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  • My husband "made" dinner, which is to say he brought home ribs, brisket, and pulled pork from work. They cater in lunches, and there's always tons of leftovers, and the barbeque company they use is really, really good.

    Soaking my buckwheat for tomorrow's breakfast, and planning on making some blueberry chutney tomorrow. Looks like the house won't close until Tuesday, but that's what the insurance people told me, and I think my real estate agent was just being overly optimistic when she said today or Monday (being optimistic, I think, is part of her job).

    Need to get back to weight lifting now that I'm feeling better. Next week should be good, even if I am leaving town Thursday night. I could try and convince myself that I'm going to use the gym at the hotel, but ha ha ha ha ha ha...yeah. That never happens. :P
    Steph
    My Primal Meanderings

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    • Sounds like you have got yourself a good Grok there, making you steak, bringing home ribs, etc. while you are growing the Grokling.

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      • Originally posted by Paleobird View Post
        Sounds like you have got yourself a good Grok there, making you steak, bringing home ribs, etc. while you are growing the Grokling.
        He's awesome. Even cleans the cat litter, no complaints. What a man.
        Steph
        My Primal Meanderings

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        • So, Prometheus? Probably not a great movie for pregnant ladies. I wasn't clutching my pearls and threatening to stomp out of the theater, but I could see how some women would have reeeeeeal issues with a couple of the scenes, which are horror-related.

          Overall, the movie just kind of sucked, and I speak as a longtime s-f fan when I say -- this is why story matters. What a waste of a great cast, great director, and great visuals. Blergh.

          My rumspringa has started. I ate wheat, and then I died, and then it turned out I didn't, and now I'm waiting for my husband to be up so I can have some sourdough bread and clam chowder. Which I originally wrote as "clam showder". Which is probably a shower involving clams, which has got to be painful, assuming they're still in the shell.

          So far, wheat is not impressing me. I had beignets that were kind of terrible, some fried green tomatoes that were okay, and a cinnamon role that was 99% frosting. I think the sourdough will be good, though. I looooove sourdough. Or I thought I loved sourdough. I guess I'll find out.

          With the exception of one breakfast in Vegas, it's been about 6 months since I deliberately ate wheat. The last wheaty thing I ate was a sourdough waffle...and it was totally worth it.

          After this, I'm deciding what my next "distance" will be, and I'll probably make it a year. I do not feel like I'm missing anything by eating my sandwiches sans bread and my salads without a roll, or declining the cake at parties. It's more a hassle to explain it than it is to live it; I try to keep people from noticing, but sometimes they do, and then they ask, and usually I say "I have an autoimmune condition that is aggravated by wheat." and that shuts them up. Huzzah!

          Coffee's brewed, morning is lovely. Think I'll go write. Ta.
          Steph
          My Primal Meanderings

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          • Because it's my wheat rumspringa, I had biscuits and gravy this morning and...I couldn't eat them. This massive plate full of gravy and eggs and hashbrowns showed up and I nibbled at the biscuit and ate the crusty side of the potatoes, but I couldn't make much of a dent in that oversized platter of creamy white STUFF. And it wasn't that it didn't taste good; it tasted great. But my stomach was calling it quits inside of five minutes.

            I gave up and told the waitress to thank the cook, but my eyes were bigger than my stomach.

            Even Mr. Onalark couldn't finish his breakfast. He's been joining me on my week "off" and ordered pancakes. He attacked the stack as best he could, and normally eats everything on his plate when I make my superspecial buckwheat pancakes, but he left half the stack this morning. We've both changed, and for the better.

            On the way out, I remarked to my husband that two years ago, I'd have made short work of that plate. He thought about it a moment, and said, "Yeah, well, you're not pre-diabetic anymore." Holy shit! Is this what a normal metabolism feels like? Is this how satiety is supposed to work? This is crazy, yousguys!

            I also have no doubt that if I ate like this every day, it would go away and I'd be back to square one. No doubt. The good news is: I'm already kind of weary of it. I have a couple more indulgences on the list -- really good fried chicken, a donut, some fresh pasta -- and then I think I'm done and ready to head back to primalville.

            I'll be starting a Whole 30 mid-July. My birthday is coming up, and I'll be making a flourless chocolate cake for the occasion, and then after that I'm going to eat me some greens and proteins. Looking forward to it. (Which is the right frame of mind to approach a Whole 30, honest.)

            All paperwork for the house is signed. All that's left now is the countersignatures, and later, the move. Oh boy oh boy. Packing.
            Steph
            My Primal Meanderings

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            • Lunch was suuuuper filling, and I'm now glad I only got one California roll.

              Tomorrow is the big day! Fingers crossed that it's all good.

              Oh, and it's official. I'm up one cup size. I've never been a "D" in my life, but now I am (which may in part explain why my boobs hurt so much at the end of the day).

              Mr. Onalark has never been so thrilled to go clothes shopping with me.
              Steph
              My Primal Meanderings

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              • Fingers crossed for you!
                Depression Lies

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                • Originally posted by namelesswonder View Post
                  Fingers crossed for you!
                  Thank you!
                  Steph
                  My Primal Meanderings

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                  • Thursday: double-confirmed with a midwife and a doctor that there was no heartbeat. Cried, cussed, made bad jokes, ate bad food, cried some more, went on vacation anyway.

                    Friday, Saturday, Sunday: walked a lot. Walked a lot a lot. Drank booze and ate sugar and didn't worry about hurting the embryo because there's nothing I can do anymore to help or hurt it.

                    Monday: started bleeding. Stayed home from work. Need to go out and buy some heavy pads for what comes next.

                    Will be trying again. Will probably tell a lot fewer people before 12 weeks next time. Not happy, but getting past being sad.

                    On the bright side...I'll have more money in my FSA when we conceive next. No, that's not really a bright side, but I'll take what I can get.

                    How about this: On the bright side...this whole experience confirmed that we really do want a child, and will continue trying for the time being. How many times do you do this before you stop? I don't know. I guess we're going to find out.

                    Take care, all.
                    Steph
                    My Primal Meanderings

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                    • Back to primaleo today. Eating the last of the (cultured) cottage cheese I bought when I was feeling nauseous, and today's lunch was a BAS plus sardines. Another bright side: the thought of sardines no longer makes me want to hurl.

                      Yesterday's promise of a natural miscarriage stalled out; I'll be taking the Cytotec after all. Tomorrow should be interesting, based on what I've read and heard. At this point, though, I just want to move on.

                      Salmon defrosted for dinner. Tomorrow is probably going to be a rough day, so who knows what or when I'll be eating. We may be able to walk down and watch the fireworks. We may not. Good times.
                      Steph
                      My Primal Meanderings

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                      • I missed your post yesterday, I'm sorry to hear about what happened. Nothing really adequate to say in these kinds of situations... I think your bright side is a very good bright side. I hope things improve for you soon!
                        Depression Lies

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                        • Originally posted by namelesswonder View Post
                          I missed your post yesterday, I'm sorry to hear about what happened. Nothing really adequate to say in these kinds of situations... I think your bright side is a very good bright side. I hope things improve for you soon!
                          Thanks.
                          Steph
                          My Primal Meanderings

                          Comment


                          • Oh, Steph, I'm so sorry. [[[[[[[[[[HUGS]]]]]]]]]]]

                            You have got a really good man by your side. The two of you will get through this together and go on to become wonderful parents in the future.

                            I think this may be just a natural way of the body "running a systems check" before really doing the full nine months. This happens a lot. I know that doesn't make you feel any better right now but I know you're going to be fine.

                            Hang in there.

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                            • Originally posted by Paleobird View Post
                              Oh, Steph, I'm so sorry. [[[[[[[[[[HUGS]]]]]]]]]]]

                              You have got a really good man by your side. The two of you will get through this together and go on to become wonderful parents in the future.
                              Thanks. I do. He sat with me last night until 1 AM, rubbing my feet and turning on the fire when I started to get chills from the Cytotec and shooing the cats when they tried to jump on my belly.

                              Originally posted by Paleobird View Post
                              I think this may be just a natural way of the body "running a systems check" before really doing the full nine months. This happens a lot. I know that doesn't make you feel any better right now but I know you're going to be fine.

                              Hang in there.
                              Yeah...I'm hoping for the "systems check" theory, myself. I am mid-30s, after all, and this is my first pregnancy in, uh, ever. These particular "systems" have never had to run before now, so I'm forgiving them for being a bit decrepit.

                              We're moving past sad. Having the miscarriage pass is helping me to move on. We should be back to the "fun part" of trying in a month or so. And at least now I won't be 4 months pregnant when we're moving all our crap in September. Like I said, there are bright sides to all these dark clouds.

                              Thanks.
                              Steph
                              My Primal Meanderings

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                              • Today for brunch we had GF pancakes and bacon and coffee and wonderful free-range locally grown eggs. I'm probably going to make gas-grilled pork loin for dinner.

                                Thus ends the non-TMI portion of this post.

                                The rest is about passing a miscarriage using Cytotec.

                                You have been warned.






                                So, Cytotec. In my case, it was like a very bad period times three. A lot of abdominal cramping, but nothing I couldn't handle. I read some pretty awful stories about it being "just as bad as childbirth", and all I can think is either a) these women have much lower pain thresholds than me or b) everyone has a different experience. I'm leaning toward "b"; fact is, my pregnancy stopped growing at 6 weeks, so there wasn't much to "pass".

                                My primary experience was cramping, bleeding, and the chills. The medication started almost immediately, and the first 30 minutes weren't so bad -- a lot of pulsing and warmth. 1 hour in, chills and cramping started, but not much bleeding; light traces. 2 hours in, the cramps got worse, but still only light bleeding.

                                One bit of helpful advice I got from the midwives, but didn't see anywhere on any forum or webpage was: don't take NSAIDs (ibuprofen, naproxen) when you're using Cytotec to pass a miscarriage, because the mechanism by which these drugs work interferes with the Cytotec's effectiveness. Acetaminophen, however, is a-okay, and Extra Strength Tylenol has been my best friend for the last 18 hours. Even better if your doctor prescribes some sort of industrial-grade painkiller. Mine didn't, and I probably wouldn't have taken it anyway; Vicodin does weird shit to me.

                                Also, though I normally use cloth pads for my periods, I opted to use some disposable "overnight" ultra thins for this, and I think that was a damn good choice. I've gone through six so far.

                                I used a heating pad on my lower back to start, then switched it to my belly about three hours in. I practiced deep breathing during the heavy cramps. I also practiced some of the things I'm told you should try in labor to get your body to relax -- laughing, smiling, and meditations on "opening up".

                                Yes...I know laughing and smiling during a miscarriage sounds weird, but I am hellbent on turning lemons into lemonade, and my way of coping is this: I'm treating this whole thing as a labor "dress rehearsal"!

                                I started my dosage at 8 PM, and it took about 6 hours for it to "work", with the majority of the bad cramping happening in the first 6 hour period prior. By midnight-ish the chills and teeth chattering had passed, the cramping had subsided to manageable levels, and the room and everything was too warm. I took off the heating pad and the blankets I'd piled on. I also dozed off for about thirty minutes; it was way, way past my bedtime at that point.

                                I went to bed at 1 AM convinced I'd "done it wrong" (the pills are inserted, not swallowed, if you catch my drift) but asked Mr. Onalark to wake me up when he came to bed just in case. Surprise, surprise -- at the 2:30 AM mark (when he woke me) was when the first of the major clots and bleeding started, and after that I got up every 1-2 hours to check on my status and change my pads if necessary.

                                By 9 AM the bleeding had reduced significantly, and I slept until noon. I have that luxury, and it's a good thing, ya'all.

                                I'm still bleeding and passing clots, there's still a little cramping, but nothing worse than the heavy periods I used to have pre-primal. Anyway, I won't miss work tomorrow, and I'll get to see fireworks tonight.

                                The question is: would I do this again? Answer is: probably, given time and distance. Less risky than D&C, and though the pain is intense, it's manageable in my case. I lose a night, I gain a sense of moving on. I'm okay with that.

                                I hope this helps someone, somewhere, sometime. I know when I was researching how I should deal with the miscarriage, personal testimonials were very useful. Good luck, to anyone dealing with this difficult decision.
                                Steph
                                My Primal Meanderings

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