Entitled to Sabotage
Last week’s post on emotional eating got people talking – about the personal struggles they’ve had and the mental games they’ve learned to avoid in their quest for health. One such game, I think, is what we call treating ourselves. How many people justify bad eating habits because they tell themselves they deserve the treat? “Can’t I just enjoy a little pleasure in life?” “Aren’t I entitled?” Sometimes it takes on context. “With all I put up with…” “Why can’t I just have this one thing?” “This is the one thing I do for myself.”
Treating ourselves. When the noun morphs into the verb, there’s a subtle but significant distinction. Treating ourselves invites us to step outside our normal life for the promise of something of sweeter – and “better.” On occasion, it can be a lighthearted dalliance. For too many people, however, it becomes a continual path of self-sabotage. We all want to believe we deserve more, deserve better than what we come to feel is the mundane. Advertisers leap on this low hanging psychological fruit. Our culture as a whole promotes the immediate gratification of it. There are days when the most resolute among us might at least consider the question. Maybe it’s been one of those days…or years. We’re going through a tough time. We might feel like this momentary extravagance really is all we have to salvage the day.
We can feel like we’re justifiably soothing ourselves or we’re valiantly snubbing our noses at the world that abused us so heinously, but the truth is we’re only robbing ourselves of our own health and wellbeing. Sure, a “treat” distracts us in the moment. The taste, texture, and concept numb us for a short time to whatever emotion, issue, or task we’re hoping to escape. In and of itself as an occasional choice, it doesn’t seem like any real harm. Usually, it isn’t.
The problem is, the concept can take on a life of its own. We treat ourselves enough, and it becomes more than a momentary indulgence but an ongoing excuse to delude ourselves into living – and eating – in an alternative reality. As reader Chica put it last week, the treating/cheating concept places the possibility of making healthy choices outside ourselves and onto an invented “authority.” We give up our own authority and sell out our own intention in doing so. A treat in this context can convince us on some level we’ve “freed” ourselves from that imposition for a few minutes. It might make x, y, or z situation feel comfortably remote for a time, but sooner or later that same vexation comes back into focus again. By eating out of avoidance or entitlement, we’re not fixing the original problem. To boot, we eventually find we’ve created new issues. We put on weight. Our health markers take a downturn. Money we’d budgeted for healthy food has now been spent on junk food. The literal and figurative cost can add up quickly.
Sure, there are conscious, legitimate reasons for choosing to eat a piece of holiday pie, a friend’s birthday cupcake, or other non-Primal food. Telling yourself you “deserve” it, I’d suggest, isn’t one of those. As the 80/20 guide explains, sometimes there’s nothing wrong with pleasure for pleasure’s sake – no strangled mental justification required. An excuse, I would argue, is nothing but a game.
What do you deserve then? It’s a question I think we all need to ask ourselves at some point. What do you feel you deserve, and how does your answer genuinely serve your wellbeing? Do our indulgences (food and otherwise) mollify us or nourish us, numb us or fulfill us? Do we even regularly give ourselves those things that we feel we deserve? If not, why not? Do we accept other, lesser things in their place? What does this denial (full or partial) do to our life satisfaction, and how does it perhaps influence less healthy choices we make in a day – whether it be food or something else?
Ultimately, we decide what role pleasures and rewards will play in our lives and what they will be. The best indulgences I would argue, aren’t those that remove us from our healthy intentions but those that leave us with a broader, more expansive vision of what they could be.
Thanks for reading. Share your views on treating yourself to what you deserve. Have a good end to the week, everyone.
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Posted By: Mark Sisson
I seem to be totally detached from this concept of “deserving” certain kinds of foods… I’ve thought about it but I don’t think of food as something I’ve earned or not. It is simply to be enjoyed as much as possible. I don’t hesitate to indulge in great food every day. Life’s too short to not eat things I love all the time. I would never consider ‘treating’ myself to unhealthy indulgences or cheats. The idea of this being a reward is just foreign to me. If I do happen to eat something I shouldn’t, I regard it as an exception, or a mistake. Which we all make.
I “deserve” good, whole foods that make me feel good and aren’t just about momentary pleasure (one of the good things about paleo: eating non-primal/paleo foods makes me feel sick after about ten minutes.)
Besides, any indulgence I might want could be done better. I don’t eat sugar anymore (as in added sugars, stevia, sucrose, agave nectar, honey, etc.) so if I want something sweet, I’ll eat some grapes. It’s sweet, and I don’t want it often, but when I do want it (like… right now as I type), I don’t need to feel guilty.
I don’t ‘cheat’, ever. With my workout schedule I won’t eat anything that isn’t good for me. I’ve said publicly that I’m only one Hershey’s Kiss away from being a fat guy again.
Shawn being type 1 does not mean you are not normal, just different from some others and unique against all others!
that picture has me craving a huge insulin spike, thanks mark
thank you for this, mark.
I really felt I deserved to treat myself to Jamaica for some extra Vit. D production this year, but my pocketbook isnt in agreement!
A friend just told me that he is now going to use “sweet” instead of “treat”, as in “I’m going to the store to buy a sweet.” The reason being that by using a neutral word like sweet, he’s removing the emotional connotations of the word treat.
Winter holiday to warm, sunny climate? Now there’s a treat I could really get behind! Sadly, my pocketbook agrees with yours…
Thoughtful subject today. For me, it’s the numbing under stress, which only lasts a few minutes before it switches to regret. I am a compulsive eater, and I usually sail through lunches, parties, etc. without cravings since I’ve been living low carb primal. I am very satisfied with the quality and variety of my daily diet. That is actually a miracle. Today, however, my son is driving for hours through a snowstorm. Two hours after a meal that can hold me for five hours or so, I’m into my husband’s peanut butter. I knew what I was doing and I knew why. Insanity? Absolutely!
its all about the kind of stress you get when you turn things down if you stress out about rice not being in your diet alot then maybe eh throw it in there its not ideal but hey it works. when i threw yams into my diet not all the time but maybe 1 or twice a week the stress relief i got was enormous so id try looking through that lens
This week I’m treating myself to a size smaller jeans from the local second hand clothing store ($4.95) and a membership to Crossfit (significantly more expensive). Food is not the only way to “treat” oneself!
I just happened to be treating myself today! I work at Jimmy John’s, so I have to indulge on our French bread every once in awhile. I feel so much better being primal, and I’m so glad that I can wait and appreciate some of my favorite non-Primal foods only sporadically. (If I could eat toast everyday without feeling like crap and non-nourished, I totally would). But now it’s a treat whenever I visit my parents and I’m glad I finally have that control and mindset!
Best to all. Cheers!
I have diabetes. I buy myself flowers (daffodils cost about the same as a coffee) for my sweet treat when I
I really want one.
+1 Wonderful idea!
I haven’t ate a chips ahoy chocolaty chip cookie in over 2 years. The thing is your brain does not know any difference from reality to thought. So I can literally sit here and think that I’am eating a chips ahoy cookie without physically eating one. Honestly, its all sugar to me, if you want to transition from a fat meal to a sugary one to satisfy a craving, then why not get it from natural food! You can very well make a dessert from natural ingredients that come naturally whole from this planet!
Not long ago my boyfriend bought some of them. I was apprehensive about even having them in the household, as I keep a gluten-free household. But he ate a few and threw them out. They were nasty and stale. He couldn’t believe he used to enjoy them.
I make a barely sweetened chocolate chip cookie from almond flour and dark chocolate chips. It is more bread-like than cookie-like, and they are so undersweetened that you really can eat just one.
Usually when I am craving a carb, I figure it is really fat that my body is asking for. I try to eat bacon wrapped sausage first. That has always done the trick. Bacon wrapped any kind of meat is simply sensational!
The way I usually put it:
There is nothing wrong with treating yourself every once in a while. It would be unprimal not to. Just as long as you recognize what you are eating as a treat and not an every day occurance.
I admire your self-control.
I “tried” a little taste of a cookie before Christmas once, then hunger set in. Pretty soon three cookies were gone. No self control and ravenous by now (insulin probably shooting through the roof) I finished the bag. Then I went to the store for more. Just like any other druggie, it took three weeks of hard work and determination to get myself off again. I can do the same with bread, for example.
Please think about the millions of sugar and carbohydrate addicts out there, when you make recommendations, and promote “occasional treats”. For many of us “occasional” is not possible.
For us sugar addicts it is best to leave all sweet tastes (and easy carbs) behind and never look back, ever!
Thank you for this important post Mark.
You were not rewarding yourself. The entire episode was punishment, not reward.
Ok, time to stay away from the Ritz crackers
What better “treat” than coconut milk with some stevia/maple syrup/cocoa/vanilla?! Or a cocoa macaroon made with maple syrup!? (thank you Hail Merry!) Or some dark chocolate?? How can people go astray with options like that and site after site of ideas of paleo breads/muffins/etc? I think that’s the one thing that makes this lifestyle so sustainable for me…even the “treats” are fine.
ME! I have depression and the primal diet has helped a lot but the only reason I can eat this way is b/c I found Mark’s Daily Apple- When Mark brought up 80/20 I thought, I wish I had thought of that on my own- I eat 20% of my calories daily in pure junk- coke-a-cola, cheetos, snickers candy bar whatever I want- It is the only thing that helps me to eat the rest at 80% and I feel damn good b/c I used to be 100% pure junk
I like to treat myself by eating a 16oz grass fed ribeye… instead of just 8oz.
LOL. I actually pulled this up to procrastinate on homework, with the excuse ‘I will learn stuff, and I will enjoy it.’ More applicable off-topic advice I have seldom seen. *closes browser*
I will always view the best treats as food. However now that I am living the primal life I treat myself to grass fed filet, good dark chocolate or a more expensive glass of red wine. I also reserve bacon as a weekend breakfast treat. I used to make various pancakes to make weekend breakfasts special.
This post goes very nicely with a chapter in a book I’m currently reading about “moral licensing” and the psychology involved with willpower. “The Willpower Instinct” is the name of the book and it has helped me understand the physiolgical aspects behind a lot of the reactions I have to sweets (generally addicted). I highly recommend the book for general information, not just in terms of facing dietary challenges.
Lately I find myself having more trouble with rebellion than reward. I am dealing with a lot of anger issues because of life crap and that sometimes comes out as “Screw it! I’m going to eat whatever the hell I want! I hate everything! I hate everybody! Where are the Girl Scout cookies?”
That, my friends, is textbook Gluttony. It says “I want whatever I want no matter what it costs anybody else!” When I say yes to Gluttony, I’m not just hurting myself, I’m hurting the ones who love me and want me to be healthy and alive for many years to come.
It’s a tough thing to admit, but this particular sin of the seven deadly sins has my number big time.
Now I also eat for other emotional reasons — Comfort when I feel sad or Shame when I feel worthless. Shame gives me more trouble than Comfort. But don’t forget to eyeball Gluttony right square in the double chins when you’re trying to isolate the emotion behind the eating.
I don’t think it is gluttony. It is shame that makes you punish other people by punishing yourself. Gluttony is enjoyable. There is no enjoyment in stuffing yourself compulsively with food you don’t like very much.
My idea of “treat” is based on 2 conditions.
1) Holiday and special familial occasions. After a full Thanksgiving or Christmas meal, or a wedding feast or birthday party I’m gonna have some dessert. Chocolate mousse. Cheesecake. Ice Cream. A little bit of each. Yum. It’s the holidays, I celebrate. Reserved for such moments, desserts really are a special treat.
2) If somebody I care about specifically makes me something, I’ll eat it to be polite. I.e. last year my sister baked me a chocolate-coconut birthday cake for a surprise B-day party my wife threw for me.
I ate my piece of cake and enjoyed every last bite of it.
I need a treat and its called a vacation. Preferably, somewhere tropical. Thanks for posting.
A good post on a very difficult subject.
Deep post and hits home for me. I am going to have to mark this and read it a couple times
Sometimes if I really craving a certain food, I’ll think about another way I can satisfy that. Maybe I need some endorphins, so I should allow myself the time to myself to workout. Or maybe I am craving sunlight. As mentioned above, food is sometimes the only luxury we allow ourselves. If I went to the park on a sunny day, and just laid there synthesizing vitamin D, it would feel incredibly relaxing. However, I would only permit myself to do that on a weekend or when I really have “free time.” We always carve out time in our schedules to eat though. I’m thinking an IF where we replace meals with other satisfying pleasures could be quite beneficial here.
Had a stick of sugar-free gum yesterday and the nutrisweet in it (I thought it was a sugar alcohol instead) set off a whole days worth of sugar cravings. First time I had an artificial sweetner in a year, never realized how strong the effects of them were.