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  • #91
    Well, Leida, I went through a period of time where as long as I saw an A at the top of my paper I felt good about myself. The A never gave me lasting good feelings about myself, either. And an A- felt like an F. I'm sure that coming in second place in a competition would have the same results.

    I seriously think you need to reevaluate what you are trying to accomplish. Find some better goals. Find some goals that don't involve your appearance or measuring up against other people or measuring up to some kind of mental image of what you think you should be. You are a beautiful woman with a lovely body. You are very strong and could probably surprise a lot of men with your strength. I think your self-hatred makes you more unattractive than any physical flaw you could name.
    Female, 5'3", 50, Max squat: 202.5lbs. Max deadlift: 225 x 3.

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    • #92
      Originally posted by sbhikes View Post
      I think your self-hatred makes you more unattractive than any physical flaw you could name.
      +1
      My chocolatey Primal journey

      Unusual food recipes (plus chocolate) blog

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      • #93
        I got the first B+ of my academic career in the second year of my MA program. I was crushed and ended up feeling like a failure for days. That really made me rethink my approach. Many of my fellow students see that B+ as an achievement; why could I not accept in myself something that actually wasn't even a failure, just not the superstar performance I was used to having? I have spent a lot of time in the last while on self-acceptance. That doesn't mean I don't strive for my best, but it does mean treating myself more compassionately if I'm not the best at every single thing I do. I have to work with what I'm given. There's a big difference between accepting mediocrity and recognizing the realities of your strengths and weaknesses and not beating yourself up over the stuff that's not perfect about you.

        Being never satisfied, never feeling that you or the things around you are enough, always seeking the flaw or the problem in every little thing--that's a miserable way to live when you could spend time enjoying what you have and celebrating the achievements you make. I'm not talking about a "yay for you!" approach, but rather one that isn't always so awfully negative that you never enjoy the fruits of your work.
        “If I didn't define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive.” --Audre Lorde

        Owly's Journal

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        • #94
          I am fine with what I have, but I want better. I am continuing my research into how to get from here to there. One thing that came up for me in my 3 years of experimentation, reading, and thinking is that the common-place advice that the people keep proffering forward here is wrong. That there is far more to achieving physique on the pictures demonstrated in the thread than simply strength or split routine and some cardio, and eating clean. Much more. It's complicated, not straightforward, and individual. That's all.
          My Journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread57916.html
          When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.

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          • #95
            I think if it is something you enjoy- shaping your body, then you should keep at it. If you are wandering around in misery at the thought of the process, I'd can it.

            A few thoughts- most models are photoshopped at some point and south of 25. Most body builders have a pretty much one track focus on building themselves and work hard at it as a serious hobby/career. Most movie stars get plastic surgery and/or wear serious undergarments under clothes.

            http://maggiesfeast.wordpress.com/
            Check out my blog. Hope to share lots of great recipes and ideas!

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            • #96
              Originally posted by Leida View Post
              I am fine with what I have, but I want better. I am continuing my research into how to get from here to there. One thing that came up for me in my 3 years of experimentation, reading, and thinking is that the common-place advice that the people keep proffering forward here is wrong. That there is far more to achieving physique on the pictures demonstrated in the thread than simply strength or split routine and some cardio, and eating clean. Much more. It's complicated, not straightforward, and individual. That's all.
              This! Genetics are going to have something to do with it. I think that the body-type image many women have in mind when they scare themselves off of strength training isn't really possible for most without massive amounts of work on a daily basis and drugs - which is the third image on the first page on this thread. That first image, of a female competitor, is beautiful and while I would give my eye-teeth to look like that, at 53 I am too old, have had too many injuries, and probably have the wrong genetics to look like that.

              Strength comes in different forms. We can be quite strong without looking like that competitor, as much as we might like to look like her. So we learn to work with what we have and to find what works for our bodies in whatever stage of life we happen to be in.

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              • #97
                Originally posted by Leida View Post
                common-place advice that the people keep proffering forward here is wrong.
                Agreed. You have people that are genetically gifted and could do ANYTHING and look good, but they think what they do is the reason they look good so they preach it.

                Theres a lady at my gym with a SMOKIN body. She does some stupid yoga/ninja thing for 20 mins a day and most likely, goes on forums and tells people "hey. do this yoga ninja thing. it makes you hot." When in reality, she could sit on the couch and look the same.

                @sbhikes , out of curiosity, are you the type of person who wants kids to receive "participation" ribbons, "A for effort" medals, Sports trophies just for showing up ect..?

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                • #98
                  Originally posted by Kingofturtles View Post
                  @sbhikes , out of curiosity, are you the type of person who wants kids to receive "participation" ribbons, "A for effort" medals, Sports trophies just for showing up ect..?
                  Not at all.

                  I'm the type of person who grew up with very critical parents, internalized that criticism, was able to achieve the best at everything I tried and found that not only did it not provide lasting happiness, it did not provide real success and led to substance abuse issues, or in my case, co-dependence issues (i.e. I woke up one day and realized that graduating suma cum laude didn't prevent me from finding myself in relationships with crack addicts.)

                  Embracing my mediocrity was actually the most success-producing thing I have ever done. I'm light years ahead of where I was by every measurable and subjective sense.
                  Female, 5'3", 50, Max squat: 202.5lbs. Max deadlift: 225 x 3.

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                  • #99
                    I believe you guys are wrong. This site isn't about looking smokin' (although many things point to that). This site is about being healthy and how to optimize that within your own lifestye. You can't just blame your genetics for certain issues, and I bet there really are some things that are wrong with your health if you look absolutely terrible.

                    If you have body issues, then it really is something mentally that you have to repair. Which goes back to the healthy lifestyle. And when you cure that issue, your body will actually outwardly look better to mirror what you look like internally. In your case, Leida, you have exhausted your body to no end, and I don't think only one month of recovery will do that justice. It took me over half a year to fully heal from a few years of yo-yo calorie restriction.
                    My chocolatey Primal journey

                    Unusual food recipes (plus chocolate) blog

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                    • After one before last round of everyone and their dog telling me how deeply wrong and stupid and crazy I am, I spoke to the psychologist and after many in-depth exchanges he concluded that there was absolutely nothing wrong with me, and what 'is not broken ain't need help fixing'. So, I have a professional opinion that I am not crazy, obsessed, have body dis-morphia or am anorexic.
                      My Journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread57916.html
                      When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.

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                      • Were you honest when talking with him?
                        My chocolatey Primal journey

                        Unusual food recipes (plus chocolate) blog

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                        • Originally posted by Kingofturtles View Post
                          Agreed. You have people that are genetically gifted and could do ANYTHING and look good, but they think what they do is the reason they look good so they preach it.

                          Theres a lady at my gym with a SMOKIN body. She does some stupid yoga/ninja thing for 20 mins a day and most likely, goes on forums and tells people "hey. do this yoga ninja thing. it makes you hot." When in reality, she could sit on the couch and look the same.

                          @sbhikes , out of curiosity, are you the type of person who wants kids to receive "participation" ribbons, "A for effort" medals, Sports trophies just for showing up ect..?
                          True ... but there are also people like me who've lost fat, gained muscle and strength BECAUSE I/they work hard, and then other people say shit like "well you're just naturally fit/athletic," and it kind of pisses me off.
                          There's always going to be someone stronger, faster, more skilled. There's a difference between acknowledging that you'll never be Jeremy Jones but still trying to be the best damn snowboard mountaineer that you can and telling yourself that you'll never be good so there's no point in trying.
                          Subduction leads to orogeny

                          My blog that I don't update as often as I should: http://primalclimber.blogspot.com/

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                          • Originally posted by AmyMac703 View Post
                            True ... but there are also people like me who've lost fat, gained muscle and strength BECAUSE I/they work hard.
                            And people like you could be giving advice but, I find most people who are interested in fitness and go on fitness sites are attracted to it because they have a natural ability for fitness.

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                            • Originally posted by AmyMac703 View Post
                              True ... but there are also people like me who've lost fat, gained muscle and strength BECAUSE I/they work hard, and then other people say shit like "well you're just naturally fit/athletic," and it kind of pisses me off.
                              There's always going to be someone stronger, faster, more skilled. There's a difference between acknowledging that you'll never be Jeremy Jones but still trying to be the best damn snowboard mountaineer that you can and telling yourself that you'll never be good so there's no point in trying.
                              I kinda like it when people think I'm naturally fit or athletic. Ha ha! Me! The girl who was picked last on any team unless the girl with the back brace was there.

                              Leida, you need a new therapist. What therapist would condone the mean things you say to yourself? What therapist would condone seeking external validation for your self-worth?
                              Female, 5'3", 50, Max squat: 202.5lbs. Max deadlift: 225 x 3.

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                              • Enjoy being yourself

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