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Denise's "better late than never" PB journal

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  • #31
    Originally posted by denise View Post
    i have been irritatingly cheerful today - i couldn't immediately thnink why, but the longer i thought, the longer my list got.
    So, here is my "reasons to be cheerful" list.

    1. My husband tells me every single day that he loves me, that i am the most beautiful, sexy woman in the world.
    2. I am content. Every day i wake up balanced like this is still a source of joy and amazement to me.
    3 i think i may just be "changing" for the second time this week i have been asked "have you lost weight?". Of course i have no idea, but as toning up is a goal for me long term, this is nice to hear. I also had some lovely compliments about my skin today (i'm on a roll!)
    4. Its a beeeooootiful day - a real taste of spring (we have heavy rain forecast for tomorrow - but thats tomorrow).
    5. I love my food - i look forwards to it, i enjoy it, it makes me feel good.
    6. I'm not in libya (or anywhere else going thru the utter turmoil there is in parts of the world right now).

    That'll do for now - i risk being nauseating
    love it
    Even if you fall flat on your face, at least you're moving forward!

    Comment


    • #32
      today I took all my pasta, beans (dried and canned), lentils, cereal, "sugar containing" sauces in bottles, etc into the gym for the instructors.

      Do feel guilty a bit. Perpetuating what they tell their clients?? Killing them slowly??

      Anyhoo - one has asked "what the hell have you been doing lately"...... and not in a bad way. I have told her. If she still takes the pasta home - so be it?

      Comment


      • #33
        Originally posted by denise View Post
        and for those who found it nauseating - s'ok. PMS is on its way - at which point I will turn into someone who rips peoples heads off and drinks the spurting blood!!
        at least it's high protein?
        Life consists with wildness. The most alive is the wildest. (Thoreau)

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        • #34
          Originally posted by denise View Post
          Anyhoo - one has asked "what the hell have you been doing lately"...... and not in a bad way. I have told her. If she still takes the pasta home - so be it?
          Totally. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink!
          Type 1 Diabetic. Controlling blood sugar through primal life.

          2012 Goals:
          Maintain A1c of 6.0 or lower
          More dietary fat, less carbs, moderate protein
          LHT and sprint as per PB fitness
          Play more!

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          • #35
            I am so glad you have a journal. I could have written your first post myself.

            Comment


            • #36
              Originally posted by moo View Post
              I am so glad you have a journal. I could have written your first post myself.
              thank you! So many people here seem to have similar stories to my/our own. Scattered all over the world as we are, surrounded by people who don't/won't/can't understand , this is a great way to find out you are not alone!!

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              • #37
                Originally posted by sibylsybil View Post
                at least it's high protein?
                lol!!!!

                Comment


                • #38
                  Originally posted by denise View Post
                  today I took all my pasta, beans (dried and canned), lentils, cereal, "sugar containing" sauces in bottles, etc into the gym for the instructors.

                  Do feel guilty a bit. Perpetuating what they tell their clients?? Killing them slowly??

                  Anyhoo - one has asked "what the hell have you been doing lately"...... and not in a bad way. I have told her. If she still takes the pasta home - so be it?
                  Yes, so be it. She listened to you, but she still has to make her own choices.

                  I kind of understand the guilt, but choose to look at it this way: some people will never accept a primal WOE, no matter how many times they read about it, nor how many success stories they see. I think it's better that the food you no longer eat gets used by someone, rather than being wasted.
                  “Whether you think you can, or think you can’t — you’re right.” ~ Henry Ford

                  My primal journal

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                  • #39
                    Sleep good - except for some reason I had very vivid dreams about having to make yorkshire pudding for a meal and not remembering the recipe.

                    Mood still quite upbeat - no sign of "Madam PMS" - my evil alter ego - yet

                    1st meal 12.35 stewed beef with onion, carrot and swede + steamed cabbage and broccoli.

                    Snack 14.25 cold lamb (leftover from last night) and 1 cold chicken thigh. Got HUNGRY
                    Snack 15.45 few spoons of coconut milk. I don't think there was enough fat in my 1st meal - the beef was very lean and I didn't add any. SO - I got hungry and had snacks. Too late - i remembered that I worked out coconut disagrees with me. Felt queasy and had tummy ache within 30'.

                    2nd meal 18.10 white fish, salmon and prawns with leek and mushroom (sauteed in chicken fat). Added some asian herbs - yum.

                    Lots of herbal and green tea + water

                    Exercise
                    walking on treadmill 50' varying speed and incline (max 15.5% incline at 6kmh, max speed 7.5kmh on "way back down" to 4% incline)
                    spinning 45' tried most of the class to stay around 75% hR - apart from a few intervals to 90%

                    Supplements - all usual + 50mg 5HTP

                    Day 21(35) of whole(44) Interestingly, today I became slightly "concerned" about what will happen on Day 31. I think I will do a detailed meal plan for that week - I plan meals a week in advance anyway - but not usually any snacks. I think I will have a really well organised plan til I feel ok about "letting go" and just being Primal again. Now, that reinforces for me that whole30 raises "issues" for me and isn't something for me to repeat!

                    Think I got to the bottom (so to speak) of my tummy trouble. While prepping cabbage I can never resist munching on the heart that i cut out. Crispy, peppery - and gives me tummy ache. Spotted it today. So, that joins raw onions on my list of "things I have found disagree with me"

                    Husband DID smile at the 18 year old malt whisky! When Madam PMS arrives I will NEED those brownie points!!
                    Last edited by denise; 02-26-2011, 06:47 AM.

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      I just posted this observation about whole30 on another thread and wanted to "keep it for future reference" so I am copying it here

                      I find myself beginning to worry a bit about Day 31. Worry not that i will binge so much as that I am training myself to feel guilty about the very foods that I was eating guilt free and feeling great on whilst "just PB" before I began this.

                      I am still planning my "exit strategy" to be honest and any and all wisdom for you guys finishing ahead of me is welcome. Right now, plan is to HAVE a plan! A really well thought out meal and snack plan for the first few days, reintroduce dairy, see what happens. Get back to guilt free and more spontaneous later.

                      I KNEW this would be an issue for me - I have somewhat stubbornly stuck with w30 past the realisation its not "good for me". BUT like you there are positives - and I also plan to keep those front of mind! I am promising myself not to do this again. Not because its hard - it hasn't been really - but for - well, what I just mentioned. In the long run - and I am in this for the long haul - slow is fine, steady is fine, unremarkable is fine. Less drama= good - for me at least!

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        another post I want to keep hold of for myself - this one from yesterday. Maybe here is the right place for all this, stop starting new threads Denise.

                        "Looking back over my "food diary" from last year, I counted back and its 12 weeks today since my last binge!!! It was also the last time I ate grains/sugar (other than a bit of 85% and even that is over 3 weeks ago).

                        Just to put this change in perspective - here's what I actually ate on Friday December 3rd 2010:

                        skinless chicken breasts - typical start on a "trying to diet day"
                        1/3 (at least) of a large Xmas cake (iced)
                        1 chocolate reindeer (like a Lindt bunny size)
                        1 chocolate dessert topped with cream (in a plastic pot)
                        2 large (family size) milk chocolate bars
                        2 cadburys bars (not specified what - probably crunchie or something)
                        burger and chips with ketchup
                        3 LARGE glasses of wine (2 white, 1 red)
                        85% chocolate - a bar (just to be clear, this is while I was struggling to really properly start PB and stick to it and so i had this in the house)

                        Looks bad?? This wasn't a bad day particularly, this was me trying (obviously failing but actually trying). This is when I was bouncing around, trying PB but not compliant enough, not getting past cravings etc. Few "good days" (relatively) then major "crash and burn".

                        I also noted my mood that day - "desperate".

                        Next day - PB began in earnest and I can see my diet "changing" over the next 2-3 weeks as I craved and substituted and ate more dairy (especially dairy) and nuts to try cope. Then, it began to settle down, and now - well my journal (denises "better late than never PB journal" if anyone wants to look) shows a day for me - the way it has been, increasingly, ever since.

                        I went on reading the food diary - which has evolved to note much more than just what i ate.. I have kept one for years and its real warts and all stuff. I have them going back 5 years now. A few pages are blank - on black days when depression really hit, I couldn't do it. But otherwise its all in there, good and bad.

                        I read about my fears that I was "getting fatter" and my struggle to stay off the scale (still not been on them since last November). I saw my mood bounce around wildly - then begin to settle down. I saw that I ate far too much sometimes and far from ideal foods - but it was all Primal with the 80/20 rule keeping me going. I SAW my obsession with weight begin to diminish - fewer and fewer comments about how fat I felt. I saw my exercise level out and become "smarter" - yes I record that too. Anal I know. But, its fascinating and re-visiting it shows me how far I really have come ... and reminds me where I was.

                        I don't know why December 4th was different - in fact in many ways it was so far from "perfect" I suppose I didn't even know I had begun something really significant.
                        "

                        anyhow this got me thinking -

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          I'm sure for some people, such thorough journaling and food-recording serves only to increase their anxiety and focus on eating. But for you it certainly seems to give you a great basis for comparison and accountability! Must feel good knowing how you're doing now and how much better it is, eh?
                          "Trust me, you will soon enter a magical land full of delicious steakflowers, with butterbacons fluttering around over the extremely rompable grass and hillsides."

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                          • #43
                            and so I have looked back today at a couple of diaries and found some horrifying stuff.

                            First - here from 2008 is my days food intake. It was absolutely "average" for weeks at a time. This is not a "good" day, not a "bad" day. Its just how I ate then.

                            Saturday 23 August 2008
                            12.55 Big (I man BIG) bowl porridge and maple syrup
                            13.35 Half a loaf of fig raisin bread & butter (I used to slice them thru the middle not in "slices" then just butter top and bottom halves.)
                            13.55 magnum ice lolly (milk)
                            14.20 3 fudge squares
                            14.45 2 large bread rolls buttered. One with lemon cur, one with mushroom pate,
                            15.40 large glass viognier
                            17.20 rice noodles and vegetables
                            17.30 glass viognier (all my glasses are large btw)
                            19.00 7 chocolate truffles
                            20.25 rice noodles and veg leftovers

                            I noted that i was so full my tummy hurt - but still hungry.

                            I ahd also run a 10k before a 30'spin class, 60 of Body Pump, 10' rowing,15' on a stepper and a 40 length swim!

                            Notice anything?? OK, apart from the absolute overdependence on carbs - there is NO protein in here - and I counted 17 straight days before there was some - and then it was quorn. AND - the exercise!! Also "normal" at weekends then - it eventually spread to "normal" every day. Interestingly the 10k run was on a treadmill despite good weather - because I had such an upset tummy all the time I had to be near a toilet (no, I won't share my joggers trots stories now).

                            For my next thrilling instalment - a truly appalling low point day from 2010.

                            Comment


                            • #44
                              Now, see, does looking back that far entertain you or make you feel better in any way? Or is it just a horrifying trainwreck and you're now feeling guilt-echoes? If the latter, maybe stop reading...

                              And wow, no protein, no wonder you were starved. Doesn't look like much fat either.
                              "Trust me, you will soon enter a magical land full of delicious steakflowers, with butterbacons fluttering around over the extremely rompable grass and hillsides."

                              Comment


                              • #45
                                and here it is.

                                Saturday 20 March 2010

                                11.00 1/2 protein bar (at gym)
                                11.55 curried chicken, salad, walnut oil
                                so far - trying SOOOO hard
                                12.35 choccy bunny
                                13.10 4 scones with butter, jam and whipped cream
                                family tub caramel ice cream
                                whole battenburg cake
                                14.20 2 large bread rolls, butter, ham, gaots cheese
                                14.45 family bar milk chocolate
                                at this point I stop putting times down
                                chocolate dessert with cream
                                8 weetabix, milk & sugar
                                4 hot X buns with butter
                                2 (small) baguettes with butter and golden syrup
                                chocolate bunny
                                chocolate dessert and cream
                                2 coconut & raisin naan breads with butter (now raiding the cupboards for anything edible)
                                20.55 2 hot X buns (last of pack of 6 - were supposed to be husbands)

                                plus 4 hours exercise, all cardio, including a 10k run for a warm up.

                                and that is that. I shall now stop my trip down memory lane!!! But my GOD it brings back some memories for sure - and every one of them makes me even happier I am where I am now and more determined to stick with it. there are real lessons in here. I haven't looked back at these diaries since I wrote them - its been inteersting - but now they go back in the cupboard.

                                I am actually sitting here feeling ashamed and embarrassed and wondering if I should even post this. BUT, whilst "you" can read it ' it really for me.

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