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working out again after ED - how to progress?

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  • #16
    yep, CBT. The woman is great, but of course, CBT's flaw is that the assignments/behaviors/exercises don't really work if you don't want to change your modes of thought in the first place. It's not magic.

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    • #17
      Ok. You are seriously ill mentally and this isn't a place for you. You need professional help. You clearly state that you don't want to recover. So that would suggest that you want to die. There is nobody here that can help you. We value life here and are interested in things that promote it. You don't value life saying the things you are saying. You'd rather be "skinny" and die than be a normal size and thrive. Your problems go way deeper than food.

      Oh and NOBODY thinks that a woman with anorexia is attractive! NOBODY! It is shocking and alarming to see one in that state. You NEED SERIOUS HELP!!!

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      • #18
        Originally posted by Forever Young View Post
        Ok. You are seriously ill mentally and this isn't a place for you. You need professional help. You clearly state that you don't want to recover. So that would suggest that you want to die. There is nobody here that can help you. We value life here and are interested in things that promote it. You don't value life saying the things you are saying. You'd rather be "skinny" and die than be a normal size and thrive. Your problems go way deeper than food.

        Oh and NOBODY thinks that a woman with anorexia is attractive! NOBODY! It is shocking and alarming to see one in that state. You NEED SERIOUS HELP!!!

        ^ This.

        But I'd say you need BETTER professional help, if CBT isn't working. Have you fully disclosed to your counselor and your boyfriend that you don't want to recover?

        Anorexia is a slow road to suicide. Your hospitalization experience demonstrates this. Please get the right kind of help.

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        • #19
          No, I would bet that she hasn't disclosed this at all. She is likely playing them and telling them what they want to hear. She pretty much said just this.

          Such a cavalier attitude about ones life and state of being suggests a deeply troubled individual who has extremely serious self worth/esteem issues.

          I hope that everyone here recognizes the seriousness of this. Please stop giving her diet advice. She needs to get to the bottom of why she has such self hatred and why her life has no value.

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          • #20
            Originally posted by gray View Post
            Haha, no offense taken, and I appreciate the concerns, of course. I guess I should clarify that I'm recovering under duress, here, not because I wanted to--my BMI was low enough that I was going to be sectioned, unable to finish my degree, etc., so my doctor struck a deal with me about allowing me to remain outpatient once I was released from the hospital so long as I met with her every week and gained properly. (She's incredible and has no problem with me being paleo, so between her and the boyfriend I've got a very strong support system, despite not wanting one.) I am not happy about this; I do not want to be recovered, but at this point I don't have much of a choice. Once I've graduated next spring, I'm toying with the idea of going back to the ED. Full disclosure. Until then, since I can't be the "skinniest," I'm coping by trying to become the "fittest." I'm weight-restored at this point, "healthy" BMI 20, and I track my macros/calories obssessively, so I'm definitely eating enough (too much, if anything: about 1900 a day).

            I guess my thoughts really boil down to: since, for now, I have to be eating and be a weight+size I hate, what can I do to make it look as good as possible? Completely shallow and vain, I know, but my stomach turns thinking about going back to university and seeing people in this flabby state when the last time they saw me I was a spindly ~95lbs. And who knows, maybe in the meantime I'll learn to like the new body and won't need to dangle the ED in front of myself like carrot anymore.
            Yes; your intended approach is the simplest with the least amount of effort, isn't it? I was 95lbs; I looked like shit and almost died. It takes a hell of a lot more will power - if that's the recognition you seek- to overcome an ED than to pretend you like to starve yourself. I don't liken it to eating, at all; that's just the tool used to manifest mental and emotional imbalance. Seriously disappointing, but I guess a random girl on a message board won't change that.

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            • #21
              Sorry, I should have realized ahead of time that I was talking in a really disordered way that would be seriously frowned upon here. I would like to clarify I'm not playing anyone--I'm completely honest with my team and the people around me know the reasons for which I'm currently recovering. They are well aware that I am treating this as an experiment that one day I may choose to end. I don't think I'm being cavalier, either; if you've never had a sickness like this you cannot understand the way it colors your life. Yeah, there's plenty of self-loathing going on over here, but to me it seems sensible and the correct response to how I am. And before this gets taken offensively, no, I don't think being thin is the most important or valuable thing in the world, nor being beautiful, nor some vague thing about "societal standards," or whatever, for anyone. (I could go on about how it doesn't matter that no one thinks a person with anorexia is attractive, but a lecture on aesthetics is not what anyone is here for.)

              On the other hand, I'm not pretending I like to starve; it genuinely feels good and comforting to me and a lot of the research in EDs lately has shown that they are much more biologically determined than previously thought. There really is something in the way the brain of an anorexic is wired (sorry to use such inaccurate language) that causes calorie restriction to be a legitimately good-feeling (and addictive) experience. It isn't an act. I want to take offense at being called "lazy" and looking for an easy way out, but you're probably right, at least in part.

              All that aside, I think what matters is that for now and stretching off into the vanishing point of the future, I am recovering, and if I'm doing that, I want to do it as optimally as possible. I do take all of your concerns to heart; to be honest, I was expecting to be told I wasn't working out hard enough! So thanks. But for now, I want the same things all of you want: to look fit, be able to exercise hard and well, have low body fat, good hormonal functioning, etc. I don't think that's invalidated by the fact that some day those might not be my goals anymore. If I'm under constraints such that I have no choice but to eat and be healthy, then goddamnit, I'm going to be so fucking healthy. Otherwise why bother?

              I'm sorry if I sound insane, but it's just like, if I can't have ribs, then I'll make some abs instead.

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              • #22
                Originally posted by gray View Post
                Sorry, I should have realized ahead of time that I was talking in a really disordered way that would be seriously frowned upon here. I would like to clarify I'm not playing anyone--I'm completely honest with my team and the people around me know the reasons for which I'm currently recovering. They are well aware that I am treating this as an experiment that one day I may choose to end. I don't think I'm being cavalier, either; if you've never had a sickness like this you cannot understand the way it colors your life. Yeah, there's plenty of self-loathing going on over here, but to me it seems sensible and the correct response to how I am. And before this gets taken offensively, no, I don't think being thin is the most important or valuable thing in the world, nor being beautiful, nor some vague thing about "societal standards," or whatever, for anyone. (I could go on about how it doesn't matter that no one thinks a person with anorexia is attractive, but a lecture on aesthetics is not what anyone is here for.)

                On the other hand, I'm not pretending I like to starve; it genuinely feels good and comforting to me and a lot of the research in EDs lately has shown that they are much more biologically determined than previously thought. There really is something in the way the brain of an anorexic is wired (sorry to use such inaccurate language) that causes calorie restriction to be a legitimately good-feeling (and addictive) experience. It isn't an act. I want to take offense at being called "lazy" and looking for an easy way out, but you're probably right, at least in part.

                All that aside, I think what matters is that for now and stretching off into the vanishing point of the future, I am recovering, and if I'm doing that, I want to do it as optimally as possible. I do take all of your concerns to heart; to be honest, I was expecting to be told I wasn't working out hard enough! So thanks. But for now, I want the same things all of you want: to look fit, be able to exercise hard and well, have low body fat, good hormonal functioning, etc. I don't think that's invalidated by the fact that some day those might not be my goals anymore. If I'm under constraints such that I have no choice but to eat and be healthy, then goddamnit, I'm going to be so fucking healthy. Otherwise why bother?

                I'm sorry if I sound insane, but it's just like, if I can't have ribs, then I'll make some abs instead.
                Touché; your logical side speaks. I know well, the depths and layers of an ED. Now walk for exercise.

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                • #23
                  Originally posted by gray View Post
                  On the other hand, I'm not pretending I like to starve; it genuinely feels good and comforting to me and a lot of the research in EDs lately has shown that they are much more biologically determined than previously thought. There really is something in the way the brain of an anorexic is wired (sorry to use such inaccurate language) that causes calorie restriction to be a legitimately good-feeling (and addictive) experience. It isn't an act. I want to take offense at being called "lazy" and looking for an easy way out, but you're probably right, at least in part.
                  Well of course it feels good, so does eating all the processed crap that brought many people here pure misery for years. It doesnt change, it would still feel good if i would start eating that stuff again. Same thing goes for all kinds of drugs. That doesnt make any of it a good idea or means you cant live without it.

                  And whats more important, "all that matters is now" is a huge bunch of bullshit. I will not going to pretend i like your kind, i had to see two of my friends do the same, its pathetic and their behaviour disgusts me to no end, especially their "oh man i totally made my counselor believe my crap today" when EVERYONE knows, its not hard to notice. Its weak and destroys people all around you, so if you plan on killing yourself again after you are finished, do it alone. Or accept that there are things that make you "feel nice" (im sure your failing heart and guts agree) but you cant have anyway.

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                  • #24
                    welp

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                    • #25
                      (but also thanks, heather; best I can do for now)

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                      • #26
                        You should see an endocrinologist in order to see if your hormones are back or close to normal levels, otherwise you won't heal fully before many years.
                        Young self-caring Paleo-eater from France.
                        (So please forgive the strange way I tend to express myself in your beautiful language )

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                        • #27
                          That's actually a really good idea; especially since I've been on birth control throughout recovery, so there's no way to tell whether I've gotten menstruation back yet or not.

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