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Returning from the trenches ...

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  • Returning from the trenches ...

    After a four year hiatus from this site, I've decided it's time to come back to the forum. Right now, I know that I desperately need the support and accountability I found in here last time.

    So a quick review of what's been going on ....

    For three years, I pretty much kept on track. Yes, there were slips with deadlines but in general I ate good food, stayed active, and maintained my weight at about 150-155 lbs. But then things happened - bad things that I'll probably get into as I post - but I dropped my good habits and reverted to old, bad habits. Too much alcohol, lots and lots and lots of carbs, cigarettes (ugh!), and next to no exercise. ....... and now, I weigh 180 lbs. Yes, I gained 30 pounds in about eight months (!) which is horrifying.

    I have to own this behavior. I did this knowing it was not healthy and it would lead to me feeling terrible. In many ways, I think I needed to do it - to treat myself terribly, but also to wallow in sadness and grief. And apparently, grief required red wine, macaroni and cheese, donuts, and a lot of napping.

    Today, I can say it's time to stop. Because, I've been wallowing for long enough and it's time to step up and back onto the stage that is life and live again. Something has changed - I can't quite but my finger on it but I know no longer want to sleep and eat and avoid life. I know I'm still sad and grieving but the edges are a less painful and the bruises are healing. I am starting to see tomorrow and the next day. I'm re-building friendships I've allowed to go dormant and meeting new people. I'm getting on my bike every day. I am once again, waking up and looking forward to the day. Finally.

    One of the key things I've committed to and am actively working on is deliberately selecting what I allow into my life. I allowed negative and unkind people into my life and it started playing with my head and broke my heart. I need honesty, kindness, compassion, and support in my life and I'm choosing that. This world of eating well and living healthy is a small part of the changes I need to make - I know that - but it's an important part

    So I'm back here because this was a good place to be and I'm hoping it still is. Knowing what I have to do and doing to it are two different things. I'm back here because I need to be for myself. Because I need the support. Because it's time.
    My primal journal that I don't update enough:

  • #2
    I remember you!!! One of the first commenters on my journal

    Welcome back!
    Depression Lies


    • #3
      Thanks! Of course, I remember you too. It's people like you that make this site valuable and why I am back.
      My primal journal that I don't update enough:


      • #4
        Post updates! I can speak for myself when I say I allowed my depression and sadness allow me to get to my pre primal wait of 275. Right now I sit at 205 with a much clearer head. Most of it was my mental health and fixing that. Once I felt good about myself I started taking care of and healing myself. Good luck.


        • #5
          I am fairly new here so didn't know you before but my own way of dealing with 'things' is very similar to yours. This is a great place to fins what you are looking for. Welcome back.

          “Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food.”
          ― Hippocrates