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Saoirse's Primal Journal

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  • Once in a while YOU need to be a priority! It doesn't have to cost anything.

    Stretch your brain and see what you can come up with. Foot massages are to die for, even if you have to do them yourself!

    Put on some really good music and boogie around the house with the kids. It will get everybody laughing, especially if you have them pretend they are elephants! You know what I mean.
    Last edited by honeybuns; 07-25-2011, 04:44 PM.
    Of all the paths you take in life, make sure a few of them are dirt.

    Comment


    • Oh yeah, we do stuff like that once in a while. sometimes i take them for a bike ride to a park and play with them on the equipment. we meet friends at parks or the lake. my baby's laughs and antics are great sources of smiles. it's certainly not all bad, i'm just very lonely for adult affection and interaction.
      my primal journal:
      http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum...Primal-Journal

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      • Remember the following. Make it your mantra if you have to.

        Believe in yourself
        Like who you are
        Positive mental attitude
        Of all the paths you take in life, make sure a few of them are dirt.

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        • ty.
          my primal journal:
          http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum...Primal-Journal

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          • marriage is hard, because you have to *relate* to someone else. what's up with that?

            good days tend to be more frequent than bad, though, in my experience. i only talk about bad stuff online. it's so one-sided.

            i do hope you have some way to recharge.

            Comment


            • it's the LACK of relating that bugs me. though in all fairness, we don't have a lot of shared interests. i think he'd love it if i understood all the tech jargon and if i could keep up with his explanations of what he did at work. he'd also probably love it if i (somehow found time to) cultivate an interest and skill in first-person shooter games. i'd LOVE it if he sat down and said "i'd really like to hear you play a few irish tunes on your violin" or if he asked me about my political views (without immediately launching into a tirade about how i'm wrong and misinformed). the problem is that he thinks violins are intrinsically shrill and i don't have the time or patience to devote to becoming good at a computer game or learn C++ (or the myriad other things that he knows which are way above my level of understanding).

              zoe- thanks for the well-wishes. it's a continual struggle that i've basically let go. everyone tells me that i need time away, i KNOW i need time away, but i don't feel like it's a possibility. i will just have to wait until the littlest one is old enough to ENJOY being away. then he can go have sleepovers with grandpa, or playdates with friends while i do whatever it is people do without kids.

              btw guys, i'm sorry my journal has been turned into marital counseling, it wasn't my intent. my husband's heart softened a little today, and we had an actual conversation. i guess what changed his heart is that something i said finally sunk in. well, from his perspective, i never told him and now that i have, it all makes more sense. from my perspective, i have been telling him along and he hasn't listened until now. pfft...semantics. there's still a lot wrong with us, but i'm feeling a little more hopeful tonight. heh, maybe I can get back to more primal subjects.
              my primal journal:
              http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum...Primal-Journal

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              • My husbands passion is cars, mine is plants. I started reading his car magazines, he started letting me know if he liked a particular plant. i don't have to be car crazy, he doesn't have to enjoy green stuff like I do, but now we can have a conversation about our separate interests without feeling totally clueless.
                Children are a lot more flexible than people give them credit for and a sleepover with grandparents is totally doable. Grandparents were parents themselves once.
                Of all the paths you take in life, make sure a few of them are dirt.

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                • heh, yeah. my older two have had one sleepover with my dad. i am looking forward to that being more frequent, and inclusive of all three kids. maybe another year for the little one.
                  my primal journal:
                  http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum...Primal-Journal

                  Comment


                  • My husband and I don't have a lot in common. He likes to party, I don't. He's a motorhead, I'm not. He's a lot country, I'm a lot rock. I like swimming, walking, cooking, art, movies, reading, writing. He doesn't like any of those things. I've sort of gotten into cars and certain stupid things for him but he's never tried any of the things that I like. After a conversation we had last night, I really don't see us together much longer. We were discussing where we'd like to move to and I said anywhere coastal. He said anything not coastal. There's just other things about him that I'm starting not to like. I don't like his scent anymore. Maybe being primal changes how smell things but he doesn't smell nice to me anymore. Sort of a turn off now.
                    Georgette

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                    • I think it can be difficult for guys to be "relators." That's a pretty broad generalization, I realize, and not universally true, but I think for a lot of guys, the mindset is that of problem-solver. Guys like to take apart broken machinery and fix it, rather than picking out color schemes and fabrics (who cares about that stuff, just pick one and go with it, why spend hours wasting your time on it?). We're going to go see a movie where there's a bad guy, the bad guy needs to be tracked down and killed, and things blow up in the course of killing the bad guy (gratuitous sex scenes do not detract from the plot for us). Women like movies where people feel things, and talk about their feelings, and then talk about them some more, and you find love right under your nose where you least expected it. I'm going to watch football, where large mean collide and the game is won or lost by scores on the scoreboard, and my wife will watch Moonstruck for the eight thousandth time.

                      OK, to be fair, my wife has become a hardcore NFL fan now, and if she starts watching Housewives of New York, I'll be reading a book but eventually I'll have to chime in about how the Countess needs to get off her high horse, or something.

                      But my point is that guys are hard-wired for simplicity, and women for complexity. Nuance is something we have to learn, slowly. So your husband confuses hurt and anger, because anything said over a certain volume sounds like it's directed against him. Guys propose what they feel is a solution -- the solution, really, and why belabor the point? -- and women keep going over the choices when there no longer is any need to do so. "Relating" means prolonging the arrival at a solution, which for a man is the equivalent of failing to do his job. It would be like taking apart an appliance, finding the fix, and then trying to put the appliance back together, only to have your wife say that she doesn't think this screw should go here, or that replacing the wiring hurts her feelings. It doesn't make sense in terms of just doing it, solving the problem, and everything getting back to normal.

                      Again, a vast over-simplification and over-generalization. But if there are money problems, the wife may just be voicing concerns, floating ideas to see what sticks, making big lists of things to be aware of. For a guy, it just sounds like a litany of failure, things he hasn't fixed, an ever-growing honey-do list.

                      He needs to take a breath, and say the words I understand how you feel, whether he does or not. He needs to not let his frustration get the better of him, and to realize that sometimes he needs to compromise. My suggestion to you would be that no matter how dire the problem, keep in mind that the male ego thrives on positivity, so a positive spin can defuse a negative situation, even if it's something simple like I know we'll get through it.

                      Also totally agree thay you need time for yourself to rest, re-charge, and enjoy yourself. Find that time, sister!

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                      • Originally posted by geostump View Post
                        My husband and I don't have a lot in common. He likes to party, I don't. He's a motorhead, I'm not. He's a lot country, I'm a lot rock. I like swimming, walking, cooking, art, movies, reading, writing. He doesn't like any of those things. I've sort of gotten into cars and certain stupid things for him but he's never tried any of the things that I like. After a conversation we had last night, I really don't see us together much longer. We were discussing where we'd like to move to and I said anywhere coastal. He said anything not coastal. There's just other things about him that I'm starting not to like. I don't like his scent anymore. Maybe being primal changes how smell things but he doesn't smell nice to me anymore. Sort of a turn off now.
                        Sad to hear.

                        Mrs. FW and I were opposites in many ways, but over the years we found common ground and grew to appreciate the differences. When we can't find a way to share something we diverge on, we can at least laugh about it.

                        I think if you're still laughing together, it's a good sign.

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by Finnegans Wake View Post
                          He needs to take a breath, and say the words I understand how you feel, whether he does or not. He needs to not let his frustration get the better of him, and to realize that sometimes he needs to compromise. My suggestion to you would be that no matter how dire the problem, keep in mind that the male ego thrives on positivity, so a positive spin can defuse a negative situation, even if it's something simple like I know we'll get through it.
                          This is where my husband and I are from 2 totally different planets. He's the positive glass is half full type, whereas I am the negative, half of a half of a half of a half glass empty type of person. I am total doom and gloom with a glimmer of hope periodically where he believes in the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. He has a way easier time of communicating his needs to me whereas I don't communicate mine to him. I've never done that with anyone in my life.

                          I honestly think women are still taught that to be successful in a marriage means that you have to give up yourself to the marriage. Meaning that your wants, dreams, desires, etc just aren't important because you have to serve your man. So not only do you have to take care of your kids, husband, home, etc but you seemingly fall to the bottom of the pile. I really don't believe that a woman can have it all and be married. If I had to do it over again, knowing what I know now, I wouldn't get married. I've had to give up a lot in my life to be a wife and mother that I would actually tell any woman not to do it unless she truly wants to be barefoot and pregnant.
                          Georgette

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                          • Originally posted by Finnegans Wake View Post
                            Sad to hear.

                            Mrs. FW and I were opposites in many ways, but over the years we found common ground and grew to appreciate the differences. When we can't find a way to share something we diverge on, we can at least laugh about it.

                            I think if you're still laughing together, it's a good sign.
                            We still laugh at one another but that's about it. If we didn't have the girls, we probably wouldn't be together anymore. We've been married 14 years and I don't see it getting any better.
                            Georgette

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by geostump View Post
                              I honestly think women are still taught that to be successful in a marriage means that you have to give up yourself to the marriage. Meaning that your wants, dreams, desires, etc just aren't important because you have to serve your man. So not only do you have to take care of your kids, husband, home, etc but you seemingly fall to the bottom of the pile. I really don't believe that a woman can have it all and be married. If I had to do it over again, knowing what I know now, I wouldn't get married. I've had to give up a lot in my life to be a wife and mother that I would actually tell any woman not to do it unless she truly wants to be barefoot and pregnant.
                              I can't agree with that.

                              I see plenty of couple where that's just not true, and I don't think it's true of us, but I realize that it may have been a societal norm that has not completely gone away over the years.

                              I do the cooking, a lot of the laundry, and typical guy stuff (fixing things). She does the vacuuming and cleaning. We share cleaning up the kitchen. I pack lunches and bring her coffee on weekdays. She brings me coffee in bed on weekends. There has to be a division of labor that is fair and plays to strengths.

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                              • Originally posted by Finnegans Wake View Post
                                I can't agree with that.

                                I see plenty of couple where that's just not true, and I don't think it's true of us, but I realize that it may have been a societal norm that has not completely gone away over the years.

                                I do the cooking, a lot of the laundry, and typical guy stuff (fixing things). She does the vacuuming and cleaning. We share cleaning up the kitchen. I pack lunches and bring her coffee on weekdays. She brings me coffee in bed on weekends. There has to be a division of labor that is fair and plays to strengths.
                                My husband's idea of division of labor was for him to take care of the outside of the house and I take care of the inside. I was ok with that at first. So technically, I got screwed. Plus, I hate cleaning and avoid it like the plague and make the girls do it. I'd rather cook, mow, vacuum. He expects me to do every damn thing then gets bitchy if I'm spending time with him. Plus, I have to work outside the home. There's no way around that. Even if we could still afford for me to stay home, I wouldn't do it. My job is my freedom away from the home. I may hate my job but its my sanctuary.
                                Georgette

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