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After a lot of computer calculations I have determined the winner of last night's debates...
...and the winner is...
The military-industrial complex and the banker elites.
Congratulations guys! My calculations show that there is a 99.7% chance that you will be able to continue stealing wealth from the American people and the rest of the world until we are all starving and out on the streets.
Here is an Obama ad I heard on the radio today: You will be out on the streets starving to death if you vote for the other guy, vote Obama!
Sounds similar to Romney ads: You will be out on the streets starving to death if you vote for the other guy, vote Romney!
You might be thinking to yourself that one of these ads must be wrong. However, I have been trained in logical thinking. The truth is that both ads are correct.
There is the Reno Celtic Festival going on just down the street from me, perhaps a half a mile away. I walked down there to check it out and two lovely ladies were kind enough to escort me to the front entrance. I must be some kind of babe magnet or something, maybe it's the bare feet. Anyway, I didn't want to pay the $10 to get in since I didn't want to spend the whole day there, so I just took a look from the outside. The women who were all dressed up in Celtic garb said there were turkey legs and chicken kabobs and beer. I would have loved to just go in for a few minutes and maybe sample some food. I should have asked my lady escorts to sneak me in.