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  • I had two miscarriages back when I was married. Both just spontaneously aborted. I never took any medication for it. You're right, it was like a really bad period gone wild. It turned out I had a defective uterus. It was split in two halves so there was not enough room to grow in. I could get pregnant just fine but not stay that way. Neither of the pregnancies were planned in my case so nobody was doing any checkups or tests on me. It wasn't until the second time it happened that they thought to do an ultrasound and figured it out. I had a hysterectomy and have never regretted that decision even though it was basically the ending point of my marriage. He really wanted kids and started treating me like some kind of lemon car he had been sold. Not good Dad material. Yours sounds like a keeper.
    Last edited by Paleobird; 07-04-2012, 04:07 PM.

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    • Originally posted by Paleobird View Post
      I had two miscarriages back when I was married. Both just spontaneously aborted. I never took any medication for it. You're right, it was like a really bad period gone wild. It turned out I had a defective uterus. It was split in two halves so there was not enough room to grow in. I could get pregnant just fine but not stay that way. Neither of the pregnancies were planned in my case so nobody was doing any checkups or tests on me. It wasn't until the second time it happened that they thought to do an ultrasound and figured it out. I had a hysterectomy and have never regretted that decision even though it was basically the ending point of my marriage. He really wanted kids and started treating me like some kind of lemon car he had been sold. Not good Dad material. Yours sounds like a keeper.
      Oh man. I'm sorry. That's a double-whammy of suck.

      Despite all equipment working (to our knowledge), we had initially decided NOT to have kids, and I'd settled into the notion of being an aunt but never a mother. When we went primaleo, our health improved, and that made Mr. Onalark decide that he could be healthy enough to raise one. I literally have Mark Sisson to thank if we ever have a kid.

      BUT -- if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen, and we made two decisions when we started this process: no heroic measures (i.e., no IVF, no adoptions) and if we don't have kids, we go on more vacations.

      I'm sorry your husband couldn't adapt. That is just terrible. Massive hugs.

      (And thank you for sharing. I appreciate it.)
      Steph
      My Primal Meanderings

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      • Gas-grilled a pork loin last night, grilled peppers and zucchini, and parboiled, smashed, then roasted (in bacon fat!) the tiny yukon gold potatoes I bought when I was craving starches. That's almost the end of the perishable non-primal stuff; I really hate wasting food, and potatoes are borderline anyway. Also: they were delicious.

        Tonight I'm going to try an experiment with some salmon I steamed yesterday. Neither Mr. Onalark or I like salmon unless it's heavily doctored (smoked or salted, or mixed with something). I have some cream cheese (also borderline; also perishable) and I'm going to see if blending it up with the salmon and some herbs, then stuffing it in pepper shells is any good. If I can find a way to get Omega-3 into my diet without supplements, I'll take it.

        We walked down to the beach and watched the SC fireworks display last night. It was fun and patriotic and so, so beautiful; I can't remember the last time I went down to watch the city's fireworks, and never with Mr. Onalark. We tried to figure out why the hell this is our first time, and realized we're usually camping or traveling over the 4th. Was kind of nice to just stay home and rest.

        Still a little bleeding, but nothing crazy. Two pounds down already, and I suspect there's some inflammation going on with the raw physical trauma of the miscarriage. Hoping to get back to weights next week.

        I'm making a flourless chocolate cake for my birthday party on Saturday. Ingredients are: butter, chocolate, eggs, and coffee. Trust me when I say this fucker's amazing. Mom's making strawberry shortcake, which is the tradition with my birthday; I have never been a big cake lover, but I looooove fresh, syrupy strawberries over homemade biscuits -- which is how we do shortcake, none of this "angel food cake" crap. Anyway, I intend to put some of her strawberries on my chocolate cake. Om nom nom.
        Steph
        My Primal Meanderings

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        • Okay, that's a no on salmon. I've tried. I've tried and tried. I do not like grilled, steamed, or broiled salmon. I don't like it as a cake, I don't like it on my plate.

          I have seriously tried to cook salmon every way known to woman. It just isn't working. That realized: we're switching to arctic char and trout when I can find them. I'm tired of spending money on a fish that neither Mr. Onalark or me like. We'll just eat moar trout and char. :P (And I'll eat more sardines, because I actually like 'em.)

          'Course, if it's smoked or cured, I'll happily eat your salmon, but I just can't get over the taste when I cook it. Blarrrrrrrgh.

          We popped a bottle of wine ("Le Rocher des Violettes") from Amboise and drank that since we didn't really enjoy dinner. The wine made up for the salmon and there was much rejoicing.
          Steph
          My Primal Meanderings

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          • Ew. Steamed salmon is yucky. It just goes all mushy. I smear mine with a handful of crushed ginger and crushed garlic, about equal parts of the two. Let that sit for a while and the fish get up to room temp. Then quick saute in butter and a splash of tamari.

            Also the quality of salmon can vary a lot. Once in a while for a treat, find and Asian market and spring for some sushi grade salmon. It's like a whole different animal.

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            • Originally posted by Paleobird View Post
              Ew. Steamed salmon is yucky. It just goes all mushy.
              Mush wasn't a problem in this case. I pureed it with cream cheese, trying to make a salmon "salad" (like ham "salad").

              I think overwhelmingly I just don't like the taste of salmon, while trout and char taste fine. Mom and dad also aren't salmon fans, so it may just be that being raised in a family that preferred mild white fish has changed me for life.
              Steph
              My Primal Meanderings

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              • This thread should almost be re-titled "Adventures in Miscarriage".

                I'm once again going to talk about this messy, distended process of miscarriage. So please don't read if you're pregnant or squeamish. (No, really.)




                Okay. I take it back. The miscarriage apparently wasn't complete as of Wednesday, and the amount of blood that passed out of my body this morning was truly astonishing, but more in line with what I was expecting earlier this week.

                Mr. Onalark is freaking out just a tiny bit. He had intended to go get a haircut, but now won't leave me alone. We had some errands planned this morning (including visiting the former owners of our new home, who are still living there, per our agreement), but we basically got there, I ran into the bathroom, saw how much blood was passing and how soaked my pad was, and we beat a quick retreat. I think I babbled something about not feeling well. I feel awful that we just sort of showed up, grabbed our lease-back check, and ran off again, but I really didn't want to recreate scenes from The Shining in their living room.

                I'm feeling better now and I am really, really hoping This Is All. I had a total hormone crash yesterday reminiscent of the day before my period starts, only way worse and much more angry. This is not good when your job relies on you being a people person. I sent myself home before I snapped at anyone and I slept for two hours and afterward I was grumpy. Poor Mr. Onalark.

                Continuing to cramp. The pain is comparable to really bad gas. Or was. The cramps are subsiding, and I haven't had one in 30 minutes...wait, nevermind. There was one. I figure as long as I'm cramping, there's probably tissue that needs passing.

                I had actually been muttering this morning that I probably needed to take another round of Cytotec, because I was still bleeding a little. Well, that looks to be totally unnecessary now. As for the "shriveled grape" of an embryo I was supposed to be looking out for...ha ha ha ha ha. I have no fucking clue how you could find it midst all that blood. Seriously. No. Just...no.

                Tonight's my week-late birthday party! Hooray! I'm packing extra pads! Oh yes! And Tylenol! Thank science for that!
                Steph
                My Primal Meanderings

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                • Last night, Mr. Onalark asked what he could do to help. "Bring me breakfast," I said. So we drove to a cafe we like, and I had brisket. Hooray!

                  Went to the farmer's market today and bought armloads of yummy herbs and baby broccoli. Dinner tonight: zucchini "pasta" with meat sauce. Probably some fresh tomatoes from the farmer's market. And there's leftover flourless chocolate cake, which I get one last night with before I start my Whole30 tomorrow.

                  More "Adventures in Miscarriage". Standard warnings apply.







                  A little more bleeding today, but not the Tarantino-esque quantities of yesterday. Some cramping. Minor back pain, which I'm controlling with heating pads and acetaminophen.

                  Though the gushing (and I do mean gushing) slacked off around 4 PM yesterday, I still soaked a pad by the time we made the 45 minute drive to my parents' house, though once there my body decided to behave and all was good. I was tired, and it showed; by quarter to nine people were urging us to go home, which never happens. Everyone loves Steph! But Steph when she's exhausted and pale isn't as much fun, even if it is her birthday.

                  It was a good party, despite me being not all there. My sisters got me a body pillow; a bittersweet gift because at this point I thought I was going to be 10 weeks and needing it, not miscarrying and needing it.

                  My body is still feeling bloaty and tender. I don't know when I'm going to be able to exercise again. Between the light-headedness and exhaustion, I just don't know that anything more than long walks is a good idea. Then again, some heavy squats might help pass more tissue. :P

                  Doctor's appointment on Wednesday to see how much tissue is left up in there. Hopefully by then I'll be on the light end of the process and he'll tell me to just let it finish. Have I mentioned that one of the bright sides of this whole process is that I found an OB/Gyn I like? Yes, well: hooray for that!
                  Steph
                  My Primal Meanderings

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                  • This is what I hope is the final update. I think I said that the last few times, but I have my reasons for actually believing this really is the last one.

                    One last "Adventures in Miscarriage". Read at your own risk.







                    So, to recap: on Tuesday, July 3rd, I took the Cytotec at 8 PM. Bleeding and cramping followed, I thought I'd passed everything, I went back to work Thursday, I had a hormone crash on Friday, on Saturday experienced insanely heavy bleeding, and then came Sunday.

                    Sunday I woke up feeling great! Just great! I went shopping, I had breakfast with Mr. Onalark, we felt great!

                    Around 2 PM, bleeding started again, and then the cramping, and then...how do I explain this? It wasn't cramping anymore. It was just...pain.

                    Lots of pain. Consistent, unending, unyielding pain. There were no "waves". No "rushes". It was just one solid bar of PAIN. It felt like my intestines were slowly being inflated.

                    Then it passed, and with it came a gush of blood. I felt relief for a whole five minutes and thought, ah, good. It's done.

                    Then the pain came back. And it didn't pass.

                    By quarter to eight my lips were pale, I was nauseous, and I had the shakes. My temp was starting to go up. The pain was NOT going away. The tylenol wasn't helping for shit. I couldn't lie down, I couldn't sit, I could only pace and go to the bathroom. At 8, I made the call, and we went to the ER.

                    It took an hour for them to admit me, during which I sobbed and banged my fist and tried not to be a total troll, but mostly failed because of PAIN. I puked up what was in my stomach -- breakfast, mostly, which means my system had probably stopped digesting food at some point. I soaked the three pads I came to the ER with, and had to get extras. They got an IV in me around 9:30, and then hydromorphone, and once that kicked in the pain went from an 8 to about a 3. I coasted on that for about an hour until the ultrasound tech came in. The ultrasound dialed the pain back up to a 6, so they put more hydromorphone in me, and the pain went back down to 3.

                    The ultrasound showed "blood in my uterus" (no shit?), though by this point the passage of blood and tissue had abated somewhat. The ER doc called my OB, who advised pain management. I got one more dose of hydromorphone and a scrip for Percocet, and they let me go. By that time it was 12:30 AM, Mr. Onalark and I were both starving and exhausted. Well, okay, I wasn't really hungry, but I knew I probably needed food. The attending nurse told me I had lost a lot of blood, and that I needed to take it easy, and also come back in ASAP if I lost more. He was a pretty cool dude, and I thanked him effusively.

                    At home, I took one Percocet, finished my milkshake, and went to the bathroom. I felt the urge to push and...out came the embryo. It was about the size of an egg. I am pretty sure it was the embryo because it didn't look like any of the tissue I had passed previously.

                    I stared at it for about thirty seconds, I said goodbye, and that was that.

                    I am feeling way better as of this morning. I haven't taken any of the Percocet since last night. I stayed home today just in case my body decide to start the deluge again, but at this point I really, truly believe it's over.

                    Wheeee.
                    Steph
                    My Primal Meanderings

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                    • Phew. Hoping it's over, for your sake! I appreciate your frank and open descriptions of this experience. Miscarriages are a part of life not often talked about, especially not in detail.
                      Depression Lies

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                      • Originally posted by namelesswonder View Post
                        Phew. Hoping it's over, for your sake! I appreciate your frank and open descriptions of this experience. Miscarriages are a part of life not often talked about, especially not in detail.
                        Yeah, that makes two of us!

                        I've always been a little TMI, but when I started this process I really wanted to read other people's experiences, and that's why I journal; I'm paying it back for the next me. I should be surprised by the number of women who have privately come to me and told me about their miscarriages (that I never knew about), but I'm NOT surprised. This is common. It just isn't talked about.
                        Steph
                        My Primal Meanderings

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                        • Making almond-egg-banana pancakes for breakfast. Oh noes! The PUFAs! STFU PUFA police, you don't own me!

                          Think I'll also eat it with some greek yogurt. Later today, I may cook up some liver because, y'know, blood loss.

                          And tonight: steak. Steak steak steak. Gimme that steak.

                          Putting off my Whole30 a week because we need to do some drinking on Saturday. My best friend was also in the hospital this weekend because her baby girl had an infection. Ugh. We need drinks, and we need them this weekend.
                          Steph
                          My Primal Meanderings

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                          • Oh, and here's a photo of breakfast/lunch:


                            Paleo Pancakes and Greek Yogurt with Berries by fivebyevif, on Flickr
                            Steph
                            My Primal Meanderings

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                            • That looks great, I'm jealous, but I'd probably have put a fried egg on top of the pancakes =P
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                              • Originally posted by namelesswonder View Post
                                That looks great, I'm jealous, but I'd probably have put a fried egg on top of the pancakes =P
                                It's hidden in the pancake batter!
                                Steph
                                My Primal Meanderings

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