I have been active on MDA for a couple of months and I have introduced myself before in the newbie section.
However, I wanted to start my own journal now and get some feedback on what I am doing as well as to have somewhere to vent.
A little bit about me: I am 5'5 and weigh 149 pounds, at my heaviest I was 157 pounds (2 years ago). I am 22 and originally from Scandinavia but I'm studying at university in the UK (though right now I'm on holiday back home). I'd like to be somewhere in the 125 region but if I feel great I'm not going to be too fussed over some numbers.
I found MDA through Rusty over at Fitness Blackbook and I have been changing my lifestyle ever since. I noticed last spring that I felt poorly after eating bread, I quit pasta instantly and only had bread every now and then. When I came back to uni after the summer I quit bread altogether and started saying that bread made me feel ill (not a lie) and I even got tested to see if I was coeliac but all my tests came back negative (and with otherwise good blood values). I decided that I didn't care, if something made me feel ill I wouldn't eat it.
That works well, most of the time. I haven't had pasta in a year or so and I don't miss it at all... Bread is still my little weakness, I can't wait for the day when I feel as blasť about bread as I currently do about pasta and noodles!
"Excuses": I have been going through some changes in life recently and I have been using the excuse "just one more" and "i haven't got the time" a lot. Loosing my job, my dad falling ill (some blood clog that no one can explain - which one would think would make me even more committed to living a healthy life), being homeless, not getting my wages etc etc. Everything that could go wrong went wrong. I didn't cook much, I bought grilled chicken and had it with carrots and broccoli most nights, an egg salad for lunch and scrambled eggs and some berries for breakfast. Which I must admit isn't too bad. But with the guilt and stress and panic came the "comfort foods" (cakes/bread/ice cream/sweets/chocolate) and then I get the most horrible migraine and my stomach is upset for about a day and a half. And then I do it again a few days later, just as the queasiness has passed.
What I don't eat (PB): Pork/beef/bacon/lamb/moose/deer/reindeer. I stopped eating "red" meats 8 years ago. I had eaten sausages for too long, too many meatballs and all of it combined with heaps of pasta. I got sick of it. And now... Now the pain of eating the tiniest bit of bacon is horrendous. I would love to start eating more meats again but as I grew up with certain meat standards I am not sure how I would cope in the UK. My friends who have moved there hardly eat their meats and knowing that puts me off.
What I do eat (PB): Eggs(!!), chicken, turkey, fish, shellfish, veggies, berries, butternut squash, feta cheese, butter, cream, apples from time to time.
Good points: I can eat only a handful of nuts and then leave the bag alone!! This was unheard of 2 months ago.
I have switched to 85% chocolate and I eat less and less of it.
I love working out, I love going to the gym, I love hearing and feeling my heart pound, I only struggle with getting out the door in the first place... And that's only the first 2 weeks or so.
To work on: Vegetables, I don't eat enough of them and I only eat the same ones.
Breakfast, it is a meal like any other and doesn't have to be the same every day.
IF, I want to try it and succeed, maybe just once a week to start with.
Food logs (FitDay) I am wondering whether if planning meals for 5 days ahead wouldn't be better for me to get the habit in rather than to "eat when I feel like it", sure I can still do that but I need to know what to eat.
Dairy, try to do without it for some time maybe?
Dressings for my salads, MAKE MY OWN (Sog had a nice recipe up so I should try that one)
Weaknesses: Almond butter - it is just too tasty for me to leave it alone, I can't eat an entire jar (thankfully) but I eat too much of it if I buy it (so I rarely do now).
Swedish bread - if you are from Sweden or Scandinavia and compare the bread to what they have in the UK... Its incredible... We have so many varieties and tastes and, ok I will stop now. They are the breads I ate as a kid and it is comforting to have them when I come home.
My self-esteem, I have a suspicion that I somewhere, somehow believe that I am not good enough to be healthy and feel good in my body, that I don't deserve it and that this is one of the big reasons for why I keep falling off the wagon as soon as I make progress. (I am working on this and I am doing much much better now than I did last year when it was so bad I went into depression, the GP prescribed me some meds and I stomped out of his office, fuming, tore the paper into tiny shreds and decided I was going to feel better without taking medication. It is tricky and with loosing my job everything went a little sideways but I'm on my way up again)
I have been rambling on for too long now. Lets cut it down to why I am here.
I want to live a long and beautiful life. I want to be healthy, I want to be full of energy, I want to sleep well, I want to be strong, I want to be able to outrun my brothers, I want to be slim and toned, I want to eat amazing and fresh food that makes me feel good, I want my skin to clear, I want my eczema to disappear, I want to be able to look myself in the mirror and see the person that I know I am supposed to be. Barefoot, strong, in the best physical shape I can be, relaxed, smiling.
Please feel free to comment with any tips on how I should get closer to my mirror-self or if there's anything you want to ask.
I will be here, taking it step by step.