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Primal Journal: Punkgrokgirl Vs. Her Own Fat Butt, Round 1, FIGHT!

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  • #16
    Originally posted by punkgrokgirl View Post
    And on the food front, I ate the whole couple ounces of coconut cream I bought in 4 days. That stuff is pure crack. And I'm thinking about making it even more cracklike by making Halvah with it. I found the texture to be close already, and it always made me sad that I couldn't find halvah without hydrogenated foulness in it, so next time I go grocery shopping I'm going to grab some tahini and more coconut crack, er, cream and give it a try. Definitely going to post the results.
    That sounds like it will be amazing! Love me some halvah, mmm

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    • #17
      Victories and a wee little bitty bit of set back!

      Man, I really do mean to update this thing regularly, but life has been a madhouse.

      First, For The Win!

      In spite of all of the crap over the last couple of weeks, I'm finally below 185 (184-183, my scale is crappy), waist 30.5, hips 45.5, body fat 35.3.. Slow, but steady and measurable, gives hope! Now that I think to measure, I've lost about a half inch off everything else as well, including my chest under my boobs, but.. my breasts seem to be growing? Huh. Uh, no complaints there.

      Most importantly, the PMS mentioned above was spot on, I got my period on Tuesday the 1st, which would make it 28 days after the last time, EXACTLY. I've never been so happy to be bleeding from the lady parts (well, except that one time, where it was more of a relief...)! 28 days is AWESOME. Normalizing hormones makes me really, really happy. Here's hoping that it happens again this month.

      I got my giant, ACME sized rubber bands and have been doing assisted pull ups, feeling like almost kinda sorta a bad ass, with much less pain and much better form than the jumping up and reversing down.

      Now, the ugly (I'm skipping the bad, no value judgments on my life right now).

      On Friday the 25th I had a small breakage of Primal Law #8. Walking to the bus stop, crossing the street, glance down at my feet, oh hey, my shoelace is untied, better not tr-AAaagh! So, I ate wet, dirty pavement and shredded my palms and one knee. Actually, bruised that knee so deeply that two weeks later, after even all the scabs have gone, the knee still has purple blotches and hurts like a bitch if I kneel. So, exercising has been right out.

      And then there was a problem with Avoid Poisonous Things, as I've been glutened multiple times in the last couple weeks, both by eating outside the house and by my useless jerk roommates who can't be bothered to wipe a sponge over the counter after they've liberally sprinkled it with flour and bread crumbs. I am, quite literally, sick with desire to have an apartment that's safe for me. Or, you know, to sprinkle rat poison all over the kitchen and tell them, hey, it's not a big deal, it's only a little, it won't kill you. So, guts are still in recovery mode until I can stop getting glutened, and that makes everything else harder. The glutening also brings up the fibromyalgia and joint pain, and the exhaustion, and the sleeping for 10 hours at a go, but I'm getting through it.

      And then, there was some failure to use my brain. I kicked caffeine (my daily cuppa tea) two weeks ago, using a convenient (?!) hangover, figuring if I was gonna feel like shit for a day, might as well go whole hog. That was a good thing. Yesterday afternoon, after eating only a small breakfast at 9am, I decided that a cup of coffee would be okay and help motivate me for all the spring cleaning I've been doing. There's only instant coffee in the house. Yech. Oh well, I'll give it a try. Hmm, a heaping tablespoon per 6oz of hot water, ey? Well, I've got a big cup and a teaspoon, so I'll just put two REALLY heaping teaspoons in here, give it a stir, no problemo.

      Half an hour later I am vibrating right out of my skin and really feeling for all the world like I've plowed through some particularly nasty cocaine. I am 1) a VERY cheap date & 2)Not a fan of feeling like I'm on drugs, having done quite enough to figure that out, thankyewverymuch. Well, I got a lot of spring cleaning done, but couldn't eat anything, couldn't sit still, couldn't control muscle twitching and spasming, had a bit of the ol' typewriter jaw going on (Seriously! From fucking coffee!!!), and generally felt like hell. Then, I tried to go to bed. The least bit of light was an amazing amount of distraction, so I put on a sleep mask and tried to just meditate, with varying degrees of success. I spent all night drifting in and out of being fully awake and lightly asleep, having crazy, insomniac dreams that I was Tyler Durden. WTF, brain? No more coffee for you! I don't want to wake up and find out that I've started a fight club and am plotting to overthr- ..Oh, wait, that would actually be completely awesome! Still, ugh, no more coffee. My boyfriend, meanwhile, was having zombie apocalypse dreams in which we were kicking undead ass. I love him so much.

      I have two weeks off of work while my boss globetrots to install gallery shows, so it's spring cleaning time! And then working on my own art needs to happen. And some "Before" pictures. Maybe I'll get the boyfriend to help me take some this afternoon. Ah, and getting my bike ready to roll, now that spring has sprung.

      All the ugly aside, life is pretty good right now, and I'm feeling like it only gets better. Especially when we move into our own place in June and my kitchen is entirely gluten free. Grr.
      Journaling the process of kicking my own butt into shape

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      • #18
        I swear! Every weekend I have to relearn the same lesson: Eating like crap, living like crap, makes me feel like crap! Weekends are difficult because there is so much social obligation to live up to. Friends, and especially my boyfriend, will still buy me a drink even if I don't want it. And since I haven't felt like drinking much at all lately, there's been quite a lot of me quietly abandoning a 6 dollar vodka soda at the end of the bar. Buying rounds is a gesture of camaraderie, and I appreciate it, and it gets fuckin' costly in Manhattan, but I love my friends and I have a great time even when sober, sometimes especially when sober, and I like being more coherent at the end of the night so I can keep an eye out, make sure everyone is getting home safe and such.

        That being said, I wasn't all that lax in my lifestyle principles this weekend, and getting drunk at shows makes getting hit in the face by huge sweaty punks flailing around the pit MUCH more tolerable. And staying in the front of the crowd at a show is still my favorite full body work out. We saw Against Me! and Dropkick Murphys on Friday, and Dropkick has some of the biggest, meatiest, angriest frat types I've ever seen at punk shows, so getting into shoving matches with that crowd is pretty epic. If I could afford to go to a show twice a week, I'd be fit like nobody's business!

        I also had a few mimosas with brunch the next day and a couple glasses of wine with dinner. The mindset starts going, in for a penny, in for a pound. That's a mental habit to break, to be sure.

        Ah well, this weekend is behind me, next weekend and it's various bad decisions is ahead, and right now I'm pretty alright.

        My boyfriend joined a local gym with me, it's similar to Planet Fitness, lofi, no extras, no classes, but it has barbells (unlike the local PF we checked out) and no freakin' Pizza Nights and Bagel Days. I think I'm going to do Starting Strength a couple of days a week, and use their stationary bikes for some HIIT. I think the boy will respond best to this, since he finally seems really interested in getting fit (I think he's also tired of me and my girl friends yammering on about it, "Well, if all these girls are doing it..."). It's more accessible and seems more "proper" to someone with very conventional ideas about fitness. I had to dissuade him of a LOT of Broscience over the years. We'll work on things like grok crawling and sledgehammers when he's already feeling strong and happy from building muscle.

        Ahh, I can't wait to start lifting. I've been enjoying bodyweight exercises, but I think I subconsciously push myself harder when doing weight training, and it feels gooooood.
        Journaling the process of kicking my own butt into shape

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        • #19
          yr so fun! hihihi!
          journal

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          • #20
            Thanks, Kay!


            This can all be such a struggle sometimes. I've been having a bad case of exploding face, and I can't tell if it's a cold or allergies, we've some bad mold problems in our house and I've reacted to them before. Either way, man, I get CRANKY when I'm sick. I'm just feeling all sorts of stress right now, and it's not doing anything positive for me. In fact, I've bounced up a couple of pounds and a half an inch all over, without changing anything. Thanks, body. You jerk! If magically perfect conditions are required for me to actually lose fat, I fear I may be doomed forever. It's not a comforting thought. I broke down and cried in the car on the way home from the gym with my boyfriend. It all came tumbling out, fear of not being able to have a healthy body, not being able to feel comfortable and attractive in my own skin, never being able to find and heal all of my weird health problems because I'm too poor for doctors, fear of never healing all these hormone imbalances and not being able to have children, or not being able to have the energy to care for and be a good example for them. Just, fear. And he listened to me, and kissed me, and told me that things would be okay, and I trust his word, because that's what I need to do.

            Ah, yes, so, bad day, yesterday. Better day today. It's beautiful out, I'm riding my bike up to the art studio I work at, don't know if I mentioned, my boss is out of town setting up gallery shows in London and Israel, so I have a few weeks off and am broke as hell. Anyway, going to grab my paints from the studio and actually get some painting done this weekend. I haven't been making art, and last night I dreamed I was painting these gorgeous oil portraits, so I guess what I really need now is to expend some creative energies. Yeah, that sounds good. A little art therapy, bring down the stress levels.

            And since I ran my mouth in the Beautiful Body thread, it's time to post these. The boyfriend helped me take the WORST pictures, my "just about before" pictures, because I have lost some weight being primal and definitely gained some muscle in the last couple of months. I put on my sparkly derby girl shorts, in which you can see my ass from space, and embraced the muffin top, which makes my waist look way bigger than it measures, and hell, after this, any "after" pictures will look great! I blurred out my tattoos because I ain't blurring out the cellulite, and the internets is a very small place after all. Once I'm all slimmed down and buffed up, I'll post whole pics, tattoos and face and all, but meanwhile, I'm gonna be a pussy about it.


            And just cause the boy was goading me into some SheHulk posing:


            Man, if I could just get rid of some of this fat, I'd have killer abs, I just know it! That stupid Mirena screwed me so hard, I really did used to have very little stomach fat, even at 20 pounds heavier. Grrr.

            Ah, yeah, here's me at 175, 4 years ago, lookin' like a TART, but still, just getting back there (minus the tartiness, and obvious lack of sunlight, I worked at a bar and slept til 4 every day) would be a great victory.


            Ah, well, anyway, bike riding, painting, and NO DRINKING this weekend, that's my plan.
            Last edited by punkgrokgirl; 03-24-2011, 06:33 PM.
            Journaling the process of kicking my own butt into shape

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            • #21
              Originally posted by punkgrokgirl View Post
              Ah, well, anyway, bike riding, painting, and NO DRINKING this weekend, that's my plan.
              EPIC FAIL.


              The bike ride was good, I got a little lost and didn't bring a water bottle, but I ended up in a park, laying on a picnic table and basking in the sun like a happy lizard, which was lovely. The boyfriend then came and rescued me. I could have eventually made my way home, but we had plans and I didn't want to make us late.

              His cousin cooked dinner for us and his siblings on Friday and made a lovely vegetable lasagna (his sister is a vegetarian) that neither of us could eat, he's lactose intolerant, and made delicious jerked chicken for us. We're a very difficult crowd to cook for! I had been worried about getting glutened from dinner, but she made sure everything was safe.

              AND THEN I GLUTENED MYSELF.

              Almost intentionally. WTF self?? Actually, I glutened myself before dinner, and after several glasses of wine. Yeah, no drinkin, huh? Damnit, social lubricant, why you gotta be so delicious and useful?

              There was a cheese plate. I shouldn't be eating dairy anyway, as illustrated by the new zit on my chin, and every new zit I get when, and only when, I consume milk or cheese (buttah is still my friend, at least). The cheese plate had some mighty fine brie and jarlsberg on it. There was also a loaf of bread stuffed with kalamata olives. I didn't even blink an eye at the bread ("grumble grumble waste of some perfectly good olives there"), but helped myself to cheesy goodness. That was fine. It was after people started using the cheese knife to spread brie on their bread that I got stupid. I thought to myself, oh, well, I could ask our hostess for a separate knife, but I don't want to be any more of a pain in the ass, or I could stop eating cheese, but what will keep all the wine in my belly company? So I wiped off the knife on the side of the cutting board and continued using it to eat the forbidden cheese.

              Now, I know that it's common for celiacs to react to such small amounts of gluten that kitchen cross contamination is a nightmare, and I KNOW that I've reacted to food that's been placed on the same surface as bready things. But, you start convince yourself that maybe, maybe it's kinda in your head, and how could something so small do so much damage.. And it's only a couple of crumbs...

              WTF. It's like I was trolling myself. I am my own worst enemy!

              So I woke up on Saturday crying with pain, the fibromyalgia crippling me all morning. I finally took a vicodin and went back to sleep til the afternoon, pulled it together because I had a lady date (with my ladies) and headed into the city. By the time I got downtown the drugs were wearing off and I was dreading the rest of the day. Luckily, the lady date took place in NYC's amazing Turkish & Russian Baths, and steaming, saunaing, and jumping into an ice cold pool in between, halted the pain and made me feel incredible. Plus we all got the Platza, where they scrub you, massage you, stretch you and beat you with oak leaves. A little flogging in a 200 degree room goes a long way. Plus, my skin felt amazing after all this, soft as ducky down. I got through the rest of the weekend without resorting to any more pain pills.

              On Sunday we had a birthday dinner with a dear friend of mine. Ridiculously good Austrian food, which I'd never had before, but dang, emmental stuffed sausage? Beet and goat cheese and caraway salad? Followed by schnapps! Mmmm. Awesome! And even better, my friend was telling us how he just did the Whole30 and then went on to keep a fully Paleo diet, he's lost 30 pounds in three months, and feels amazing. I'm so happy for him.

              On Monday morning my boyfriend told me he thought he needed to do the Whole30, he was ready. He'd previously tried and quit the Primal Challenge when I'd asked him to do it, but I guess when you're ready, you're just ready. I think what convinced him this time was that my friend described it something like, "I have so much energy all the time, and my testosterone is through the roof! I could destroy a village with my bare hands!" I thinking raging like a happy viking is what really sold it to the BF, heh.

              Now we're on day 3 of our Whole30, of course I'm joining in, no more crap, no more dairy, no more booze, no more sneaky "cheat" foods. It feels good. There will be 0 chance of me glutening myself like a dumbass. We've also been hitting the gym with semi regularity, but that's gathering steam too. I feel absolutely destroyed, in the good way, by squats and bench presses yesterday, even though we only have access to a Smith machine (boo!) for barbells.

              Next step? Convince the boyfriend to leave the gym we're at for the meathead gym down the road, with proper barbells! We checked it out, and it's 45 per month versus the 15 we're paying now, and smells like the mankiest of old locker rooms, but I think it'd be worth it to have access to a better variety of free weights and I ain't afraid to pester the muscley, sweaty dudes over there to check my form and such. Ah well, we'll see.
              Journaling the process of kicking my own butt into shape

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              • #22
                Originally posted by punkgrokgirl View Post
                And since I ran my mouth in the Beautiful Body thread, it's time to post these. The boyfriend helped me take the WORST pictures, my "just about before" pictures, because I have lost some weight being primal and definitely gained some muscle in the last couple of months. I put on my sparkly derby girl shorts, in which you can see my ass from space, and embraced the muffin top, which makes my waist look way bigger than it measures, and hell, after this, any "after" pictures will look great! I blurred out my tattoos because I ain't blurring out the cellulite, and the internets is a very small place after all. Once I'm all slimmed down and buffed up, I'll post whole pics, tattoos and face and all, but meanwhile, I'm gonna be a pussy about it.


                And just cause the boy was goading me into some SheHulk posing:


                Man, if I could just get rid of some of this fat, I'd have killer abs, I just know it! That stupid Mirena screwed me so hard, I really did used to have very little stomach fat, even at 20 pounds heavier. Grrr.

                Ah, yeah, here's me at 175, 4 years ago, lookin' like a TART, but still, just getting back there (minus the tartiness, and obvious lack of sunlight, I worked at a bar and slept til 4 every day) would be a great victory.
                D'oh! Looks like I messed something up back there, no one but me could see those pictures! Well, here they are, in all their glory, ahem. For those that needed a real good eyeball searing in their lives.

                Anyway, day 4 of the Whole30 was mighty fine. I'm back to work, and I realized how much I missed it. Just bullshitting with the guys at the studio, hanging out, doing something other than staring at the internet while I procrastinate going outside because it's cold out and I'm being a brat... Yeah.

                My stomach is feeling a lot better but my muscles are still brutally sore, the glutening either makes DOMS worse or lowers my pain tolerance (wait, I know it does this) or both. Still, kicked my own ass in the gym tonight and felt damn good about it.

                Next week, I'm bringing IF back into the picture, probably close to Lean Gains style, with the 16 hour daily fast. It's just so easy for me and really felt like it helped shift the fat. The fat hasn't really gone anywhere at all in a couple of weeks. The scale has gone up this week, but the tape measure hasn't, so I'm not worried. I'll just keep on keeping on and check in next week.

                I'm really hoping I get my period in a couple of days, it'll really feel like a victory to keep up having a regular cycle. Still, for the majority of my life I never once thought I'd be hoping to get the Red Menace. Hah. We change...

                Ugh, so tired, and working a 12 hour day tomorrow. That, that I didn't miss so much. I'm hoping I don't have any weird, Whole30 Fail dreams tonight, like I've been having the past 3 nights. I much prefer the ones in which I have ultimate cosmic power and am on grand adventures, or the zombie apocalypse ones, those are always fun.
                Journaling the process of kicking my own butt into shape

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                • #23
                  What? How dare you ma'dam! The world needs MORE tartiness, not less.

                  MORE. Not less. (I almost had a shouting match with a classmate about this last week, just because he's a short fat little married troll doesn't mean that the rest of us should be denied tits.)

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                  • #24
                    Ah, you're right, Darth! I take it all back, it's not the tartiness I'm against, it's just the old, slightly embarrassing photos. Far be it from me to deny anyone tits, I'm a huge fan of them myself.

                    Oh man, it's been a long couple of weeks, and every time I start writing a new post it just trickles off.
                    Still plugging away on the Whole30, but by now there's been a number of cheats, so it has turned into the HalfAssed30. Ah well. They've been seriously small. Cooking wine (how the hell can I cook without wine?), a dash of gluten free tamari with sashimi, accidentally buying almond butter with "evaporated cane juice" (such a bullshit term!), etc. On the whole, myself and the boy have been better than ever. \

                    And apparently I'm in ketosis. I didn't think it would happen because I'd made cole slaw with raisins and a little grated apple in it and have eaten sooo much, but I'm pretty sure that it is in fact the metallic taste that's been haunting my mouth for three days and driving me nuts. I hadn't throught much about it, but I tend to focus more on meat/egg/fat based foods with some veg, but things like, oh, eating a metric fuckton of (delicious, glorious) homemade coleslaw doesn't agree with my guts at all. I was gonna try to up my carby-ness, but then I figured, why? I did a bit of poking around thanks to reddit.com/r/keto and figure that one work out days, if I really feel I need it, I can always chow on a bunch of turnips or sweet potatoes. I'll just see where this ketosis thing takes me. I really feel like I haven't lost any more fat though, but my scale is borked, so who knows.

                    Ahh, too tired, back to work tomorrow after a brutal, and yet alcohol free, weekend.
                    Journaling the process of kicking my own butt into shape

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                    • #25
                      Oh creamed coconut, what would I do without you? Caaaandy for my overly sensitive tastebuds. Seriously, since cutting out all sweetner on our HalfAssed30, everything tastes like I've been munching Miracle berries. Gahhhh, it's gross. Then I go and over salt things to try to cut the sweet. At least creamed coconut tastes good sweet, unlike, say, sardines and mustard (WTF, mouth??!?!).

                      After getting glutened a couple of weeks ago I've been having vicious reoccurrences of the fibro pain. I panic because I don't know if it's just lingering symptoms from last time, or if I've gone and fucked myself up afresh. It should be nearly impossible, but, ah, the roommates that act like breadcrumb fairies ("And a sprinkle here, and a sprinkle there!"), and eating out, plain sashimi, but when the pain hits, so does the paranoia!

                      And even though I don't feel like I've lost any weight recently, I did have a victory! I bought a 50# and a 75# resistance band, so I could do pull ups, and I've been using them both together. On Saturday I was showing my boyfriend that I had finally gotten up to 9 in a row with both bands, and it suddenly occurred to me that I had leveled up! So I took the 50# band off and did a truly excellent pull up with just the 75#! Hell yes! And since then I've been able to do one or two pull or chin ups at time, with a third one just barely missing the mark. Signs of progress are exciting!

                      And now, I have a duck to roast. Mmm.
                      Journaling the process of kicking my own butt into shape

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                      • #26
                        Originally posted by punkgrokgirl View Post
                        Oh creamed coconut, what would I do without you? Caaaandy for my overly sensitive tastebuds.
                        iLove creamed coconut!
                        This is what I do with mine:
                        "Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be." Kurt Vonnegut
                        "I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." Douglas Adams
                        "Moderation sucks." Suse
                        "Wine is a vegetable." Meaty
                        "Every decision you make, from what you eat to what you do with your time tonight, turns you into who you are tomorrow and the day after that." Cmdr Chris Hadfield


                        Winencandy

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                        • #27
                          Ahhhh! Those are adorable! And so much easier than my approach of hacking a chunk off with a knife every time. Are you using a silicon mold? I really want to get some for all sorts of things.

                          So, duck a l'orange last night, omg. So good. Definitely not the most primal friendly thing ever, the sauce had a little sugar, plus some triple sec in it, but it was fantastically good and my boyfriend and I ate most of a whole duck (well, duckling) between us. No regrets. Mmm. I don't know what the carb content looked like, but I've been hovering around zero for the whole day up til that point, so it probably doesn't matter much.

                          I also discovered that when you make bone broth that sets like thick gelatin in the fridge, maybe freezing it in ice cube trays is not the best idea. Even when frozen it was kinda wobbly and I had to scrape each cube out. Oops. Oh well, another reason to get some silicon molds. Hah! I'd love to have little hearts of stock, or duck fat! Mmm, speaking of duck fat, I can't wait to cook some greens in the left over fat tonight.
                          Journaling the process of kicking my own butt into shape

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                          • #28
                            Originally posted by punkgrokgirl View Post
                            ' I'm a low brow art kinda girl, tattoos, pin ups, monsters'
                            yoooo that's where it's @
                            ☆*☆my journal☆*☆

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                            • #29
                              I sure did fall of the planet with this thing. Wow. Oh well. Let's try that again.

                              So after the last post, after our HalfAssed30, in which I ran myself ragged and started having nightly panic attacks again.. I fell off in a big way. like, 60/40 way. Like, oh, corn chips and sugar and gluten free cupcakes, oh my! I was having horrible anxiety from the end of the HalfAssed30 on, and finally I hunted down a naturopath who was within my minuscule price range and talked to him. He was a nice, smart guy with a lot of insight, but not really too much that I hadn't already figured out. He did some tests and confirmed what I'd already feared, vicious Adrenal Fatigue. He offered me some supplements and some homeopathics, and I said, I don't really buy that homeopathic stuff, but it's only a month, I'll give it a try. I didn't really notice a difference, so I bought a book on adrenal fatigue and devoured it and started doing some things differently, upping the carbs, really trying to go easy on myself, quit the gym, sleep more, take deep belly breaths, and just relax. The panicky stuff tapered a bit, but I gained 12 pounds immediately, not just water weight either. Ouch.

                              I finally figured that maybe I needed to bring in the big guns, since pussyfooting around trying to balance my system wasn't working. I feel like all of the techniques I tried could have been successful for someone who was less damaged to begin with. My problems went too deep, had been going on for too long. I came across a thread on here that talked about estrogen dominance, and everything clicked into place. I ordered a natural progesterone cream and some DIM (cruciferous vegetable concentrate that helps your liver process and dispose of excess estrogen).

                              My god. The difference was amazing. I got two periods within a three week span, but I think what had happened was I was dealing with so much stress and not using *enough* progesterone, my still wobbly adrenals were burning it all up, the total levels dropped and brought on menstruation. Ahhh, hah! More progesterone, better stress mitigation. I think I'm getting the hang of it.

                              Couple that with being REALLY on top of my primal diet, and bam, 8 pounds lost in two weeks. I'm down to a definite 183.4 (we bought a new actually accurate scale), 30 inch waist, 45 inch hips, 34.2% body fat! I think this is the secret to kicking that body fat set point in the ass! I didn't get down that low during the Whole30, with all of the working out and being mostly very good, and now I'm hardly thinking about it, and while my diet is pretty darn good, I'll still eat some dairy, rice and what should be too many macadamia nuts. Not a problem! My energy levels are also amazing, my mood is fantastic (nary a panic attack or night terror), my skin is downright glowy, and stress can't phase me.

                              I'm in the middle of opening a store, having no place to live by September, and the possible winding down of my nearly 5 year relationship, and while I think two months ago I would have been in tears every day, I'm actually pretty optimistic and have absolute faith that I can handle this. So, yeah, all the pieces have finally come together. Life is tough, but I'm finally tough enough to fight back.
                              Journaling the process of kicking my own butt into shape

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                              • #30
                                I was wondering where the hell you went (it was awhile ago tho). I always liked your avatar because it reminds me of one of my Christian Death albums.
                                I had adrenal fatigue once and it was a bitch to recover from, but it sounds like you are on your way out of it. Good to hear that you are back at it. Keep us updated.
                                People too weak to follow their own dreams will always try to discourage others.

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