The Fuming Fuji is outraged at the marketing of toxic food, especially when it is aimed at the small fry. This week, the Fuming Fuji has decided to have a problem with cupcakes.
But, Fuming Fuji, you say, isn’t a miniature dessert now and then better than eating fast food all the time?
The Fuming Fuji says no!
The claim: For the love of all that is human, Fuji, a cupcake? A cupcake is a heartwarming treat in a sensible portion size. If you’re going to eat a dessert, this is the way to go!
The catch: A sensible portion compared to what? The Cheesecake Factory and its evil one-pound slice of cake? This does not make a cupcake smart. Yes, the Fuji grants that your cupcake is better than many things. A cake in a cup is, for example, much better than lard in a cup. But the Fuji must inform you that a little bit of bad compared to a lot of bad does not make the little bit of bad good. You are stunned.
The comeback: Huh? Look, no one is perfect, not even you, Fuji. Like I said, a cupcake is better than eating fast food all the time.
The conclusion: The Fuji cannot help you until you seek help for your disturbing obsession with this dessert in a cup. It is not even a real cup! But it is real sugar. I fume!
The catchphrase: Tiny tots need fruit, not fructose!
Disclaimer: Mark Sisson and the Worker Bees do not necessarily endorse the views of the Fuming Fuji. Also, we have no issue with cups.