    D: fried chops covered in various dried herbs, baby brussel sprouts, brocillini and cauliflower - add butter to the pan to cook them

    Exercise: none - work for over 12 hours. I am trying to find all Mark's bodyweight demos on youtube.


    • #3
      Welcome, katemary!

      I am also a all or nothing person, so I understand exactly where you are coming from on that.

      Good luck with changing your life - because that's really what it is - changing your life.

      If you aren't really used to exercising, why not ride a bike or take a brisk walk for now? Get up and get moving, but make sure it's something you can look forward to.
      7/4/11: 42-38-43
      8/3/11: 41-37-42
      11/27/11: 41-36-41
      Goal: 38-32-36


      • #4
        Hi Katemary. You can do this! I agree with Blue Eyed Chick... get out for a walk every day. Taking in some sun is essential to the well-being of most people as well. Don't forget to get some fat in your diet. What you posted above doesn't seem like enough - and not enough food is a recipe for disaster, you'll just fill the gaps with snacks (if you're like me you will!).
        Newcomers: If you haven't read the book, at least read this thread ... and all the links!

        Jan. 1, 2011: 186.6 lbs PBSW Mar. 1, 2011: 175.8 lbs
        CW: 146.8 lbs
        GW 140 lbs
        A proud member of PETA: People Eating Tasty Animals


        • #5
          Thanks guys, yes - you are right.

          I had a carby weekend leading up to this start (what's new) so I know I am light on today but my guts could do with the break!


          • #6
            S: 6 hrs, plus 40 mins of snooze every ten mins (don't know how that counts)

            B: coffee with a dash of milk (I forgot)
            L: chicken with brussel sprouts, brocollini and cauliflower
            D: veal (about 200 g) with chopped up bacon, mushrooms and asparagus. Tasty (and would have been nice if floating in cream and white wine sauce), but could have done with more greens.

            massive black coffee that I sipped from about 12 to 6 pm.

            E: I need to do some now instead of TV, blame full belly and carb flu headache.


            • #7
              I also want to suggest that you try to stop focusing on what other people think. In my opinion, people who judge people simply because of appearance are lesser people themselves. And remember that all of them have a hangup, too, but it just might not be quite as obvious when you first meet them, and some of their hangups are probably worse for their emotional health than overeating. Try to get out and do the things you want to do now, and start enjoying life.

              You also might need a little more fats to make weight loss faster. You can use the cream and butter! I don't know if you like coconut milk, but if you like coconut you can use it in a lot of things. Don't be afraid to try new sauces and dips. This lifestyle isn't limiting; there's a whole lot of recipes out there that are very fulfilling.


              • #8
                Being an all or nothing person myself I wanted to wish you good luck with this.

                I've found as long as I'm honest with myself and admit that I will always have certain triggers - then life is great and sticking to it is easy.

                Just never make the mistake of thinking I'll just have one - you won't.

                By the sound of it wine may well be a trigger for you.

                With me cigarettes, Cadburys chocolates and peanut butter are all triggers - so I don't buy them and won't have even 1 - which to be honest I'm very happy about as its saving me a fortune and I hated the out of control addict feeling when you know you're doing something thats terrible for you but you can't seem to stop.

                I have found that rationing works with stuff that I'm less addicted to.

                I now have 3 bars of 85% chocolate a week which has to last me the week - if I eat it all at once I don't beat myself up as it was planned in so I'm still sticking to the plan - I just have to go several days without till my next scheduled shop. I have found this attitude has enabled me to cope and now I have some each day without huge binges (whereas the first couple of weeks I did it I still binged but didn't worry).

                My DH used to drink Special Brew (A very strong lager) which would then lead to fancying other stronger drinks on occasion to the point where he was regularly far exceeding recommended levels. He found that by eliminating his usual drinks and rationing the Red wine to 2 Bottles a week he can still indulge when he wants within the plan but it has cut down his drinking dramatically.

                Also the forums help - if you're tempted just come and browse on here
                1st June 11 to 30st Aug 11 - 36lb removed in 13 weeks
                Messed about on and off for the rest of the year

                June 2012 - Had the practice - now time to do it for real


                • #9
                  Thanks IndigoBanshee - it is very difficult not to see yourself through others' eyes - it can be either a great motivator or utterly miserable! I know I should just focus on me, you are right. Everytime I have tried Primal I have struggled with the increase fats vs don't ignore calories balance.

                  Solldara thanks too - if I am tempted I will ration! Sounds like it works for you. Maybe I should allow myself a bottle of red a week (and a bottle each weekend lol).

                  Thanks for the input and encouragement.


                  • #10
                    S: 6 hours 30 mins snooze

                    B: 2 poached eggs, spinach and few bits tomato
                    L: ok for eating out. grilled salmon, steamed vegies, few chunky fries. Coke zero (wasn't paying attention)
                    D: ok for eating out. chicken and vegies (not great - carrots, beans and potatoes) with creamy avocado sauce. much better than the pizza I wanted.

                    E: really cold and yuck out and really bad carb flu :-(


                    • #11
                      S: 7 hrs ish

                      B: large black coffee
                      L: 3 lamb skewers (not too sure of the seasoning), half roast potato with teaspoon sour cream and chives, roast tomato, spinach and bacon salad
                      another large back coffee
                      D: 1/4 barbq chicken (mmm - the skin!), half small avocado, handful of peas with splash mint sauce

                      I know the peas aren't primal (esp with mint sauce) but it was instead of caving into potatoes or gravy.

                      E: home late. but

                      I think next week I am going to embark on a "couch to 5k" jogging training programme. I am not going to jog fast or hard, and I am not aiming to do chronic cardio, I just need structure or a programme to commit to, so I will move. I respond well to challenges. I think the first week is 30 s jog, 90 s walk, for 30 mins three times a week, and the jogging component increases. Who knows, maybe I will like it.

                      here it is, if anyone knows of a better programme for a couch sloth, pls let me know
                      Cool Running | The Couch-to-5K Running Plan

                      I plan to do sprints on Sundays. I will dig up my handweights too. That is the plan.
                      Last edited by katemary; 07-07-2011, 04:09 AM.


                      • #12
                        God I am useless. So much for clean slate.

                        Friday morning meeting with client and they suggested we have our coffee at a 'chocolate shop'. I stuck with a latte, but then another work meeting for lunch and I was driving myself crazy dreaming about the menu the hour beforehand - creamy pesto chicken penne, hamburger, schntizel and chips, bangers and mash. anyway, I decided on steak sandwich and to not have the bun but then at the time it would have been weird to dissect my food so ate it and then the carb cravings kicked in. Bar of chocolate in afternoon, massive wine and pizza night...anyway, I haven't gone crazy but I now have to start fresh tomorrow. and the "start next Monday" cycle begins again. You'd think I could at least stick to a dry July? No, I am useless...


                        • #13
                          Hi - I wouldn't beat yourself up too much, you just need to reread the book (or read it for the first time if you haven't already) and then just associate more bad things happening if you eat the junk, ie you'll get fat, you'll feel awful, you'll be disappointed in yourself, than you associate good things with actually eating them ie the sweet taste - tastes nice. Having things that also "taste nice" that you can eat also helps, as if you have some of these every day you never actually get the cravings building up - I use Strawberries and 85% Chocolate for this.

                          I was actually tempted the other day to buy a "normal" chocolate bar. I used to eat around 6-10 of them when I started to binge which was most days at the end. This temptation faded dramatically when I worked out I could have 100g of 85% Chocolate and 400g of Strawberries for the same carbs as one small bar.

                          Getting a bottle of water and an omlette or salad is normally doable in these places and would allow you to stay on plan without eating carbs to derail you - just promise yourself strawberries when you get home. After the first couple of weeks it gets easy but until then your "I just has one bite, or I had a few" is actually making things far harder for yourself than you need to.
                          1st June 11 to 30st Aug 11 - 36lb removed in 13 weeks
                          Messed about on and off for the rest of the year

                          June 2012 - Had the practice - now time to do it for real


                          • #14
                            Thanks Solldara - you are right. I need to get some berries!

                            Though part of the reason for journalling this time is so I can reflect on how great I feel when I am on track and how disappointed I am in myself when I fail..

                            S: 6 hrs
                            B: black coffee. large.
                            L: salmon with heaps of rocket and lemon.
                            black coffee. large,
                            D: massive plate of brocollini, cauliflower, asparagus and brussel sprouts fried/steamed in bacon fat with fatty lamb cutlets.


                            • #15
                              Katemary, the common thread I get from reading your journal is that you feel you are a failure if you get off track. That mindset will derail any attempt at success you might have. Instead, think of it as a temporary blimp in learning a new way of eating. Did you go from crawling to walking on the first try?

                              My weight loss was going nowhere until I upped my fat intake. Started with olive oil shots (how do people do that?) and now put coconut oil in my morning coffee. Also, I no longer use 1% milk in my coffee, I use half and half. I might even move that up to heavy cream. One thing that helped me kick the wine habit is using a smaller glass. Over time I am happy with a very small amount. I measured what goes in that glass and it is a quarter cup. Now that wine is a treat versus when I would polish off the whole bottle.

                              The hardest thing for me has been divorcing everything I "knew" form CW thinking all these years. Going from 'fat is bad' to 'fat is good' took a leap of faith. Have faith, you CAN do this!
                              Of all the paths you take in life, make sure a few of them are dirt.