Marks Daily Apple
Serving up health and fitness insights (daily, of course) with a side of irreverence.
28 Jun

Now You Can Drink Your Grains

What we really need more of is drinkable grains.

As if most beverages weren’t already liquid grains, the food producers of America are uniting once again to help you in your quest for diabetes (or at least a respectable gut). Since everyone knows that grains are super healthy, you can expect the trend of grain-based drinks to continue.

That’s according to a report from Food Processing, which notes that in recent years we’ve seen the rise of alternatives to dairy (not a bad thing – sorry, Big Moo). Almond milk, soy milk and rice milk have become popular, but even hemp milk is an option these days.

Of course, the marketing trend of drinkable grains is not entirely accurate, as most of these non-dairy beverages are actually made from nuts and beans. So, if you’re really concerned about drinking your grains, you’ll be relieved to know that things like soda, beer, and energy drinks are already made from grains! That’s right. Drinkable grains are not really news, as it turns out, because we’ve already had them for a long time!

The bottom line: you can enjoy all the beverages you love and still get plenty of grains in your diet.

How, you ask? Well, silly, because corn is a grain! Many people think corn is a vegetable. It is not. Corn is a delightful grain completely lacking in vitamins, antioxidants, fiber and protein. It’s pretty superficial, and I dig that. Even better, the type of sweetener manufacturers make from this most excellent kernel corrodes your arteries and raises your blood sugar. What’s uber rad is that this sweetener – high fructose corn syrup – is in pretty much everything, so you don’t even have to look for it. No, seriously, everything: sauces, syrups, spreads, drinks, snacks, candies, fruit snacks, juices, sodas, frozen foods, and desserts. Everything!

soda

I found this chocolate fudge cola at my local grocery store. Score! I am totally gonna be drinking my grains now!

To get your daily recommended intake of grains – you need at least 6, remember – you can do the following:

- Drink 3 Coca-Colas

- Eat 1 donut and 2 cupcakes, or 1 cupcake and 2 donuts, or 1.5 donuts and 1.5 cupcakes

- You could also eat 3 brownies if you were born in the 70s

Do not forget: flavored sauces containing corn syrup count as a grain! It all counts. Give that chicken breast something to feel good about!

You can eat 3 of any sweet, refined treat, and you’ll be getting half your daily intake of grains! Don’t worry, this is all in step with the U.S. government’s dietary recommendations, which are to eat 6-11 grain servings daily, only half of which need to be whole grains (“Make half your grains whole”).

I am a bit of a princess, as you all know, so I will be eating eclairs. I want the expensive diabetes. With enough work, maybe I can even look like Labelman.

You want comments? We got comments:

Imagine you’re George Clooney. Take a moment to admire your grooming and wit. Okay, now imagine someone walks up to you and asks, “What’s your name?” You say, “I’m George Clooney.” Or maybe you say, “I’m the Clooninator!” You don’t say “I’m George of George Clooney Sells Movies Blog” and you certainly don’t say, “I’m Clooney Weight Loss Plan”. So while spam is technically meat, it ain’t anywhere near Primal. Please nickname yourself something your friends would call you.

  1. i am not sure about drinking coca cola whe you are with diabetes, i will suggest to be more natural, that means that you should eat and drink natural foods vs artificial one.

    albert wrote on February 21st, 2008
  2. Haha awesome article. Love the humor Mark ;)

    Primal Toad wrote on July 18th, 2010
  3. I LOVE IT!!!!!! If you don’t realize this is uber-sarcasm at its best, please keep reading articles until you figure it out!

    Bill wrote on October 6th, 2011
  4. A commercial stunt! I do not believe that you need to avoid grains totally. Anything you eat and do in moderation is all that you need. My grand mum lived on cereals; not much of proteinecious food but she lived a healty life without diabetes and blood pressure and other dreaded diseases until age 96 years old. She totally and without reservation led a moderate life style until death.

    Jeyapal Jayaraman wrote on January 14th, 2012
  5. I laughed so hard I had tears coming out of my eyes. What’s great is that it was funny AND educational (well, except for the person who didn’t realize it wasn’t serious…)

    kirstin wrote on August 30th, 2012
  6. We’ve been drinking grains for, what, ten thousand years or so already: beer. Perhaps beer was the birth of the Neolithic? Perhaps. ;)

    Cheers!

    Kieran wrote on December 14th, 2012
  7. We are diabetic and we eat white rice that I have dry roasted before cooking. I do think fermenting grains, if one is going to eat them, the way to go. We don’t eat many grains and avoid brown rice because of consumer reports on arsenic in the bran. So white rice it is. We have our dog on a grain free diet, why shouldn’t we be also? I make “oat milk” using miso to break it down into a liquid, I make my own soy, lima and mung bean milk diligently removing the skins before turning into milk. (Waiting for my food mill from UPS to do that work)! I also make water kefir for summer and will be making milk kefir for winter months. I make our yogurt (fimmjolk) and hubby is making a cheese press for us. Making mozzarella cheese is easy and there are many videos on You Tube showing how. It is worth the extra time and we have so much more energy and our blood sugars are so much lower. BTW, we eat meat and veggies and tofu as well as some of our favorites like pizza. My sinuses have virtually cleared and so have the aches and pains. I am 62 and have not felt this good since I was 20, actually better now. & : )

    I_Fortuna wrote on June 30th, 2013
  8. Does strawberries lower inflamation

    love grok wrote on May 2nd, 2014

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