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Saoirse's Primal Journal

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  • Saoirse....wow, I have been away from reading the journals for a while and just got caught up on your situation. I hope you and your family are doing OK. Divorce is never pleasant, even when all parties stay on good terms. As a child of divorced parents I can tell you that it sucked, but I was actually able to have a better relationship with both of my parents afterwards. When they were married there was a constant pressure felt in the house that weighed everyone down. You have to do what's right for your family in the long run.

    Oh....and yeah, a new member whose only posts are in your journal on this topic = kinda shady.
    My blog: My Primal Adventure

    "I've come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass...and I'm all out of bubble gum."

    Comment


    • Like skink, wow. I'm sorry to hear you and your kids are going through this. Stay strong and don't let the haters get to you. You are one tough cookie. I know what its like to be in a relationship that is very stressful and hopefully, we can come to a decision in the next year. My hat is off to you. Good luck.
      Georgette

      Comment


      • Thanks skink. I grew up in a "broken home" too but i didn't realize it until much later, and even after i realized the label applied to me, i thought the label was silly. granted, it was different for me than it will be for my kids because that's what i've always remembered, but some similarities still hold true. my older two will have some memory of us together, the youngest won't at all. I remember various incidences of people who didn't know me expressing regret at my situation (oh i'm sorry your parents are divorced), and i was always puzzled by that. I had two houses, two bedrooms, and a wider variety of experiences because my mom and dad weren't together. mom was boring but very hands-off in her parenting; dad was a little more overbearing but exposed us to a lot of different experiences that i'm grateful for. the only thing that i disliked about it was that 1)my mom and dad couldn't talk about anything without a fight, 2) i felt like i couldn't talk about experiences with one around the other and 3) sometimes i missed one while i was with the other. 1 and 2 are avoidable and we're both committed to preserving a friendship for the kids. 3) is unavoidable, but shouldn't be as bad due to the parenting schedule we're arranging. in some ways i think this was of benefit to me in helping make me a more independent person. i'm not saying that anyone should give up on a marriage easily, or that single parenting is the way to go, but i don't think it's going to be the end of the world for our kids. if there is a "right" way to do divorce, i think we're doing it by being level-headed, matter of fact, and considerate toward each other. woah, that was kind of cathartic, thanks skink for sharing. i did feel that pressure and still do; i really can't explain it, but i was happier when he was away and i think i'll be happier when i'm in my own apartment.

        thanks Geo, there are a few haters (as there is bound to be in a situation like this). sincerely just water rolling off my back. i've been thinking of you off and on. be smart about your situation. there are so many ways to screw each other over, thus making it worse for everyone.
        my primal journal:
        http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum...Primal-Journal

        Comment


        • Just catching up on the last few pages (sorry to just drop in again like this). I can't say I'm not glad you'll be on your own again -- you had very few good things to say about your soon-to-be-ex, which is never indicative of a good situation. Frankly, he always sounded to me like a passive-aggressive shit-eater, but anyhoo...

          I know things are really tough, but I honestly believe (granted... only based on what little I know!) that you'll be a great deal happier, Rachel. That doesn't make things easier now, but I hope you find happiness! If you follow your heart and do what you know is right, I'm sure you will.

          I hope you're doing alright through this, and I hope your kids are, too! I know you keep them foremost in your mind, and that will mean a lot in the next few weeks/months.
          August 2010: 207 lb, 37" waist, 25+% BF | Currently: 177 lb, 33" waist, ~15% BF

          I have a new site up and will soon be blogging at The Wayward Mind. (My journal is semi-retired at this point)

          Comment


          • thanks for the kind words Patrick. He's not a shit-eater (though i chuckled), but we're just simply not right for each other. i'm really looking forward to moving out and getting over this hump. I hate moving.
            my primal journal:
            http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum...Primal-Journal

            Comment


            • I hate the act of moving my stuff, but I love moving. It probably explains why I've had like 9 different addresses in the last decade. Will you be sticking around the same area, or looking for a complete change?
              August 2010: 207 lb, 37" waist, 25+% BF | Currently: 177 lb, 33" waist, ~15% BF

              I have a new site up and will soon be blogging at The Wayward Mind. (My journal is semi-retired at this point)

              Comment


              • Thanks Rachel. Our situation is always touch and go. I really think Clint and I are better friends than we are as a married couple. Got a statement in the mail that we have one year left on our bankruptcy. That means I can slowly start planning on my next move. It's hard to be good, but I do my best to try.

                I was having a conversation with a male friend the other day who has been married 18 or 17 years and in a similar situation. He knows his wife doesn't love him anymore, but they stay together for the kids. She hasn't actually come out and said that to him, but her actions towards him just don't show a lot of love. He told me he stays cause he still loves her and wants to turn things around with her. He doesn't know how. I told him that he needs to man up and come out and ask what he can do to make things better between the 2 of them. Seems like almost married couple I know is having some kind of issues.
                Georgette

                Comment


                • I find it really interesting that shanes only reveals himself now. It seems that you have had "big brother" watching you here for a while now - kinda creepy if you ask me and I also think you are right that this is someone who knows you.

                  Also interesting that he thinks he knows what is best for your family... has he even read your journal and all that has gone on? When your hubby was away, you guys had a trial separation of sorts, so you can see what it would be like. You are brave enough to move on with your life while I know some in horrible abusive relationships that really effect the kids, but they are too afraid of being out on their own. Hopefully you guys are parting ways before your kids can see how ugly things can get. Wishing your family all the best during this tough time...

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by Patrick View Post
                    I hate the act of moving my stuff, but I love moving. It probably explains why I've had like 9 different addresses in the last decade. Will you be sticking around the same area, or looking for a complete change?
                    The places I'm looking for are within a mile of my current home; I think it's best if the kids' homes are geographically close to each other. We'll have a 50/50 time share with the kids.
                    Originally posted by geostump View Post
                    Thanks Rachel. Our situation is always touch and go. I really think Clint and I are better friends than we are as a married couple. Got a statement in the mail that we have one year left on our bankruptcy. That means I can slowly start planning on my next move. It's hard to be good, but I do my best to try.

                    I was having a conversation with a male friend the other day who has been married 18 or 17 years and in a similar situation. He knows his wife doesn't love him anymore, but they stay together for the kids. She hasn't actually come out and said that to him, but her actions towards him just don't show a lot of love. He told me he stays cause he still loves her and wants to turn things around with her. He doesn't know how. I told him that he needs to man up and come out and ask what he can do to make things better between the 2 of them. Seems like almost married couple I know is having some kind of issues.
                    I know plenty of married couples who are happily stable, but I know of a few others who are splitting. It's weird, not sure if it happens all the time and i just don't pay attention or if splits come in waves. Your friend needs to talk to his wife; take her out for a nice romantic dinner or whatever, ask her to think about how he could make her life easier or if there are relationship things that she really needs from him that she's not getting. But he can't lose his dignity over it, then she'll lose all respect for him.

                    Originally posted by Mud Flinger View Post
                    I find it really interesting that shanes only reveals himself now. It seems that you have had "big brother" watching you here for a while now - kinda creepy if you ask me and I also think you are right that this is someone who knows you.

                    Also interesting that he thinks he knows what is best for your family... has he even read your journal and all that has gone on? When your hubby was away, you guys had a trial separation of sorts, so you can see what it would be like. You are brave enough to move on with your life while I know some in horrible abusive relationships that really effect the kids, but they are too afraid of being out on their own. ... Wishing your family all the best during this tough time...
                    It's the interwebz, someone's always watching. The timing is just too perfect for it to be anyone else. Dude in question has an above average IQ but is obviously lacking in emotional intelligence.

                    Hopefully you guys are parting ways before your kids can see how ugly things can get.
                    my sentiments exactly. This week's task is finding an apartment and packing, I leave soon.
                    Last edited by Saoirse; 11-03-2012, 10:48 PM.
                    my primal journal:
                    http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum...Primal-Journal

                    Comment


                    • Your stalker seems to confuse people offering supportive words with "celebrating divorce."

                      Wishing you all the best, I know this must be a very stressful chapter for you.

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by Mud Flinger View Post
                        I find it really interesting that shanes only reveals himself now. It seems that you have had "big brother" watching you here for a while now - kinda creepy if you ask me and I also think you are right that this is someone who knows you.
                        Also interesting that he thinks he knows what is best for your family... has he even read your journal and all that has gone on?
                        Couple quick comments.
                        First, if you will read my first, admittedly somewhat snarky reply, I was only commenting on the statement that divorce is good for the whole family. This is nonsense, its a lie people tell themselves to relieve the guilt. I did not comment on her situation specifically, I do not know what is going on in her life.

                        Second, I really do not know her, but she can confront this guy if she wants, but it'll be an awkward conversation. I'm just a guy like 1000's of others that was browsing the forum and followed a link to her journal. If I remember correctly I was in the "success stories", but not sure.

                        What kind of bizzarro world do we live in where someone saying divorce isn't good for kids is a stalker, troll, douchebag, etc.
                        Weird world we live in.

                        Comment


                        • And if you weren't a stalker, you'd have posts in other threads, especially... I dunno... ones dealing with THE PRIMAL BLUEPRINT way of life.

                          Life isn't as black and white as you make it out to be, fucko. Why don't you just bugger off? You've stated your opinion; it is understood; no need to repeat it. Why stay where you're not wanted?

                          Comment


                          • First off, have no interest in confronting you/him personally. I'm not into drama, there would be no point. It's just really silly, that's all.

                            I never said divorce is GOOD for kids, I said that I think they're going to pull through okay, and we'll be better on the other side. In a perfect world, he and I would work out and the question would be moot. As it stands, I've been lonely and slowly slipping into depression for years. He and I have both tried to change things for the better, and it's not nearly enough. That's not good for the kids, and it's not something I'm willing to live with any more. It says a lot about a relationship when a person leaves town and the other gets a burst of energy and improvement in mood. Thank you, BTW for being so concerned about my kids. Thankfully they have a rash of stable, interested adults who know them personally and are looking out for their well-being, so I think you can take your concern somewhere else, like to homeless people or abused children.

                            (garr Rachel, stop feeding the troll!)

                            Thanks Finnegan's wake.
                            my primal journal:
                            http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum...Primal-Journal

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by Shanes View Post
                              Couple quick comments.
                              First, if you will read my first, admittedly somewhat snarky reply, I was only commenting on the statement that divorce is good for the whole family. This is nonsense, its a lie people tell themselves to relieve the guilt.
                              As someone who grew up IN a very broken, dysfunctional 2 parent household I can say divorce can be good for the whole family. My sisters and I wished, prayed, begged our parents to get a divorce. It was a relief when they did when I was in my 20s.

                              Living in the mess, that was my family, created hardships and everlasting wounds. Getting past some of the BS from my childhood took years of therapy.

                              I believe any emotionally stable/available person that goes through a divorce feels a lot of negative emotions, including guilt. Attempting to heap more emotional stress on someone starting this process with statements like you have made shows, IMO, a lack of character, consideration, understanding, and compassion.

                              Finally I have to ask-- what hot button does divorcing with children push for you?

                              Comment


                              • wow, I'm out of shape. I played ultimate today with some classmates. i totally sucked, but it was great fun. I'm going to start jogging and playing disc golf so that I don't suck anymore. So after roughly an hour of ultimate frisbee I went for a 20 minute jog/walk. Waaayy out of shape.

                                btw, thank you marcadav for your thoughtful reply.
                                my primal journal:
                                http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum...Primal-Journal

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