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1. Everybody squats.
2. Everybody squats below parallel.
3. Blood, sweat, and chalk are allowed. Tears are not.
4. Take a knee after heavy deadlifts. You’ll have a shorter distance to fall if you pass out.
5. Weightlifting shoes. Chuck Taylors. Bare feet. If your footwear is not listed, take it off.
6. You will be judged, harassed, teased, and abused. Sometimes it will be constructive.
7. Treat the barbell better than yourself. We don't need you, but we really need the barbell.
8. Bench press spotting is not a two-person shrug & press. If it's moving, only the presser touches it.
9. Yelling, grunting, and howling are allowed as long as they match the effort and sound like you have chest hair.
10. "You got it, bro", visible nipples, and similar violations will result in beatings.
11. Why are you still reading the rules and not squatting?
Sacrilege!!! I am sooooo shocked, I wonder what Rip will say now…
He's a fierce libertarian and would defend my right to curl in my own squat rack.
Made some adjustments based on Quikky's list. The current rules:
1. Everybody squats
2. If you don’t break parallel, they’re not squats
3. Blood, sweat, and chalk are permitted. Excuses (and tears) are not
4. Take a knee after your heavy set of deadlifts. You’ll fall a shorter distance if you pass out
5. Lifting in squishy-soled shoes will not be tolerated. Dedicated weightlifting shoes are encouraged. Lifting in Chuck Taylors or shoeless is also acceptable
6. This is not a judgment-free zone. You will be judged, harassed, teased, and abused. Sometimes, it will be constructive
7. Treat the barbell kindly. We need it far more than we need you
8. Always conduct yourself in a safe manner
9. Do not attempt to use rule # 8 to justify limiting the intensity of your efforts.
10. Bench press is a 1-man exercise. Spotters may touch the bar only to hand it off to the lifter and once it has ceased moving upwards
11. You may grunt, shout, and even roar like a lion; but the intensity of your effort must justify your guttural utterances
12. Saying “it’s all you, Bro" or "you got it, Bro!”, wearing tank tops that show your nipples, and other silly bullshit will result in beatings
13. Dirty and/or torn clothing is ok, assuming it emits no offensive odors
14. Why are you still reading the rules when you should be squatting?
I also wish that my gym would make a rule that everybody must squat (except me!), so I could have the leg machines all to myself and do giant sets between them without any newbies disturbing my routine! I am also a great fan of short and abbreviated routines for everybody (except me!), such as HIT, that keep people out of the gym as much as possible and out of my way…
"All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident."